ILLUSTRATION
As a very young child, one of my greatest fears was going to the hen house and gathering eggs. My grandmother had hundreds of chickens and she traded eggs at the local store for things like salt and pepper and fabric. Normally she was the one who gathered the eggs, but if I failed to get out to the barn fast enough I would get stuck with the job. Believe you me, the threat of having to gather eggs was all the motivation I needed for wanting to be the first one to leave the breakfast table and go to the barn.
Those rare mornings when I was day dreaming, or as grandpa would say: I had my head in a dark place, I would stay at the breakfast table just a bit too long. Then it would happen. My grandma would look at me and point to the egg gathering pail. It was truly a spirit crushing moment. As I slowly trudged to the hen house I would fantasize about ways to make all chickens suddenly disappeared from the face of the earth. Alas, when I arrived at the hen house and opened the door the stench of chickens would envelop me like an evil cloud straight out of the pits of hell. There was no turning back; with stomach retching from fear and the foul smell I would drive forward to accomplish my appointed mission. I actually can still feel the apprehension raging through my soul as I reached out to get an egg from under a hen that had sitting on her mind. Most folks do not realize it, but a mad-hen does not just pinch you with her beak; she pinches and twists all at the same time. For an adult this action is more annoying than anything else, but the thought of being torn to shreds by a chicken was something that filled me with dread. Each time I entered the hen house I was faced with a dilemma. I was scared of a hen hurting me; yet, I was determined to not be afraid. I wanted to ignore the egg under the chicken but I was afraid grandma would find out. Every fiber of my body wanted to turn and run but my mind was dominated by the expectations of others … I was to act like a man. I suppose most of all, I was mad at myself for having had my head in a dark place, which resulted in my not getting out to the barn fast enough.
SOCIAL AND PEER PRESSURES
Today, as I sit here, an old man with time to think about life, I am of the belief this early lesson in concurring fear, just to meet the approval of others, is a two edged sword. On the one hand we strengthen our resolve by facing our fears but on the other hand we run the risk of allowing ourselves to be manipulated by the expectations of others. For example, our responding to a triple-dog-dare could very well prove we have guts, but it could also result in our being put in a rather awkward position: not to mention potential pain. Here is the way I see it, before we allow the fear of disapproval to control our actions we need to determine if there is sufficient justification for our meeting the desire of others. In doing this, I am firmly convinced that we should never let our concern about the opinion of other people overly influence our decision making. When we let the fear of disapproval become the dominate influence in determining our next course of action we have let go of logic and we have allowed fear to control our mind. Of course, the other edge of the sword clears a path for self-improvement. As a young child I conquered fear in order to meet the expectations of those guiding me to manhood. I never did get used to the smell of stinking chickens, but I did learn to grab the neck of a sitting chicken with one hand and retrieve the egg with my other hand. I conquered my fear and developed great hand eye coordination. As an adult I have learned to respect the desires of others but my major concern is meeting the expectations of my heavenly father
The fear of rejection or disapproval experienced by a young child, faced with egg gathering, may be an extreme situation, but the foundation it rests on is the same as our fear of social and peer rejection. Think about this for a moment. Do we not give special attention to how we groom ourselves, how we cloth ourselves, how we entertain ourselves, and how we conduct ourselves? Of course we do. We may even force ourselves to think and speak in accordance with the expectations of others. It is amazing how many people let their desire for approval compel them to conform to the opinion of those around them. Watch a few TV commercials and it will become blatantly obvious that Americans are obsessed with the opinion of other people. According to commercials we are supposed to constantly ask ourselves: am I too fat, do I have the right style cloths, am I eating in the right restaurant, am I tanned enough, am I reading the right books, am I exercising enough, do I listen to the right music, do I drive the right car, and on infinitum. Our personal fear of social and/or peer rejection may or may not be traumatic; still, it would be ridiculous for us to deny the role this fear has played in shaping who we are and what we believe. After all, we are social creatures, which makes it essential for us to conform to general standards set by the community; thus, our desire for personal and social approval is absolutely normal. The problem arises when we become obsessed with letting the opinion of others dictate who we are and how we think. Conforming to social norms is not the issue; the issue is our being overly influenced by manufactured social standards, and our bowing to cult or subculture social and peer pressures.
CHRISTIAN SOCIAL AND PEER PRESSURE
As a Christian we may be faced with the same fear of rejection as the rest of the world, but a Christian should not react to this fear the same way the world does. Remember, we are not of this world, and thus it is a very foolish Christian who seeks worldly approval for who they are and what they think. As a Christian we must constantly renew our mind with New Testament truths so that we will not conform to worldly standards. (Romans 12:2) It is only through a steady input of New Testament teaching that we will develop a lifestyle based on God’s standards for a Christian: not the standards of man. After all, our final judgment is by God: not by man. It is good that we want others to be blessed by our lifestyle, but our lifestyle should never be overly influenced by our concern for what other folks expect from us. It is essential for a Christian to temper their fear of social and peer rejection with a fear of the Lord.
This is where strong Christian parents are so essential. Young children want to meet with the approval of their parents, and school children are very susceptible to the desire for meeting the approval of other children. A parent should cultivate their children’s desire for approval with praise and acknowledgement; as well as administering loving correction and guidance. Most important, a parent should always seek to replace physical reward with positive spiritual reinforcement. The child that learns to find inward or heartfelt reward for something well done will be far more mature than the child expecting earthly rewards for meeting the approval of others. (Romans 2:9)
A CHRISTIAN LEADER’S DESIRE FOR APPROVAL
Our need to seek God’s approval above the approval of man is especially true for those who teach or preach the word of God. We should always prepare our message with consideration for those who will receive the message, but we cannot be fearful of people’s reaction to the message. When we stand before a Sunday school class, or deliver a sermon to the congregation, it is God who has entrusted us with the gospel message; therefore, should we not be speaking to God: whose approval we seek? (1 Thessalonians 2:4) The wise servant does not serve Jesus Christ while trying to win the approval of their fellow man.
If we build our message through diligent study of the New Testament, if we work with powerful accompanying prayer, if we remain faithful to sound doctrine, if we ignore the traditions of men, and if we deny the itching ears of shallow people, then we must assume we are doing our best to serve Jesus as we should. This neither mean our message will always be of high quality nor will it always be free from errors. We are mortal and we are subject to making mistakes. We are mortals given the capability for thought; thus, we will also have both convictions and opinions. In preaching and teaching we must always identify our opinions as such: even in the face of human expectations. We know what people want to hear; we may even have an opinion that is in agreement with what the people want to hear; we must not, however, turn our opinion into doctrine. A Christian leader must always be sensitive to the fact that people want a Golden Calf doctrine. People want us to give them a religion receipt, religion ritual, religious facts, and the feeling that they are listening to an infallible source of wisdom. Try living up to these all expectations and you will become a charlatan and purveyor of false doctrine. Remember, it is when we bow to the desires of those who do not want to hear sound doctrine that we are in a state of open rebellion toward the Holy Spirit. A Christian leader must never let their fear of being rejected by the congregation influence how they serve Christ.
CONCLUSION
We all need to remind one another of Paul’s instructions to Titus. Paul said that a true Christian teacher will hold firm to New Testament teaching in order to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it. (Titus 1:9 – Titus 2:1)This is not an easy thing to do. Who among us would not prefer public approval over rejection? I suppose many other preachers have a computer desk top, which is littered with attempts at writing a warm and fuzzy sermon. None of us have to be reminded that you can take scriptures out of context and build fantastic ear tickling messages, which are not an out and out lie: just a half truth that feels good. Personally I believe Paul was right; at least from my knowledge of prosperity messages, health, wealth and happiness sermons, name it-claim it doctrine, emerging church teaching and other man-made drivel. Actually, I am of the opinion that the time has coming when people do not endure sound teaching, and thus they now support preachers who are deserting the truth and chasing after myths. (2 Timothy 4:1-5) Yes, people love warm and fuzzy messages. Yes, there are great warm and fuzzy messages in the bible. Warmth and fuzziness; however, will not serve us well in making disciples … especially when we serve it up to the people as the doctrine of Christ.
It is easy to sit here and warn against the danger of becoming a people-pleaser, but it is quite another thing to stand before your congregation and do the will of God. (Ephesians 6:6) I seriously doubt there are very many congregations that do not like warm and fuzzy message. I call them corn cob messages. For those of you who have raised pigs: did you ever take an old dry corn cob and scratch behind a pigs ear? The pig will get a very contented look on its face, and if you keep scratching it won’t be long before the pig starts to gently grunt in rhythm with the scratching. You see, the pig approves of your scratching it behind the ear. It is the same way with warm and fuzzy messages. You start feeding the flock warm and fuzzy messages they will start expecting warm and fuzzy messages. The congregation will become just like that old hog: when they see you coming they will expect to get scratched behind the ear. Yes, pigs and people love it, but God did not call us for the purpose of conforming to social and peer pressures found in the congregation. We cannot seek the approval of man and serve God at the same time. (Galatians 1:10)
We must never let our fear of rejection cast a shadow on the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. If we err in what we teach, which we certainly will at times, I pray that it be in ignorance and not because we seek to meet the approval of our brothers and sisters in the Lord.
