Untying the Knot of Lust (Part 2)
Problems: Untying What’s Tying You Up
Chuck Sligh
June 9, 2013
NOTE: A PowerPoint presentation of this sermon is available upon request by emailing me at chucksligh@hotmail.com.
TEXT: Turn to James 5
INTRODUCTION
Illus. – Bent over his desk, penknife in hand, Thomas Jefferson sliced at the pages of his Bible, deleting select passages and pasting them together to create a Bible to his liking. It became known as the “Jefferson Bible,” two pages of which you see on the screen.
What didn’t make it into the Jefferson Bible was anything that conflicted with his personal worldview.
Hell?—It can’t be…Clip, clip, clip.
God’s wrath against sin?—Nope…Clip, clip, clip.
The supernatural?—Clip, clip, clip.
In this next slide you see an example of this, where he retained only five words of Luke 14:4: “And they held their peace”. Let me read all of verse 4 for you as it was actually written: “And they held their peace. And he took him, and healed him, and let him go.” As a deist, Jefferson denied the supernatural…so he just clipped it out.
If you’re a Christian, I’m sure you shudder at such arrogant presumption. But to be honest, many Christians and churches have created a Bible of our own making.
Not a physical one, perhaps, but a cut-and-paste job just the same. Because if we ignore any portion of God’s Word, whether intentionally, conveniently, or deliberately—we too are guilty of Jefferson’s offence. I believe churches have done that with two neglected scriptures we’ll examine today.
We’re in a series on problems titled “Untying What’s Tying You Up,” and we’ve covered a range of things that tie people up—worry, fear, anger, bitterness, envy, and last week, lust.
In examining lust last week, we saw how pervasive lust is, what Jesus said about it (which is basically a zero-tolerance policy), and how we can keep from getting tied up by lust.
• First we said we each have a PERSONAL responsibility to fight against lust—to say “no” to lust triggers, and when we can, control our exposure level to lust triggers.
• Second, we saw that SPOUSES have a responsibility to lovingly help one another from lusting by meeting one another’s sexual needs.
But I believe THE CHURCH has a role to play in helping all of us with lust—one of the biggest issues God’s people face every day.
And both of the scriptures we’ll look at are neglected today—scriptures that many in the church have clipped out of their Bibles.
Today, let’s paste them back where they belong by seeing two ways the church and God’s people can help one another keep from getting tied up in the knot of lust.
I. FIRST WE MUST BE A COMMUNITY OF MUTUAL ACCOUNTABILITY.
James 5:16 says, “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.”
Somewhere along the way the church changed from being a HOSPITAL for sick people needing to be healed and to get better to a THEATER where actors play a part.
You see, we’re all sinful creatures. Yes, God is working in areas in our lives and we’re growing in God’s grace. Some of us are in Intensive Care, while others of us are just outpatients. But the truth is, we ALL still struggle with the cancer of sin to some degree.
But you know what we do?—We hide our sins and try to put on a mask of HOLINESS, or a mask of VICTORY, or a mask of “I’ve got it together spiritually,” when in reality, we’re massively failing in a certain area of our lives.
If we play-act a false spirituality, and don’t honestly admit it when we’re struggling with an area of failure, we have to hide our sins lest someone realize we’re faking it.
But the Bible is clear that we should not hide our sins:
• Proverbs 28:13 says, “He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy”
• Job, the most righteous man in his day, said, “…I covered my transgressions as Adam, by hiding mine iniquity in my bosom.” (Job 31:33)
• When David sinned with Bathsheba, his secret guilt was so strong that he said in Psalms 32:3-4 – “When I kept silence, my bones waxed old through my roaring all the day long. 4 For day and night thy hand was heavy upon me: my moisture is turned into the drought of summer.”
Some sins are simply matters of saying, “Okay, that’s sin, and I’m not doing that any more by God’s power…and then we just stop doing them.”
But let’s be honest; those aren’t the things we really struggle with the most, are they? We conquered those long ago soon after we found Christ. The things that trouble us now are what we often call our “besetting sins”—those sins we confess and forsake—but which are so deeply rooted in our very nature that time and again we find ourselves falling back and doing them again.
I believe that’s what James addressing in James 5:16, because he doesn’t say to confess our SINS, but our FAULTS, which suggests an entrenched pattern of behavior. I go only to GOD for cleansing for sins—not some mere mortal—and God promises in 1 John 1: 9 that “He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins.” But with our FAULTS—those character flaws and personal weaknesses that are deeply ingrained in us—God says you need to bring them out into the open to others who can make you accountable and answerable to change. You need spiritual people to whom you can confide your faults and who can pray for you and check to see how you’re doing in that area on a regular basis.
Christians have largely clipped this verse out of their Bibles because they have such a hard time HUMBLING themselves to someone and admitting, “Brother or Sister, I’m really struggling with lust. In fact, I’ve developed a porn addiction and I need someone to pray with me and for me; someone to help me; someone to keep me accountable; someone to admonish me when I need it.”
That’s a HARD thing to do, but Peter tells us in 1 Peter 5:5 that “…God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble.” – If there’s anything you need in the time of temptation, it’s God’s grace, but God says if you’re too proud, God will RESIST you. No wonder so many believers remain in a state of prolonged defeat, because you can’t defeat sin in your life if God is RESISTING you!
I believe the church has to recognize that our men are struggling in this area of lust. Men, it’s time we started confessing our faults one to another! It’s time we pasted this verse back in our Bibles!
So the church first needs become a place of MUTUAL ACCOUNTABILITY.
II. SECOND, WE MUST BE A COMMUNITY OF MUTUAL RESPONSIBILITY.
We as believers need to see that we can be a stumbling block to others in this area of lust by our actions and by our dress and that God will hold us responsible for it if we are.
Men can cause women to lust by being too familiar or going beyond the bounds of acceptable behavior, and men, you should make sure that in your actions with women you’re always above reproach.
But ladies, I’ll primarily be talking to you from here on because I honestly believe that you have only a vague idea how much we men struggle with this area of lust.
• When your clothes are so tight that they leave little to the imagination, you have no idea how easy it is to let our imagination run.
• When you show even a little bit of cleavage, it’s hard for men to concentrate because we’ve got to fight our thought life and the urge to “take a peek” when you look away momentarily.
• The more flesh you show, the more we men have to concentrate on your face, not what you’re flashing—and then we’re criticized because we don’t pay enough attention! – We’re paying attention all right—just not to what you’re SAYING.
You see, everywhere we turn—at work, in the neighborhood, in the PX, in the commissary, on the computer, on TV, at the theater, in magazines, in books, in music, on billboards—we’re bombarded by sensual images.
There’s not much we can do to control those things, but listen to me: WE SHOULDN’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT WITH OUR CHRISTIAN SISTERS!
Now I know what many of you are thinking: Come on guys, just get a GRIP! Just calm down, for crying out loud. JUST DON’T LUST, okay?!! Wow! I wish it were that easy!
Illus. – Ladies, don’t put down men because of the way we’re hard-wired.
• What if a man said to a woman, “You shouldn’t be so HORMONAL. You shouldn’t be so EMOTIONAL. You need to learn to NOT BE SO SENSITIVE.” You’d call him a jerk, or clueless—after hitting him with your handbag! You’d say, “You guys shouldn’t put down how women feel. YOU ought to be a woman for a month or two and you’d sing a different tune.”
• But that’s what many women do with the hormonal struggle we men deal with every single day of our lives! Women say, “What’s wrong with you? You need to just calm down.” Well, you ought to try being a MAN for a while in a sex-drenched world! I guarantee that you’d sing a different tune too!
I’m just being up front and honest with you this morning. I’m pleading with you to help us men with this struggle.
So look with me at 1 Timothy 2:9-10 – “In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.”
There are several archaic words in the KJV here, so rather than defining each of them, let’s just look at this passage in a modern translation to save time: “Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, 10 but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.”
This is another of those passages that Christians have largely cut out of their Bibles.
• Some have done so because they came from a legalistic background where everything they wore was governed by rules, which always seemed to translate into old-fashioned, dowdy, out-of-style attire, and you’re just not gonna go there.
We at Grace Baptist Church can appreciate that—and we agree. We’re just as concerned about the danger of legalism and we’re not going to give you a list of rules and nobody’s going to judge your dress. But on the other hand, let’s not snip this scripture out of our Bibles either.
• Some have clipped this passage out because they don’t want to focus on outward things because the Bible is all about our HEART, our inner person.
Right on, sister; we’re in 100% agreement! But we don’t believe you should dress modestly because it will somehow make you look “godly” on the outside, but to HELP OTHERS be godly on the INSIDE by not being tempted in their thoughts. So the focus is not really on YOU or OUTWARD things, but on OTHERS and their INWARD HEART—and that’s a truly biblical way to live!
• Some have clipped it out of their Bibles because they just don’t CARE what the Bible says about modesty.
> This is sometimes simply a matter of REBELLION.
But aren’t we supposed to obey God in ALL things? Jesus said, “If ye love me, keep my commandments.” (Jn. 14:15) If you’re a believer, how can you just clip this passage out of your Bible?
> But sometimes it’s more a matter of a low SELF-ESTEEM than rebellion.
Because many women struggle with how they feel about themselves, they look for ways to get attention and be noticed, and there’s nothing that makes a woman feel more feminine than being noticed by men. But once you see yourself as complete in Christ; once you see that in Christ you are accepted and loved and cherished; and once you see that you do not need validation from men—or anyone for that matter—to be fulfilled, you’ll no longer struggle with your self-esteem.
This verse has been clipped out of the Bible for too long by too many people and churches, so let’s paste it back in and see what God is telling us in this passage.
But let me point out first that Paul is NOT teaching here that women should dress dowdy, or that they can’t wear jewelry or things like that. There are many references to stunningly beautiful, but godly, women in the Bible.
So what does Paul teaching in 1 Timothy 2:9-10?
Bible scholars say Paul was concerned that some in the church in those days were imitating the dress and adornment of the ladies of the Roman aristocracy at one end of the spectrum and the temple prostitutes on the other. The women in the Roman aristocracy were known for their expensive clothes and jewelry and elaborate hairstyles designed to attract attention, but to seduce as well. On the other end of the spectrum, temple prostitutes dressed seductively with what we would call the “slutty look” today.
So Paul says that women should wear “respectable” apparel in verse 9. He wanted the savior, not seductive style to be the focus of women’s appearance.
So Paul gave THREE BIBLICAL DRESS GUIDELINES:
• In verse 9 his first guideline is “modesty,” which means propriety.
It means avoiding clothes and adornment that are extravagant or sexually revealing or enticing. Modesty can be defined as “humility expressed in dress.” It’s a desire to be concerned about OTHERS instead of drawing attention to yourself or provoking sensuality. It means to be beautiful without resorting to showy or sensual enticements.
• The second guideline is “self-control,” in verse 9 which, means restraint.— Restraint for the purpose of purity; for the purpose of exalting God, not ourselves.
• The third guideline is in verse 10 where Paul teaches that a woman’s dress should be “what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.”
Paul is very clear that “good works” are to be what’s most noticeable about a woman who professes godliness—not her wardrobe, or her curves, or her jewelry, but her GOOD WORKS—an observable lifestyle of serving others. So ladies, which are you more trying to project to the outside world?—Clothing or character; jewels or generosity; makeup or ministry?
You say, “Why should I care if what I wear is a temptation to others? If men lust, that’s THEIR problem.” You’re absolutely wrong about that!
• Paul said in Philippians 2:4 – “Look not every[one] on his own things, but…also on the things of others.” Folks, we MUST care for OTHERS in order to help one another grow spiritually.
• In his ode to love in 1 Corinthians 13, Paul reminds us that love “seeketh not her own.”
• Paul says in 2 Corinthians 6:3 – “Giving no offence in any thing…”
• In Galatians 5:13 he declares, “For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.” If we love one another, we’ll be careful not to do things that tempt them to sin. By watching our dress to be able to better serve others instead of ourselves, we’re using our liberty in a responsible fashion.
C.J. Mahoney writes of a college student who sent him a letter after he had preached a message to women encouraging them to show love to their male brethren by dressing modestly and with self-control. – Listen to what this college student wrote:
When women that I’m friends with dress immodestly, it definitely has a negative effect on our friendship. When a woman dresses immodestly, it doesn’t make it easy to see her as a sister in Christ. There’s a constant battle going on as I’m talking with her. Communication becomes more difficult because as I’m trying to listen to her, I’m also trying to fight temptation. I think some women aren’t aware that even little things can distract guys a lot—showing even a little part of their stomach, wearing bags that have straps that go between their breasts, etc.
I’m so grateful for the friendships God has given me with the godly women in my church. I’m so appreciative of the sacrifices they make in order to glorify God and serve and care for the guys. I heard of one girl who went shopping and really liked the shirt she was trying on. But then she thought, “No, I can’t do this to the guys.” That was the first time I had ever heard of anything like that, and it made me so grateful. It is such a blessing to have friends who care for me enough to be selfless and to sacrifice what might look attractive in order to help me and other guys with sexual lust.
When women dress modestly, it’s attractive and it makes me want to hang out with them more. I think modesty is so attractive and helpful in friendships because it makes it easier for a friendship to be centered around God and for fellowship to be unhindered.
CONCLUSION
The solution to lust is multilayered: PERSONAL responsibility; MUTUAL MARITAL responsibility; and COPORATE responsibility we all have in the church for one another.
• As a church community, let’s individually say, “I’m going to be available for someone struggling with a fault in his or her life”—whether it’s lust or any other sin—gossip, envy, jealousy, materialism, covetousness, anger, worry, fear—WHATEVER it may be.
And if anyone is struggling with a sin—and the truth is, we all struggle with SOMETHING that Satan too often exploits—then first of all, find God’s forgiveness by confessing your sin to the Lord and forsaking it.
But then ask God to lead you to someone who is, like you, striving to serve God and obey Him with whom you can share your struggle and who can pray for you, and who has the liberty to ask you how you’re doing in your struggle, and whom you’re willing to take rebuke from as well as encouragement.
• And as a church community, may we each seek God’s guidance about how to serve one another and care for one another in every way, but especially with helping men in this most important battle we face.
A young lady wrote C.J. Mahoney after hearing the same sermon the college student heard and she wrote him saying this:
I had a vague idea that guys were more affected by sight than girls, but I never realized how pervasive the temptation was. Now, knowing a little bit of what guys go through every day, I have an ardent desire to serve my brothers in Christ. I want to make the church a haven for them..…After your message, I no longer have a desire to dress immodestly; rather, my concern is to protect the guys and help them in their walk with God.
Amen to that!
