Title: A Nurturing Family
Theme: To show that each person in the family has a role to play and if we fulfill that then we will have a great family.
Text: Ephesians 5:22 – 6:4
Ephesians 5:22-33 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. (23) For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. (24) Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. (25) Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, (26) that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, (27) that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. (28) So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. (29) For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. (30) For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. (31) "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." (32) This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. (33) Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Ephesians 6:1-4 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. (2) "Honor your father and mother," which is the first commandment with promise: (3) "that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth." (4) And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.
Review
The last few weeks we have been talking about memorials. We started with Joshua and the Israelites who walked through the river Jordan. God split the river. As they walked through the Lord told Joshua to chose a man from each to take a stone out of the river and place it on the side. This is so that when they are walking with their children then they could tell them what the Lord had done. A memorial to the deliverance and miracles of the Lord.
Next we saw Rites of Passages. These are events and ceremonies in our children’s lives in which we help them move into another stage of their destiny. These include graduations, marriages, baptisms, or even dedications.
Today I want to step back and look at what is called the Traditional family. I say that because as we live in a contemporary world we deal with a society that says the family is no longer described as what it is. So let us look today at what constitutes a Biblical family.
Introduction: It all begins with marriage
Genesis 1:26-28 Then God said, "Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all [2] the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth." (27) So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. (28) Then God blessed them, and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth."
Genesis 2:18-25 And the Lord God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him." (19) Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. (20) So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. (21) And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. (22) Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. (23) And Adam said: "This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man." (24) Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (25) And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
If there is there is a happy marriage then there will be a happy home. When I say happy I am not talking about perfect. I believe a happy or successfully marriage is one where there is mutual support for one another. In this marriage there is respect for the gifts and the roles that God has placed this couple together for. Each one has a contribution to the family and that contribution is being fulfilled. It is also a marriage where there is a correct forum for discussion and disagreement.
This is the beginning of the family. Two people joined together as one. When this happens then children enter into the picture. First the marriage must be established then children can be nurtured. This is what happened in Genesis 4. Adam and Eve fulfilled the command of the Lord to “multiply”.
Transition
My goal in the rest of this message is to give you two words that each person as a part of the family must fulfill to have a functional family. I understand that there are many rules that we have. I understand that there are boundaries but I believe that scripture purposely emphasizes some characteristics that people must meet in order to have a great home.
This does not take away from other areas but I believe 1) these are the areas that need the most work. This is where we get in trouble the most. 2) If we will focus on these areas we will see many of the other roles fulfilled 3) These are also the greatest needs of the spouse.
I. Wives – Submission and Respect
Ephesians 5:22-24 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. (23) For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. (24) Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Ephesians 5:33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
A. Submission – support
Genesis 2:18-25 And the Lord God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him."
A couple of things about this passage that is important.
1) A woman is told to submit to “their own husband”. This is not designed to show man superiority over women. Actually a woman is not expected to be submissive to man but to her husband.
2) Submissive means to allow him to be the “head of the home”. The comparison here is Christ as the head of the church.
3) Submission Hupotasso “hoop-ot-as’-so” 1. To arrange under, to subject, to submit one’s control, to yield to ones admonition or advice
4) Most importantly it is letting your husband lead you and fulfill the need that you are missing.
B. Respect
The second word is the word Respect (reverence in the KJV) . It means to bring up and to look up to. It brings the same connation as to understand the roles that a husband has.
Marriage
I mentioned this with the children but I also believe that the role of each person in a marriage is to help the other discover their giftedness and fulfill that role in God’s kingdom. This is why marriage is so important, compared to just “living together”. And yes there are some couples who live together without marriage that seem to be happier or more committed than some married couples, but this does change the fact that God has put this institution of commitment together.
II. Husbands – Love and Unselfishness
Ephesians 5:25-31 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, (26) that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, (27) that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. (28) So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. (29) For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. (30) For we are members of His body, [15] of His flesh and of His bones. (31) "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." [16]
When wives look at the role submit they say to themselves, husbands get away scot free. They don’t have much else to give.
A. Love
Husbands have a different expectation. They are told to love their wife. This sounds like an easy task until we get into detail of what Paul is saying here.
The comparison of this love is 1) Love agape (unconditional, God’s love) 2) as Christ loved the church.
I believe there is another part that we look over: , vs. (27) that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.
So the husband goal is to present his wife and family as without blemish. He has a major part in this. I believe it is because children and wives naturally follow the leadership of the father. This could be good or bad.
The challenge of the Husband/Father is 1) what am I presenting as a family 2) what am I showing them as a Leader
Proverbs 10:12 12 Hatred stirs up strife, But love covers all sins.
This is a big responsibility for the husband. His role is the get the family ready spiritually.
POLL: When a pole was done on church attendance it was said about this in the role of the parent.
When both of the parents went to church 76% of the children continued on as adults.
When the father went to church only 55% of the children continued.
When the mother went to church only 15 % of the children continued.
B. Unselfishness
The second challenge for the husband is to be unselfish. He is told to love his wives as he loves himself. Putting his wife before himself. Making sure she is nurtured in encouragement and love.
28) So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. (29) For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church
Closing expectation for the Husband – this must be a problem
(31) "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."
Maybe this is not just about leaving “father and mother” maybe it is more about clinging to the wife. This makes a man vulnerable and can be hard but is expected.
Note: If each partner fulfils their role as the Bible says it makes it easier for the other to give what is expected. But notice how hard it is to do what God has intended when the other is not doing what God intended. For instance if a wife will submit to their husband and respect him they will find that husband will fulfill the deepest needs of the wife and that is to be loved. The same can be said for the husband if he will love and live unselfishly toward his wife it is easier for her to show submission and respect.
III. Parents
Eph 6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.
A. Stay in the Lord
Psalms127:1 A Song of Ascents. Of Solomon. Unless the Lord builds the house, They labor in vain who build it; Unless the Lord guards the city, The watchman stays awake in vain.
This is the expectation of a parent, raise their child in the Lord. In the ways of the Lord.
B. Teach the children what is right
Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.
Note:
Ephesians 6:4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.
This refers to causing a lasting bitterness, not just an angry outburst - The Complete Biblical Library Greek-English Dictionary – Pi-Rho.
IV. Children – Obedience and Honor
Ephesians 6:1-3 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. (2) "Honor your father and mother," which is the first commandment with promise: (3) "that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth."
A. Obedience
This is the first word given to the children of the home. Why? Because rebellion is a trait that is not taught but a child is born with. You see it at a young age. This is an area a child really has to work with.
Disclaimer: “in the Lord” This is the one disclaimer that Paul gives. It must be obedience that honors God and the parents. If a child is told to do anything and is sinful or wrong then this is not right.
Why do it? “this is right” This is the right thing to do. This is the 4th commandment in Exodus 20.
B. Honor
The second expectation is: honor. A child is expected to honor their parents. As we learn from Peter this is according to the position that God has placed them in. Children are expected to give their parents the utmost respect and honor as their parents.
Wuest "Honor" is timaō, "to estimate, fix the value." To honor someone therefore, is to evaluate that person accurately and honestly, and treat him with the deference, respect, reverence, kindness, courtesy, and obedience which his station in life or his character demands. Expositors says: "Obedience is the duty; honor is the disposition of which the obedience is born."
The promise
(3) "that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth."
Two promises
a) That it may be well. I believe this goes a long way when we thing about how peaceful it is in the home when a child is obedient.
b) You may live long on the earth. Live here could be in peace and enjoying life and also years.
Conclusion
My goal today is to get you to evaluate your life in light of this message. What areas in your role of the family do you need to work on. If God gave them to us in His word He is telling us that 1) there is going to be a struggle 2) we must always evaluate whether or not we are fulfilling these roles.
