Untying the Knot of Anger
Series – Problems: Untying What’s Tying You Up
Chuck Sligh
April 21, 2013
NOTE: A PowerPoint presentation of this sermon is available upon request by emailing me at chucksligh@hotmail.com.
TEXT: Ephesians 4:26-27, 29-31 – “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: 27 Neither give place to the devil. [Now go down to verse 29] 29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. 30 And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice. 32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”
INTRODUCTION
Illus. – Did this ever happen to you—“Your respiration deepened and your heart began to beat rapidly. Your arterial pressure rose. Blood shifted from your stomach, intestines to the heart, central nervous system and muscles. The processes of the alimentary canal ceased. Sugar was freed from the reserves in your liver. Your spleen contracted and discharged its contents of concentrated corpuscles and adrenaline was secreted.”
You might be saying, “If it did, I don’t recall it.” Well, guess what: if you’ve ever been angry, it happened to you. I just described the physiological description of what happens when a person get angry.
Richard Cumberland of the 17th century wrote: “Of all bad things with which mankind is cursed / Their own bad tempers surely are the worst.”
Joke – I suppose the dishes industry would go broke if it weren’t for people who can’t control their anger. – I read the other day of a woman who said to her son, “Tim, could you please bring me some dishes? There’s something I need to talk to your dad about.”
I’m not sure she understood the concept of “anger management!”
Joke – I like the anger management strategy of a young man with a crying baby in a baby stroller. He kept saying quietly, “Calm down George, don’t scream, George, quiet, George!”
An elderly woman passing by stopped and said to him, “I see you’re really patient with your son George.”
The man answers, “I’m George.”
That’s a good anger management strategy…or maybe your anger management program looks something like this: [Show video found at http://www.squidoo.com/anger-humor-anger-jokes].
Joking aside, let me share some interesting statistics with you…
• Did you know that family members who were angry commit 60% of all homicides?
• Dr. Redford Williams, director of Duke University’s Behavioral Medicine Research Center said, “The hostility and anger associated with Type A behavior is the major contributor to heart disease in America.” If you have a problem with anger you’re five times more likely to have a heart attack than the average person.
• It’s also been found in a study that men who score high for hostility on standard tests are four times more likely to die prematurely than men whose scores were low.
Indeed, Clarence Macartney was right when he said, “Anger is one of the most common sins, yet one of the most dangerous and injurious to the peace and well-being of man.”
We’re in a sermon series titled, “Untying What’s Tying You Up.” A lot of people are tied up by wrong expressions of anger. Let’s see what the Bible says about anger, and how we can get untied from it:
I. CONSIDER WITH ME FIRST THAT ANGER ITSELF IS NOT A SIN!
That may surprise you, but look again at verse 26 – “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath.” Paul doesn’t say, “Don’t be angry” but rather, “When you’re angry, don’t sin, and especially do not let the sun go down on your wrath.” Anger is a normal human emotion, and though all emotions must be controlled and channeled properly, in itself, anger is not wrong.
In fact, there is an anger that is sanctioned by God and is even exhibited by God.
• At least 18 times in the Old Testament we read of God being angry, but we know that God is without sin of any kind. In several of Jesus’s parables, God is pictured as angry. Divine anger was always directed against sin or those who committed sin.
• On several occasions Jesus Himself was angry, yet He never sinned. – He famously became angry with the temple wheelers and dealers because they turned the house of God into a den of thieves.
Likewise, when we—God’s followers—hear of evil deeds, we often become angry about it, and that’s not only not wrong, but RIGHT.
Henry Ward Beecher said, “A man who does not know how to be angry does not know how to be good. A man who does not know how to be shaken to his heart’s core with indignation over things that are evil is either a fungus or an evil man himself.”
• When you hear of the sexual abuse of little children, you SHOULD be angry.
• When you hear about a play that depicts Jesus as a homosexual and having sexual relations with His disciples, that OUGHT to make your blood boil.
• When you hear about injustices against innocent people, you SHOULD be incensed.
Yes…there are some things we should get angry about!
II. SECOND, CONSIDER THAT THERE ARE WRONG EXPRESSIONS OF ANGER.
We said that there is a kind of anger that’s condoned in the Bible, but what about when our anger is not over sin or evil per se, but over the normal hassles of life, like when your boss belittles you, or when your daughter spills her milk, or when your husband says something thoughtless or hurtful or when someone cuts you off on the Autobahn?
As I said before, anger is a normal emotion. Happiness and sadness are likewise human emotions. We don’t say happiness or sadness are good or bad; they’re just is how you feel at a given time and the Bible neither condemns nor commends either emotion.
Neither does the Bible condemn anger in itself. What determines if anger is right or wrong is two things: its expression and its duration…
1) First, Paul says in verse 26 of our text: “Be angry and SIN NOT”—This has to do with the wrong EXPRESSION of anger.
In verse 31, Paul talks about various degrees of anger that are sinful:
• The first thing Paul mentions is “BITTERNESS.”
I’ll cover that in a week or two, so I won’t say much about this now. But bitterness is often planted in our heart when someone does us wrong and if not dealt with, has enormous consequences both to ourselves, and worse yet…to those around us.
• Then Paul mentions “WRATH.”
The Greek word here means, “to burn.” Something happens to you, and you get hot under the collar. You begin to internalize the anger instead of letting it go.
• Next he mentions “ANGER.”
What is the difference between “wrath” and “anger?” “Wrath” is what we feel on the INSIDE, but the Greek word translated “anger” here is orgh (or-gay’), which refers to anger that shows on the OUTSIDE. Something happens, we begin to burn on the inside, but then our eyes get narrow, our face turns red, and the veins begin to pop out.
• Then we see the matter of “CLAMOR.”
This literally means, “loud quarreling.” That’s when we began to raise our voices and yell.
• Then we see that anger turns into “EVIL SPEAKING.”
We get our word “blasphemy” from this word. We start saying hurtful and critical things to the other person.
• Finally Paul talks about “MALICE.”
It literally means “wickedness” and seems in this context to be referring to when anger gets out of hand and turns into verbal or physical abuse. The situation has escalated and instead of just arguing about the problem, it has turned into malicious personal attacks meant to wound and hurt. And sometimes it turns physical. The National Institute of Mental Health found in a recent survey that one in every seven American couples have used some form of physical abuse during an argument in the past year.
Now if you observe closely, there seems to be a progression in this passage, and it often happens something like this: Bitterness leads to inward burning anger, inward burning anger to obvious anger on the outside, outward anger to shouting and blowing your top, which leads to hurtful words, which leads sometimes to physical abuse, or more often, to verbal abuse that scars.
2) The second way sinful anger shows itself is in its DURATION; when we won’t let go.
Paul says at the end of verse 26, “… let not the sun go down upon your wrath.”
Why?—Because if you do, you face a very real danger, for Paul warns in verse 27: “Neither give place to the devil” What this means is “Don’t give the devil a foothold.” Actually, it’s a military term to not surrender ground to the enemy. You soldiers know the danger of that. When you don’t deal with anger and you don’t control it as God commands you to, God says you’re giving over ground to the devil and every bit of ground you surrender to the enemy is ground from which he can more effectively launch another offensive against you in your life.
The devil wants to defile your relationship with God, destroy your fellowship with others, damage your marriage and embitter your kids. In moments of anger, the devil has gotten a foothold and destroyed many families, divided churches, and damaged testimonies. The longer you let anger go on without dealing with it, the more ground you give over to the enemy.
When we allow wrong expressions of anger in our lives, it grieves the Lord. Look at verse 30: “And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.” Anger not only gladdens and emboldens the devil, it grieves the Holy Spirit.
III. SO… LET’S SEE LASTLY THAT GOD WANTS US TO CONQUER SINFUL ANGER.
The world has various solutions to handle anger:
• Thomas Jefferson had a maxim for handling anger: “When angry, count to ten before you speak; if very angry, count to a hundred.”
• Mark Twain came along with a different version, “When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.”
The Bible has a different solution: Look at the second part of verse 26: “…let not the sun go down upon your wrath.”
Now don’t go by the advice of Phyllis Diller who said, “Never go to bed angry, stay up and FIGHT.”—That’s NOT what Paul was saying here.
What he’s saying is, don’t let your anger swell up and manifest itself in sinful ways as we saw in verse 31, and take care of your anger quickly (verse 26). We’re not to let a day end with anger in our hearts. Anger is to BE CONTROLLED.
You say, “But I can’t control my temper.” Satan has given you this lie to defeat you, but friends…it’s simply NOT TRUE. Every one of you this morning can control your anger.
Illus. – [ACT OUT BY SCREAMING LIKE YOU’RE IN AN INTENSE FIGHT WITH A SPOUSE] For instance, suppose you and Mama are arguing loudly. You both are so mad you’re SCREAMING to the top of your lungs at each other, wishing you could choke one another.
[HAM IT UP HERE…] But then all of a sudden the phone rings, and you pick it up and in a calm, quiet, pleasant voice say, “Hello. [PAUSE] No, she can’t come to the phone right now. Can I have her call you back? [PAUSE] Alrighty then, you have a GREAT day.”
You see, you can turn sinful expressions of anger on and off like a light switch! We do this all the time. You only express you anger in sinful ways because you CHOOSE to.
How can you learn to control your anger?
1) First, confess sinful expressions of anger to God AND those you have hurt.
If you have a habit of being angry in a sinful way or not giving up your anger quickly, you need to seek God’s forgiveness. He promises in 1 John 1:9 that “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
If ungodly expressions of anger, or holding on to it too long is a habit in your life, you’ve probably hurt a lot of people along the way. God wants you to make things right with those you have hurt. He wants you to confess your failure and seek their forgiveness. Jesus said if you’re giving to the offering and you remember someone you have offended for any reason, you should leave your gift at the altar and go right then and make it right IMMEDIATELY. And EVERY TIME you fail and lose your temper AGAIN, you need to go to the person you offended and ask them to forgive you—AGAIN!
2) Second, practice Paul’s command in verse 32: “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”
• When you’re angry, you don’t want to be kind to the person you’re angry with; Paul says to BE KIND ANYWAY.
• When someone angers you, you harden your heart to them; Paul says not to follow your heart, but to be tender-hearted toward them.
• And the last thing we want to do is forgive someone who has offended us; and yet Paul says to do that very thing.
3) Third, learn to attack the PROBLEM; not the PERSON.
When you respond in sinful anger, you expend energy that tears PEOPLE down, but that does not take care of the PROBLEM. That’s why Paul commands us in verse 29: “Let no corrupt [worthless, unedifying, bad] communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying [building up], that it may minister grace unto the hearers.”
When you feel sinful anger arising in you, stop focusing on the PERSON who is making you angry, and logically deal with the PROBLEM. And then speak to them about the problem with edifying words of grace.
4) Lastly, to get final victory over anger, you must live in the power of the Holy Spirit.
Herbert Lockyer said, “We sometimes speak about mastering our temper, but it is a wolf too ferocious for the flesh to tame.” “The flesh” refers to the strength and power of our old nature apart from God.
What Lockyer says is so true: Our temper can at times be too ferocious to tame, but it is not too ferocious for the Holy Spirit to tame.
Paul describes the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23. Notice how every one of them is the very opposite of sinful anger: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, 23 Meekness, temperance…”
The only way ULTIMATELY to not fall again under the power of destructive anger is to fall under the power of the Holy Spirit.
Paul tells us to walk in the Spirit, which means moment-by-moment listening to His voice and doing His will. It means spending to spend time with Him in the Word and in prayer to drink from the waters of His strength and power. It means to make godly choices in life, choices that feed your desire to please God rather than those that feed the desires of the flesh.
CONCLUSION
Illus. – Alexander the Great’s biographer described his nature as fervently passionate and impulsive. He was strong in his loves and his loyalties, but was often swept by storms of anger.
Once, in a moment of anger, he grabbed a spear from a guard and hurled it at the friend of his childhood—his life-long companion, rescuer, and general, Clitus.
No sooner than he did, his fury turned to remorse. Alexander himself drew out the fatal spear, as his friend lay gasping out his life. All night and for several days afterward, Alexander lay writhing in his remorse, piteously calling Clitus by name and chiding himself as the murderer of his friend.
Alexander the Great conquered the world, but he could not conquer his anger.
I’ve never killed anyone in anger, but I have damaged loved one’s hearts through anger that got out of control and led to hurtful words that could never be recalled. I fully understand the remorse of anger left unconquered by the power of God.
And I’ve counseled scores of families where one of the parents expressed sinful anger on a sustained basis, and watched as their children became bitter against them, eventually drifting away. I’ve seen that same remorse in people like this over unconquered sinful anger.
If you struggle with that, God does not want you to live in defeat and regret. God wants you to CONQUER your sinful expressions of anger. Paul said, “I can do ALL things through Christ who strenthgens me.”
So to get to the point, let me remind you again what you do about sinful anger:
• Confess sinful anger and patterns of anger as SIN, and humbly and contritely ask forgiveness from those who have been hurt by your outbursts of anger.
• Replace sinful expressions of anger with kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness.
• Attack PROBLEMS—not people—by carefully choosing words that build up, not tear down.
• Most importantly, walk in the Spirit by spending time with God and prayer, listening and obeying His voice all during the day, and making godly choices in your life.
