Debbie and I just returned from a G 6 marriage seminar where I discovered some amazing truths. One of those truths was that Debbie was a much better spouse than I am.
Although it was a marriage seminar, it dealt with relationships that apply not only to husband/wife but also to parent/child, siblings, friends, coworkers, church members, almost any one with whom we come into contact.
We learned that there are ten relational needs in everyone’s life. Those needs are listed in your bulletin and today we will briefly discuss each one.
Our relational needs actually began in the Garden of Eden. It began with the first crisis of man. Most believe this to be the falling into temptation. But we actually see the first crisis in Genesis 2:18. “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”
Why was it not good for the man to be alone? Because man would have relational needs to be met, that he could not meet for himself. The Hebrew word for helper meant “helper, staff, strength.” The man would need someone to support him, to strengthen him. And while it does apply to a wife in this passage, it can have several other layers.
It can be a child who needs a parent to lean on. It can be a sibling who needs to be strengthened with a kind word. It can be a coworker who needs a listening ear. It can be you this morning, feeling alone and needing someone to help you, to hold you up, and to give you strength.
Let’s look at Matthew 22:35-40 “One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
There are actually three commandments listed here, do you see them? Love God with all your heart, soul, and mind. Love your neighbor. Love yourself. And Jesus says that those last two are as equally important as the first one. Therefore, we are also to love our neighbor with all our heart, soul, and mind. Moreover, we are to love ourselves with all of our heart, soul, and mind.
We know who God is and we know who we are, but who is our neighbor? Remember in the parable of the Good Samaritan we learned our neighbor is the one closest to us that has a need. Our neighbor is our wife. Our neighbor is our child. Our neighbor is our friend, coworker, and, yes, our neighbor. The person right now that you can think of that has the greatest need, not necessarily physical, is your neighbor and you are to love them with all your heart, soul, and mind. As we discover these ten relational needs, we will understand the dynamics behind this action better.
Now we will read Philippians 2:7. “Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being.”
Jesus became a man and in doing so, He entered into the crisis of relational needs. The Bible says He was in every way like us. Therefore, He needed these relational needs as much as we do. Some of us find that hard to understand. We feel that his bond with his heavenly Father was sufficient. But remember, God walked with Adam and yet knew Adam needed someone like himself to fulfill his relational needs.
I want to have us ponder each relational need as applied to Jesus. Then I want us to apply it to our neighbor.
1) Acceptance -“Receiving others willingly and unconditionally and loving them in spite of any differences that may exist between you.” John 1:11 “He came to his own people, and even they rejected him.” Jesus needed to have this relational need met. He left behind heaven, and all its riches, to humble himself. He came to his people for acceptance and they rejected him. Even today, He still feels the sting of rejection.
How about someone close to you. Have you refused to meet their relational need of acceptance? Is there someone in your life that you have refused to show loving kindness toward because of some difference that exists between you? It is a difficult thing to do but we are commanded to accept our neighbor.
2) Affection - “Expressing care and closeness through physical touch and through loving words.”
Luke 7:44-46 “Then he turned to the woman and said to Simon, “Look at this woman kneeling here. When I entered your home, you didn’t offer me water to wash the dust from my feet, but she has washed them with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You didn’t greet me with a kiss, but from the time I first came in, she has not stopped kissing my feet. You neglected the courtesy of olive oil to anoint my head, but she has anointed my feet with rare perfume.”
Jesus went to a house where He was invited. Yet the common courtesies of washing the dust from his feet, greeting him with a kiss to his cheek, and welcoming him with the least expensive item in the house was withheld from him by his host. And when He accepted the affection of another, He was criticized. His relational need for affection was denied him by the one who invited him. Jesus still needs to hear words of affection. How often do we invite him into our house so we can present him with a list of our needs? Do we ever invite him in just to say, “I love you”?
How about your neighbor? Is there someone close to you who needs a hug and some kind words from you? Is there someone you haven’t said to them “I love you” in a long time? We are commanded to show affection to our neighbor.
3) Appreciation -“Expressing thanks, praise, or commendation in recognition of someone’s accomplishments or efforts.”
Luke 17:12-17 “As he entered a village there, ten lepers stood at a distance, crying out, “Jesus, Master, have mercy on us!” He looked at them and said, “Go show yourselves to the priests.” And as they went, they were cleansed of their leprosy.
One of them, when he saw that he was healed, came back to Jesus, shouting, “Praise God!” He fell to the ground at Jesus’ feet, thanking him for what he had done. This man was a Samaritan. Jesus asked, “Didn’t I heal ten men? Where are the other nine?”
Can you sense a bit of pain in Jesus’ question? Jesus had set them free from a life of condemnation. Jesus deserved worship. Jesus deserved appreciation. But He was snubbed. I think we have all felt the sting of not being appreciated. How often have we made a prayer request, seen it answered, and threw a casual “Thanks” over our shoulder as we go on our way? Yet He never stops hearing our requests and granting them.
How about your neighbor? Is there someone close to you who needs to hear “Thank you” from your lips? Maybe they tried but failed. They still need appreciation for their efforts. We are commanded to appreciate our neighbor.
4) Approval - Building up another person for who they are.
Mark 6:1-3 “Jesus left that part of the country and returned with his disciples to Nazareth, his hometown. The next Sabbath he began teaching in the synagogue, and many who heard him were amazed. They asked, “Where did he get all this wisdom and the power to perform such miracles?” Then they scoffed, “He’s just a carpenter, the son of Mary and the brother of James, Joseph, Judas, and Simon. And his sisters live right here among us.” They were deeply offended and refused to believe in him.”
Imagine being on the road, walking from one dust filled town to another. Finally, Jesus is back at home. He is back to a place where He can rest and the people with whom He grew were there. He would go to the synagogue, read the scrolls, and share his understanding of their meaning. Instead of finding approval, He found suspicion and sarcasm. Instead of being built up, He was torn down. How often do we discount his ability to bring change to our lives?
How about your neighbor? Is there someone close to you who needs to hear words of approval? Is there someone who has offended you and will never receive your approval? Rather than build them up you tear them down. Rather than accepting, them for who they are you try to mold them into who you want them to be. We are commanded to approve of our neighbor.
5) Attention- Taking notice of others and trying to enter into their world.
John 6:65-66 “Then he said, ‘That is why I said that people can’t come to me unless the Father gives them to me.’ At this point many of his disciples turned away and deserted him.”
Giving someone our attention is more than just noticing. It is entering into their world. It is feeling what they feel, mourning when they mourn, and rejoicing when they rejoice. Jesus was telling these disciples, not just people but disciples, how to enter into his world and He was rejected. We all know the feeling of rejection. Have we dishonored him by not giving him our attention? Have we refused to enter into his world because we prefer our own?
How about your neighbor? Is there someone close to you who needs to hear words of attention? Is there someone who needs you to enter into his or her world, not to change it but to observe it? We are commanded to be attentive to our neighbor.
6) Comfort - Responding to a hurting person through words, action, touch.
John 19:28 “Jesus knew that his mission was now finished, and to fulfill Scripture he said, “I am thirsty.”
In the scripture to thirst means to be comforted. When we are
grieving, we thirst for someone to give us a drink of comfort. Jesus is dying on the cross. He has been beaten, tortured, and crucified. He is surrounded by those who rejoice or are indifferent to his suffering. He needs comfort and no one is there to supply it. How can we comfort Jesus? By mourning with him over those things that cause him to mourn. The shortest verse in the Bible is “Jesus wept.” (John 11:35) We are also told “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8). He still weeps.
How about your neighbor? Is there someone close to you who needs comforting? We are commanded to comfort our neighbor.
7) Encouragement - Urging others to persist and persevere in their efforts
Matthew 26:33-35 “Peter declared, ‘Even if everyone else deserts you, I will never desert you.’
Jesus replied, ‘I tell you the truth, Peter—this very night, before the rooster crows, you will deny three times that you even know me.’
‘No!’ Peter insisted. ‘Even if I have to die with you, I will never deny you!’ And all the other disciples vowed the same.”
Jesus was facing the greatest crisis that any man could face. When He needed encouragement, He got thoughtless promises. When He confronted them with their vulnerability, they were still unable to encourage him to see it accomplished. How can we encourage Jesus? We do so by not deserting him, by not making empty promises.
How about your neighbor? Is there someone close to you who needs to hear a word of encouragement instead of a word of failure? Is there someone who needs a hug, a smile, and an encouraging word that says, “You can do it” We are commanded to encourage our neighbor.
8) Respect- giving someone high value, important treatment, and honor with our words and actions
Mark 15:16-20 “The soldiers took Jesus into the courtyard of the governor’s headquarters (called the Praetorium) and called out the entire regiment. They dressed him in a purple robe, and they wove thorn branches into a crown and put it on his head. Then they saluted him and taunted, ‘Hail! King of the Jews!’ And they struck him on the head with a reed stick, spit on him, and dropped to their knees in mock worship. When they were finally tired of mocking him, they took off the purple robe and put his own clothes on him again. Then they led him away to be crucified.”
Jesus commanded respect. Instead, He was mocked. Have we been guilty of mocking someone instead of respecting them for the creation they are? He was mocked in front of an entire regiment, not just a few. I believe I would have participated in this mockery. We show him respect through genuine worship. We worship him everyday, not just Sunday morning.
How about your neighbor? Is there someone close to you who needs more respect and less mockery? Is there someone close to you who needs more honor and less sarcasm? We are commanded to respect our neighbor.
9) Security - providing freedom from fear or threats
Luke 11:17 “He knew their thoughts, so he said, ‘Any kingdom divided by civil war is doomed. A family splintered by feuding will fall apart.’”
Jesus knew that things were getting ready to unravel. He knew his followers would fall away. He knew that those who hailed him as King would desire to see him crucified. He had a relational need for security that would not be met. How could we possibly offer Jesus security? We do so by meeting together, loving each other, and inviting others to join us.
How about your neighbor? Is there someone close to you who needs security? Is there someone close to you who needs assurance that will free them fear or threats? We are commanded to give security to our neighbor.
10) Support - coming along side and providing appropriate assistance with a problem
Matthew 26:38-40 “He told them, ‘My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.’ He went on a little farther and bowed with his face to the ground, praying, ‘My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of
suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.’ Then he returned to the disciples and found them asleep. He said to Peter, ‘Couldn’t you watch with me even one hour?’”
The hardest night in the life of Jesus and all He asked was for a little support. “Stay with me. Watch with me. Support me.” But they could not and Jesus was even more crushed. Jesus still needs our support. We give him that support by giving him some of our time each day. We don’t always approach him with a list of our needs. Instead we join him in praying for a fallen, hurting world. We weep with him.
How about your neighbor? Is there someone close to you that needs your support? They don’t want your advice. Perhaps all they want is your silence and an arm to lean on. We are commanded to give support to our neighbor.
Jesus as a man needed these ten relational needs. He needed acceptance, He got rejection. He needed affection, He got ignored.
He needed appreciation, He got snubbed. He needed approval, He got sarcasm. He needed attention, He got desertion. He needed comfort, He got shunned. He needed encouragement, He got empty promises. He needed respect, He got mockery. He needed security, He got crucifixion. He needed support, He got disappointment.
Perhaps you are here this morning and you are thinking, “I know how it is Jesus. My ten relational needs are not being met.” Let me ask you “Are you meeting someone’s ten relational needs?” When Jesus returned to the Father, He continued pouring out these ten relational needs on us. He did not with hold them because they were not met in his life. If you want your relational needs met, them meet your neighbor’s ten relational needs. It works.
Remember the three commandments at the beginning: love God, love your neighbor, love yourself? They are inter-related. You must love God to truly love your neighbor and your self. You must love your neighbor to truly love God and yourself. You must love yourself to truly love God and your neighbor.
Bow your head and listen to me. Loving yourself, not a self-centered love, but a love for what God created when He made you can be difficult. But know this; He accepts you. He loves you. He appreciates you. He approves of you. You have his attention. He will comfort you. He encourages you to move forward. He respects you. He will make you secure. He will support you in your efforts. The Bible tells us that Jesus “entered into heaven itself to appear now before God on our behalf.” (Heb 9:24) This means He died for you. This means He constantly prays on your behalf. He loves you that much. Love yourself that much.
