HoHum:
"Marriage is not so much finding the right person as it is being the right person." --Anonymous
WBTU:
Mike and Jean have been married 5 years. They come from good families, belong to a good church, and their friends think they are getting along. What their friends don’t know is that Mike and Jean, like so many other couples their age, are getting a divorce.
This couple is not unique. Millions of marriages in US end in divorce, and many divorcing couples are Christians. Divorce is a major tool of the enemy to oppose God’s blueprint for happy homes: homes in which strong marriages produce strong children and thus strengthen both their churches and their communities.
Satan whispers excuses into the ears of men and women- even Christians- to persuade them to divorce their spouses. His arguments sound convincing to people who are going through difficulties in their marriages.
Thesis: Learn how to identify and overcome 5 typical underlying reasons for divorce.
For instances:
Unreasonable expectations
While marriages are failing apart in historically unprecendented proportions, our expectations for marriage have never been higher. Couples expect completely unrealistic things from marriage. They expect a marriage to meet all of their needs and desires. Of course, such expectations lead to disaster.
Luis Palau- A woman phoned me during a live call in television program. She’d been married and divorced and had lived with quite a few men, but she had never found the fulfillment and satisfaction she was looking for. Finally she realized that many of her so called lovers had simply used her and discarded her. She told me (Palau): “I can’t even look at men any more, I’ve been hurt by so many.” She was only 29 years old. Sadly, this is the case with many. Her problem: expecting some man to come along and completely fulfill her.
In reality, no spouse can totally fulfill a mate’s every need, much less a mate’s desires, fantasies and dreams. In marriage we help, encourage, and complement one another, but we can’t fulfill each other.
Waylan Jennings- I was looking for love in all the wrong places Looking for love in too many faces Searching your eyes, looking for traces Of what.. I'm dreaming of...
“Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you. On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night.” Psalms 63:3-6, NIV. Is this talking about a human?
Sometimes the key to improving our marriages is bringing our expectations down to earth.
Ungodly focus
Only Jesus Can Satisfy Your Soul by Lanny Wolfe- The world may try to satisfy That longing in your soul. You may search the wide world over But you'll be just as before. You'll never find true satisfaction Until you've found the Lord, For only Jesus can satisfy your soul. CHORUS: Only Jesus can satisfy your soul. Yes, only He can change your heart And make you whole. He'll give you peace you never knew, Sweet joy and love and Heaven, too. For only Jesus can satisfy your soul.
If our relationship with the Lord isn’t right, we will feel unfulfilled and discontented. We may blame our marriages, when in reality our spiritual poverty is the problem.
A marriage is in danger whenever the partners maintain a wrong center of focus. Some focus on their spouses, others devote themselves to their children, and many concentrate on themselves. The only truly satisfying focus, however, is Jesus Christ.
I remember from McDonald’s. They were training a new manager. The training manager oversaw and watched the new manager. The training manager said that he had one criticism. New managers focus was wrong. Focus needed to be on serving customers, not answer the phone (if they really want something they will call back). Our focus needs to be on the Lord.
The Lord is the only one who is able to “bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” Isaiah 61:3, NIV.
We must realign our focus, our attention, and our allegiance to Him. Only then can we have strong family relationships.
Uncontrolled passions
We pride ourselves on our technological and scientific advances, but we cannot tame oursleves. We lack self control in our diet and exercise. Spending is one of our most uncontrolled passions. So we spend our lives trying to accumulate things, often to the neglect of our marriages. Money issues is often the most contentious thing in marriage today.
Sensuality is another of our uncontrolled passions. We have grown callous to the immorality we see in print, on television, and in movies. Adultery is the only biblical reason for divorce.
Avoid Suggestive Activities – Remember the words of Job““I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl.” Job 31:1. Never allow your eyes to behold things that will cause you to stumble. Keep a clean life!
Avoid Flirty Relationships – Stay far away from the person who is flirty, watch out for that "friendship" which could lead to other things. Beware that we never just "play around" with someone who is not our spouse! Often, simple flirtation leads to big time adultery! No one just wakes up one day and says "I think I’ll go out and commit adultery today." It is always the result of things building up on top of other things that leads to that point. If we can stay from those little things, the big one will never happen to you!
Count The Cost- Dave Stone preaches at Southeast Christian Church in Louisville, KY. On his desk he keeps a picture of his family, a picture of the church facility and a newspaper article of a well known pastor who had an affair. He keeps all this on his desk to remind him of who he is and who would be hurt if he was to ever sin sexually.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Proverbs 4:23, NIV.
Evaluate the material we allow to come before our eyes, and get a grip on our impulsive habits. Guard hearts from uncontrolled passions.
Unforgiving attitudes
We all fail. We all are weak in areas. We are not perfect. Our marriages stand or fall depending on how we respond to our spouses’ shortcomings. Todd Coget- During a children’s sermon one Sunday morning, I held up an ugly-looking summer shirt that I wore occasionally around the house. I explained to the children that someone said the shirt was ugly and should be thrown away. "This really hurt me," I explained. "I’m having trouble forgiving the person who said those mean things. Do you think I should forgive that person?" I asked the children. Immediately, my six-year-old daughter, Alicia, raised her hand. "Yes, you should," she said without hesitation. "But why? That person hurt my feelings," I responded. To which Alicia wisely answered, "Because you’re married to her."
“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:13, NIV.
Forgive and forget as much as possible. At a convention with their wives, two businessmen who had been roommates in college crossed paths. They sat in the lobby all night talking. They knew they would be in trouble with their wives. The next day they happened to see each other. "What did your wife think?" "I walked in the door and my wife got historical." "Don’t you mean hysterical?" "No, historical. She told me everything I ever did wrong."
Love keeps no record of wrongs- 1 Corinthians 13:5
How has the Lord forgiven us? First, sacrificially- by dying for us on the cross. Secondly, completely- by washing away all our sins. Third, eternally- by remembering our sins and lawless deeds no more (Hebrews 10:17).
Unbiblical beliefs
Scripture connects marriage and sexual intimacy with the most sacred relationship of all- our spiritual unity with Jesus Christ. Marriage is an incredible metaphor of what it means to be right with God. No wonder Scripture places such a high premium on faithfulness and life long commitment within marriage.
Matthew 19:6- Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate. One physchologist commented, “In certain circumstances I recommend that couples get divorced because God never put them together in the first place.” This is playing games with the Word of God. In God’s eyes, when a man and woman join their lives together, they are married until death separates them. ““I hate divorce,” says the LORD God of Israel” Malachi 2:16.
Why does God hate divorce? It hurts the spouse, children, family and friends. Another reason: if the family suffers, the church and the nation are endangered. Another reason: Because marriage is a metaphor of the relationship between Christ and the church. God wants us to enjoy beautiful marriages and happy homes, showing forth God’s glory in a fallen world. But we must follow His blueprint, as revealed in the Bible, or else we may eventually shipwreck our marriages as so many others have done.
