As we continue to walk with Abram through his tests, I am amazed at the similarities in my life and his. We both have begun a new journey. We both have made choices on who we shall depend for our needs to be met. We both have had to guard against bitterness. And today we will talk about relationships.
Let us begin by reading Genesis 16:1-6 “Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had not been able to bear children for him. But she had an Egyptian servant named Hagar. So Sarai said to Abram, “The Lord has prevented me from having children. Go and sleep with my servant. Perhaps I can have children through her.” And Abram agreed with Sarai’s proposal. So Sarai, Abram’s wife, took Hagar the Egyptian servant and gave her to Abram as a wife. (This happened ten years after Abram had settled in the land of Canaan.)
So Abram had sexual relations with Hagar, and she became pregnant. But when Hagar knew she was pregnant, she began to treat her mistress, Sarai, with contempt. Then Sarai said to Abram, “This is all your fault! I put my servant into your arms, but now that she’s pregnant she treats me with contempt. The Lord will show who’s wrong—you or me!”
Abram replied, “Look, she is your servant, so deal with her as you see fit.” Then Sarai treated Hagar so harshly that she finally ran away.”
I have heard many people want to beat up on poor Abram about his relationship with Hagar. However, we must look at this story in the atmosphere of their culture. These things were natural and acceptable then. In addition, she was actually given the privilege of becoming his wife. Abram also had many concubines. A concubine was a woman who was probably a slave and, being of lower status, could not marry the man. Sarai gave her to Abram, freeing her from being a slave and therefore eligible to be his wife.
Why would she do this? In an archeological dig, it was discovered that this was a common practice in Mesopotamia in the second and first millennia. A text was discovered dating to about 1900 b. c. It was a marriage contract that stipulates that if the wife does not give birth in two years, she will purchase a slave woman for the husband. This was done to prevent the husband from exercising his right to take a second wife. This slave woman could be seen as an incubator, much like a surrogate mother would be today.
Once Hagar became pregnant she became disrespectful toward Sarai. She was no longer a slave but Abram’s wife and now soon to be the mother of his child. Sarai was not angry over Abram’s actions or the pregnancy. She was angry over the disrespect that was being shown to her by this ex-slave.
So to keep peace in the family Abram reduced Hagar’s status back to one of being a slave and returned her to Sarai.
As the story continues, we read, “So Hagar gave Abram a son, and Abram named him Ishmael. Abram was eighty-six years old when Ishmael was born.” (Gen 16:15-16)
I imagine Abram was happy to finally have a son. God had spoken to him in a vision that he indeed would one day have a son to inherit his wealth and that his descendants would be more numerous that the stars. God made a covenant with Abram that night. However, there was a problem. It was God’s intention for the promise to come through Sarai and not Hagar. Abram, without intent to be disobedient to God, had actually circumvented what God desired and created a problem that plagues us today.
The story continues to unfold. God comes again to Abram. About 13 years have passed. Ishmael is now a teenager living in a strange situation. His biological mom is a slave, his step-mom is her mistress, and his dad seems to be uninvolved in the battle. However it seems that God’s plan has changed a bit. Abram was to be a father of a great nation. Now God says he will be the father of many nations and changes his name to Abraham. And Sarai would be the mother of many nations and changes her name to Sarah.
Another 3 years has passed. Ishmael would be about 16 years old. The time has come to wean Isaac. We read in Genesis 21:8-14 “When Isaac grew up and was about to be weaned, Abraham prepared a huge feast to celebrate the occasion. But Sarah saw Ishmael—the son of Abraham and her Egyptian servant Hagar—making fun of her son, Isaac. So she turned to Abraham and demanded, “Get rid of that slave woman and her son. He is not going to share the inheritance with my son, Isaac. I won’t have it!”
This upset Abraham very much because Ishmael was his son. But God told Abraham, “Do not be upset over the boy and your servant. Do whatever Sarah tells you, for Isaac is the son through whom your descendants will be counted. But I will also make a nation of the descendants of Hagar’s son because he is your son, too.”
So Abraham got up early the next morning, prepared food and a container of water, and strapped them on Hagar’s shoulders. Then he sent her away with their son, and she wandered aimlessly in the wilderness of Beersheba.”
In the wilderness they ran out of water. Hagar placed Ishmael under a bush to die. But God heard her calls, led her to water, and they both survived. And it was in this barren wilderness that Ishmael became a man.
He probably stayed in touch with his father because we read in Genesis 25:9 that when Abraham died “His sons Isaac and Ishmael buried him in the cave of Machpelah, near Mamre, in the field of Ephron son of Zohar the Hittite.”
As I researched this sermon once again I felt my life was a bit parallel to Abraham’s. As most of you know, I have had a previous marriage. I got married as a teenager to a teenage girl. I was being sent to Vietnam and we wanted to get married before I left. Her parents consented and we were wed. What we were not was mature. As we matured we realized the mistake we had made and divorced. During our marriage we had a son who, at the age of three, saw his daddy leave. I got him every weekend, mostly letting my mother tend to him while I partied.
When he was 7 years old I remarried. Some say I robbed the cradle because my beautiful wife was 23 and I was an old man of 30. She loved my son very much and they grew close. After 17 months of marriage we had our baby girl.
When our baby girl was around 2 my 11 year old son began to create problems for his mom. She began to complain to me. My wife stated more than once that if he lived with us this problem would not exist. His mother approached me with the idea of sending him to a military academy to which I refused. So she challenged me to take on the responsibility of caring for him, a challenge I accepted.
So at the age of 12 he became my responsibility. And suddenly my young wife had gone from being a mother of a 3 year old to having a teenage son. Without much thought on my part I pushed her into a role which she was not prepared to handle.
I worked those long 12 hour days so I gave her full reign over him and promised my support. She established a set of rules that were unfair and overly demanding. I disagreed with her on most rules but never over rode her decisions. The next five years were tough for me. I remember once sitting on the porch one night weeping as I felt my family was being torn apart.
We worked through our problems. As our two other children became teenagers my wife began to understand the unfairness of her rules. We apologized in tears to my son and asked to be forgiven. He assured us that we had no reason to feel guilty, that we had been good parents.
But 22 years later everything erupted. All his anger and bitterness came forth and in a phone conversation he informed me that he would “write me off.” For 3 years we did not speak. During those three years bitterness began to fester between him and his siblings. I had a family in turmoil.
One day I decided to ask to meet with him and apologize that as a father I allowed this to happen. I pleaded with him to allow our relationship to be re-established. And through the grace of God, it was. Now my family is complete again.
I share this story with you because as I studied Abraham and his situation, I felt a certain kinship with him. He was a man with a huge responsibility. God had given him a promise of a son and a great future. God had not given him the information on how it would be accomplished. How he dealt with these issues of relationships affect our world today.
Lesson 1- Wait for your promise.
Sarai told Abram “the Lord has prevented me from having children” when the truth was He was preparing her to have a child.
God had a plan larger than any plan they could see. Abram knew that God would be true to his promise.
But Abram was weak when it came to leading his household. To make his wife happy he would marry her servant, get her pregnant, give her the servant back, sit by as this woman carrying his child was mistreated to the point that she would run away at the risk of her life and that of the child. Later he would send this woman and his own teenage son into the desert to what ever fate awaited them. God would have been better served if Abram had waited to see the promise come through God.
James MacDonald wrote “A promise is the assurance that God gives to His people so they can walk by faith while they wait for Him to work.”
And here is God’s promise through Isaiah 55:10-11
“The rain and snow come down from the heavens and stay on the ground to water the earth. They cause the grain to grow,
producing seed for the farmer and bread for the hungry.
It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to,
and it will prosper everywhere I send it.”
It takes time for the rain and snow to water the earth. It takes time for the grain to grow. It takes time for the seed to produce the wheat. It takes time to make bread for the hungry. None of these things happen overnight. They happen in a due process of time.
And God says so it is with his promises. When He gives us a promise we can be sure of three things. That it always produces fruit. That it always accomplishes what He wants it to do. And that that it will always prosper.
We must learn to wait. Not waiting on God causes us to get anxious. We lose our strength. We grow weary. We stop thinking clearly. These things begin to affect our relationship with those around us. We attempt to please others more than we try to please God.
Instead trust in this word. “For all of God’s promises have been fulfilled in Christ with a resounding “Yes!” And through Christ, our “Amen” (which means “Yes”) ascends to God for his glory.” (2 Cor 1:20) Be in agreement with God. Through Jesus God says “Yes” to all of his promises and we, through Jesus, respond “Yes” back to God.
Lesson 2- God can use our actions for his glory.
Abram should have waited on God. Ishmael was brought into a turbulent situation that would make him a troubled teenager and adult. It would effect all generations from his to the present day. Abram was to become the father of a great nation, Israel. Through Ishmael he became the father of many nations, those of the Middle East following the Islamic religion. The Jews and the Muslims are relatives under Abraham.
As we look at this genealogy we may desire to be critical of Abram for his choice. But I believe that this was, in fact, part of God’s plan.
Let’s look at another genealogy. In this list of ancestors there was a woman who had an intimate relationship with her father-in-law, one who was a prostitute, one who offered her self to a man she had just met, and one who had an affair with a king. There were people from other races; Canaanites, Arabs, and Hittites. There were deceivers and murders. Some of us might have some of these shady characters in our past. But all of these had one thing in common. They were related to Jesus. God used imperfect people to be the physical family of his Son to teach us that we can still be a part of his plan.
Romans 8:28-31 And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And having chosen them, he called them to come to him. And having called them, he gave them right standing with himself. And having given them right standing, he gave them his glory. What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us?
All those colorful characters in the genealogy of Jesus were called according to God’s purpose. He knew their flaws in advance but still chose them. And in choosing them He gave them righteousness and glory.
We have that same offer. So what do we conclude from this?
“If God is for us, who can ever be against us?”
I share a lot of my personal shortcomings for a reason, to encourage you that you can overcome yours. I have been far from perfect and still am. But God takes my experiences and uses them to help me better understand others in their struggles so I can minister more effectively. Use your experiences for those same purposes.
Lesson 3- Be the head of your household
One of Abraham’s major problems was his inability to maintain discipline in his household. This is evident by the way he allowed himself to be manipulated by Sarah. She insisted that he get Hagar pregnant. She insisted that Hagar become her slave again. She insisted that Abraham desert Ishmael when Isaac was born. He gave in to her every demand.
Men, we have a calling in our life to be the head of the household. That does mean our wives are doormats and have no input. But we are to be responsible for the decisions made concerning the affairs of our family. The Bible spells this out very clearly. “For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.” (Eph 5:23-24)
Let me lay it out to you guys. We are to give up our lives for our wives. That means forsaking our friends and even family for her. That means putting her needs before ours. We are to live a holy life as an example to her and no one knows you better than your wife. We are responsible for her spiritual care. Care for her the way you care for yourself. You make sure you are clothed, fed, and comfortable. Make sure she is also.
Ask yourself this question. Would you follow Jesus if he treated you the way you treat your wife? Would you follow him if He appeared not to be interested in your life? Would you follow him if it seemed He would rather be with others than you? Would you follow him if at the times you needed him for comfort or assurance He wasn’t there?
Submission isn’t given, it’s earned. Jesus earned our submission to him by willingly dying on the cross. He paid a price for our submission. Because we love him we submit. When you earn your wife’s trust then you earn her submission. There is nothing to compare to a household in order. Abraham failed at this task.
Do not be mistaken. Ishmael was his eldest son and as eldest he deserved the right to inherit the biggest portion from his father. However Abraham allowed Sarah to cause him to not acknowledge Ishmael’s right as eldest. God did. He promised to take care of him, to insure his survival, and to give him his inheritance of a great nation. Ishmael’s nation would consist of 12 tribes as did Israel’s.
Lesson 4- Repair broken relationships now
It is indicated in the Bible that Ishmael and Isaac were still very much brothers. There are six more sons and several unnamed children in Gen 25 but only Isaac and Ishmael are named as burying their father. Perhaps they were able to maintain a relationship of some sort. But it was unstable as the Bible tells us.
“Ishmael lived for 137 years. Then he breathed his last and joined his ancestors in death. Ishmael’s descendants occupied the region from Havilah to Shur, which is east of Egypt in the direction of Asshur. There they lived in open hostility toward all their relatives.” (Gen 25:17-19) This broken relationship is still active in the Middle East between Israel and their Muslim neighbors.
It’s easy to write someone off. It’s easy to get along by staying away. But we have no idea of the repercussions that lie down that stony path. The problem created by Abraham’s shortcomings has affected history for four thousand years. I give God the credit for fixing a broken relationship in my family. My two sons now embrace, laugh, and enjoy each others company. Their children have gotten to know each other to the point that future generations will never know of this split that once wrecked my household.
Let me assure you of two things. One, it does not matter who is right or wrong. It is your responsibility to reach out for restoration. Jesus said “Come unto me.” to be restored. It is your responsibility to do so. Since we are called to be like him than we must be the one to initiate the restoration process and it will be on the others to accept.
Secondly, do not wait. Do it this week. You never know when that door will shut, never to be opened again. And your decision could affect generations to come.
Abraham failed his fourth test. You do not have to fail yours.
