Introduction
Divorce is a difficult subject to deal with, not merely because the issue is complex, but because divorce is so widespread and painful. This is one subject I know that affects nearly everyone in any church. Some of you have divorced parents, some divorced children, or divorced siblings, or divorced friends. Some of you are divorced, and some of you may even be contemplating it. No one who has had contact with it as been left unscarred. I don’t mind trying to convict you of sins and failings; but I do have trouble preaching things that prick old wounds.
Nevertheless, the passage is before us and we must consider it honestly before the Lord and examine our hearts in light of it.
Text
Jesus then left that place and went into the region of Judea and across the Jordan. Again crowds of people came to him, and as was his custom, he taught them.
We are finally back to Jesus’ public teaching ministry. There has been no reference to public teaching since chapter 6. For the most part Jesus has been trying to avoid crowds and concentrate on teaching his disciples. He is also moving closer to Jerusalem. As a result, the Pharisees have more opportunity to observe him and test him.
2 Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”
Let’s get clear what is going on here. The subject of divorce was a highly debatable issue among Jewish rabbis in Jesus’ day, just as it is among Christian teachers today. This is not an unusual question to raise. On the other hand, Mark wants us to understand that the Pharisees were not innocently seeking Jesus’ opinion. They were testing him. The word for test is the same one Mark uses in 1:13: [Jesus] was in the desert forty days, being tempted (tested) by Satan. It is the same word Jesus uses in 12:15 responding to the Pharisees another time: Why are you trying to trap (test) me?
Remember now, Jesus has a crowd around him. They are listening. They too have strong opinions. The Pharisees can count on a fair number of them turning against Jesus, whatever view he may give. Remember also a particular instance of divorce and remarriage – Herodias and Herod, back in chapter 6. Herod had John the Baptist imprisoned for speaking against his marriage to Herodias who had left Herod’s brother for him; and Herodias, of course, contrived to finish John off. Do you know who’s territory Jesus happens to be standing in at this moment? Herod’s. This is not a mere academic discussion taking place; it is an attempt by Jesus’ enemies to turn his followers against him and even place his life in jeopardy.
But the question is asked, and Jesus responds: 3 “What did Moses command you?” he replied. What a great response. Jesus immediately puts the discussion where it belongs – under the teaching of Scripture. That is a good principle to remember when we are discussing with one another controversial issues. Start the discussion by finding out what Scripture says, rather than committing yourself to a position and then hoping Scripture will back you up. How much controversy would be avoided if we began our discussions with “Let’s consider what Scripture has to say,” rather than “Well, I think…”
So the Pharisees, who do know their scriptures, reply. 4 They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.” The Pharisees are referring to Deuteronomy 24:1-4. Let’s read it.
If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, 2 and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, 3 and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, 4 then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the LORD. Do not bring sin upon the land the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance.
The Jewish rabbis all agreed that divorce was permissible; what they differed on was what justified a divorce. What does “indecent” mean in verse 1 that gives cause for a divorce? The King James Version translates the word “uncleaness.” The Hebrew actually has two words and literally mean “nakedness of a thing.” In Jesus’ day, there were two schools of thought based on the teachings of leading rabbis who lived a generation before Jesus. The school of Rabbi Shammai taught that the word only referred to being unchaste; the spouse commits some form of adultery. The school of Rabbi Hillel taught that the word covered a wide range of acts that dishonored the husband. One rabbi taught that finding a woman more attractive than his wife was grounds for divorce. Which rabbi do you think would be the more popular today? Which do you think was the rabbi of choice among the men of Jesus’ day? With whom would Jesus side?
As usual he takes the conversation to a different plane. Instead of deliberating over what are acceptable reasons for a man disposing of his wife, he turns attention to men’s hearts and the sanctity of marriage. Let’s be honest, by the way; there is an element of male self-interest here. The question is for what reason a man can divorce his wife. Now it is true that most of what is applied to a man is also credited for the woman as well, but consider one of the examples Rabbi Hillel put under “indecent”: being a bad cook. Could a woman then suppose that she could divorce her husband for being a bad handyman? Would the same rabbi, who taught that it was acceptable for a man to leave his wife for a more attractive woman, also teach that a woman could leave her husband for a more handsome man?
5 “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” Jesus replied. “It is because you are intent on getting your way that Moses made provision that divorce not be done for any reason and that the woman is protected.” That certificate of divorce was actually a means of protection for the woman to keep her from shame as she returned to her family. By it, she could prove that she did not run out on her husband, nor that she had been caught in adultery. That led not to divorce, but death. That law in Moses was not intended to bless or even condone divorce. It was provided to govern what would take place either through the sins of one or both spouses.
Jesus goes on to what really needs to be considered in the matter. Instead of considering what might justify divorce, consider rather what marriage is and is intended to be.
6 “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ 7 ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 8 and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
But at the beginning of creation. Marriage is not an afterthought to creation. It came
with the plans. At the beginning of creation God instituted marriage. Follow, now,
Jesus’ reasoning. He refers first to Genesis 1:27: God ‘made them male and female.’ Read the full verse: So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. It is significant to Jesus that God made man as two genders: male and female. We may ask what would be strange about that. He did not make the angels that way. The Trinity is not composed of different genders. There are creatures such as ? that are in effect genderless. They do not need another creature of a different gender to procreate.
For whatever purpose, God chose to create mankind as two genders who come together in marriage. So Jesus reasons. That is why he then follows Genesis 1:27 with 2:24: ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 8 and the two will become one flesh.’ This coming together as husband and wife is part of the created order. The man and the woman leave their families and form one new family.
But Jesus does not use the term marriage or family. ‘The two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one. Two become one. That is Jesus’ focus. The two together do not become a pair or a couple, but one entity. Jesus is not expressing an ideal. He is stating the reality of what marriage actually is. It is a real union.
Furthermore, it is a union designed and effected by God. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” If God has made marriage to be a true union of two lives into one, then man should not be figuring out loopholes.
That stopped the discussion cold. Nobody wants to be in the position of arguing against God! But still…can Jesus really be so strict? The disciples find out.
10 When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. 11 He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. 12 And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.”
As a matter of fact, Jesus is really so strict. Adultery is one of the sins forbidden in the Ten Commandments. Now, Matthew does record that Jesus made an exception – marital unfaithfulness. But even that is debated. The King James translates the Greek word used as “fornication.” Some commentators, such as James Boice, believes that Jesus is referring to the engagement period when someone proves to be unfaithful. In his day, an engagement was binding and needed a certificate of divorce. But putting that aside, Mark makes clear the high esteem in which Jesus regards marriage and how seriously he takes divorce.
Lessons
So, where do we go from here? Are there legitimate reasons for divorce? Most Reformed teachers do believe that adultery is a biblical reason. The Apostle Paul, in 1 Corinthians 7, counsels Christian husbands and wives that if their unbelieving spouses actually leave the marriage, then not to oppose it. This is desertion. Some teachers then raise the question of what constitutes desertion. For example, if a husband abuses his wife, even though he does not leave the marriage, hasn’t he really done so through his abusive action? Our denomination studied the whole issue of marriage, divorce, and remarriage a number of years ago, and presented an extensive and helpful study on these issues. I don’t want to address these issues now because they are difficult. I do not have enough time to address all the circumstances that might cause one to consider divorce. But I do want to leave you with some principles and practical information.
Some of you have troubled marriages and you know it. Don’t wait to get help. My own experience is that by the time a couple or one spouse seeks out help, the troubles are so far gone that it is nearly impossible to stop the breakup of the marriage. These are the reasons I find people don’t get the help they need in time. One has to do with a misunderstanding of scripture. The Bible says that wives are to submit to their husbands in everything (Ephesians 5:22-24). To submit in everything means every area of life. It does not mean everything a husband commands. If a husband tells his wife to do something that is sinful, she is not to obey him. And if a husband forbids his wife to keep quiet his sinful behavior that is harming their marriage and family, she is not to obey. She is not obligated to protect his self-destruction and destruction of his family. Allowing one’s husband to self-destruct and ruin his marriage and family is not honoring one’s husband. That is not respect; it is merely fear.
To you husbands, I want to make this clear. You may not forbid your wives seeking the help and counsel of the ministers and elders of this church. If you do, you are violating the vows you made when joining this church that you would submit to its government, which is the church session. You are interfering with the authority and responsibility given to God’s shepherds to care for their people. Your wives may be under your authority, but you both are under the authority of the elders. Do not forbid your wives from seeking help.
Women also tend to be afraid of coming to their ministers or elders because, quite frankly, we are men and we tend to think and act like men. In other words, we fail to listen carefully and understand what it is to be in their position. It is easier for us to understand the husbands and to identify with their struggles. It is difficult for us to understand how difficult it is for the wife to have plucked up the courage to talk to us.
Men are afraid to seek help because of the fear of appearing to be failures. The very fact that a husband professes to be a Christian makes it more difficult for him to reveal his problems. What’s a good Christian man doing having marital problems?
Both husbands and wives are afraid of being judged. That is why it is so difficult to help a marriage in which one spouse has sought out help. The other spouse feels that he or she has already been judged. And if a minister or elder says that he would like to talk with the spouse to get the full picture, the first spouse becomes offended that he or she is being doubted.
And so nothing is done. The troubles continue to stew until they eventually boil over and then nothing can be done to stop the marriage’s collapse. In my own experience, most couples wait until that boiling point to seek help. But by then one or both are too wounded, too weary, and too embittered to make the hard effort that is required.
Seek help for your marriage early. Do whatever is needed as soon as possible. After a men’s meeting in which I was encouraging men to get involved in mentoring relationships, a young man approached me and said that he wanted an older man to mentor him, but could not find someone willing. I did get him connected. Not only did the two men meet, but their wives met together as well. Later on he told me that the other couple made a critical difference in their young marriage. Because they taught this couple biblical and practical lessons about being husband and wife, the couple made the necessary changes in their lives and relationship to lay the foundation for a strong marriage rather than one that would eventually crumble. Getting help early on makes the difference.
Some of you have troubled marriages and you don’t know it. Some of you are sowing the seed for trouble early on and even before marriage. You know your Bible, but what you don’t know well are your own faults. Nor to you know how to know your spouse. As Reformed Christians who affirm total depravity, we more than anyone else should critically examine our hearts, never presuming ourselves to be treating our spouses as we ought. We ought to know that being a Christian and knowing right doctrine does not mean that we naturally will be good husbands and wives. We are still sinful creatures. We bring into our marriages our sinfulness, and we have got to continually be examining ourselves in our marriages. Our sinfulness obstructs our ability to relate to our spouses and to understand them. Are you alert to how you, actively or passively, are sowing seed for trouble in the future? Husbands, you are especially in danger if you have wives who are quietly submissive to you. I know more than one woman who remained quiet over the years hoping things would get better, finally reaching the breaking point and then unable or unwilling to reconcile with her husband. His abusive pattern had gone on too long either for him to make the real change needed or for her to trust him again.
I would challenge every couple to ask one another this week, “Is there something I need to work on in our relationship?” I don’t care if you’ve been married one week or sixty years. It is never too early in the relationship to examine potential problems, and you are never too long married to assume that you don’t need to make improvement.
As we close, I know that I have barely touched on all the scenarios that touch the marriages in a congregation. Some of you may be thinking, “But, pastor, you don’t understand my situation.” You are right. I don’t know; all the more reason to seek help, whether from me or an elder or a marriage counselor or a trusted friend. Do not suffer alone.
Look, we must be as passionate about marriage as Jesus is. What God has put together, let us with all our effort keep united.
