“Making Friends”
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Friends song
You have most likely heard those words before …, It's Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got. Taking a break from all your worries sure would help a lot. Wouldn't you like to get away? Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name and they're always glad you came. You wanna be where you can see, our troubles are all the same. You wanna be where everybody knows your name.
And it’s true, isn’t it? But at the same time isn't it sad that this song was written about a bar instead of about a church. Solomon and David remind us that one of the best investments we will ever make in life is an investment in people, in making friends. When he says two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor-the word reward can also be translated return. It means dividends on a wise investment. The very best investment you will ever make in life will not be a financial one, although we are going to talk about that in this series, but the best investment you and I can make is in relationships. You see as we go through life there are 2 kinds of things we can give our lives to. We can try to accumulate more and more stuff. The late Malcolm Forbes said he who dies with the most toys wins. Now that Forbes has passed away he certainly knows that is not true. If we spend all of our life trying to get more and more we will never be fulfilled; we will never find real happiness. So this is a definite area where we all need guardrails.
On the other hand we can focus on building relationships...making friends and being a friend to others.
Unfortunately one of the things people will sometimes share with you and me is this: I don't have very many friends. Perhaps you have said that before. Or we may say you know I'm hurt. I thought they were my friend and I can't believe they did that to me. Listen to this: Proverbs 18:24 says A man who has friends must show himself friendly.
Let me tell you what the scripture says that a real friend looks like. 4 things a real friend can do for others.
1. A real friend picks us up when we fall down. V. 10
Most of us have a lot of people in our lives that we would call acquaintances. That would be a long list.
Real friends-a much shorter one. Now if you don't know the difference in a friend and an acquaintance here is how you figure it out...just get into trouble. Then look around. The people that are still there are your friends...the others are acquaintances. A real friend is the kind of person if you call them at 2 AM and tell them you need them they don=t ask why, they just show up....right then. That's a friend. Proverbs 17:17 NLT.
2. A real friends warms us up when we are cold. V.11 This passage is not just about keeping someone physically warm. When I say that we often live in a very cold world most of us understand that I=m not talking about the weather. These are those circumstances when we are facing a battle of How am I going to make it right now? And there is never a time when we need a friend more than right then. There are at least 3 times when we can really use these friends.
* when we are having relationship problems
* when we are having health problems
* when we are having financial problems
The reality of life is that we encounter a lot of people who when we spend time with them they send our emotional gas gauge all the way over to empty. We leave completely drained. Thankfully there are also those who when we spend time with them the gas gauge goes all the way over to full. Every one of us fall into 1 of these 2 categories. We are either encouragers or discouragers. And if you are a discourager you probably won't have very many friends. Some of us discourage other people without realizing it. If every word out of our mouth is setting someone straight or telling them how they can improve themselves or telling them 5 things that are wrong with them then we have a problem. We won't win friends and influence people that way.
3. A real friend will fight for us and for our reputation.
V. 12 When these words were written down by Solomon most of the military strategy at that time was hand to hand combat. So soldiers went into battle with a partner-someone they could count on . The soldiers would stand back to back with one another. In this way they could say AI got your back.@ A real friend does not stab you in the back, they guard your back. A real friend will not put up with gossip about their friend. Let me give you a definition of gossip. Gossip is when someone says something bad or something unkind about someone who is not present, whether it is true or not.
4. A real friend is committed to helping you grow spiritually. Proverbs 27:17. NLT. Listen the greatest gift you can give to someone is the gift of an invitation to start a relationship with Jesus Christ. Friends help sharpen us; we help sharpen them. The writer here helps us picture a blacksmith who is making a sword. He takes a hammer and he takes a piece of iron, places it in the fire and then places it on the anvil-and he works on it and slowly but surely it takes on the shape and the sharpness of a sword. A real friend doesn=t just tell you what you want to hear; they will also tell you what you need to hear.
Now listen because this is very important. Most of us as we listen to these 4 characteristics of a friend we find ourselves thinking man i wish I had a friend like that. Well you can. But there is a price to pay. Listen to this verse again. Proverbs 18:24 says a man who has friends must show himself friendly.@ The first African American to play major league baseball was Jackie Robinson. Breaking baseball=s color barrier was difficult. The crowds often gave hin a hard time. One day while playing in Brooklyn he committed an error. His own fans began to ridicule him. There he stood at 2nd base humiliated. The shortstop, a man named Pee Wee Reese came over and stood next to him. In a show of support he put his arm around Jackie Robinson and then faced the crowd. The fans got quiet. Jackie Robinson said later that one demonstration of friendship probably saved his major league career. Now you may say to yourself, wow, I wish I had a friend like that or you might say I'm so glad I have a friend like that. But I want to challenge you today to be able to say, I want to BE a friend like that. You want good friends? Be a good friend. You see it is our tendency in life to think it=s all about me. But it's not. Now listen again. Now let me say this again. This is what these principles can do for someone if you practice them...
V. 9 as a friend you can help someone succeed in life.
V. 10 you can help someone up who has no one.
V. 11 you can offer warmth to someone who feels left out in the cold.
V. 12 you can fight to defend someone=s integrity when they can't. A man who has friends MUST show himself friendly.
Pastor and author shares this story: An old Marine Corp buddy of mine came to know Christ after he was discharged. Dr. Swindoll was really surprised because to describe his friend, he said he cursed loud, fought hard, chased women, drank heavily, loved war and weapons, and he hated church. A number of months ago ran into this fellow and after we=d talked awhile, he put his hand on my shoulder and said, you know, Chuck, the only thing I still miss is that old fellowship I used to have with all the guys down at the bar. He said I can=t find anything like that with Christians. I no longer have a place to admit my faults and talk about my battlesBwhere someone won=t frown at me and preach at me.
In reading I also came across this during this past week....@the neighborhood bar is possibly the best counterfeit there is to the fellowship Christ wants us to have in the church. It's an imitation dispensing liquor instead of grace, escape rather than realityBbut it is a permissive, accepting and inclusive fellowship. You can tell people secrets and they don't tell others. The bar flourishes not because most people are alcoholics but because God has put into the human heart the desire to know and to be known, to love and to be loved and so many seek a counterfeit at the price of a few drinks. With all my heart I believe that Christ wants the church to be like that, a fellowship where people can come in and say you know what? I'm sunk, I'm beat, I've had it. A.A. has this quality...our churches too often miss it.
Let me tell you what the greatest gift is you can give to a friend. It is an invitation to start a relationship with Christ. Many of you are here today because a friend invited you. If you have never invited Jesus to be your best friend I'm going to invite you to do so in just a moment. One definition of a friend is that a real friend is someone who knows all of our faults and likes us anyway. Warts and all. Jesus knows more about us than anyone and He loves us more than anyone. That's a real friend. He went to the cross for you and me so that we could live forever with Him in Heaven. The world may walk out on us but Jesus wants to walk in ..today, right now He wants to come into your heart and save you. He is a friend who accepts us just like we are. I would like for all of us to bow our heads and close our eyes. I want everyone to repeat this prayer with me this morning. As a congregation, out loud. Lord Jesus, I want to be your friend and I am thankful that you want to be mine. I realize I am a sinner and that my sin has separated me from you. I recognize that friendship would not be possible without your sacrifice on the cross. Thank you for paying for my sin. I accept your friendship. Lord come into my life, save me, forgive me and be my best friend.
Today maybe you have never prayed a prayer like that. If it is your first time and you were sincere then Jesus has just walked right into your life. He will never leave you and He will never forsake you.
