Just this last week, I came across a few lessons that humor columnist Dave Barry says took him 50 years to learn. 1) Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2) If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.” 3) There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.” 4) Never lick a steak knife. 5) A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (Dave Barry, Things That It Took Me 50 Years to Learn, http://www.robinsweb.com/inspiration/dave_barry.html; www.PreachingToday.com)
How very true. And though humorous, such lessons can sure save us a lot of grief in life.
In the same way, the Bible has some lessons on relationships that can sure save us a lot of grief in those relationships. There is a path to harmony even in what potentially could be the most divisive relationships. There is a way to come together even when our differences fight to tear us apart.
The Bible talks about the fact that Christ, through the cross, brought many different kinds of people together in one body. So here we are where the potential for discord and destructive conflict is great. But in that context, the Bible also shows us how to get along with each other. So if you have your Bibles, I invite you to turn with me to Colossians 3, Colossians 3, where the Bible shows us that path to harmony.
Colossians 3:12-14 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. (NIV)
If we want to live in harmony with each other, then first of all we must…
PUT ON LOVE.
We must clothe ourselves with a sacrificial, unconditional commitment to one another. We must dress ourselves with an unwavering dedication and devotion to those in this body.
Love is not a feeling. It’s an act of the will whereby I choose to be kind, I choose to be gentle, I choose to be patient, I choose to forgive (or more literally, to give grace) to you, even if I have a grievance or complaint with you or another brother or sister in Christ.
This is the kind of commitment we must have TOWARDS one another if we’re going to get along WITH one another. Otherwise, we’ll just tear each other apart, especially with all our differences.
The Bible lists seven virtues in these verses: compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forbearance, and forgiveness. Now, seven is the number of perfection in the Bible, so these seven give us a perfect picture of love, the highest of all virtues. More than that, they show us how to come together in “perfect unity.” In other words, if we want to live in perfect harmony with each other, we must put on this perfect love.
It’s a love pictured in Mark Buchanan’s book, Hidden in Plain Sight. In that book, he talks about a woman named Regine, originally from Rawanda. She came to Christ while reading her sister’s Bible during the genocide that ravaged her country. When she fled to Canada for refuge, she met her husband, Gordon. Later, they decided to return to Rwanda to show the love of Christ to the people who had once been her enemies, and this is the story Regine told Mark:
A woman's only son was killed. She was consumed with grief and hate and bitterness. “God,” she prayed, “reveal my son's killer.”
One night she dreamed she was going to heaven. But there was a complication: in order to get to heaven she had to pass through a certain house. She had to walk down the street, enter the house through the front door, go through its rooms, up the stairs, and exit through the back door.
She asked God whose house this was.
“It's the house,” he told her, “of your son's killer.”
The road to heaven passed through the house of her enemy.
Two nights later, there was a knock at her door. She opened it, and there stood a young man. He was about her son's age.
“Yes?”
He hesitated. Then he said, “I am the one who killed your son. Since that day, I have had no life. No peace. So here I am. I am placing my life in your hands. Kill me. I am dead already. Throw me in jail. I am in prison already. Torture me. I am in torment already. Do with me as you wish.”
The woman had prayed for this day. Now it had arrived, and she didn't know what to do. She found, to her own surprise, that she did not want to kill him. Or throw him in jail. Or torture him. In that moment of reckoning, she found she only wanted one thing: a son.
“I ask this of you. Come into my home and live with me. Eat food I would have prepared for my son. Wear the clothes I would have made for my son. Become the son I lost.”
And so he did.
This is the love that Paul talks about here in Colossians 3. It’s the kind of love that does what God Himself has done. It makes sons and daughters out of bitter enemies, feeding and clothing them, blazing a trail to heaven straight through their houses. (Mark Buchanan, Hidden in Plain Sight, Thomas Nelson, 2007, pp. 187-189; www.PreachingToday.com)
My dear friends, this is the only kind of love that can bring us together and keep us together as a church. It’s the kind of love that gives grace even to those with whom we have a legitimate complaint.
The book Welcoming Justice was co-authored by Charles Marsh, a young white professor, and John Perkins, an older black Christian leader. Now these two are polar opposites from one another: one young, one old; one white, one black. Well, on the first day they met, Marsh sheepishly confessed that his grandmother was an ardent racist who thought that Martin Luther King. Jr. was a dangerous “troublemaker” and that most blacks were better off under slavery. Perkins' response puzzled Marsh.
“What does she grow in her garden?” he asked.
“What do you mean?”
“What does she grow? Cucumbers, squash, mint, tomatoes? I have the sweetest tomatoes in my garden this summer. You can eat them like apples. Your grandmother like tomato sandwiches? I bet she does. Let me ask you another question: does she like blueberries? I love blueberries,” Perkins said, and in great detail he described all the ways he loved to eat blueberries: freshly picked, over ice cream, in blueberry pie. “I always keep blueberries in my refrigerator. When we get to the house, I'm gonna give you a bag of blueberries, and I want you to take them to your grandmother and tell her they're a gift from me.”
Marsh called that bag of blueberries a “gift that marks you as a new kind of person.” He wrote, “I haven't been quite the same since I accepted those blueberries.” (Charles Marsh and John Perkins, Welcoming Justice, IVP Books, 2009, pp. 61-61; www.PreachingToday.com)
You see, such gracious love brings people together like nothing else, and the same thing will work here. So give that “bag of blueberries” or some chocolate chip cookies or a simple deed of kindness even to someone with whom you have a grievance.
If we want to live in harmony, then 1st of all, we must put on love. 2nd, if we want get along with each other, we must also…
PUT UP PEACE.
We must let Christ’s peace control our choices. We must let reconciliation be the governing factor in our decisions, pursuing it with grateful hearts.
Colossians 3:15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. (NIV)
With thankful hearts, we are to pursue peace, Christ’s peace, with each other. Literally, we are to let the peace of Christ be the umpire in our hearts. I.e., let the peace of Christ call “fair” or “foul” in the place where we make decisions. In other words, with every decision ask yourself, “Will this promote peace or provoke a fight with my brothers and sisters in Christ?” If it promotes peace, then the decision is probably a right one. If it provokes a fight, then you probably better reconsider.
Leonard Sweet, in his book, Out of the Question, into the Mystery, talks about the time when he was the keynote speaker at a leadership conference at Grand Canyon University in Phoenix, Arizona. The university chaplain, Tom Wiles, picked Sweet up in his new Ford pickup truck, and immediately the two bonded. Leonard Sweet was still mourning the trade-in of his Dodge truck. They shared truck stories and laughed at the bumper sticker, “Nothing is more beautiful than a man and his truck.”
As Leonard climbed into Tom’s 2002 Ranger for the ride back to the airport a day later, he noticed two big scrapes by the passenger door. “What happened here?” Leonard asked.
With a downcast voice, Tom replied, “My neighbor's basketball post fell and left those dents and white scars.”
“You're kidding! How awful,” Leonard commiserated. “This truck is so new I can smell it.”
“What's even worse,” Tom responded, “is my neighbor doesn't feel responsible for the damage.”
Leonard rose to his newfound friend's defense and said, “Did you contact your insurance company? How are you going to get him to pay for it?”
Tom replied, “This has been a real spiritual journey for me.” After a lot of soul-searching and discussions with my wife about hiring an attorney, it came down to this: I can either be in the right, or I can be in a relationship with my neighbor. Since my neighbor will probably be with me longer than this truck, I decided that I'd rather be in a relationship than be right. Besides, trucks are meant to be banged up, so I got mine initiated into the real world a bit earlier than I expected.” (Leonard Sweet, Out of the Question...Into the Mystery, Waterbrook Press, 2004, p. 91-92; www.PreachingToday.com)
Sometimes, it’s more important to be in a relationship than it is to be in the right. Certainly, we would never compromise the truth of the Gospel. And certainly, we would never condone open, outright sin. But there are times when we must give up our right to be right for the sake of the relationship.
In other words, don’t break a relationship over scratches in the door of a truck. Don’t break a relationship over disagreements in the color of the carpet, the style of music, or the seating arrangement in the sanctuary. Don’t break a relationship over a myriad of issues that have no lasting value. Instead, let the peace of Christ be the umpire in your decisions and pursue peace with your brothers and sisters in Christ.
Only, don’t do it grudgingly; do it gratefully. “Be thankful” in your pursuit of peace, verse 15 says. Appreciate what you have in your relationships with God’s people. You see, it does nobody any good if we stick together and hate it. “All right, the preacher said I must pursue reconciliation, but I don’t have to like it. I won’t leave, but I won’t enjoy it either.” What good is that? It can only make things worse. No!
As we pursue reconciliation with each other, we must also learn to appreciate what we have in each other. Sure, I might not appreciate your style of music, but I sure appreciate your smile, your sense of humor, and your generous heart. Learn to appreciate the positive things in each other, then the differences will fade away into the background, and they really won’t matter anymore.
An attitude of gratitude is vitally important in our relationships. That’s why the Bible talks about it three times in three verses here: Verse 15 – “And be thankful. Verse 16 – “sing…with gratitude in your hearts to God.” And verse 17 – “giving thanks to God the Father.” In our pursuit of peace, we cannot leave behind an attitude of gratitude.
Brennan Manning put it this way when it comes to our relationships in the church. He said, “I believe that the real difference in the American church is not between conservatives and liberals, fundamentalists and charismatics, nor between Republicans and Democrats. The real difference is between the aware and the unaware. (The Dick Staub Interview: Brennan Manning on Ruthless Trust, ChristianityToday.com, 12-10-02; www.PreachingToday.com)
When we’re aware of God’s love and grace in each other, then we are spontaneously grateful. And when we are spontaneously grateful, then our differences fade away as our appreciation for each other grows.
So if we want to live in harmony with one another, we must gratefully put on love; we must gratefully put up peace; and 3rd, we must gratefully…
PUT IN TRUTH.
We must let a rich amount of God Word dwell in us every day. We must continually fill ourselves full with the Word of Christ as found in this book, the Bible.
Colossians 3:16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. (NIV)
The result of being filled with God’s Word is wise teaching and grateful singing. Isn’t that the kind of church you want to be a part of?
You see, in our pursuit of harmony, we’re not talking about pursing peace at any price. We’re not talking about ignoring truth for the sake of love. No! We’re talking about speaking the truth in love. Those two go together, and neither works without the other.
The unfortunate thing is we live in a society which has elevated tolerance as the highest virtue to the exclusion of truth. But that leaves us spineless and weak. We’re not talking about “tolerance” here; we’re talking about real, biblical love.
Josh McDowell describes the difference between the two: Tolerance says, “You must approve of what I do.” Love responds, “I must do something harder: I will love you, even when your behavior offends me.” Tolerance says, “You must agree with me.” Love responds, “I must do something harder: I will tell you the truth, because I am convinced ‘the truth will set you free.’” Tolerance says, “You must allow me to have my way.” Love responds, “I must do something harder: I will plead with you to follow the right way, because I believe you are worth the risk.” Tolerance seeks to be inoffensive; love takes risks. Tolerance glorifies division; love seeks unity. Tolerance costs nothing; love costs everything. (Josh McDowell, Focus on the Family Magazine, August 1999; www.PreachingToday.com)
And that’s exactly the kind of love we’re talking about here. It’s a love grounded on truth, specifically, the truth of God’s Word; otherwise, it cannot bring us together. You see it is the Word of God that helps us live with wisdom and skill. And it is the Word of God that puts music in our hearts.
In his book, A Place for Truth, Dallas Willard includes a story about a worship service in a poor South African township. Immediately before the service, a house around the corner had just been burned to the ground because the man who lived there was a suspected thief. A week before that, a tornado had cut through the township, ripping apart fifty homes; five people had been killed. And then the very night before, a gang hounded down a fourteen-year-old, a member of the church's Sunday school, and stabbed him to death.
So the pastor began his opening prayer: “Lord, you are the Creator and the Sovereign, but why did the wind come like a snake and tear our roofs off? Why did a mob cut short the life of one of our own children, when he had everything to live for? Over and over again, Lord, we are in the midst of death.”
And as he spoke, the congregation responded with a dreadful sighing and groaning. Then, once he finished his prayer, very slowly, the whole congregation began to sing, at first very quietly, then louder. They sang and they sang, song after song of praise – praise to a God who in Jesus had plunged into the very worst to give us a promise of an ending beyond all imagining. (Dallas Willard, editor, A Place for Truth, InterVarsity Press, 2010; www.PreachingToday.com)
It was the truth of God’s Word that brought them together, and it was the truth of God’s Word that gave them a song even in the darkest of times.
Do you find yourself without hope and at odds with people? Then get into this book, the Bible, and let its truths fill you to overflowing. Read it. Study it. Think about it; and with God’s help, live it! Let it become a part of your life, and you will find harmony again, even when there is discord everywhere else.
If we want to live in harmony, 1st, we must gratefully put on love; 2nd, we must gratefully put up peace; 3rd, we must gratefully put in truth; and finally, if we truly want to get along, we must gratefully…
PUT FORTH CHRIST.
We must represent Jesus well. We must bring honor to His name in everything we do.
Colossians 3:17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (NIV)
You see, JESUS is the focus of all our efforts. JESUS is the reason we pursue harmony with each other. Because at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter whether or not I got my way. The only thing that matters is the name, or the reputation, of Christ.
We want to represent Him well, so that others are attracted to Him and come to love and trust Him as we do. Isn’t that what we’re all about as a church and as followers of Christ? Sure it is! The glory of Christ is all that matters. Everything else is just simply irrelevant.
So if you bear the name of Christ, and call yourself a CHRISTian, make sure you represent Him well in everything you do, and in ALL your relationships. Pursue harmony not so much for your sake, but for HIS sake, for the sake of HIS name, HIS reputation, and HIS glory.
Gratefully put on love. Gratefully put up peace, and gratefully put in truth. So that in everything you can gratefully put forth Christ.
Francis Chan, a pastor in California, talks about inviting three speakers to his church a few years ago who spoke on three consecutive Sunday’s. One was a missionary to Papua New Guinea. One worked with kids in poverty, and the third worked at a rescue mission in the inner city of L.A.
The first two spoke about their ministries and then gave credit to a man named Vaughn, who had influenced them to follow and serve Christ. As it turned out, Vaughn had been their youth pastor and they both came from the same youth group.
On the third week, after the third speaker, Dan, talked about his ministry, Francis Chan casually remarked, “It was so weird: the last two weeks both of our speakers mentioned how much impact their youth pastor, Vaughn, had on them.”
Dan looked surprised and then said, “I know Vaughn. He's a pastor in San Diego now, and he takes people into the dumps in Tijuana where kids are picking through the garbage. I was just with Vaughn in Tijuana. We would walk in the city, and these kids would run up to him, and he would show such deep love and affection for them. He'd hug them and have gifts and food for them. He'd figure out how to get them showers. Francis, it was eerie: the whole time I was walking with Vaughn, I kept thinking, If Jesus was on earth, I think this is what it would feel like to walk with him. He just loved everyone he ran into, and he would tell them about God. People were just drawn to his love and affection.” And then Dan said this, “The day I spent with Vaughn was the closest thing I've ever experienced to walking with Jesus.” (Francis Chan, Think Hard, Stay Humble, www.PreachingToday.com)
I wonder: Would anyone say that about me? Would anyone say that about you? I want them to. More than anything else, more than wealth or fame, I want people to say, “Wow! He’s a lot like Jesus.” My dear friends, with God’s help, let’s live our lives is such a way that they do.
