There is a new trend in China’s changing culture, which I find very interesting. The trend is a Cry Bar and it’s spreading to several major Chinese cities. The first Cry Bar opened eight or nine years ago (2003) in the city of Nanjing with only a sofa, a few tables, and tissues – a lot of tissues. Today, the Cry Bar averages 10 customers a day, giving them a place where they can sit and cry for $6 an hour according to the AFP news service. The owner, Luo Jun, says he opened the bar when clients of his last business said they often wanted to cry but didn’t know when or where it would be appropriate to do so. (Elana Centor, Crying Bars New Trend in China’s Changing Culture, in her Funnybusiness weblog, August 17, 2009, @ funnybusiness.typepad.com/funnybusiness/2009/08; “Quick Takes,” World magazine, 7-31-04; www.PreachingToday.com)
A Cry Bar – it seems pretty silly, but is it really? This could be China’s answer to Prozac and expensive psycho-therapy. Let me tell you: $6 an hour is certainly a whole lot cheaper than the hundreds of dollars some people spend to cry in front of a professional counselor.
Though don’t knock that either, because a good cry is very therapeutic – worth every penny. In fact, a good cry is absolutely necessary for healing after a loss, and it is also very beneficial to our relationships and to our faith.
If you have your Bibles, I invite you to turn with me to Genesis 50, Genesis 50, where we see the benefits of a good cry in the life of Joseph. Joseph’s father has just died, and Genesis 50, verse 1 says…
Genesis 50:1-3 Joseph threw himself upon his father and wept over him and kissed him. Then Joseph directed the physicians in his service to embalm his father Israel. So the physicians embalmed him, taking a full forty days, for that was the time required for embalming. And the Egyptians mourned for him seventy days. (NIV)
70 days is just two days shy of the normal mourning period for a pharaoh. So it seems that the Egyptians developed a tremendous amount of respect for Joseph and his father.
Genesis 50:4 When the days of mourning had passed, Joseph said to Pharaoh’s court, “If I have found favor in your eyes, speak to Pharaoh for me. (NIV)
You see, after 70 days of mourning, Joseph is in no condition to see the Pharaoh himself. His face is unshaven, his eyes are bloodshot, and he looks terrible, so he asks pharaoh’s servants to give pharaoh a message. “Tell him…
Genesis 50:5-8 ‘My father made me swear an oath and said, “I am about to die; bury me in the tomb I dug for myself in the land of Canaan.” Now let me go up and bury my father; then I will return.’ ” Pharaoh said, “Go up and bury your father, as he made you swear to do.” So Joseph went up to bury his father. All Pharaoh’s officials accompanied him—the dignitaries of his court and all the dignitaries of Egypt— besides all the members of Joseph’s household and his brothers and those belonging to his father’s household. Only their children and their flocks and herds were left in Goshen. (NIV)
That’s quite a funeral procession. It includes all the dignitaries of Egypt and all of Jacob’s family.
Genesis 50:9-10 Chariots and horsemen also went up with him. It was a very large company. When they reached the threshing floor of Atad, near the Jordan, they lamented loudly and bitterly; and there Joseph observed a seven-day period of mourning for his father. (NIV)
Now, Joseph is not just stifling a few sniffles here. He and his entourage are heaving great sobs and wails of grief. In fact, they are so overcome with grief they stop the funeral procession for seven days!
This is the first time Joseph has seen his home in 39 years. 39 years before this, at the age of 17, Joseph was sold as a slave and forced to leave his home. Now, at the age of 56, he returns home not to a happy family reunion, but to bury his father. No wonder he is so overcome with grief, so much so that the neighbors take notice.
Genesis 50:11 When the Canaanites who lived there saw the mourning at the threshing floor of Atad, they said, “The Egyptians are holding a solemn ceremony of mourning.” That is why that place near the Jordan is called Abel Mizraim [– i.e., the mourning of the Egyptians]. (NIV)
Genesis 50:12-14 So Jacob’s sons did as he had commanded them: They carried him to the land of Canaan and buried him in the cave in the field of Machpelah, near Mamre, which Abraham had bought as a burial place from Ephron the Hittite, along with the field. After burying his father, Joseph returned to Egypt, together with his brothers and all the others who had gone with him to bury his father. (NIV)
He returns to Egypt after 77 days of mourning. Joseph cried when his father died, and not just a little, but a lot!
Now, Joseph was a man of great faith, able to persevere through 13 years of slavery & imprisonment, able to forgive his brothers who sold him into slavery, all because he truly believed that God was in control.
Joseph was also a great leader, whose abilities were demonstrated at every level of responsibility; first, as a slave in Potiphar’s household; then, as a steward in Pharaoh’s prison; and finally, as prime-minister of all Egypt.
Joseph was a man of great faith. He was a great leader, but he also shed a great many tears, which in no way diminished his faith or his ability to lead. In Genesis 42, Joseph cries when his brothers come to Egypt the first time to buy food (Genesis 49:24). In Genesis 43, Joseph cries again when his brothers return to Egypt a second time. And in Genesis 45, Joseph cries yet again when he reveals himself to his brothers. There, it says, “he wept so loudly that the Egyptians heard him, and Pharaoh’s household heard about it… He threw his arms around his brother Benjamin and wept… And he kissed all his brothers and wept over them” (Genesis 45:2,14-15). Now, here in Genesis 50, we see Joseph crying yet again when his father dies.
The idea that “strong men don’t cry” is a lie. Tears are NOT a sign of weakness; they’re a sign of great strength.
Joseph cried a lot, and so did Jesus! Isaiah 53 says, “He was… a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering” (Isaiah 53:3). John 11 says, “Jesus wept” at the graveside of his dear friend, Lazarus (John 11:35). And Hebrews 5 says, “During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission” (Hebrews 5:7).
Joseph cried. Jesus cried. So it is no shame if we cry too. In fact our tears are precious to the Lord. In Psalm 56, David says to the Lord, “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book” (Psalm 56:8, NLT).
In ancient times, tear bottles (called lachrymatories) were used for collecting the tears of mourners at a funeral. Then those bottles were placed in the tomb of the deceased. Well, Psalm 56 says, God collects my tears in His lachrymatory, His tear bottle, not mine. In other words, God cries too when we cry and He mixes our tears with his own.
So don’t be too ashamed or afraid to cry. In fact, if you want to experience the benefits of tears, go ahead and…
HAVE A GOOD CRY.
Bawl your eyes out. Weep and wail if you have to, because our tears are precious to God.
Do you know the problem with most sympathy cards? They try their best to talk people out of the grieving process, but grief is absolutely necessary for people to heal.
Karissa Smith of Wheaton, Illinois, talks about taking her 4-month-old daughter on a trip to the library. The baby girl babbled softly as Karissa browsed through the books, but as they made their way through the stacks, Karissa heard an older man gruffly say, “Tell that kid to shut up, or I will.”
Angrily, Karissa responded, “I am very sorry for whatever in your life caused you to be so disturbed by a happy baby, but I will not tell my baby to shut up, and I will not let you do so either.”
She braced herself, expecting an outburst from the older man. Instead, he looked down, took a deep breath, and said softly, “I apologize.” He looked up at Karissa with tears in his eyes, and they remained silent. Finally, he looked at Karissa’s baby, who smiled at him and happily kicked her arms and legs. He wiped his eyes and said slowly, “My son died when he was 2-months-old.”
Karissa moved to sit in the chair next to him. He went on to explain that his son died from SIDS over 50 years ago. He described how his anger grew, leading to a failed marriage and isolation. Karissa asked him to tell her about his son. As he did so, he smiled back and forth with her daughter. Eventually, he asked to hold her. As he held her, his shoulders relaxed, and he briefly laid his cheek on her head. He returned the baby to her mother with a heartfelt “Thank you.” Karissa thanked him for sharing his story, and he quickly departed. (Karissa Smith, Wheaton, Illinois; www.PreachingToday.com)
You see, we cannot go AROUND the grief to avoid it. We must go THROUGH it in order to grow. For if we try to avoid the grief, then like that old man, we just become bitter, not better, in the pain.
Aeschylus, the Greek playwright, wrote, “Even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart until, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God.” (Joe Klein, “Psst, Who’s Behind the Decline of Politics?” Time magazine, 4-17-06, p. 64-65; www.Preaching Today.com)
Romans 5 put it this way: “We know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character hope” (Romans 5:3).
So have a good cry if you need to. Then…
LET YOUR TEARS DRAW YOU CLOSE TO ONE ANOTHER.
Let your tears wash away the old grudges and help you renew and strengthen your relationships with people. Let your tears make you tender towards others, not tough. That’s what Joseph’s tears did for him.
Genesis 50:15-17 When Joseph’s brothers saw that their father was dead, they said, “What if Joseph holds a grudge against us and pays us back for all the wrongs we did to him?” So they sent word to Joseph, saying, “Your father left these instructions before he died: ‘This is what you are to say to Joseph: I ask you to forgive your brothers the sins and the wrongs they committed in treating you so badly.’ Now please forgive the sins of the servants of the God of your father.” When their message came to him, Joseph wept. (NIV)
There he goes again.
Genesis 50:18-19 His brothers then came and threw themselves down before him. “We are your slaves,” they said. But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? (NIV)
It is God’s place to punish sin, not ours. Romans 12:19 says, “Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.” Joseph did not play God; instead, He trusted God to bring good out of the evil his brothers intended for him. Look at what he says to them…
Genesis 50:20-21 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them. (NIV)
Literally, he comforted them and spoke close to the heart. Through his tears, Joseph trusted God and loved his brothers. Instead of holding a grudge against them, he was gracious towards them.
And that’s what our tears can do for us, if we choose to let them. They can make us tender towards one another, or they can make us tough to get along with. Tears can open our hearts, or they can close our hearts. The choice is ours.
Miroslav Volf (1956 –), a Croatian theologian, says, “To triumph fully, evil needs two victories, not one. The first victory happens when an evil deed is perpetrated; the second victory, when evil is returned. After the first victory, evil would die if the second victory did not infuse it with new life. (Miroslav Volf, The End of Memory, Eerdmans, 2006, p. 9; www.PreachingToday.com)
Please, don’t infuse evil with new life by returning it on the perpetrators. Instead, like Joseph, trust God to do his part and love your brothers. Let your tears open your heart, not close it off.
Yvonne Pointer was a rebellious teenager. She experimented with drugs, dropped out of school and was pregnant at age 16. Three years later, on May 4, 1975, she came to faith in Christ and her life was turned around.
However, less than ten years after that, Pointer experienced what some say is the greatest pain on Earth: the loss of a child. On December 6, 1984, her then 14-year-old daughter Gloria, the oldest of her three children, was raped and murdered while on her way to school in Cleveland, Ohio. “After she died,” Pointer admits, “I would spend hours in the church building when no one was there, because it didn’t make sense to me. I had come through drugs, through street life – and now this?” Pointer could not fathom that this would happen to a Christian, but because she knew God personally, she went to God.
People from the church rallied around her, washing clothes, cooking, and cleaning when she didn’t have the strength. Slowly, a new sense of direction emerged. “In the beginning it was all about the injustice done to my child. Period.” Pointer says. “But soon I became aware of other families in similar situations.” She wrote letters, talked to police, to reporters, to anyone who would listen. She hoped to find “a celebrity or somebody important” to help.
She says: “I spent five years looking for a famous person to come to Cleveland and help us. In the meantime, I did the work I wanted that person to do because they never got here.” In that period, she co-founded Parents Against Child Killing, which later morphed into Positive Plus, a women-helping-women organization. “We started out with mothers who had lost children,” Pointer says, “but I found out pain is pain is pain. If your husband walked out and left you with five babies, that’s pain. We felt we could find solutions by helping each other.”
Today, Pointer’s “day job” is in Cleveland’s community relations office, but she’s also a writer, speaker, and tireless advocate for child safety, receiving numerous honors for her work. She even speaks in prisons, sharing the love of God with inmates. She says, “I found hatred too heavy a load to carry. Would I want the person who murdered Gloria over for Sunday dinner? No. But if I didn’t forgive him, unforgiveness would kill me, too. Forgiveness,” she says “releases you to live.”
She adds, “This is the message we need to take to the world, that God loves us. I am not a perfect person. God doesn’t need a perfect person – he needs a willing person.” (Audrey T. Hingley, “Gloria’s Legacy,” Today’s Christian, May/June 2006, p. 31-33; www.PreachingToday.com)
Yvonne Pointer let her grief open her heart to others, not close it off.
It reminds me of what Christ did for us in his pain. The Bible says, “God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). While we were still sinners, while we were God’s enemies, He came to suffer and die on a cross for our sins.
The Bible says it was such a sorrowful experience for Him that on the eve of his crucifixion “his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground” (Luke 22:44). And yet it was that very cross that restored our relationship with God. It took the death of God’s Son to bring us back to God.
Now, anyone who puts their trust in Christ can have an eternal relationship with God. If you haven’t done it already, I invite you to put your trust in Christ today. Trust Him with your life and experience that closeness to God His tears provided for you.
Then, with God’s help, let your tears draw you close to others. But more than that…
LET YOUR TEARS ALSO DRAW YOU EVEN CLOSER TO GOD.
Let your tears wash away the doubts and increase your faith in the Lord. Let your tears make you lean on Christ a little more and give you an even greater trust in His promises. That’s what Joseph’s tears did for him.
Genesis 50:22 Joseph stayed in Egypt, along with all his father’s family. He lived a hundred and ten years. (NIV)
The ideal life-span according to ancient Egyptian records.
Genesis 50:23 and saw the third generation of Ephraim’s children. Also the children of Makir son of Manasseh were placed at birth on Joseph’s knees. (NIV)
In other words, Joseph adopted Makir’s children (his grandchildren) as his own.
Genesis 50:24-25 Then Joseph said to his brothers, “I am about to die. But God will surely come to your aid and take you up out of this land to the land he promised on oath to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.” And Joseph made the sons of Israel swear an oath and said, “God will surely come to your aid, and then you must carry my bones up from this place.” (NIV)
There is no doubt in Joseph’s mind: God WILL keep his promise to return them to their home-land. So he leaves instructions for his family to carry his bones back with them to that land when it happens.
Genesis 50:26 So Joseph died at the age of a hundred and ten. And after they embalmed him, he was placed in a coffin in Egypt. (NIV)
Ready for transport when the day came for his family to carry his body back home.
Throughout his life, Joseph’s tears taught him to trust God. When he became a slave, he trusted God and became a prisoner. Even so, when he became a prisoner, he still trusted God and became prime-minister of all Egypt. God had promised him that he would rule someday; and through his tears, he saw that promise come true. Now, on his death bed, Joseph knows that even death cannot stop God from keeping his promises.
Joseph’s tears increased his faith in the Lord, and our tears can do the same for us, if we let them. They can draw us close to God and give us an even greater trust in his promises.
1 Peter 1:6-7 says, “In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith – of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire – may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.”
It’s easy to believe when things are going well; but when there are tears in your eyes, then you know that your faith is real.
God designs our trials to refine our faith like gold. He wants to burn all the dross out so we begin to shine like Christ. I am told that when gold is refined, the refiner doesn’t remove it from the heat until he can see the reflection of his own face in the gold. In the same way, God wants to see his image reflected in us, so he allows trials; he allows tears not to weaken our faith, but to make it strong until the day His reflection is clearly seen in us.
Please, let God do that for you in your tears. Let God make you better, not bitter, in the pain.
Go ahead, have a good cry if you need to. Then let your tears draw you close to others and to God.
Andrae Crouch put it well when he wrote:
I thank God for the mountains,
And I thank Him for the valleys,
I thank Him for the storms He bro’t me through;
For if I’d never had a problem
I wouldn’t know that He could solve them,
I’d never know what faith in God could do.
Through it all, Through it all,
I’ve learned to trust in Jesus,
I’ve learned to trust in God;
Through it all, Through it all,
I’ve learned to depend upon His Word.
