Sometime ago, an ad appeared in a Kansas newspaper, which read: “We will oil your sewing machine and adjust the tension in your home for only $1. (Leadership, Fall 1986, p.46).
Wouldn’t that be nice, getting a quick fix for the tension in our homes or in any of our relationships? As we all know, there are no quick fixes, but the tension in our relationships CAN be adjusted.
It happened for Joseph. His brothers had sold him into slavery, because they were jealous of his privileged status in the family. They think they’re rid of him, but things turn out well for Joseph. He ends up the second most powerful man in Egypt, 2nd only to Pharaoh. The only thing missing in is life is his family back home, but God is about to bring them together in the fullest sense of that word. The tension is about to be adjusted for Joseph, and the tension in our relationships can be adjusted, as well.
The question is: How? How can broken relationships be repaired? How can fractured families be put back together? How can there be true reconciliation when a friendship has been severed?
Well, if you have your Bibles, I invite you to turn with me to Genesis 42, Genesis 42, where we see how God begins to do it for Joseph. We pick up the story back home with Joseph’s father and brothers.
Genesis 42:1-2 When Jacob learned that there was grain in Egypt, he said to his sons, “Why do you just keep looking at each other?” He continued, “I have heard that there is grain in Egypt. Go down there and buy some for us, so that we may live and not die.” (NIV)
They were in the middle of a severe drought.
Genesis 42:3-4 Then ten of Joseph’s brothers went down to buy grain from Egypt. But Jacob did not send Benjamin, Joseph’s brother, with the others, because he was afraid that harm might come to him. (NIV)
They may have been able to cover up their crime in selling Joseph into slavery; but under their father’s eye, rhey could not cover their character. He just didn’t trust them. This is a broken family that God is about to put together.
Genesis 42:5-6 So Israel’s sons were among those who went to buy grain, for the famine was in the land of Canaan also. Now Joseph was the governor of the land, the one who sold grain to all its people. So when Joseph’s brothers arrived, they bowed down to him with their faces to the ground. (NIV)
His dreams are fulfilled! Joseph’s brothers are bowing down to him, just like he saw it in his dreams more than 13 years previous to this, but Joseph is still far away from his brothers. Oh, they’re there physically, but there is no connection between them at all.
Genesis 42:7 As soon as Joseph saw his brothers, he recognized them, but he pretended to be a stranger and spoke harshly to them. “Where do you come from?” he asked. “From the land of Canaan,” they replied, “to buy food.” (NIV)
God has brought Joseph and his brothers together physically. Now, he is about to bring them together emotionally, as well, and God is using a severe drought and famine to do it. You see, when God wants to bring people together, He often uses adversity to do it.
A biologist was studying an ant that was carrying a piece of straw. It seemed such a big burden for the ant, but the ant struggled on with that burden. Then the ant came to a crack in the ground that was too wide for it to cross. It stopped for a while, as though pondering the situation, then placed the straw across the crack and walked on over.
That ant’s burden became a bridge, and that’s what God can do for us if we trust Him to do it. If we want our broken relationships to be restored, then we must…
RELY ON GOD TO TURN OUR BURDENS INTO BRIDGES.
We must trust the Lord to use adversity to bring us together. Please, whatever you do, don’t let your burden become a barrier that separates you from others. And don’t use adversity as an excuse to sever your relationships. Instead, trust God to turn your burden into a bridge to those who right now seem so far away.
For 11 years, Mary Leonard of Louisville, Kentucky, dealt with polymyositis, a rare inflammatory tissue disease that invades the muscles. There is no known cause or cure.
Mary’s case turned deadly when the disease invaded her heart. In fact, in March of 2010, Mary was told by doctors that she had 24-48 hours to live. But after 20 days in a hospice center, another 51 days in rehab, and a number of days at home, Mary was still alive. That experience caused her to reflect on the changes that take place when you learn your time is short.
“I call myself an average Christian,” Mary says. “I don’t know exactly why God has done this for me, but I do know that life looks different now.”
Mary offers five life lessons she learned through the ordeal:
1. Know that prayer is powerful.
2. Mend fences now.
3. Release the reins of life to God.
4. Know that God is able—more than able.
5. Put your focus on what really matters. (Ruth Schenk, “What Changes When You Only Have 24 Hours to Live?” Southeast Outlook, 7-1-10; www.PreachingToday. com)
Adversity has a way of doing that. It helps us focus on what really matters, and most of the time that’s mending our broken relationships. You see, adversity can either make us bitter or better, and that depends on the attitude we choose to take.
Do you find yourself going through a rough patch right now? Then take on the attitude of trust. Trust the Lord to use adversity in your life to mend your broken relationships. Rely on God to turn your burden into a bridge of reconciliation you never thought possible before.
It’s often how broken relationships are restored, but that’s only the first step. For in order for broken relationships to be truly restored, we must not only rely on God, we must also…
RECOGNIZE OUR OWN SIN.
We must realize the wrongs we ourselves have done that led to the breaks in our relationships. We must admit our own shortcomings, because true reconciliation comes only when there is a true confession of our own offenses. That’s what Joseph’s brothers are beginning to realize with Joseph’s help.
Genesis 42:8-11 Although Joseph recognized his brothers, they did not recognize him. Then he remembered his dreams about them and said to them, “You are spies! You have come to see where our land is unprotected.” “No, my lord,” they answered. “Your servants have come to buy food. We are all the sons of one man. Your servants are honest men, not spies.” (NIV)
Yeah right – I don’t think so. They sold Joseph into slavery and have been lying to their dad about it for more than 20 years. Oh, they may not be spies, but they certainly are not honest men, and that’s a big part of the problem. They have yet to come to grips with their own sin, so Joseph confronts them.
Genesis 42:12-20 “No!” he said to them. “You have come to see where our land is unprotected.” But they replied, “Your servants were twelve brothers, the sons of one man, who lives in the land of Canaan. The youngest is now with our father, and one is no more.” Joseph said to them, “It is just as I told you: You are spies! And this is how you will be tested: As surely as Pharaoh lives, you will not leave this place unless your youngest brother comes here. Send one of your number to get your brother; the rest of you will be kept in prison, so that your words may be tested to see if you are telling the truth. If you are not, then as surely as Pharaoh lives, you are spies!” And he put them all in custody for three days. On the third day, Joseph said to them, “Do this and you will live, for I fear God: If you are honest men, let one of your brothers stay here in prison, while the rest of you go and take grain back for your starving households. But you must bring your youngest brother to me, so that your words may be verified and that you may not die.” This they proceeded to do. (NIV)
What is Joseph doing here? Is this payback time for what his brothers did to him all those years ago? I don’t think so, because if Joseph were truly vengeful, as supreme commander of all Egypt, he could have put his brothers in prison for life; or he could have executed them right then and there on the spot. Instead, he puts them in prison for just three days and releases them.
Joseph is testing his brothers, as he said, not necessarily to see if they are spies, but to see if they have become honest men, to see if they had come to recognize their own sin and the wrong they did to their brother all those years ago.
Genesis 42:21-24 They said to one another, “Surely we are being punished because of our brother. We saw how distressed he was when he pleaded with us for his life, but we would not listen; that’s why this distress has come upon us.” Reuben replied, “Didn’t I tell you not to sin against the boy? But you wouldn’t listen! Now we must give an accounting for his blood.” They did not realize that Joseph could understand them, since he was using an interpreter. He turned away from them and began to weep, but then turned back and spoke to them again. He had Simeon taken from them and bound before their eyes. (NIV)
Joseph keeps Simeon, the 2nd eldest, to insure that the rest of his brothers will return, but Joseph weeps, because he is beginning to see a change in his brothers. For the first time in over 20 years, they admit that they are guilty and culpable of sin. It is their first, baby steps towards reconciliation, and that’s what moves Joseph so deeply.
Joseph’s brothers finally recognize their sin, and that’s what we must do if there is going to be healing in our relationships. In order for true reconciliation to happen there must be a true confession of sin; there must be an open and honest recognition of our own guilt.
But that’s hard to do, isn’t it? I mean we’d rather put ourselves in Joseph’s place rather than admit that we’re more like Joseph’s brothers.
In their book, Intimate Marriage, Howard and Charlotte Clinebell tell the story of a woman who acquired a lot of wealth and decided to have a book written about her family history. She engaged a well-known author to write the book; and in the course of his research, he discovered that one of her grandfathers had died in the electric chair at the Sing Sing prison, a place that houses the worst of criminals in all of New York State.
When he told the woman that he would have to include this in the book, she pleaded with him to say it in a way that would hide the truth. So when the book came out, this is what it said: “One of her grandfathers occupied the chair of applied electricity in one of America’s best known institutions. He was very much attached to his position and literally died in the harness.” (Harold and Charolotte Clinebell, Intimate Marriage, p.93)
We don’t like to face the truth, especially when it’s the truth about ourselves. But until we do, there can be no reconciliation and healing of our relationships.
In her book, Hope Has Its Reasons, Rebecca Pippart talks about attending two very different events on the same day. One was a graduate-level psychology class at Harvard University, and the other was a Christian Bible study adjacent to Harvard. As a result, she discovered something very interesting about how the two groups addressed (or failed to address) their faults, problems, and sins.
“First,” she said, “the students [in the graduate-level psychology class] were extraordinarily open and candid about their problems. It wasn’t uncommon to hear them say, ‘I’m angry,’ ‘I’m afraid,’ ‘I’m jealous’ … Their admission of their problems was the opposite of denial. Second, their openness about their problems was matched only by their uncertainty about where to find resources to overcome them. Having confessed, for example, their inability to forgive someone who had hurt them, [they had no idea how to] resolve the problem by forgiving and being kind and generous instead of petty and vindictive.
Then after the class, Pippart dropped in on a Bible study group. She said, “[The contrast] was striking. No one spoke openly about his or her problems. There was a lot of talk about God’s answers and promises, but very little about the participants and the problems they faced. The closest thing to an admission [of sin or a personal problem] was a reference to someone who was ‘struggling and needs prayer.’
Pippart concluded: “The first group [the psychology class] seemed to have all the problems and no answers; the second group [the Bible study] had all the answers and no problems.” (Rebecca Pippert, Hope Has Its Reasons, InterVarsity Press, 2001, pp. 31-32; www.Preaching Today.com)
Tell me: where is the group that knows they have problems, but also knows the answers to those problems? Those are the people who are truly healthy. You see, we can have all the answers in the world, but the answers do us no good if we don’t know we have a problem.
We need to recognize the problem before we can apply the solution. We need to recognize our own sin before we can pursue the healing of our relationships.
It’s the way we are reconciled to God. The Bible says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). We have to first admit our own sinfulness before God and throw ourselves on His mercy. Then, and only then, do we find that God loves us and wants us to be in relationship with Him forever.
There was once a man who went to church and prayed, “Lord, be merciful to me THE sinner.” Jesus said of Him, “This man went home justified” rather than the man in church who prayed, “Lord, I’m glad I’m not a sinner like other men.”
A right relationship with God begins when we admit or own sinfulness before God, and a right relationship with each other begins in the same way. When our relationships are broken, we have to admit our own faults if we’re going to see those relationships made right again.
Somebody put it well when he said, “Many reconciliations have broken down because both parties have come prepared to forgive and unprepared to be forgiven.” The point is: we must come prepared to do both – to forgive AND to be forgiven.
If we want our broken relationships to be restored, then 1st, we must rely on the Lord to turn our burdens into bridges; 2nd, we must recognize our own sin. And finally, if we want true healing in our relationships, we must…
REPENT OF OUR SIN.
We must be sorry enough to turn from our sins with God’s help. We must experience a remorse that actually leads us to change our attitudes and actions.
That’s what Joseph’s brothers are beginning to experience. They’re not there yet, but they’re taking the first steps towards a “godly sorrow [which] brings repentance” (2 Corinthians 7:10).
Genesis 42:25-28 Joseph gave orders to fill their bags with grain, to put each man’s silver back in his sack, and to give them provisions for their journey. After this was done for them, they loaded their grain on their donkeys and left. At the place where they stopped for the night one of them opened his sack to get feed for his donkey, and he saw his silver in the mouth of his sack. “My silver has been returned,” he said to his brothers. “Here it is in my sack.” Their hearts sank and they turned to each other trembling and said, “What is this that God has done to us?” (NIV)
They’re afraid the powerful Egyptian ruler will kill them for stealing his money, and they’re sure God is punishing them for their sins against Joseph.
Genesis 42:29-38 When they came to their father Jacob in the land of Canaan, they told him all that had happened to them. They said, “The man who is lord over the land spoke harshly to us and treated us as though we were spying on the land. But we said to him, ‘We are honest men; we are not spies. We were twelve brothers, sons of one father. One is no more, and the youngest is now with our father in Canaan.’ “Then the man who is lord over the land said to us, ‘This is how I will know whether you are honest men: Leave one of your brothers here with me, and take food for your starving households and go. But bring your youngest brother to me so I will know that you are not spies but honest men. Then I will give your brother back to you, and you can trade in the land.’ ” As they were emptying their sacks, there in each man’s sack was his pouch of silver! When they and their father saw the money pouches, they were frightened. Their father Jacob said to them, “You have deprived me of my children. Joseph is no more and Simeon is no more, and now you want to take Benjamin. Everything is against me!” Then Reuben said to his father, “You may put both of my sons to death if I do not bring him back to you. Entrust him to my care, and I will bring him back.” But Jacob said, “My son will not go down there with you; his brother is dead and he is the only one left. If harm comes to him on the journey you are taking, you will bring my gray head down to the grave in sorrow.” (NIV)
This chapter is full of sorrow and fear, and that’s a good thing, because it is leading Joseph’s brothers into a real change of attitude and behavior. In the very next chapter, one of Joseph’s brothers, who wanted to kill Joseph more than 20 years previously, offers to give his life for another one of his brothers.
What we see here is a godly sorrow which brings repentance, and that’s what it takes to see healing in our relationships. Like Joseph’s brothers, we must be sorry enough to turn from our sins.
Some time ago, a pig traveled on a six-hour US Airways flight from Philadelphia to Seattle, and he didn’t ride coach.
Two passengers convinced the airline representative that the pig needed to fly with them as a “therapeutic companion pet” – like a seeing-eye dog – so the pig was permitted to sit with them in the first-class cabin of the plane.
Passengers described the 300-pound pig as “enormous, brown, angry, and honking.” He was seated in three seats near the front of the plane (with his companions), but the attendants reportedly had difficulty strapping him in: “It became restless after takeoff and sauntered through the cabin.” One passenger said, “He kept rubbing his nose on people’s legs trying to get them to give him food and stroke him.”
When the plane landed, things only got worse. The pig panicked, running up and down through economy class squealing. Many passengers, also screaming, stood on their seats.
It took four attendants to escort the pig out of the airplane, and then he escaped when they reached the terminal. Fortunately, he was later re-captured.
When asked to comment on the story, US Airways spokesman David Castelveter said, “We can confirm that the pig traveled, and we can confirm that it will never happen again.” (Associated Press story, Chicago Sun Times, 10-30-2000, p.1-2; www.PreachingToday.com)
That’s true repentance – being sorry enough that, with God’s help, it will never happen again. It’s not enough just to say, “I’m sorry.” It’s making the commitment to change. It’s making the commitment to get rid of the “stinkin’ pig,” whatever that may be, which has damaged the relationship.
True healing in our relationships begins when, in reliance upon God, we recognize our own sin with a remorse that leads to full repentance. Let me say it again: True healing in our relationships begins when, in reliance upon God, we recognize our own sin with a remorse that leads to full repentance.
Are you in a broken relationship today? Then trust the Lord, admit your sin, and change. It’s that simple, but it is profoundly powerful in restoring broken relationships anywhere – in your home, at work, in the church, or in the community.
Try it on one of your broken relationships, and you will be amazed at what God does to “adjust the tension” in that relationship. In fact, let’s ask Him to help us right now… (pray)
Change my heart, O God, make it ever true;
Change my heart, O God, may I be like you.
You are the Potter, I am the clay;
Mold me and make me, this is what I pray.
Change my heart, O God, make it ever true;
Change my heart, O God, may I be like You. (Eddie Espinosa)
