40. Who is Jesus?
June 12th, 2011
Repeat Offenders
Happy Father’s day to our dads: let’s talk about conflict. If you are alive and have dealings with other people for longer than six minutes, if you have driven down Rangeline, if you are married, if you have kids, unless you were grown in a lab and kept in isolation then you have conflict. When you live in community with other people you are going to have some disagreements. How we handle those conflicts says a lot about who God is and what He is like.
Jesus came to set us free from our sins and from the burden of the law. In Christ we have the freedom to run and play in the park that God has created for us. Sometimes as we run around enjoying the freedoms Jesus gives we can cause problems for other people. Thus our expression of freedom can become a stumbling block to the person next to us.
Take alcohol: religious people say drinking alcohol is a sin. Thinking about drinking: sin, walking down the alcohol isle at Wal-Mart sin, wearing a t-shirt that advertises alcohol: sin. So if you drink you go to hell. If you drink a lot you go to the special hell with people who talk during movies. Is it a sin to drink alcohol? No. The Bible doesn’t say that. The Bible says getting drunk, taking substances of any kind that impair your judgment that is a sin. Non-drowsy allergy medicine has been on the fence for years. Drinking is not a sin. It becomes a sin if you drink too much, too often, or you drink in such a way that damages the faith of someone else. Our freedom ends at the point in which our liberty hinders someone else’s walk with Jesus.
Because we struggle with different things and have different freedoms we are going to have conflict with other people. In Luke 17:1 Jesus lays out some ground rules to deal with that conflict so we can have Godly resolution. Jesus teaches about sin, repentance, and forgiveness.
Jesus said to his disciples: “Things that cause people to sin are bound to come, but woe to that person through whom they come. It would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin. So watch yourselves. “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.” The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith!” He replied, “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it will obey you. (Lk 17:1-6)
Sin is unavoidable. That doesn’t make it ok it just means we are not perfect so eventually we are going to do something wrong. Even when we are trying to be like Jesus everyday we are not Jesus and that causes problems. Sometimes we do things that lead other people to sin. When we do we are creating a stumbling block for them to trip over. The consequences for causing someone else to sin are severe. So we should be very careful with our behavior to make sure that our actions are not in some way leading others into sin.
Sin is a problem in all our lives. It will often lead to conflict. So Jesus shows us how to resolve conflict whether we are the person who sinned or the victim of sin. Jesus gives us three do’s and do not’s for dealing with sin and conflict in our lives: don’t sin. Don’t tempt others to sin. When you sin which is bound to happen, repent.
There are two types of sins: omission and commission. Sins of commission are things that you do that are wrong. When you lie, you cheat on a test, cuss a co-worker out, have lustful thoughts these are wrong things you do and thus sins of commission. Sins of omission are when you fail to do the right thing. When you have an opportunity to share your faith with someone but don’t, letting someone else take the fall for your mistake, doing nothing when you see someone being bullied or picked on, those are sins of omission. The biggest omission sin we commit is living apart from God. When we disconnect from God, do our own thing, live our own way, or fail to follow Jesus that is a sin. Even if what we are doing is not wrong the fact that we are doing something without Jesus is sin. Life apart from Jesus is sin.
When you give into sin: repent. You are going to make mistakes. We are going to hurt each other. When it happens, repent. Repentance is not denying your sin. It is not downplaying your sin. Repentance is not trying to justify your sin or make excuses for it. It is not shifting the blame or making your sin someone else’s fault. Repentance is admitting your sin, owning your sin, and turning away from our sin. Repentance doesn’t mean there are no consequences it means you hate the sin and want to get away from it. Repentance is not feeling bad it is changing. Jesus says do everything you can not to sin but when you sin, repent. Repentances is changing your life, hating the sin, and moving towards God. This is what we are to do when we sin.
What about when others sin? When we hurt them we repent and apologize, what about when they hurt us? What happens then? Jesus gives us three more rules: 1. Don’t hold a grudge. 2. Do confront their sin. 3. Do offer forgiveness for their sin. Sin is going to happen and when it does it needs to be dealt with. The rule is simple: when you sin: repent. When you are sinned against: forgive. But you need to confront this sins of others, Jesus tells us to do that.
Matthew 18 gives three easy steps for dealing with someone who has sinned against you. First, go to them privately and show them their fault. Tell them what they did and how it hurt you. If that doesn’t work bring another person or two along with you to mediate and talk with them again. Then if they will not listen take it to the leadership of the church. Don’t skip the first two steps. A lot of people the second a problem arises want to bring it to the church and have the church fix it. You only come to the leadership after steps one and two have been tried and fail. If the person will not listen to the church leaders and spiritual authority they are to be treated as outsiders, pagans. You might let them in the building but you wont fellowship with them.
Often times we neglect this because we don’t want to hurt people’s feelings or we don’t want people prying into our business so we stay out of theirs. A lot of people really enjoy their privacy. We allow our desire for privacy to overrule the command of God. Sin and let sin sort of deal. When you see sin we cannot ignore it. We must deal with it by addressing the person directly. Just because you don’t like something doesn’t mean it is a sin. Some things are annoying but are not sin. Some things hurt your feelings but are not sin. Your husband snoring really loud at night may annoy the crap out you, but it is not sin.
Sin doesn’t just go away, it has to be dealt with. As Christians we should be open to correction from others without being defensive. At the same time we should be courageous enough to cross personal comfort zones to address sins of others. It is not about pointing the finger to make yourself look better or to make them look worse. Jesus is not asking us to be hall monitors or taddle-tales. When we approach someone else’s sin we do so in love. If you don’t go in love you are sinning as much as they are. If you don’t go you are condoning their sin.
God shows us our sin because God loves us. God wants intimate community. Sin separates us not just from God but from each other. When we try to ignore sin or let it go we are allowing the separation to continue. That is not loving. When you love someone you don’t want there to be things between you. God shows us how to love by showing us our sin. He shows us what we do wrong, He tells us how bad it is and He calls us to repent. God does this so that we can get sin out of the way. If we truly love other people we will do the same thing.
I do a lot of pre-marital counseling and a lot of couples come in and they brag about communicating well and not fighting. What that means is they are slowing allowing problems to grow inside their relationship by refusing to deal with them. This will create bitterness, resentment, or just plain avoidance down the road. What this is saying is I don’t care enough to fight for this, which is saying I don’t care enough about you to fight for you. Lack of fighting doesn’t mean healthy relationship. It means you avoid each other. These are the relationships that if you stick together for twenty years the couple ends up sleeping in different bed rooms and making excuses for it like snoring, or different bed preferences. It is unhealthy to avoid conflict.
Some of you have been sinned against a lot and you just roll over and take it. Some care more about avoid tension than they do about the person so when they sin against you; you don’t say anything, do anything. You just try to pretend it didn’t happen but in your heart you know it did. Now you start harboring a grudge because you didn’t confront the issue. Then you start feeling guilty because you have a grudge and don’t know how to forgive because you never dealt with the issue. So ignoring their sin can actually cause you to sin. That is not ok. You need to go the people who sin against you and tell them. You can’t really forgive and let it go without talking with them about how they wronged you.
Some of you struggle because you have been sinned against and you have not rebuked those who hurt you. So you hold on to that offense and become bitter. Because of that you mistreat other people in your life and you don’t know how to repent and ask forgiveness because you never offered it because you have never confronted someone who hurt you.
Here is what forgiveness is: not holding a person’s sin against them. A lot of people think that forgiveness means that when someone comes to us we have to tell them it’s all ok, don’t worry about it, it wasn’t a big deal. But sometimes it is a big deal. Forgiveness does not mean you have to downplay the sin of others or how they made you feel. It will be awkward but you don’t have to tell them it is ok. Sin is not ok. You don’t have to ignore their sin. You don’t have to pretend it isn’t there. You don’t need to make excuses for their sin. All that does is diminishes the value of your forgiveness. It’s ok, don’t worry about it, is not forgiveness, what you are saying to the person is: you didn’t wrong me. That behavior is ok. Forgiveness is ‘Yea, you did that and it was wrong and it caused problems and it hurt me.’ Don’t pretend sin is ok. Forgiveness that fails to recognize the pain or the sin that was committed is incomplete.
When someone hurts you it is like they dropped a glass and it broke all over the carpet. Forgiveness is cleaning up the glass. You will go through and get all the big pieces out first but some of the little shards will slip by unnoticed. Later as you go walking through the room barefoot you get a painful reminder of the broken glass. So you go through and clean it up a little more. Forgiveness doesn’t happen all at once, it is a process. Big pieces first then you work your way down until over time you get it all out.
Forgiveness is not forgetfulness. Having a bad memory doesn’t make you more forgiving. Forgiveness means you stop holding the person’s sin against them. You may remember it. It may even hurt you for years. I knew a guy who lost his wife and three kids when a drunk driver ran them over. He may forgive that driver but do you think he is ever going to forget what happened? Do you think the pain of that is just going to go away? No. Forgetting does not equal forgiving. Forgiving comes from letting go and giving it over to God.
Just because you forgive someone doesn’t mean you have to keep letting them hurt you. If your husband has an affair with your best friend you may forgive him but that doesn’t mean you let them hang out together afterwards. Forgiveness doesn’t mean there are not consequences. I see parents raising kids and the kids do something wrong. So the parents ground them. The kids say they are sorry and the parents think: well they have repented so let’s un-ground them. No. All you are teaching them is if they say the right thing they can do whatever they want without consequences. Don’t be a coward, punish them. Forgiveness and consequences can co-exist.
So when someone sins against you then you forgive them, but what about repeat offenders? What about the people who hurt you again and again? Do we put them on the strike system; two freebies and after the third they are out? No. Jesus says forgive them seven times a day. The point is not: that was sin 8 in a 24 hour period, you can go to hell I hate you. Jesus point is when someone wrongs you forgive them. How many times: every time. No matter how often they do it forgive them. Doing this will stretch and challenge your faith. The point is when you repent you are forgiven so when someone else repents you need to forgive them, how much? 1 time-2 time-3 time every time. When the person repents; forgive. Or you are going to be a sour sally. Either you will offer forgiveness and act like Jesus or you will become bitter and act like the devil. Those are your two choices. It will take faith, but forgive.
Faith is doing what God says even when it doesn’t seem like it will work. Sometimes it won’t work the way we think it should. Working doesn’t mean things are always going to go perfect. It certainly doesn’t mean things will always turn out the way you want. Working means you did what God asked you to do. It may not make everything better. If you do your part, you are trusting God, that is faith.
“Suppose one of you had a servant plowing or looking after the sheep. Would he say to the servant when he comes in from the field, ‘Come along now and sit down to eat’? Would he not rather say, ‘Prepare my supper, get yourself ready and wait on me while I eat and drink; after that you may eat and drink’? Would he thank the servant because he did what he was told to do? So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.’ ” (Lk 17:7-10)
Masters give instructions. Servants take instructions. Guess which one we are? You don’t thank a slave for doing what they are told because that is what they are suppose to do. You don’t thank an employee for doing their job because it is their job. There is no room for pride or arrogance in our faith because on our best day all we are doing is our job. Most of the time we are dysfunctional at that: a good day for us means we didn’t break something. You are supposed to do what the master says and without expecting rewards or recognition for it.
Jesus final point is: do what you are told. He tells us to forgive. He tells us to repent. This does bring a better life but some of us don’t want to do things God’s way. We want to do things the way we want. So Jesus says if you belong to me, if you love me this is how you will behave. If you do not behave this way, if you refuse to follow me in this way you are not mine and you will not get to be a part of my house.
Forgiveness is hard, especially when you have to forgive someone who has hurt you deeply or who has hurt you repeatedly. Don’t you think Jesus gets that? He was betrayed by one of His best friends, arrested, wrongfully convicted, beaten, mocked, tortured, and nailed to a cross. What does Jesus say about the people who are laughing Him and torturing Him? Father, forgive them. These guys didn’t repent. Jesus forgave them before they even understood what they were doing wrong. He bore the pain and penalty of our sins on His shoulders. He died because of you and me and His last thought in this life: forgive them. No matter how many times we sin Jesus forgives us. No matter how great our sin: Jesus forgives us. That is not a license to sin, but it is comforting to know that no matter how many times we fail in this walk of life Jesus will always be there to help us up. Being like Jesus starts with learning to forgive like Jesus. You can’t forgive someone who wronged you, without loving them more than you love yourself. Forgiveness teaches us how to love so that we can love like Jesus.
When you sin: repent and turn away from it. When you are sinned against: forgive and let the sin go. That is what Jesus calls us to do and in doing that we can start to look like Him.
