A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her class of five and six-year-olds. After explaining the commandment to honor thy father and thy mother, she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, “Thou shall not kill.” (Bill White, Paramount, California; www.Preaching Today.com)
Sometimes, brothers and sisters in the family feel like “killing” each other, but God calls us to live in peace with one another. The question is: How can we learn to live in peace, even when we feel like killing each other? How can brothers and sisters in God’s family learn to get along and resolve their differences even when those differences seem so insurmountable?
Well, if you have your Bibles, I invite you to turn with me to Genesis 29, Genesis 29, where we see Jacob’s family embroiled in one whopper of a fight, but we also learn how we can avoid such fights in the family of God.
Genesis 29:30 Jacob lay with Rachel also, and he loved Rachel more than Leah. (NIV)
Here is the root of the problem in Jacob’s family – favoritism. “Jacob loved Rachel more than Leah.” It started with his parents: his dad favored his brother, and his mom favored him. Now, Jacob favors one wife over the other; and later on, he is going to favor one son over all the rest. Favoritism leads to nothing but trouble in Jacob’s family. Look at what happens here:
Genesis 29:31-35 When the LORD saw that Leah was not loved, he opened her womb, but Rachel was barren. Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, “It is because the LORD has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now.” She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “Because the LORD heard that I am not loved, he gave me this one too.” So she named him Simeon. Again she conceived, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “Now at last my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons.” So he was named Levi. She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “This time I will praise the LORD.” So she named him Judah. Then she stopped having children. (NIV)
Leah, the unloved wife, is hurting deeply. You can see it in the names she gives her children: Reuben, which means “God sees my misery;” Simeon, which means “God hears my cry;” Levi, which means “attached,” longing for her husband to become attached to her; and Judah, which means “praise,” hoping that she can praise the Lord again. Leah is a woman in pain – unseen, unheard, and unloved by her husband, but she looks to the Lord who sees, hears, and loves her.
The fact is God shows more favor to the one who is less favored. Leah is the only one having children right now, and two of her children will head up two of the most important tribes in Israel. Levi’s descendants will become priests in Israel, and Judah descendants will rule on the throne of Israel as kings. In fact, the Messiah Himself, Jesus, our Lord, will be a descendant of Judah.
God loves the unloved. God favors the least favored. God chooses those the rest of the world rejects. So we better be careful about showing favoritism, because we could find ourselves opposing God. And as a result, we could find ourselves causing a lot of trouble just like Jacob did.
Do we want to live in peace in God’s family? Do we want to overcome the differences that sometimes divide us? Then God would say to all of us…
DON’T LOOK DOWN on anyone in the family.
Down reject any of God’s children. Don’t despise those god has chosen to glorify himself. Don’t minimize their importance simply because they don’t meet your external standards of beauty, intelligence, or strength.
Henri Nouwen was a world-renowned clergyman and professor at places like Harvard and Yale. Yet during the last decade of his life, he felt led of God to live in a community of people with severe emotional, mental, and physical disabilities.
In one of his many books, Henri Nouwen tells a story about Trevor, a man with severe mental and emotional challenges who was sent by the community to a psychiatric facility for evaluation. Henri wanted to see him, so he called the hospital to arrange a visit. When those in authority found out that Henri Nouwen was coming, they asked if they could have a lunch with him in the Golden Room – a special meeting room at the facility. They would also invite doctors and other clergy to the special luncheon. Henri agreed.
When Henri arrived, they took him to the Golden Room, but Trevor was nowhere to be seen. Troubled, Henri asked about Trevor’s whereabouts. They told him, “Trevor cannot come to lunch. Patients and staff are not allowed to have lunch together. Plus, no patient has ever had lunch in the Golden Room.”
But Henri thought, “Trevor ought to be here.” So he turned to the person in authority and said, “The whole purpose of my coming was to have lunch with Trevor. If Trevor is not allowed to attend the lunch, I will not attend either.”
Well, the thought of missing an opportunity for lunch with Henri Nouwen was too much. They soon found a way for Trevor to be there; and when they all gathered together, something interesting happened. At one point during the lunch, Henri was talking to the person on his right and didn’t notice that Trevor had stood up and lifted his glass of Coca-Cola.
“A toast. I will now offer a toast,” Trevor said to the group.
Everybody in the room got nervous. What was he going to do?
Then Trevor, this deeply challenged man in a room full of PhDs, started to sing, “If you’re happy and you know it, raise your glass. If you’re happy and you know it, raise your glass…”
Nobody was sure what to do. It was awkward. Here was a man with a level of challenge and brokenness they could not begin to understand, yet he was beaming. He was thrilled to be there, included with everybody else. So they started to sing. Softly at first, and then louder and louder until doctors and clergy and Henri Nouwen himself were all practically shouting, “If you’re happy and you know it, raise your glass.”
Henri went on to give a talk at the luncheon, but the moment everybody remembered – the moment God spoke most clearly – was through the person they all would have said was the least likely person to speak for God. (John Ortberg, in the sermon Guide, www.PreachingToday.com)
1 Corinthians 1 says, “God CHOSE the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God CHOSE the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He CHOSE the lowly things of this world and the despised things – and the things that are not – to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him” (1 Corinthians 1:27-29, NIV).
God chooses the very people we tend to despise. So if we don’t want to find ourselves in opposition to God, we better not show any favoritism. If we want to live in peace with each other, then God would say to us, 1st of all, don’t look down on anyone in the family. Then 2nd, He would say to us…
DON’T LOOK UP with jealousy either.
Don’t envy those who seem to be better off. Don’t resent their fortune and covet what god has given them. That’s what Rachel did. She became jealous of Leah, who was having children while she remained barren.
Genesis 30:1-6 When Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children, she became jealous of her sister. So she said to Jacob, “Give me children, or I’ll die!” Jacob became angry with her and said, “Am I in the place of God, who has kept you from having children?” Then she said, “Here is Bilhah, my maidservant. Sleep with her so that she can bear children for me and that through her I too can build a family.” So she gave him her servant Bilhah as a wife. Jacob slept with her, 5 and she became pregnant and bore him a son. Then Rachel said, “God has vindicated me; he has listened to my plea and given me a son.” Because of this she named him Dan (NIV) – which means “vindicated.”
Genesis 30:7-8 Rachel’s servant Bilhah conceived again and bore Jacob a second son. 8 Then Rachel said, “I have had a great struggle with my sister, and I have won.” So she named him Naphtali (NIV) – which means “my struggle.”
This is a picture of strife and struggle, all caused by jealousy. Rachel was jealous of her sister, Leah. Then Leah becomes jealous of Rachel.
Genesis 30:9-11 When Leah saw that she had stopped having children, she took her maidservant Zilpah and gave her to Jacob as a wife. Leah’s servant Zilpah bore Jacob a son. Then Leah said, “What good fortune!” So she named him Gad (NIV) – which means “good fortune.”
Genesis 30:12-13 Leah’s servant Zilpah bore Jacob a second son. Then Leah said, “How happy I am! The women will call me happy.” So she named him Asher (NIV) – which means “happy.”
She has more babies than her sister now, so she considers herself fortunate and happy. It’s the battle of the babies – two sisters competing with each other to see who can give birth to the most children. They have ceased to appreciate all that God gave each of them, and they only see what the other has that they don’t have. This is nothing but bold-faced jealousy, and such jealousy always leads to strife.
James 4 says, “What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you? You want what you don’t have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can’t get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them” (James 4:1-2, NLT)
Jealousy leads to quarrels and fights in the family. So if we want to live in peace with each other, we must be careful not to look up with jealousy at anyone. All of us are richly blessed by God. So let’s learn to appreciate what we have and not envy what others have.
When we lived in a small town in central Kansas (Ellsworth), we made many trips to the nearest big town, Salina, Kansas on old Kansas Rout 140. On one of those trips in the spring (March 12, 1990), we saw a horse at the edge of a luscious, green pasture with his head stuck through a barbed wire fence eating the grass on the other side of the fence. When we passed the horse, my first thought was, “He better watch out or he’ll cut his throat.”
That’s the way it is with some of God’s people. They are cutting their throats, because they only see what’s on the other side of the fence. They forget the luscious green pasture God has given them, and they focus only on what their neighbor has.
Rick Warren recently said, “Envy is resenting God’s goodness to others and ignoring God’s goodness to me” (Rick Warren, Twitter, 11-12-10; www. PreachingToday.com)
And such envy not only cuts our own throats. It tears apart families, churches, and even whole communities.
Psychiatrist Juliet Schor, just a few years ago, completed a study on how the desire for more in our commercialized, consumerist culture has affected our own children. She noted that it actually leads them into more conflict with their parents. It also contributes to anxiety, illness, and depression in some children. Schor summed her study up as follows:
“They’re more likely to have poor self-esteem, which is not a surprise because a lot of the messages consumer culture sends them are that you’re nobody if you don’t have the right tennis shoes or you’re not drinking the right soft drink. Life isn’t fun unless you’re eating candy. Your parents are nerds. Your teachers are nerds. School is a bore.” (Andrea Sachs, “Junk Culture,” Time magazine, 10-04-04; www.PreachingToday.com)
Envy, jealousy, or the covetous desire for more just creates a lot of conflict and turmoil. So if we want to live in peace, God would say to all of us, don’t look down on some with disdain; don’t look up on others with jealousy. And…
DON’T LOOK WITHIN at your own schemes.
Don’t trust in your own plans to get your own way. Don’t plot to gain the advantage with your own devices. That’s what Rachel tried and failed.
Genesis 30:14 During wheat harvest, Reuben went out into the fields and found some mandrake plants, which he brought to his mother Leah. Rachel said to Leah, “Please give me some of your son’s mandrakes.”
Now, mandrakes are a special kind of fruit at one time thought to induce fertility.
Genesis 30:15-18 But she said to her, “Wasn’t it enough that you took away my husband? Will you take my son’s mandrakes too?” “Very well,” Rachel said, “he can sleep with you tonight in return for your son’s mandrakes.” So when Jacob came in from the fields that evening, Leah went out to meet him. “You must sleep with me,” she said. “I have hired you with my son’s mandrakes.” So he slept with her that night. God listened to Leah, and she became pregnant and bore Jacob a fifth son. Then Leah said, “God has rewarded me for giving my maidservant to my husband.” So she named him Issachar (NIV) – which means reward.
Genesis 30:19-20 Leah conceived again and bore Jacob a sixth son. 20 Then Leah said, “God has presented me with a precious gift. This time my husband will treat me with honor, because I have borne him six sons.” So she named him Zebulun (NIV) – which means honor.
Genesis 30:21 Some time later she gave birth to a daughter and named her Dinah (NIV)
Rachel’s scheme failed. Even though she got the mandrakes, her sister got pregnant, not once, but three more times! Even so, where Rachel failed, God succeeded.
Genesis 30:22-24 Then God remembered Rachel; he listened to her and opened her womb. She became pregnant and gave birth to a son and said, “God has taken away my disgrace.” She named him Joseph, and said, “May the LORD add to me another son.” (NIV)
That’s what Joseph’s name means: “may he add.” You see, it was not the mandrakes that opened her womb; it was God Himself.
God succeeds where we fail, so if we want true peace, don’t look down on some with disdain; don’t look up on others with jealousy; and don’t look within at your own schemes. Instead, look to the Lord. Trust Him with your life, and you will find true peace. You will find peace within and without even in your relationships with others.
You see, Jesus died not only to bring reconciliation with God, but His death also brought us reconciliation with each other. Ephesians 2 says, “He himself is our peace, who…has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility… His purpose was to create in himself one new man out of the two (i.e., out of the Jew and the Gentile, people who were bitter enemies), thus making peace” (Ephesians 2:14-15). Please, let Jesus bring that kind of peace into your life by turning it over to Him.
Our firstborn was a strong-willed child growing up, always wanting to do everything by herself. When she was learning to dress herself, she didn’t want anybody else’s help. That was fine, except sometimes she would put her arm in the wrong hole, get her other arm stuck, and somehow have a foot stuck in the middle of it all. That only frustrated her and made her angry. Sometimes, she would kick and scream and yell, and if little brother was around, watch out!
Eventually, she gave up the fight and her daddy or mommy would help her put on her shirt. Then she’d run off and enjoy her play.
Are you frustrated and angry today? Then stop struggling in your own strength, trying to do it all by yourself. Instead, let your Heavenly Daddy help; because when we depend on Him, the strife ceases.
