Richard Blake and his wife, from San Luis, California, were at a wedding where their neighbor’s son, Robert, was one of the ushers. He seemed young to be an usher at a wedding, but a veteran usher gave him some quick pointers. He instructed Robert to ask the person he was escorting, “Are you a guest of the bride or groom?” That way he would know where to seat them.
Robert took the advice, but something got lost in the translation. When the first arrival came, he graciously offered his arm and asked, “Madam, whose side are you on?” (Richard Blake, San Luis Obispo, California, “Rolling Down the Aisle,” Christian Reader; www.PreachingToday.com)
Sad to say: that’s the way many marriages work. Husbands and wives end up taking sides against each other, and the whole family suffers.
The question is: How can husbands and wives learn to get on the same team? How can they learn to come together as one for the glory of God?
Well, if you have your Bibles, I invite you to turn with me to Genesis 27, Genesis 27, where an Old Testament couple shows us how NOT to do it.
Genesis 27:1-4 When Isaac was old and his eyes were so weak that he could no longer see, he called for Esau his older son and said to him, “My son.” “Here I am,” he answered. Isaac said, “I am now an old man and don’t know the day of my death. Now then, get your weapons—your quiver and bow—and go out to the open country to hunt some wild game for me. Prepare me the kind of tasty food I like and bring it to me to eat, so that I may give you my blessing before I die.” (NIV)
Isaac decides to bless his older son, Esau, in direct contradiction to what God had told his wife in Genesis 25:23. There, God made it very clear that the youngest son should get the blessing, but Isaac determines to bless the oldest son instead. Isaac is defying God, and it puts his wife in a tough spot.
Genesis 27:5-10 Now Rebekah was listening as Isaac spoke to his son Esau. When Esau left for the open country to hunt game and bring it back, Rebekah said to her son Jacob, “Look, I overheard your father say to your brother Esau, ‘Bring me some game and prepare me some tasty food to eat, so that I may give you my blessing in the presence of the LORD before I die.’ Now, my son, listen carefully and do what I tell you: Go out to the flock and bring me two choice young goats, so I can prepare some tasty food for your father, just the way he likes it. Then take it to your father to eat, so that he may give you his blessing before he dies.” (NIV)
She is telling her son to lie to his dad! Well, Jacob is not so sure.
Genesis 27:11-17 Jacob said to Rebekah his mother, “But my brother Esau is a hairy man, and I’m a man with smooth skin. What if my father touches me? I would appear to be tricking him and would bring down a curse on myself rather than a blessing.” His mother said to him, “My son, let the curse fall on me. Just do what I say; go and get them for me.” So he went and got them and brought them to his mother, and she prepared some tasty food, just the way his father liked it. Then Rebekah took the best clothes of Esau her older son, which she had in the house, and put them on her younger son Jacob. She also covered his hands and the smooth part of his neck with the goatskins. Then she handed to her son Jacob the tasty food and the bread she had made. (NIV)
This is nothing but pure manipulation. Rebekah is deceiving her husband. Oh, she wants God’s will for her son, but she has resorted to deceptive manipulation to get it.
Genesis 27:18-24 He went to his father and said, “My father.” “Yes, my son,” he answered. “Who is it?” Jacob said to his father, “I am Esau your firstborn. I have done as you told me. Please sit up and eat some of my game so that you may give me your blessing.” Isaac asked his son, “How did you find it so quickly, my son?” “The LORD your God gave me success,” he replied. Then Isaac said to Jacob, “Come near so I can touch you, my son, to know whether you really are my son Esau or not.” Jacob went close to his father Isaac, who touched him and said, “The voice is the voice of Jacob, but the hands are the hands of Esau.” He did not recognize him, for his hands were hairy like those of his brother Esau; so he blessed him. “Are you really my son Esau?” he asked. “I am,” he replied. (NIV)
I count no less than half a dozen lies in this encounter between Jacob and his father. Does it work? On the surface, it seems to. Jacob receives Isaac’s blessing, but at a terrible cost to the entire family!
Genesis 27:25-29 Then he said, “My son, bring me some of your game to eat, so that I may give you my blessing.” Jacob brought it to him and he ate; and he brought some wine and he drank. Then his father Isaac said to him, “Come here, my son, and kiss me.” So he went to him and kissed him. When Isaac caught the smell of his clothes, he blessed him and said, “Ah, the smell of my son is like the smell of a field that the LORD has blessed. May God give you of heaven’s dew and of earth’s richness—an abundance of grain and new wine. May nations serve you and peoples bow down to you. Be lord over your brothers, and may the sons of your mother bow down to you. May those who curse you be cursed and those who bless you be blessed.” (NIV)
This was in direct contradiction to the revealed will of God. God had made it very clear: “The older will serve the younger” (Genesis 25:23). But Isaac declares, “The younger will serve the older.” He thinks he’s blessing Esau, so Isaac is acting in direct defiance against the clearly revealed word of God. Isaac tries to thwart the plan of God; but in the end, he unwittingly carries it out.
Genesis 27:30-33 After Isaac finished blessing him and Jacob had scarcely left his father’s presence, his brother Esau came in from hunting. He too prepared some tasty food and brought it to his father. Then he said to him, “My father, sit up and eat some of my game, so that you may give me your blessing.” His father Isaac asked him, “Who are you?” “I am your son,” he answered, “your firstborn, Esau.” Isaac trembled violently and said, “Who was it, then, that hunted game and brought it to me? I ate it just before you came and I blessed him—and indeed he will be blessed!” (NIV)
He WILL be blessed, because God accomplished his plan despite Isaac’s efforts to thwart it. That’s why Isaac is trembling here – Literally, “Isaac trembled with an exceedingly great trembling.” This was sheer terror! Isaac was in full panic mode, because he had fought against God and lost, and that is a terrifying thing. Hebrews 10:31 says, “It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the living God!” (NASB)
Isaac’s fellowship with God is broken, and so is his family.
ISAAC’S DEFIANCE AND REBEKAH’S DECEPTION TEAR THEIR FAMILY APART.
First, their actions separate brothers.
Genesis 27:34-40 When Esau heard his father’s words, he burst out with a loud and bitter cry and said to his father, “Bless me—me too, my father!” But he said, “Your brother came deceitfully and took your blessing.” Esau said, “Isn’t he rightly named Jacob (Heel Grabber)? He has deceived me (literally, he has followed at my heel; he has tripped me up) these two times. He took my birthright, and now he’s taken my blessing!” Then he asked, “Haven’t you reserved any blessing for me?” Isaac answered Esau, “I have made him lord over you and have made all his relatives his servants, and I have sustained him with grain and new wine. So what can I possibly do for you, my son?” Esau said to his father, “Do you have only one blessing, my father? Bless me too, my father!” Then Esau wept aloud. His father Isaac answered him, “Your dwelling will be away from the earth’s richness, away from the dew of heaven above. You will live by the sword and you will serve your brother. But when you grow restless, you will throw his yoke from off your neck.” (NIV)
This is no blessing. It’s a curse!
Genesis 27:41 Esau held a grudge against Jacob because of the blessing his father had given him. He said to himself, “The days of mourning for my father are near; then I will kill my brother Jacob.” (NIV)
Isaac’s defiance and Rebekah’s rebellion have created this animosity between brothers. Their actions separate them.
And their actions also separate parent and child. Jacob runs away from Esau’s wrath, and Rebekah never sees him again.
Genesis 27:42-45 When Rebekah was told what her older son Esau had said, she sent for her younger son Jacob and said to him, “Your brother Esau is consoling himself with the thought of killing you. Now then, my son, do what I say: Flee at once to my brother Laban in Haran. Stay with him for a while (literally, “for a few days”) until your brother’s fury subsides. When your brother is no longer angry with you and forgets what you did to him, I’ll send word for you to come back from there. Why should I lose both of you in one day?” (NIV)
Well, those “few days” turned into 20 years, and Rebekah died during those 20 years, never seeing her son again. Isaac and Rebekah had taken sides. Isaac opposed God and Rebakah opposed Isaac, and everybody lost except God. Isaac’s defiance and Rebekah’s deception tore their family apart.
Dear friends, please don’t do that to YOUR family – whether it’s your family here at Bethel Church, or your own family at home. Don’t tear your family apart through defiance or deception. Don’t separate family members through rebellion or manipulation. Instead…
TRUST GOD.
Look to the Lord, not a lie to solve your problems. Depend on Christ, not deception, to accomplish God’s will in your family.
Rebekah wanted the right thing. She wanted God’s will for her family, but felt she had to resort to manipulation and deceit to get it. Well, it all backfired on her. Allen Ross, in his commentary on Genesis 27, says, “In a sense Rebekah and Jacob won, though they gained nothing that God would not have given them anyway; and they lost much” (Allen P. Ross, “Genesis,” The Bible Knowledge Commentary: Old Testament, p.73). Rebekah ended up with an apprehensive husband, an absent son, and an angry one. Her manipulative ways tore her family apart!
That’s what manipulation and deceit will do to your family, as well. It will create anxiety, anger and distance. So please, don’t resort to manipulatoin and deceit, even if it is for a good reason.
Just a few years ago, a story about an old, married couple was circulating on the internet. It was about a man in Phoenix who called his son in New York and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing – 45 years of misery is enough.”
“Pop, what are you talking about?” the son asks.
“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the old told his son. “We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her.”
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like heck they’re getting divorced,” she shouts. “I’ll take care of this.”
She calls Phoenix immediately and screams at her father, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing till I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing.”
The old man hangs up the phone and turns to his wife. “Okay,” he says, “They’re coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own fares. Now what do we do for Christmas?” (Van Morris, Mount Washington, Kentucky; www.PreachingToday.com)
We laugh at that, but how are those children going to react when they learn that their parents lied to them? Let me tell you: If mom and dad felt separated from their children before, their deceit will drive the wedge in even further. Deceit and manipulation separates families every time. It never brings them together, so don’t trust in a lie.
Instead, trust the Lord to accomplish His will in your family. Rebekah didn’t need to lie to her husband to get him to do the right thing. God’s hands were not tied, because Isaac opposed Him. No! God would have found another way to bless Jacob. Or God would have dealt with Isaac Himself. All Rebekah needed to do was trust God in the matter.
Listen to the story of an anonymous woman, in Northern Illinois, who learned to trust God even though her husband was an unbeliever and hostile to Christians. She writes:
“When I met Christ, I was 49-years-old and had been married to my husband for 17 years. We had two children and a quiet suburban life. We had built a life that was comfortable and expected by our respective families. But I knew at that moment that everything about my life was going to change. And, if I was to be obedient and follow Christ, I could most definitely lose it all – my marriage, my life the way I knew it, my friends, my family.
“Becoming a Christian was new life for me – a joy and an answer to a life with no real meaning. But becoming a Christian also meant that there was a definite possibility that my husband would cease to love me. How could I know he would stay with me if I was so thoroughly a new person? How could I know that my husband, who was not a believer, would value his vows? I was extremely afraid. At times, I didn’t want to have this new life. Honestly, I didn’t think it was worth it – I wanted to give it back to God. I wanted to run the other way.”
She continues, “Satan immediately began his work, bent on the destruction of our marriage. I cannot describe to you how swiftly he moved. He continued shaping and molding true hatred for the one thing my husband despised: ‘those religious types.’ I was now one of them.
“I weighed my devotion for Christ against my devotion to my kids and family. I asked whether a broken marriage with Christ was better than a marriage without Christ. But gradually, Christ’s words became my words, his love filled me and poured out of me, and I was able to love the man who called me his enemy. I found that I could love my husband with a resolve I had never before experienced.
“In the year and a half that has followed, many blessings have been bestowed upon my family. It may not be apparent to my husband, but our marriage is very different because of Christ. Christ is at the center and is shaping our partnership in a very new and distinctly Christian way. Additionally, my husband has changed dramatically from the man he was two years ago. He told me I should go ahead and attend church and gave me his blessing. My children began going to youth group, and now both of my children are worshiping with me weekly. And when I asked my husband if he would support my daughter and me to be a part of a missions trip to Mexico, he responded with, ‘We will make it happen.’
“I have entrusted my husband into Christ’s care. I am okay with that. I have learned many lessons in this past year and a half, but none so much as loving and trusting my Lord.” (Anonymous, northern Illinois; www.PreachingToday.com)
Did you hear that? This woman learned to love and trust the Lord. She learned to entrust her husband into Christ’s care even though he was hostile to Christ.
There is no need to be sneaky and manipulative when your spouse is not doing the right thing. There is no need to plot and scheme when your spouse’s life is out of balance, or even when there’s an addiction to alcohol, porn, or work. There is no need to resort to deceptive manipulation when your spouse is not loving you as he or she should, or when family members go astray. Depend on Christ to work out His will in your life and in the life of your family. Trust the Lord, not a lie. And…
OBEY HIM.
Do what you know God wants you to do. Do what’s right. Don’t do what’s wrong. Don’t defy God like Isaac did.
Isaac was driven by his appetites. The phrase, “tasty food,” is found no less than six times in this chapter (vs.4,7,9,14,17 & 31). Genesis 25:28 says Isaac liked wild game, so he favored his oldest son, who was a hunter and provided the “tasty food” he liked. In fact, Isaac’s appetites led him to defy the living God Himself, and it wrecked havoc in his family. Not only did his favoritism create tension between his sons, his disobedience drove his wife crazy.
Men and women, please be careful lest your appetites lead you to defy God and destroy your family.
Just a few years ago, park rangers in Arizona’s Grand Canyon National Park had to kill over two dozen mule deer, because they became hooked on the junk food left by visitors to the park. The deer were chowing down on potato chips, cheese curls, and candy bars.
Well, after they get a taste of the sugar and salt, deer develop an extreme addiction and will go to any lengths to eat only junk food. The result is the animals ignore the food they need, leaving them in poor health and on the edge of starvation. Because of junk food cravings, the deer lose their natural ability to digest vegetation. One park ranger called the junk food “the crack cocaine of the deer world.” (Arkansas Democrat Gazette, Spring 1995; www.PreachingToday.com)
Well, that’s what happens when we develop a craving for the things of this world. That’s what happens when we pursue power, pleasure, or wealth. Such a diet keeps us from hungering for the things of God. Please, be careful that it doesn’t happen to you. Please, be careful that your appetites don’t lead you to defy the Living God like they did to Isaac.
Instead, ask God to help you live in obedience to Him. Commit yourself to living for Christ, not for power, pleasure, wealth, or any of the other appetites that keep us from Christ.
Some time ago, a frightened soon-to-be dad asked author and speaker, Phil Callaway, for advice on how to prepare for fatherhood. Phil Callaway responded by describing the day he came face to face with his firstborn son. “Sure, he was a little wrinkly,” he says, “but who could blame him?” Callaway continues, “I held him close. I touched his tiny fingers, and counted his toes – all ten of them. I looked into his eyes. They were blue. Like mine.
“Then the most amazing thing happened,” Callaway says. “A revival, I suppose. As I looked into those blue eyes, it was as if I heard these words: ‘Callaway, for the first 25 years of your life you’ve been a hypocrite. You’ve been close to the church but far from God. You are holding in your arms the one person you’ll never be able to hide it from. If you think this little guy won’t see it, you’re naive.’
“People ask me when I became a Christian, and I say May 31, 1986. You see, that night for the first time in my life, I bowed my head and said, ‘Dear God, I’m sorry. Make me real. I want my precious little boy to hunger and thirst after righteousness. If he won’t learn to from me, he has two strikes against him already.’ I meant every word.”
Then Callaway goes on to say, “It’s been slow-going sometimes, but I believe God heard that prayer. Five years later this same little boy looked up at me one night and said, ‘Daddy, I wanna be like you,’ and tears came to my eyes.
“I don’t have all the child-rearing answers for you,” Callaway responded. “But I do know this: If you want your child to love God, love Him first. If you want your son to obey, be obedient to the still small voice of God. If you want to change your life to change for good, have children. Lots of them. (“Family Matters: Kids Are from Mars, Dads Are from Moose Jaw,” Servant Magazine, Spring, 1999, p. 15; www.PreachingToday.com)
There is nothing like our own children that bring us face to face with ourselves. Then we are brought to our knees looking to God for help.
The problem is: we’re all driven by our appetites; and left to ourselves, we will defy God to satisfy those appetites every time. That’s why we need Christ who died on a cross to set us free from our appetites to serve the Living God.
Like Phil Callaway, ask Him to make you real. Then in dependence upon Christ, follow Him as best as you can.
Please, don’t let deceit and defiance tear your family apart anymore. Instead, trust and obey the Lord, and let Him do for your family what you could never do.
