Empty Nest
Read Mark 1:16-20
How many of you here today are experiencing the same thing Zebedee experienced?
When children are young, we teach them to tie their shoes, fix their lunch, and eventually how to drive and do their own laundry. We as parents spend our time teaching our children in hopes they will be independent, productive young adults. This is our goal right? But how many of you are struggling with each step your child takes as they venture out more and more on their own?
As a community, we are in full swing with the nest-emptying season. Our little kids have begun kindergarten; our bigger kids have begun elementary school, our big kids have started high school, and the really big kids have headed for campus all across our state, even our nation. And now moms and dads feel a loss accompanied with grief.
This is known as the “Empty-nest Syndrome”. This is when parents and guardians have a general feeling of loneliness.
Moms begin to feel a sense of uselessness, searching for something to fill the time once spent on chauffeuring, attending school events, hosting events at home for neighborhood kids and so on.
Dads begin to see that their relationship with their wife is losing common ground, there are less and less reasons to have conversations, unsure about how to spend so much alone time with her again.
For many, this empty nest is a time of grief, loss; not only from the absence of a beloved family member, but also a loss of purpose.
Today I want to show you that this syndrome isn’t limited to the parents when their children leave home, but it is far more reaching than that.
In his book Six Hours One Friday, author Max Lucado writes about taking a walk through an old cemetery in his hometown. Many of the graves were of people who lived and died in the 19th century. Many of the names belonged to children, bearing witness to the difficulties of life on the Texas prairie.
One grave he came across struck him sharply. It had no dates of birth or death, just the name of a woman and her two husbands. The epitaph on the grave read simply,
Sleeps but rests not.
Loved but was loved not.
Tried to please, but pleased not.
Died as she lived—alone.
You may say, “Well that was long ago Michael,” but the truth is just the opposite. Loneliness has reached epidemic proportions in our modern world. Even though we have a half-dozen ways to communicate with the outside world at our fingertips, people today are lonelier than they have ever been in history.
You don’t believe me? Look around. We see people throughout our city who are trying to fill this emptiness on the inside. Some compensate with food, drugs, alcohol, sex, material things, work, and even other people’s lives!
Everyone experiences loneliness at different times in life, and it is not always a bad or dangerous experience. There is something to be said for learning to be alone with ourselves and God. But loneliness over the long term can have negative effects physically as well as spiritually.
Read Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
These verses reaffirm to me that the different stages of our lives will result in different kinds of loneliness.
We’ve talked so much about the parents’ experience of the empty-nest syndrome, but what about our kids? They are experiencing for the first time something we have all experienced being; the lonely single. There is nothing exciting about coming home to an empty apartment or rooming with someone that you barely know. My greatest fear, as a parent, is that the wooing from the singles bar and club scene will fill the loneliness my child may be feeling her first year off to college. Friends, this is a reality that even the beer commercials have grasped. When they invite you to partake of their product they’re not selling you a can of beer for you to drink alone. What they are selling is fellowship. Everyone is together laughing, talking, in a group of people. This is proof of how desperate our single people are to conquer loneliness. I pray that our children know, that as a Christian, God has provided spiritual resources for them to draw on in their times of loneliness.
Some of you here today have begun to experience, through the Empty-nest Syndrome, that lonely spouse feeling. It is in amazement to me that the institution God created to provide the greatest sense of intimacy often becomes a place of great loneliness. The sad news is that there has been a steady increase in the number of divorces among couples married 30 or more years. This is a byproduct of the Empty-nest Syndrome. Many long-term couple’s divorce one another after their kids leave home. It is sad that the very relationship God ordained to combat loneliness has become for many the loneliest place on earth.
Some here today have first-hand experience of being in a lonely marriage that wasn’t reconcilable. This brings me to our next stage of loneliness; the lonely survivor. This type of loneliness is two-fold. One, you see, experiences the Empty-nest Syndrome after the loss of a loved one. Lonely survivors experience a kind of pain which, I am told, is so intense that there is nothing in life to which it can be compared. I have not experienced it, personally, but have through my parents and grandparents. It is heart-rending! At least it comes with a sense of closure. The second is divorce. Divorce is a kind of loneliness producer that is perhaps even worse, for there is no finality. It is an open wound that rarely heals completely. Not only is there physical and emotional loneliness to contend with, but a sense of rejection, as well.
Last week I was blessed to be able to go to Ms. Tommie Brown’s home with Ms. Mary Ann Brown. As I listened to these ladies talk, I came to realize that the Empty-nest Syndrome has become more wide spread and more prevalent in our modern times. As these ladies talked, I thought of my own family and how the extended family is truly becoming less common than in past generations, and how we tend to leave our elderly living by themselves with limited personal contact. This empty-nest loneliness is married to the struggle to fit in, with loss of respect once occupied in their vocational years, as well as, their position of authority and influence. For today’s seniors, the sense of loneliness that comes from a loss of significance is often the most acute kind of loneliness there is. Searching for, and finding, a purpose in the twilight years of life is a great challenge.
Now it is important that you hear me; I’m not saying that loneliness is a sin. But we can develop sinful responses to loneliness. As I studied for this sermon and realized the few times, in our lives, that we all experience loneliness; I want you to leave today, knowing, that the transitions in the empty-nest seasons of life will be difficult, but they need not be devastating to your health or your faith! We have many biblical examples of great men and women of God who battled loneliness.
David experienced it while fleeing from King Saul. Jeremiah felt completely alone in the very presence of his people. The apostle Paul at the end of his life was standing alone. These stories remind us that we are not the first person to be alone and are certainly not the first Christian to feel alone. Once again, it isn’t a sin to be alone. But it can become a sin if we indulge in it and allow it to turn into self-pity.
Loneliness and temptation share a common thread, that is, God has already provided us a way of escape, if you will, before He allows us to experience it.
The first step in seeking God’s guidance through any Empty-nest Syndrome is to acknowledge the reality of your loneliness. We all know that Hebrews 13:5b says, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Now friends I agree theologically that God never leaves nor forsakes us, but our practice doesn’t always match our position.
God’s provision for loneliness is the only suitable solution. No person should search for a solution for his loneliness without solving the basic issue of separation from God. For some here this morning, accepting Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior of your life, and being filled by His Spirit, is the first step toward overcoming the negative dimensions of loneliness. For others it will require of you to embrace cross of Christ with your loneliness.
To many times we think the cross is only for the lost; but in reality, it is as much for the believer as the non-believer. The cross is where we receive our redemptive power and our reconciliation to God!
Read Hebrews 4:14-16
You see, second only to the presence of God’s Spirit in one’s life is the presence of God’s Word as an antidote to loneliness. God has spoken clearly, and if you read His Word you will hear His voice.
Even Jesus, understood the writings from Ecclesiastes 4:12 “…a cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” He models this in…
Read Matthew 26:36-39
It’s wise to prepare to be lonely. If you know there are certain times of the week or year that you tend to experience loneliness, prepare for those times in advance. If you do, you’ll be following a good example—that of Jesus Christ Himself. Approaching the most difficult night of His life, when He would be apprehended by Roman soldiers, Jesus took His three closest friends with Him to the Garden of Gethsemane. He asked them just to be with Him while He went to pray. Unfortunately, their example was lacking as they fell asleep! But Jesus’ example is one worth following; prepare for those times when you may experience waves of loneliness by planning on being involved with friends, extended family, or church family.
Let me close with a strong word, strong because it is true: Living in the house of loneliness is a choice. You may not have become lonely by choice, but remaining lonely is something you don’t have to do. The body of Christ exists to encourage and strengthen Christians, but if we refuse to get involved it is difficult for that to happen. Each believer must assume the responsibility for his own emotional and spiritual health, including not lingering in loneliness. Here, at St. Paul, there are numerous “doors” through which one can enter into relationships of service and friendship. But you must walk through that door.
