“A Father’s Love Vs a Father’s Rage”
Opening Video Illustration: BluefishTV: “A father’s love”
THEY NEED A FATHER - Children need a Father’s Love
... “almost 75 percent of American children living in fatherless households will experience poverty before the age of eleven, compared to only 20 percent of those raised by two parents. Children living in homes where fathers are absent are far more likely to be expelled from or drop out of school, develop emotional or behavioral problems, commit suicide, and fall victim to child abuse or neglect. The males are also far more likely to become violent criminals. As a matter of fact, men who grew up without dads currently represent 70 percent of the prison population serving long-term sentences.”
SOURCE: Michael G. Moriarty, The Perfect 10: The Blessings of Following God’s Commandments in a Post Modern World, p. 113
These sad statistics cry to us of the importance of a “Father’s Love.”
Our world had set out to trivialize a “Father’s love.” The feminist say the kids don’t need it, the liberals claim we don’t need it. But the truth is we all crave hunger for a father’s love.
Thesis: Father’s who allow anger to take control of their minds will stop expressing love to those closest to them. Why, because the emotion of uncontrolled anger turns to rage and drives out the emotion and presence of love.
My own story: “A Father’s Rage”
My dad was an absentee father the majority of the time. He worked 12 hours a day to provide financially for us as kids. He did teach me the value of hard work. But far too often when he was around we experienced a angry father, an enraged father. He had a temper that would explode at the drop of pin. We all walked on egg shells around him especially my mom. He was like Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde. He could transform quickly into an very ugly individual who was brutal, verbally, physically abusive. I would say my mom suffered the most from his abusive ways. She tried very hard to shield us from his wrath and anger. When he came home we were either in bed or leaving the house because we wanted nothing to do with his anger.
I recall a time in my life when I was 11 and my dad was once again beating up my mother and I stepped in to stop the brutality. He had at previous times beaten my mom so bad that she needed hospital treatment. I yelled at him from the top of the stairs to leave her alone. I remember his look of rage at me for confronting him. He pounced up the stairs toward me like a wild ape. He grabbed me by my throat, picked me up and threw me down the hall into the wall. I suffered the wrath of his anger that day but I did stop him from beating up my mom again. I still recall the fear!
He left that night and the next day my mom was talking to my uncle as she cried about his brutality to me and his words to me. That night as he hurled me down the hall he said something that cut my heart wide open. He screamed “You are not my son you ________________!” He reiterated in his fit of rage that I did not belong to him and I was not his child because my mother was a _______________! He told me she had an affair and I belonged to other ___________________!” The physical pain was less traumatic than the scorching words from him that night! I recall crying with my mom that day and my uncle Jim telling me over the phone that he would be my father!
Wow! It still hurts – the rejection of a father’s love. I must admit something happened that day to me. The lack of a father’s love drove me to become an anger filled teenager. Shortly after this beating I took up the martial arts and began weight lifting so that one day I could protect my mom and beat my dad to a pulp like he did my mom. My heart turned bitter and angry. The anger I had toward him turned to bitterness and rage. I started getting into fights and letting my temper control my actions and reactions to life. Over the next few years I grew stronger and nastier. My heart was broken – my heart was torn – my heart was wounded. My dad and I tried to make amends but it did not last long. At 15 we got into another fight after he was going after my mom again. This time I was stronger and bigger and we fist fought all over the house, it was a all out brawl, over top of things and finally after he was starting to lose from my kicks and punches - he picked up a ceramic vase and smashed it into my head leaving the scar you now see. I fell to the ground dazed and foggy. Lying there on the floor with blood running down my face, I saw his foot next to the old style telephone, so I grabbed the phone and slammed it in to his foot breaking one of his toes. Things are foggy after that – the next thing I recall is my mom rushing me to the hospital in the car to stop the blood from flowing out of my forehead. The doctor asked me what happen so I told him. He said he most likely would not report the incident but I should not go home. So my mom took me to my uncles were it ended up my dad already was. He came out after me again and threatened to finish what he started. We left! But once again that anger and rage that he had had now taken root deep into my heart and mind. He moved out at that time for a few months but eventually came back home. I just trained harder and learned to fight better becoming know at my dojo as “Chui!” Which means, “Penalty point.” I got the name because when I fought against other opponents and started to lose I would do illegal things to hurt them. I was driven by anger and rage. Every opponent I pictured as my dad and the bitterness grew deeper. At 17 we got into another fight this time I was at my prime and top shape and a top fighter. He challenged to a fight over something trivial and threatened to finish what he started when I was 15. I saw red, anger exploded through me. I jumped over the coffee table and started punching him. He got up and I pinned him against the wall, driving furious fist into his ribs. This is the first time I ever saw fear in my dad’s eyes. He knew I was trying to kill him and the truth be told I was. My brothers and a few friends pulled me off my dad. He called the police and I kept trying to go after him. He was hurt I could tell and I relished that he was getting what he deserved. The police made me leave or they would arrest me so I left. Anger and rage filled my heart – I wanted his head – I wanted to inflict pain on him. Now I realized that I became everything I said I would never become. I acted and behaved like my father. A man filled with no love just anger.
I was the same monster my dad was! Like father like son! I despised my own self, I did not want the anger – I did not like my bitter soul. My state of mind was angry! It was not even that I got angry every once in while I was angry all the time! I moved from anger to rage because rage is anger that never completely goes away. I lived in the grip of rage and I could explode at the drop of a hat just like my father. I too could drag people out of a car and start punching them out! I could go into fits of rage over a broke down car or being cut off in traffic. I felt my rage and anger was everyone else’s fault. They made me mad, and angry! I soon learned after becoming saved that “Anger was and is a choice!” I choose the path of anger – I choose that emotion over love– it was my choice and it was my father’s choice. This anger drove out the father’s love in my dad and made him a father filled with anger, rage and ugliness. I craved a father’s love and I never discovered it until after I discovered “God the Father’s Love.” But the battle with anger would last for a while until Kathy and the Lord helped to drive it out with love.
You see “I know that a Father’s love can make or break a child – Ephesians 6:4 (NIV) says “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” The NASB words it this way, “4Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
Anger is the force in this life which will drive out any resemblance of love in our lives. A father who is consumed by anger will not be a Loving father. The two do not live or dwell in the same being – they cannot.
Dr. Harbin states, “As a clinical psychologist specializing in the treatment of angry men, I’ve seen many of my patients lose jobs, wives, and opportunities because they were simply not able to handle the normal frustrations and disappointments in life. They argue, they insult, and they sulk. They come to think of themselves as ineffective, unlucky, or just plain losers. They don’t admit this to anyone, but deep inside, they feel inferior. Others don’t like them and they don’t like themselves. Their anger gets in the way of their ability to be good bosses, good workers, and good family men. I have also spent a great deal of time evaluating men who have been charged with serious crimes, such as assault and murder. Many, many of these crimes were not premeditated. These men did not all start out with the intention of hurting others. They reacted impulsively-often out of anger” (Beyond Anger, page 3).
Dr. Harbin also adds the following about the price of anger: Research indicates that high levels of hostility lead to ulcers, heart disease, and other physical illnesses. Too much anger drives others away and leaves you alone. Too much anger ruins marriages, keeps you from advancing at work, and acts like a ball and chain, dragging you down and hindering your progress in most areas of life” (Page 7). I add when anger rules a heart then the emotion of love is not present in that heart. Anger left unchecked and uncontrolled will drive love out of your life and everybody else around you!
Texts about anger:
The Bible says, “Be angry and sin not!” Eph. 4:26.
The Bible says, “4Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Eph. 6:4
The Bible says, “(love) is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs…” 1 Cor. 13:5
Quote: Dr. Harbin: “Many men find themselves unable to cope with even minor frustration. They get angry over trivial things, such as a broken pencil lead or overcooked hamburger. Their anger erupts and gets out of control. They feel as though they are constantly under attack, that everyone is out to get them, and that nobody understands or cares about them. This feeling of having no control leads to a state of continual frustration and anger…This tendency to react with instant anger can be called rage. Rage is anger that never completely goes away.” (Beyond Anger, page 7& 8)
The truth is we as God’s children can overcome anger – we can choose to let go of the anger and learn how to flow in love instead of anger. We can choose to stop fighting against everyone especially the ones we love the most and instead deal with things in a positive way. Anger is an emotion that is natural but it must be kept in control and expressed in the right way. The Bible says “Be angry and sin not!” Eph. 4:26.
We can also do what it says in Philippians 4:4-8 with God’s help:
4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!
5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.
6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
T.S. - So how should we as father’s deal with life’s trial and tribulations. What choice can we make other than getting mad or angry? Well in Scripture I see that three father’s who did the following. Let’s read their stories and observe what they did to deal with hard times in their families lives.
So how do we men – we father’s react to the pressures of family life, work demands, and stress?
3 men, 3 fathers teach us how to react to stress and pressure with love rather than with rage.
These are their stories:
John 4:43-54: The royal official – a father
Luke 8:49-56: Jairus - synagogue ruler – a father
Luke 9:37-43: Man in the crowd – a father
Scripture Texts:
John 4:43-54
43After the two days he left for Galilee.
44(Now Jesus himself had pointed out that a prophet has no honor in his own country.)
45When he arrived in Galilee, the Galileans welcomed him. They had seen all that he had done in Jerusalem at the Passover Feast, for they also had been there.
46Once more he visited Cana in Galilee, where he had turned the water into wine. And there was a certain royal official whose son lay sick at Capernaum.
47When this man heard that Jesus had arrived in Galilee from Judea, he went to him and begged him to come and heal his son, who was close to death.
48“Unless you people see miraculous signs and wonders,” Jesus told him, “you will never believe.”
49The royal official said, “Sir, come down before my child dies.”
50Jesus replied, “You may go. Your son will live.”The man took Jesus at his word and departed.
51While he was still on the way, his servants met him with the news that his boy was living.
52When he inquired as to the time when his son got better, they said to him, “The fever left him yesterday at the seventh hour.”
53Then the father realized that this was the exact time at which Jesus had said to him, “Your son will live.” So he and all his household believed.
54This was the second miraculous sign that Jesus performed, having come from Judea to Galilee.
Luke 8:49-56:
49While Jesus was still speaking, someone came from the house of Jairus, the synagogue ruler. “Your daughter is dead,” he said. “Don’t bother the teacher anymore.”
50Hearing this, Jesus said to Jairus, “Don’t be afraid; just believe, and she will be healed.”
51When he arrived at the house of Jairus, he did not let anyone go in with him except Peter, John and James, and the child’s father and mother.
52Meanwhile, all the people were wailing and mourning for her. “Stop wailing,” Jesus said. “She is not dead but asleep.”
53They laughed at him, knowing that she was dead.
54But he took her by the hand and said, “My child, get up!”
55Her spirit returned, and at once she stood up. Then Jesus told them to give her something to eat.
56Her parents were astonished, but he ordered them not to tell anyone what had happened.
Luke 9:37-43:
37The next day, when they came down from the mountain, a large crowd met him.
38A man in the crowd called out, “Teacher, I beg you to look at my son, for he is my only child.
39A spirit seizes him and he suddenly screams; it throws him into convulsions so that he foams at the mouth. It scarcely ever leaves him and is destroying him.
40I begged your disciples to drive it out, but they could not.”
41“O unbelieving and perverse generation,” Jesus replied, “how long shall I stay with you and put up with you? Bring your son here.”
42Even while the boy was coming, the demon threw him to the ground in a convulsion. But Jesus rebuked the evil spirit, healed the boy and gave him back to his father.
43And they were all amazed at the greatness of God.
Summary:
I see three different scenario’s in Scripture where a Father is driven by the Love for His child to seek help from Jesus. These three father’s were desperate and they went to the hope of the world for a miracle and the three Father’s received their miracles the healing of their children.
Today is Father’s Day and I want to address the subject of a father’s love. A father’s love is different than a mother’s love. It is primarily due to the way God has designed us men. Father’s are problem solvers and when you as a child get in a bind the father usually jumps in to assist in solving the problem at hand.
Quote: 3 men, 3 fathers, and 3 very sick children:
I. A father’s love causes him to seek help for his child or it teaches us that in difficult situations seek God’s help.
a. These three men faced the most stress full situation possible - a life and death struggle for their children.
i. What did they do? Get angry and mad at the world? At God? At family members? Go into fits of rage?
ii. No – their Father’s love drove them to seek help from the Lord! To cry out to Him for a divine intervention!
b. A father’s love for his child causes him to seek the assistance of the Lord Jesus when faced with life and death situations.
i. Each one of these men went looking for help for their child, they looked for hope from above!
c. His love compels him to look for a miracle for his child.
i. A father’s love for his child will drive him to look beyond this life to another Father for help.
d. Each one of these men had gone to Jesus for help – for a miracle for their child.
i. They swallowed their pride.
ii. They asked for help.
iii. They admitted their limitations.
iv. They took responsibility to find help for their children.
e. They asked for help, they asked the one who gave them hope.
i. There is nothing that a loving father would not do for his child.
II. A father’s love for his child opens up his heart to believe in Jesus the miracle worker. To have faith!
a. These Father’s love for their children caused them to open up their hearts to a higher power – to place their faith in Jesus’ healing power of love.
i. Tough times should cause us father’s to open up our closed hearts.
1. Not to let rage take control of our lives!
ii. Facing life and death situations with our children should cause us to let go of the macho image and to cry out to Jesus.
1. We need to release the anger and the rage and reach out to the power of love.
iii. When we believe- when we place our faith in Jesus we will receive from Jesus’ His love and His power.
b. A believer changes his attitude from skepticism to trusting in the Lord for provision.
c. When we see Jesus for who he is – A Savior sent by love – then we should always learn to He take Jesus at His Word.
i. He came out of love – not hate, not anger, not rage – He came because of love!
d. The truth is if the father believes – places his faith in Jesus - then the household will usually follow his lead.
III. A father’s love compels Him to take Jesus at His word and do what He says.
a. These father’s love for their children lead them to Jesus, to love, to faith and then to a willingness to obey His words of life.
i. Love lead them to listen to His direction!
ii. Love compelled them to be doers of the Word!
iii. Love compelled them to place their child or situation into His healing hands.
iv. They let go and let God!
Conclusion:
A father’s love is essential for children and for the family unit. We as men of God need to be determined to walk in love not live in anger. Anger needs to be expressed in the right way not in a destructive way.
* We need to take our problems our stress to Jesus.
* We need to put our faith and trust in Him.
* We need to follow His word which always leads us to God the Father’s Love.
God the Father loves his children with a agape type love and the following video expresses that to all us who may not have a Father’s love – I never really knew a Father’s love but when I found the Lord I discovered what a Father’s Love is like!
Altar Call: Worship - Video “Father’s Love Letter” – (Time 6:09): http://www.fathersloveletter.com/video.html
