James Dobson tells of a 10 year old boy named Robert who was an absolute terror. Whenever his mother went to the doctor, he would literally attack the office, grabbing instruments and files and telephones. All the while his passive mother could do little more than shake her head in bewilderment.
During one examination, his pediatrician found severe cavities in Robert’s teeth and knew that the boy must be referred to a local dentist. But he was reluctant to this boy on anyone he knew. Eventually decided to send him to an older dentist who reportedly understood children. The confrontation that followed now stands as one of the classic moments in the history of human conflict.
Robert arrived in the dental office, prepared for battle.
"Get in the chair, young man," said the doctor.
"No chance!" replied the boy.
"Son, I told you to climb onto the chair, and that’s what I intend for you to do," said the dentist.
Robert stared at his opponent for a moment and then replied, "If you make me get in that chair, I will take off all my clothes."
The dentist calmly said: "Son, take ’em off."
The boy forthwith removed his shirt, undershirt, shoes, & socks, & then looked up in defiance.
"All right, son," said the dentist. "Now get on the chair."
"You didn’t hear me," sputtered Robert. "I said if you make me get on that chair, I will take off all my clothes."
"Son, take ’em off," replied the man.
Robert proceeded to remove his pants, and shorts, finally standing totally naked before the dentist and his assistant.
"Now, son, get in the chair," said the doctor.
Robert did as he was told, and sat cooperatively through the entire procedure. When the cavities were drilled and filled, he was instructed to step from the chair.
"Give me my clothes now," said the boy.
"I’m sorry," replied the dentist. "Tell your mother that we’re going to keep your clothes tonight. She can pick them up tomorrow."
Imagine the shock Robert’s mother received when the door to the waiting room opened, and there stood her son, as naked as the day he was born. The room was filled with patients, but Robert and his mom walked past them and into the hall. They went down a public elevator and into the parking lot, ignoring the snickers of onlookers.
The next day, Robert’s mother returned to retrieve his clothes, and asked to have a word with the dentist. However, she did not come to protest. These were her sentiments:
"You don’t know how much I appreciate what happened here yesterday. You see, Robert has been blackmailing me about his clothes for years. Whenever we are in a public place, such as a grocery store, he makes unreasonable demands on me. If I don’t immediately buy him what he wants, he threatens to take off all his clothes. You are the first person who has called his bluff, doctor, and the impact on Robert has been incredible." (James Dobson, Straight Talk To Men and Their Wives)
APPLY: There’s an saying: boys will be boys. Kids will be kids. What does that mean?
It means that when someone says that, they don’t believe they have any reason to worry about how the kids will turn out… because kids will always be kids.
Now, that seems logical… but it’s not.
Thru-out Proverbs parents are repeatedly warned that children left to their own can become monsters
Proverbs 15:5 “A fool spurns his father’s discipline, but whoever heeds correction shows prudence.”
Proverbs 15:20 “A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish man despises his mother.”
Proverbs 17:25 “A foolish son brings grief to his father and bitterness to the one who bore him.”
Proverbs 29:15 “The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.”
The message is clear: A child left to their own devises, without correction, can become a monster.
The Bible is filled with stories of kids that didn’t turn out too well.
· There’s Cain and Abel, where Cain killed his brother out of envy and bitterness
· There’s the story of Esau and Jacob, where Jacob stole and cheated his brother.
· One of my favorite stories in the Bible starts out telling about how Joseph was so hated by his brothers that they get him alone, beat the tar out of him, throw him in a pit, and then sell him into slavery.
And if you look closely at the parents in these stories, you’ll find that they often failed to be proper parents.
ILLUS: Stories like that remind of the one about the 2 sisters who’d spent the day fighting. When it come time for bed, they still mad at each other. But as usual, they knelt beside their beds for their prayers.
"Dear God," the 8 year old began, "Bless Daddy and Mommy, bless our cat and dog."
Then she stopped. Her mother gently prodded, "Didn’t you forget somebody?"
She glared across the bed at her 6 year old sister and added, "And, oh yes, God bless my ex-sister."
Still someone might say “What can you do?
There are some who look at kids who behave badly.
And they just shrug and say… “Well kids will be kids.”
The author of Proverbs wouldn’t agree.
He believed a parent should and could influence their children.
He constantly preached to his kids about what was right and what was wrong.
As he noted in Proverbs 29:15 “a child left to himself disgraces his mother.”
In fact he promised: “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6
According to a 2003 study by the Barna Group - they found that:
· A person’s moral foundations are laid by the age of nine.
· Most people make a decision regarding the personal significance of Christ’s death and resurrection by the age of 12.
· In most cases, people’s spiritual beliefs are irrevocably formed while they are still preteens. (Transforming Children Into Spiritual Champions. Ventura: Gospel Light, 2003)
So, apparently, it’s true. If you train up a child in the way he should go, he won’t depart from it.
But … how do I do that?
How do I “train up a child in the way they should go?”
1st – it starts with what we “say”
In Proverbs 4 Solomon says
“LISTEN, my sons, to a father’s instruction; PAY ATTENTION and gain understanding.” Proverbs 4:1
As I read that it kind of reminded me of the words of the comedian who said
“Don’t you hear the words coming out of my mouth?”
That’s roughly what Solomon is saying here:
“Hear the words coming out of my mouth” – listen to me, pay attention to me.
Now - when Solomon says “listen to me” “pay attention to me” he’s assuming he has something worth saying. Something worth listening to.
So - as if you’re a parent/ grandparent/ uncle/ aunt – what can you say worth listening to?
Well, what did Solomon have that was worth listening to?
I did a short survey of Proverbs, and found that there were at least three main themes.
(There may be more, but these were the ones that stuck out for me).
Those three main themes are summed up in the following verses:
· "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.” Proverbs 1:7
· "Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching." Proverbs 1:8
· "My son, if sinners entice you, do not give in to them… my son, do not go along with them, do not set foot on their paths; for their feet rush into sin, they are swift to shed blood." Pr 1:10, 15-16
Those are the three main themes I found laced throughout the book of Proverbs
· First - fear God
· Then, remember what I’m teaching you.
· And then careful who you hang out with, and who you try to be like.
If a parent will repeat those three ideas – over and over again to their child – it WILL make an impact
ILLUS: One parent I read about did this in a powerful way. (William Willimon Upper Room 1980)
Her son said that when he was “in high school, every Friday and Saturday night, as I was leaving home to go on a date, I remember my mother bidding me farewell at the front door with these weighty words, ‘Don’t forget who your are.’
You know what she meant.
She did not mean that I was in danger of forgetting my name and my street address.
She meant that, alone on a date, in the midst of some party, in the presence of some strangers I might forget who I was. I might lose sight of the values with which I had been raised, answer to some alien name, engage in some unaccustomed behavior”
In that phrase “Don’t forget who you are” that mother was driving home to her son:
1. fear God
2. remember what I’ve taught you
3. and be careful who you hang out with
So 1st – raising your child the way you should starts with talking the talk
But as we all know, it’s not enough to “talk the talk”. What else do we need to do?
That’s right – “walk the walk”
Solomon was very good at “talking the talk”.
And for the majority of his life he even walked the walk.
But toward the end of his life, he grew tired of that walk.
In I Kings 11:9-13 we’re told
“The LORD became angry with Solomon because his heart had turned away from the LORD, the God of Israel, who had appeared to him twice. Although he had forbidden Solomon to follow other gods, Solomon did not keep the LORD’s command.
So the LORD said to Solomon, "Since this is your attitude and you have not kept my covenant and my decrees, which I commanded you, I will most certainly tear the kingdom away from you and give it to one of your subordinates. Nevertheless, for the sake of David your father, I will not do it during your lifetime. I will tear it out of the hand of your son. Yet I will not tear the whole kingdom from him, but will give him one tribe for the sake of David my servant and for the sake of Jerusalem, which I have chosen."
Solomon – one of the wisest men who ever lived - talked the talk.
But he ended up NOT walking the walk.
And because he failed to walk the walk… he hurt his son!
Here’s the deal: if you want a child to grow up the way that they should go, you’ve got to have YOUR priorities straight.
· You’ve got to decide that YOU’RE going to fear God
· You’ve got to decide that YOU’RE going to remember what God taught you
· You’ve got to decide to be careful who YOU hang out with.
Just an example of how this works is the first story I told you this morning. That mother was afraid of her son. He would repeatedly blackmail her by saying he would take off his clothes and because she feared HIM… he was God to her.
That little boy decreed to her what was right and what was wrong.
That which you fear, is that which you will obey.
That’s why Proverbs tells us
“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” Proverbs 9:10
If I fear God, I won’t fear anything else.
Oswald Chambers put it this way
"The remarkable thing about fearing God is that when you fear God, you fear nothing else, whereas if you do not fear God you fear everything else."
So 1st we need to talk the talk with our kids
2ndly we need to walk the walk
And 3rd… we need to Look to God.
If we look to God, God will be the one who is at the center of our lives.
And if that is true, our kids will notice.
If we sincerely look to God in faith - if we believe we can trust God in all situations – our children will too
When King David died, his son Solomon’s became the next king.
But Solomon didn’t start out to be as obedient to God as David had been.
Throughout the Psalms, David tells us how he meditated upon the law of the Lord day and night.
But apparently Solomon didn’t start out doing that.
Reading God’s Law was NOT a priority for him
And the reason I know that’s true is found in 1Kings 3:3. There, we’re told: “Solomon showed his love for the LORD by walking according to the statutes of his father David, except that he offered sacrifices and burned incense on the high places.”
If Solomon had studied God’s Law he would have known that God hated his people worshipping on the high places. In Deuteronomy 12, God declared:
“Destroy completely all the places on the high mountains and on the hills and under every spreading tree where the nations you are dispossessing worship their gods… You must not worship the LORD your God in their way.” Deuteronomy 12:2,4
God had decreed that his people must not worship on the high places. But that’s exactly where Solomon started out trying to meet God. Unfortunately for Solomon God didn’t want to meet him there. And God wasn’t going to talk to him there.
I sense that Solomon realized this as well.
I sense that there Solomon had come to the point where he was hungering for the God his father knew so well, but couldn’t get past the gnawing feeling that something was missing.
And I suspect it was that emptiness that led Solomon to seek to worship God where his father had worshipped Him – at the altar in front of the tabernacle at Gibeon (I Chronicles 21:29 and II Chronicles 1:5)
It was only when Solomon sought the bronze altar that had been made in the days of Moses, and offered 1000 burnt offerings on THAT altar that stood in front of the Tabernacle – it was only THEN that God came to him and began to work in his life.
And it was after that sacrifice that God gave Solomon his famous wisdom. And using that Wisdom Solomon built Temple for God that his father had always wanted to build
Now, my point is this: even though Solomon didn’t start out obeying God like his daddy did. But when he tried doing religion that way he came away unsatisfied. And that drove him to find out what his father had done that he wasn’t.
He KNEW the relationship David had with God was real, and he wanted that same bond/closeness he’d seen in his father. And because Solomon did that /because he struggled to followed his father’s example his kingdom eventually became even greater than David’s had been.
CLOSE: Kids left to themselves can become self-absorbed/self-destructive people.
But children that raised up in the ways of God have an edge no one else has. They have an advantage because their parents take their faith seriously.
Years ago the "Christian Life and Faith" magazine presented some unusual facts about 2 families.
In 1677 a wicked man married a very immoral woman. Over the next 150 years, there were 1900 descendants from this union. Of these,
771 were criminals,
250 were arrested for various offenses,
60 were thieves, and 39 were convicted for murder.
Forty of the women were known to have venereal disease. These people spent a combined total of 1300 years behind bars and cost the State of New York nearly 3 million dollars.
The other family was the Edwards family.
The third generation included Jonathan Edwards who was the great New England revival preacher and who became president of Princeton University.
· Of the 1,344 descendants, many were college presidents and professors.
· 186 became ministers of the gospel, and many others were active in their churches.
· 86 were state senators, three were Congressmen, 30 judges,
· and one became Vice President of the United States.
No reference was made of anyone spending time in jail or in the poorhouse.
What your children/grandchildren become depends – to a great extent – upon you and what you choose to do with your God.
