A Godly Wife and A Godless Husband
I Peter 3:1-6
Although it IS Mother’s Day, it has to be a God-thing that our study of I Peter brought us to I Peter 3 ON MOTHER’s DAY. The idea of talking about godly women is not new on Mother’s Day, but the timing of our study in IP Peter makes it one of those “Christian Coincidences” that is hard to miss.
Ruth Graham, Billy Graham’s wife, said it was a great day in her life when she realized it was not her job to change her husband. She said, “It was my job to love Billy, and God’s job to change him.” We want to focus this morning on what our job is—and then trust God to do His job.
“Likewise”: he continues on with a previous thought. The theme is 2:12 – “keep your behavior excellent among the Gentiles”—talking about the way we live being a testimony / witness. We should want to see people get saved. We should live our lives in such a way that they see Christ in our lives and they are attracted to Christ by the way we live. The thoughts in chapter 2 are keep your behavior excellent by the way you submit to government and the way you submit to your employer. Now he continues by saying you also need to keep your behavior excellent by the way you submit in the home. If you want to have a maximum impact on your culture, live a model submissive servant life. If you want to have a maximum impact on your workplace (or your school or your neighborhood), live a model life as the best employee your company has. If you want to have a maximum impact on your home, live a model submissive life in your home. It’s the same principle…the same impact.
So, today’s message isn’t just for saved wives of unsaved husbands, even though that is what the passage talks about. It is about how we ALL are supposed to live our lives in this world. Notice in vs. 1 it says that our goal is to see people get saved—in this verse, it especially applies to an unsaved spouse.
Notice that vs. 1 says that some of these women were married to husbands who were “disobedient to the Word.” Some of these ladies, who had already been married, got saved. And Peter wants to tell them how to live their lives so that they can live godly lives in front of their unsaved husbands. This is not a sermon on marriage. Peter’s message is a sermon on MIXED marriages.
Notice three things Peter does not tell these women:
1. Don’t leave your husband. If you really love them, you should want them to be saved. So stick around and do what you can to see him find Christ. In I Corinthians 7, Paul specifically says, if he doesn’t want a divorce, then you shouldn’t pursue one. Stick around, because when God is blessing you, your husband benefits. Peter doesn’t say a saved wife should leave an unsaved husband (or a saved husband shouldn’t’ leave an unsaved wife, either).
2. Don’t preach to him. Don’t paste Bible verses all over the house. Don’t play Christian radio so loud it drives him out of the house. Don’t hound him or nag him or preach to him. Vs. 1 says that he could be won WITHOUT A WORD from you about his need for salvation. You need to concentrate on living a godly life instead of coming up with another way you can sneak the gospel message in front of him.
3. Peter doesn’t say that men are superior to women. Don’t get bent out of shape about this “submit” thing. He tells them that submission is part of the Christian life—both men and women. Peter doesn’t say that men are superior to women. In fact, if you notice in vs. 7, when it says a husband is supposed to see that his wife is weaker…it means that the husband also is weak! Men, we need help, too. You aren’t superior. You aren’t invincible. You aren’t the boss. You can’t expect your wife to submit to you unless you are also submissive to her—and to Jesus Christ. That goes back to Ephesians 5:21 that tells us we are to be submissive to each other in the fear of Christ.
Margaret Thatcher became the prime minister of England in 1979. While she and her family were moving into the prime minister’s residence, a reporter was interviewing her husband. Probing for a sign of jealousy, a reporter asked Mr. Thatcher, “Who wears the pants in this house?”
Mr. Thatcher replied “I wear the pants in this house. And I also wash and iron them and fold them, and do whatever else Mrs. Thatcher wants!”
A point of contention in many marriages is “Who’s going to wear the pants in this family? Who’s going to call the shots? Who’s going to have the last word?” Many marriages break up because these power struggles are never resolved. So, Peter isn’t trying to get off on a women’s rights thing. In the Jewish culture, which was a patriarchal culture dominated by men, they had no rights. They were treated like livestock and furniture. In the Greek culture, they had rights—in fact they could vote and hold office. So we have to understand the cultural difficulty Pete writes about. But take those rights back into the home. If any Christian women in that culture struck out on their own and accepted a religion different from their husband’s religion, it was seen as insubordination…and that would make a mess out of their home life and eliminate any opportunity they had to be a witness to their husbands because he would already be reacting against her behavior. Instead, live your life in such a humble, submissive, loving way that he sees your inner beauty and knows that something special has happened to you.
Vs. 2 completes the thought of vs. 1 …so that they may be won to Christ without a word as they observe the chaste and respectful behavior of their wives.
--the lovely, gracious, gentle submission of a Christian woman to her unsaved husband is the strongest evangelistic tool she has. It is NOT what she says, it is what she is. Peter teaches us that a godly wife wins her husband, not through his ears, but through his eyes.
Notice the three things Peter says she should concentrate on:
1. Chaste / purity This isn’t just sexual faithfulness and purity. It has to do with all kinds of moral purity. It means, she should abstain from any sin that defiles the believer’s life. Moral purity…choosing right…choosing to be godly.
I Timothy 5:22 says, ”Keep yourself from sin.”
I John 3:3 says purify yourself as Jesus is pure.
2. Respectful – respect your husband. I heard about a wife who fell into bed and sighed, “Lord, I’m tired.” Her husband calmly said, “Dear, in the privacy of our bedroom, you can call me Jim.” That’s not the respect Peter is talking about. He means, honor, encouragement, faithful to him. Appreciating who he is and what he brings to the marriage.
3. Vs. 3,4 Inner beauty of a quiet and gentle spirit.
From the looks of the words Peter uses, there was a preoccupation with external appearance.
They took lots of time braiding the hair and wearing jewelry and putting on dresses. Now, is Peter against those things? Probably not. I’ll probably get in trouble for this, but I heard an old evangelist say, “ It is amazing what a little paint can do to help an old barn.” God is not saying that women should not adorn themselves in a lovely way. He is not talking about the absence of outward beauty but the problem of a woman making outward beauty the priority. He’s is warning about the obsession with external appearance.
In Peter’s day, cosmetics were big. Do you think that the wild hairdos and hair colors are weird? They are nothing new. They had them in Greece and Rome. Women dyed their hair purple and red and green and yellow. In fact, the Romans had an obsession with wigs—especially blonde wigs imported from the area that is now Germany. They braided it elaborately and piled it higher and higher. They wore finger rings and nose rings and bracelets. They wore ivory and tortoise shell combs in their hair. They wore jewels and silk and perfume. They used their entire fortune on their make-up and wardrobes.
All this sounds like Isaiah 3:18ff. Women have always been preoccupied with the outside (and so are men! We get preoccupied with what women look like on the outside.) But that is not true beauty.
And…that’s just about all they had to do to occupy their time…that and take care of the children. Here is this woman who has gotten saved and is in an unhappy relationship with an abusive and domineering husband. She simply turns her attention on trying to make herself outwardly attractive to him, but Peter tells her to focus her time and energy on developing her inner beauty.
According to the Chicago Tribune (January 30, 2005), inner beauty may not be enough these days. In an article called “When Inner Beauty Simply Isn’t Enough,” author Wendy Donahue reports on the growing popularity of plastic surgery to improve personal appearance:
Blame the Baby Boomers for turning 50 at the rate of about 5 million a year. Blame the Hollywood Foreign Press for awarding a best-drama Golden Globe to an extreme-makeover soap opera.
But, like it or not, the nip/tuck trend is spreading like wrinkles and waistlines in this country. The number of surgical and non-surgical cosmetic procedures in the U.S. increased by 20 percent in 2003 to a total of nearly 8.3 million, according to the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery.
“It’s not just Palm Beach socialites having procedures,” said Adam Sandow, publisher CEO of NewBeauty magazine. “At the end of the day, everyone wants to look better.”
Looking better from God’s point of view begins on the inside, not the outside.
I Samuel 16:7 – don’t look as man sees, but look on the inside, how God sees a person. Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart.
In the eyes of the Lord, inner beauty matters more than outer beauty, especially for a Christian wife who wants to win her husband to Jesus.
Notice what he3 says about this inner beauty:
1. it lasts – he calls it imperishable.
“Beauty? Let me tell you something, being thought of as ‘a beautiful woman’ has spared me nothing in life, no heartache, no trouble. Love has been difficult. Beauty is essentially meaningless, and it is always transitory” (actress Halle Berry, one of People magazine’s 50 most beautiful people).
Do you know why we have so many beauty parlors? Because you have to keep going back to them. One visit never finishes the job. Women go to get a “permanent,” but it isn’t. Even if they make you outwardly beautiful, the effect wears off. And that’s why we have so many nail salons. You have to keep going back to have your nails treated. And that’s why we have so many clothing stores in the shopping malls. Everything you buy eventually wears out or goes out of style. That’s not an indictment on the beauty industry. It’s just a simple statement of fact. External attempts at beauty are temporary.
Here’s a news flash: we don’t always retain outward beauty as we grow older! But when your character is built on godliness and the love joy, peace, patience of the Spirit’s work in your life…that will last long after your clothing styles change and your braided hair turns gray.
“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised” (Proverbs 31:30).
2. it is quiet and gentle
Does Peter demand that the wife NEVER talk in the home? No. God understands the nature of
women and the nature of men. He knows that women by nature love to communicate, and they
communicate well! And he is not saying here that it is wrong for women to communicate, to
talk. It is not wrong for the believing wife to share the gospel with her unbelieving husband. But
there comes a time when communication ceases and it becomes nagging.
Look at the word “quiet”. It doesn’t mean someone who whispers, or says nothing. It is a word that describes the ability to control one’s emotions, and to be peaceful and tranquil, in spite of what is going on around you.
Peter is not describing a weak, shy, timid, scared woman. In fact, it takes a woman of deep strength to be able to control herself and her emotions, and deal peacefully and gently with people.
A comedian once said, “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” Unfortunately, some wives feel that they have to be loud and assertive in order to accomplish what they want. They feel like if they don’t speak their minds, no one will know what they think.
3. it is precious to God – it is of great worth in the sight of the Lord.
Finally, notice vs. 5,6. I want you to see two things:
1. Think for a minute about all those magazines you see at the check-out lane and on the magazine rack. Think for a minute about the models (men, don’t think too hard!) We call those women models. Models of what? Character? Purity? Godliness? No. They are models of external beauty and we know very little about the character of their lives. Now, like vs. 5 says, take your Bible and find models – and you’ll find Hannah, who prayed diligently. You’ll find Deborah, who served courageously. You’ll find Dorcas, who met the needs of the poor. You’ll find Esther, who courageously used her external beauty for the benefit of God’s people. Those are the models I Peter 3:5 tells you to model your life after.
2. Second, we know from Genesis 12 that Sarah was a very beautiful woman. Two different times, rulers tried to take her from Abraham. That’s the reason Abraham lied about her in the first place. When the Egyptians saw her, they called her a “very beautiful woman” (Genesis 12:14). She was no plain Jane. Sarah was beautiful by any standard. That helps us understand that Peter doesn’t mean to denigrate outward beauty. But Sarah is commended by the Lord, not for her outward beauty but for the inner beauty that allowed her to trust her husband in a difficult situation. Her inner beauty shines much brighter in her willingness to believe God and trust her husband.
The last phrase of vs. 6 says she wasn’t dominated by fear. That fear could mean a fear of losing a husband (or not getting one because you aren’t pretty enough); it could be a fear what your husband is doing, it could be the fear of being a quiet and gentle spirit instead of nagging and wrangling and pushing…the godly woman is dominated by surrender to God and God’s timing and God’s plans—and doesn’t let fear make her concentrate on externals instead of internals.
Let’s conclude this study this way:
Here’s a thought: catch him with your body and you won’t be attracting him to Christ. Catch him with your cooking and you will be attracting him to YOUR ability. Catch him with your godliness and you’ll be pointing him to God. If you are trying to see him find Christ, he won’t find Christ in an image of make-up and jewelry and hairstyles. But show him a pure life, a quiet and respectful life—and He’ll be seeing Jesus Christ.
When Matthew 6:33 says, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you,” Christ was talking about worry about what to wear and what to eat and where to sleep. Don’t you also think Christ is referring to seeking first God’s righteousness and allowing God to then work out the issues IN the home? When we seek first inner beauty, outward conflicts will fade away. When we seek first inner righteousness, outward blemishes will lose their importance. This applies to MEN and women. We need to pursue godliness as hard as we focus on external appearance.
