“SUCCESS IN SINGLENESS”
4th in Series: Searching For Success
Rev. Todd G. Leupold, Perth Bible Church, January 31, 2010 AM
INTRODUCTION:
Success and Singleness are not two words most people easily put together. For most, the state of singleness is only ever supposed to be a temporary, necessary stage of life. Some might even go as far as to see as a 'necessary evil.' Too frequently to be single is seen by others and/or the single person as a curse to be endured only until it can be broken. Everywhere we turn, society screams loud and clear: “You're still single – well, isn't it about time you do whatever it takes to 'fix' that?!”
By the way, before you decide to assume this morning's message isn't for you and tune me out, consider that the state of singleness is not just for the never-married. In fact, many of us who are married will yet find ourselves single again. For some, it may be through the pain of divorce. For others it may be through the pain of a spouse's severe disability or death. ALL of us need to hear and ponder this message.
All of my life, even from a young child, I just wanted to get married and have a family. Every semi-interesting girl was evaluated for future-mate potential. Nevertheless, I didn't marry until I was 27 AND I had first finally come to turns with being single. I can still remember the thoughts, fears and hurts that could at times haunt me: “I'm only half a person,” “I'm not really part of society,” “Something must be terribly wrong with me,” “My entire life is on hold and in limbo, because I don't want to make any long-term or permanent plans until I get married,” “If only I was married, people would respect me more,” “Most, if not all, my problems are related to my singleness,” “If I just had a soul-mate, I'd be happy – my problems would melt away.”
But, are these things true? Sure, they certainly feel true, but are they really? ABSOLUTELY NOT! Consider:
Sue Kolinsky: “I'm 33, single . . . Don't you think it's a generalization you should be married at 33? That's like looking at somebody who's 70 and saying, hey, when are you gonna break your hip? All your friends are breaking their hip-what are you waiting for?”
John Fetterman, rector of Grace Episcopal Church in Madison, WI, told of an elderly woman who died. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, “They wouldn't take me out while I was alive; I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.”
Someone else once quipped, “Two can live as cheaply as one, but it's worth the difference to stay single.”
From a biblical perspective, Fred Hartley wrote: “Jesus was never married, and he was normal. Paul was not married, and he was normal. John the Baptist was single, and he was normal. History is full of normal men and women who were never married. We need to understand that one is a whole number.”
SCRIPTURE: 1 CORINTHIANS 7:24-38
PRAYER
THE CHALLENGE: BE COMPLETE AS YOU ARE (vv. 24-27)
What does it really mean to be single? Too often our struggles start and even end with the misunderstanding that single means 'not married;' that it is defined by the negative.
In truth, to be a single person is to be a whole, complete, separate and unique individual.
Biblically, it is the single person who is whole & complete and the married person is only 'a half!'
Genesis 2:22-24 Then the LORD God made the rib He had taken from the man into a woman and brought her to the man. And the man said: This one, at last, is bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh; this one will be called woman, for she was taken from man. This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh.
Matthew 19:6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, man must not separate."
ALL who would believe in the Lord Jesus Christ are called to sanctify ourselves before Him. This means to bring our thoughts and lives into submission and alignment with His. To be conformed into His image of character and purpose. To be set apart for a special use and purpose that He has created each one to fulfill. To, in the meantime, prepare and form oneself to that purpose.
Romans 8:28-30 We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose. For those He foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brothers. And those He predestined, He also called; and those He called, He also justified; and those He justified, He also glorified.
This is true whether we are single or married, by choice or by circumstance. It is easiest and best to attain first or solely as a single individual. Think about it. Have you ever tried to put together two very different puzzles simultaneously and while seamlessly fitting them together? If one desires to be a master swordsman or gunslinger, he or she must first learn to master the weapon in one hand before attempting to master a weapon in each hand.
And, sometimes, long after one has mastered and gotten used to being two-handed, it can be very difficult and awkward to have to go back to just one.
The Apostle Paul, who was likely widowed and childless, wrote to the Philippians:
Philippians 4:12-13 I know both how to have a little, and I know how to have a lot. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being content--whether well-fed or hungry, whether in abundance or in need. I am able to do all things through Him who strengthens me.
Paul's secret to contentment through an extreme variety of circumstances and trials was his personal, individual completeness in and service to Christ without hindrance!
SINGLENESS IS A GIFT (vv. 28-35)
How? Consider the three blessings mentioned in these verses:
1.) Spared From Trouble
Taking care of one's own self is trouble enough. Being responsible for the physical, mental, emotional, financial, relational and spiritual well-being of a spouse (not to mention children) is a whole mess of trouble! Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it is something to be regretted or not worth it. But, it IS a mess of trouble.
Even the uncommitted in our society recognize this:
“Some people never marry because they don't believe in divorce.”
“The great majority of men who go around looking for arguments are single.”
“The advantage of being single is that it's a wonderful experience – until your wife finds out.”
Scripture, of course, takes a much different approach and is even more extreme in identifying the possibility and extreme of trouble that can come from marriage and family entanglements!
Deuteronomy 13:6-11 "If your brother, the son of your mother, or your son or daughter, or the wife you embrace, or your closest friend secretly entices you, saying, 'Let us go and worship other gods'--which neither you nor your fathers have known, any of the gods of the peoples around you, near you or far from you, from one end of the earth to the other-- you must not yield to him or listen to him. Show him no pity, and do not spare him or shield him. Instead, you must kill him. Your hand is to be the first against him to put him to death, and then the hands of all the people. Stone him to death for trying to turn you away from the LORD your God who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the place of slavery. All Israel will hear and be afraid, and they will no longer do anything evil like this among you.
NO, this is not permission for us to stone our unsaved or ungodly spouse today! The specifics were for a specific people at a specific time. The principle, however, remains intact: Family, especially spouses, can be a danger and deterrent to our relationship with Christ. This, in turn, is a very, very serious – life-and-death – issue.
Jesus made clear this principle yet applies to us today, and even more so for those redeemed through His work on the cross:
Luke 14:26-28 "If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his own father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters--yes, and even his own life--he cannot be My disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple. "For which of you, wanting to build a tower, doesn't first sit down and calculate the cost to see if he has enough to complete it?
It is far better to be single, even alone, and firmly in relationship with Christ than to be married and led by temptations, troubles, stress, or an opposing life apart from Him!
2.) Undivided Devotion
A life free to be truly and absolutely devoted to the LORD in ways not even possible for those with spouses and/or children.
Lionel Strachey put it this way: “Celibacy has the advantage of involving submission to the wants and wishes of a single tyrant.”
Unlike Mr. Strachey, the Christian's 'single tyrant' is to be not the self, but the Lord Jesus Christ – and He is not a tyrant, but He does deserve absolute fealty!
Mark 12:30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.
Matthew 6:33-34 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you. Therefore don't worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
3.) Open Service
To an extent, marriage hinders individual spiritual growth. How? Because it requires that your interests will always be divided and never entirely or solely upon the Lord. At least one other has a legitimate claim to you – your body, time, attention, energy, emotion, interests and activities.
By the time you have fulfilled your responsibilities serving your spouse and/or children, you have only much more limited resources to openly serve the LORD.
SINGLENESS IS STRENGTH (vv. 36-38)
Once again, God's Word contradicts that of our world and society. In God's Word, singleness is for the strong and marriage is for the weak – at least in some respects
Friends, do not confuse your need for help in your life, with a need for a spouse. More often than not, a spouse will complicate, not simplify, your life and struggles!
Marriage is not a completion, but a new beginning in a very different identity.
Matthew 19:10-12 His disciples said to Him, "If the relationship of a man with his wife is like this, it's better not to marry!" But He told them, "Not everyone can accept this saying, but only those it has been given to. For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother's womb, there are eunuchs who were made by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves that way because of the kingdom of heaven. Let anyone accept this who can."
Jesus is saying: no matter the reason for your singleness and chastity, accept it for as long as you can as an opportunity for undivided service unto God and growth into His image!
SEIZING YOUR STATUS:
If God has or one day does choose you for a time or even life of singleness, EMBRACE IT! Singleness is not a time to prepare for a future marriage or pine for one that has ended in divorce, disability, or death. Rather, it is YOUR time to perfect who you are as a unique individual created by God in His image, redeemed by Christ in His sacrificial death, and chosen to accomplish an eternal purpose through the superintendence of the Holy Spirit! It is a time to pour your singular focus upon greater pursuing, knowing, and serving Jesus in a singularly intimate relationship.
THIS is your time to blossom. THIS is the time to strive to reach your maximum individual potential in Christ. Don't let any one, institution or feeling cause you to give this up and get married 'out of season.' Seize the fullness of Jesus!
Challenge Yourself:
1.)How close can I get to God?
2.)How sensitive can I be to the leading of the Spirit?
3.)How much of the mind of Christ can I have without division or distraction?
4.)How can I enjoy my life with Jesus?
