God’s Answer to Our Family Problems
Matthew 19:1-12
Sermon by Rick Crandall
McClendon Baptist Church - Sept. 20, 2009
*Let me start by saying that this Scripture gives a strong message against divorce. But don’t tune me out if you have gone through a divorce or you are struggling in your marriage right now. There is probably not a family here that has not been hurt in some way by divorce. We’re all in the same boat.
*My dad’s mother divorced my grandfather in 1928, after he was unfaithful to her. My dad was 8 at the time, with two younger sisters. My grandmother was left to raise 3 children by herself, the youngest around two. My dear mother was divorced around 1935 after one year of marriage. The experience was so bitter that she never once spoke of it to us.
*Of the 7 children in our two families, every one but Mary and I have either been divorced or have married someone who was divorced. And let me say that Mary and I are still together, not because we are something special. We are still together by the grace of God. By His grace, we have learned some things about real love over the last 35 years. I have got to admit that I am a slow learner, but I have learned a little about love. And I give all the glory to God and the good wife He gave to me.
*We are not here tonight to judge divorced people. Nobody knows the pain of divorce better than those who have been through it. We are here to look into the Word of God to find help for our family problems. And God wants to help us. In this strong passage against divorce, the Lord shows us 5 things to do.
1. First, seek help from the Healer.
*We see Him in vs. 1-2:
1. Now it came to pass, when Jesus had finished these sayings that He departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan.
2. And great multitudes followed Him, and He healed them there.
*Those people needed healing, and they did the best thing they possibly could have done -- they followed Jesus. Sometimes we need healing too, -- not just physical healing, but spiritual and emotional healing too. We need healing in our families. And nobody can heal like Jesus! Trust in the Lord as your Healer. Trust in the help of God.
*King Duncan told about a little boy who sat through a Sunday School class and learned about the time Jesus went to a wedding. You may remember that this was the time when Jesus turned the water into wine. After class, his dad was curious and asked, “What did you learn from that story?”
*The little boy thought for a moment and gave this great answer: “If you’re having a wedding, make sure Jesus is there.” (1)
*You will never get better advice. Sometimes our problems seem overwhelming, but the Lord can help us like no one else can. How can we overcome our family problems? Seek help from the Healer.
2. And turn away from the hardness in your heart.
*The biggest problem we see in these verses is hard hearts. First we see hard hearts against our Master. In vs. 3, “The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?’” The Pharisees came to Jesus testing or tempting Him. They weren’t there to get guidance, wisdom or help. They were there trying to trip Jesus up and embroil Him in a controversy.
*The law they asked about is found in Deut 24:1, which says, “When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house.”
*I have always been under the assumption that divorce was rare in Biblical times, but that is not true. It was generally easy for a man to divorce his wife. And divorces from the earliest times were common among the Hebrews. Wives usually couldn’t initiate a divorce. But a woman could pretty easily provoke her husband into taking the first step, if she wanted to. The divorce decree itself was about 10 lines long, and required 2 witnesses. Here’s the process:
(1) The husband had to write her a Bill of Divorce drawn up by some legal authority.
(2) The decree had to be placed in the hand of the divorced wife.
(3) She had to go.
*That was it. Controversy arose between two schools of the Pharisees. The Shammai school held that nothing less than unchastity or adultery could justify a man divorcing his wife. Hillel and his disciples went to the other extreme. They contended that divorce should be granted for the flimsiest of reasons, such as messing up supper by overcooking it or by using the wrong seasoning. Other valid reasons for divorcing your wife included her going out on the street with her hair loose, spinning in the street, flirting with a man or being a noisy woman. What was a noisy woman? It was one who speaks in her own house so loud that the neighbors may hear her. (2)
*This was the world that Jesus walked in. And this was the controversy the hard-hearted Pharisees tried to use to trip Him up. The Pharisees were there because their hearts were hardened against Jesus. They rejected the true Messiah and Savior of the world. Our world today is full of people like those self-righteous men. And if there is even a whisper of that kind of thinking in your heart today, -- turn away from it!
*In these verses we see hard hearts against our Master, but in vs. 4-8, we also see hard hearts against our mates. In vs. 4-6, Jesus simply took them back to the beginning. He took them back to God’s plan in the Garden of Eden. But in vs. 7 they said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?’’ And in vs. Jesus replied, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.
*What causes divorce? That’s a very important question, because there will be 1.2 million divorces in America this year. (3)
*Lee Raffel and Jean Houston gave these common reasons for divorce: Chronic abuse--sexual and physical, Chronic substance abuse, Infidelity, Trust betrayed by deception, lies, and emotional or physical abandonment , Verbal brainwashing, which impairs self-worth and Personal safety and protection of children (4)
*Other top reasons for divorce include: money problems, poor communication, change in priorities, intimacy issues and lack of commitment. (5)
*We could list many more reasons for divorce, but Jesus boils all of them down into one reason: A hard heart. Whenever a couple gets divorced, at least one of them is making decisions with a hard heart, and they need to repent. How can we overcome our family problems? Turn away from the hardness in your heart.
3. And let God set the standards for your home.
*When it came to God’s standards for divorce, Jesus simply took these men back to the beginning. He took them back to God’s plan in the Garden of Eden. Listen to the Lord again in vs. 4-6:
4. And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning `made them male and female,’
5. and said, `For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?
6. So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.’’
*Jonathan McLeod gave this insight: In the book of Genesis we are told that God made man, and at that time man was alone. Perhaps the Lord let Adam be alone for a long time to let him know he was missing something. Then Scripture says that God took man and from man He made woman. In Gen 2:18, she is called a “help meet for him;” that is, a help that was fit for him. In other words, she was to be the other half of him. He was only half a man, and she was to be the other part of him. (6)
*Aaron Burgess adds: Marriage was intended to bring humans happiness. In the book of Genesis we read that when Adam saw Eve he said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man.” (Genesis 2:23). Someone called this the first love song. In the original language Adam is expressing a tremendous excitement, a joyous astonishment at being married to this woman. His statement could read more like this, “I have finally found the one who can complete me, who takes away my loneliness, who will be dear to me as my own flesh. She is so beautiful! She is perfectly suited to me. She is all I will ever need.” (7)
*This was God’s original plan for marriage. And Jesus pointed them to His plan. But there was more. As the Lord often did, He raised the bar far beyond the Old Testament law. So in vs. 7-9:
7. They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?’’
8. He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.
9. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.’’
*That’s God’s standard for marriage. But the question is: Who is going to set the standard for our lives? According to the Barna Group, only 16% of American adults say they make moral choices based on the contents of the Bible. (8)
*We need to let God set the standards for our lives. But what if you fall short of God’s standards? -- And you will. What are you to do? God says to confess and repent, and trust in the Lord who died for your sins. God is never surprised. Jesus Christ knew all about your sins when He died on the cross for you.
*He will certainly forgive anyone who turns to Him, trusting Him for forgiveness and salvation. Trust in the Lord to save you. Then every day renew your commitment to live up to His standards of goodness, faithfulness and love.
*How can we overcome our family problems? Let God set the standards for your home.
4. And don’t be overwhelmed by the obstacles.
*Life can be overwhelming. Peanuts cartoon character, Charlie Brown once said: “I’ve developed a new philosophy -- I only dread one day at a time.” (9)
*Do you ever feel that way? Life can be overwhelming. In vs. 10, the Lord’s disciples compared Christ’s perfect standards with their own imperfections. And they were overwhelmed. So in vs. 10, “His disciples said to Him, ‘If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry.’”
*Have you ever been so intimidated that you wanted to give up before you even started? The job or need or situation seemed too big to tackle. But God doesn’t want us to be overwhelmed! God wants us to follow His will in faith, -- even when the task seems impossible. How can we overcome our family problems? Don’t be overwhelmed by the obstacles.
5. And be ready to receive God’s plan for your life.
*Overwhelmed by the strict standards for divorce, the Lord’s disciples told Jesus, “If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” Notice the Lord’s response in vs. 11-12:
11. (Jesus) said to them, “All cannot accept (or receive) this saying, but only those to whom it has been given:
12. For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother’s womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it.”
*This is a difficult Scripture, but there is something here for you to take home tonight. So let’s take a look at these verses. First we see that some people are born with serious health problems. And some people are abused by evil men.
*These things are certainly not God’s perfect will or His plan. We know this because Acts 10:38 tells us that Jesus “went about doing good and healing all who were oppressed by the devil.” And God does have a plan for your life.
*You may have been born with serious health problems. But God has a plan for your life. You may have been abused by some evil people. But God has a plan for your life.
*These verses also tell us that part of God’s plan for our lives may be a call to singleness. Some people are called to singleness by God. The Apostle Paul certainly was. So was Lottie Moon for another example, and countless other devoted believers.
*Jesus said, “He who is able to accept it, let him accept it.” And there is something for all of us in that word “accept” or “receive.” The word picture is making space -- giving God room to work in your life. And that’s what He wants us to do. God has a plan for each one of our lives, and we have to trust Him enough to fulfill it. Be ready to receive God’s plan for your life. Give God room to work.
*I love the story Bruce Howell tells about a young lady’s conversation with a preacher. He had come to her church to preach a revival, and they talked about her dedicating her life to the Lord. She said, “I don’t dare give myself totally to the Lord. He might send me out as a missionary to China!”
*The preacher answered: “If some cold, snowy morning a little half-frozen bird came, pecking at your window, seeking shelter. And the bird would let you take it in, putting itself entirely in your power. What would you do? Would you grip it in your hand and crush it? Or would you give it shelter and warmth and food and care?” A new light came into the woman’s eyes and she said, “Oh, I see now. I can trust God.”
*Two years later she met the same evangelist again, and reminded him of their conversation. She told him that she had completely given herself to God. Then her face lit up with a bright smile. “Guess where He’s sending me? she said -- To China!” (10)
*You can trust God to take care of you too. So give God room to work in your life. It is certainly one of the best things we can do to overcome our family problems.
1. Sermons.com illustration from King Duncan - Topic: Marriage
2. Adapted from the International Standard Bible Encyclopedia - Divorce in Old Testament
3. Home Life, June 2009, p. V (Found in “In Other Words” - September 2009 #1 by Dr. Raymond McHenry, - 6130 Barrington ~ Beaumont, Texas 77706 (800) 553-4697 www.iows.net)
4. From “Should I Stay or Go? How Controlled Separation Can Save Your Marriage” by Lee Raffel and Jean Houston (Found in Fresh illustrations by Jim Wilson - fi052901 - FreshMinistry.org)
5. www.associatedcontent.com/article/35097/top_reasons_people_divorce.html
6. SermonCentral sermon “Being Submissive in Days of Rebellion” by Jonathan McLeod - 1 Peter 2:13-3:12
7. SermonCentral sermon “Three Essentials for a Happy Marriage” by Aaron Burgess - Eph 5:1-2
8. Outreach, November/December 2008, p.34 (Found in “In Other Words” - September 2009 #1 by Dr. Raymond McHenry, - 6130 Barrington ~ Beaumont, Texas 77706 (800) 553-4697 www.iows.net)
9. www.kevinfitzmaurice.com (Found in “In Other Words” - September 2009 #1 by Dr. Raymond McHenry, - 6130 Barrington ~ Beaumont, Texas 77706 (800) 553-4697 www.iows.net)
10. SermonCentral illustration contributed by Bruce Howell
