INTRODUCTION
Good morning! My name is Rickey Bennett. I’m one of the pastors here at Warrior Gospel Disciples! No matter if this is your first time, last time or sometime in between I’m glad that you’re here. In case you haven’t noticed, Jesus as Lord and Savior is loved, worshipped, and preached here. We are more than a people gathered in a building to get out of the hot sun. We are a people who have come to realize through the Spirit of the Living God that we desperately need of a Savior, and oh what a wonderful Savior we have in Jesus Christ.
I’m sure that most of you if not all of you have heard of the reality television show called “Survivor.” Well, listen to this as a possible next SURVIVOR Series. Six married men will be dropped on an island with: 1 car and 4 kids each, for 6 weeks. Each kid plays two sports and either takes music or dance classes. There is no access to fast food.
Each man must take care of his 4 kids, keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, etc. The men only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done. There is only one TV between them and there is NO REMOTE. The men must shave their legs; wear makeup daily, which they must apply themselves, either while driving or while making four lunches. They must attend weekly PTA meetings; clean up after their sick children at 3:00 a.m.; make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4-year-old to eat a serving of peas. The kids vote them off the island, based on performance. The last man wins only if ..............he has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment’s notice. If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over again for the next 18-25 years ... eventually earning the right to be called "Mother."
Happy Father’s Day to you and yours! Here in this place, everyday, as well as special days like Father Day can easily lose its significance. Let’s see if we cannot recapture the essence and rejuvenate its power into our lives. God does not want us to wallow in self-pity or squander away our blessings. May the Gospel ruin and bless Father’s Day.
For some, Father’s Day, brings joy that is accompanied with happy memories and close relationships both with your father and your own children. For others, Father’s Day, is associated with hurts, pain, grief, broken promises, anger, bitterness, despair, disappointment, guilt, condemnation, discouragement, disillusionment, brokenness, and loneliness. For others, perhaps the most of us, Father’s Day, is a day that has no or little value other than to just an excuse to talk with our fathers; in cases like this, Father’s Day is really no different than any other day. Whether Father’s Day normally brings joy, sadness or boredom may the gospel infuse this Father’s Day and all that follow with new life and meaning.
Read Poem: Antwone Fisher “Who Will Cry for the Little Boy”
Based on a true story, the film Antwone Fisher, tells of a young man who grew up in an abusive foster home. Over the years, Antwone grew bitter towards his natural family for giving him up. By the time he enlisted in the Navy, his anger got him into so many fist fights that he was sent to Navy psychologist Jerome Davenport (played by Denzel Washington), who becomes a father figure to Antwone.
After they have built trust with each other, Antwone shares a powerful poem with Davenport. At this critical juncture, his counselor raises the key issue that Antwone must deal with to find healing.
The conversation takes place just after the Thanksgiving meal at his counselor’s house. Antwone gives Davenport a folded piece of paper, and Davenport reads it aloud thoughtfully.
"Who will cry for the little boy
Lost and all alone?
Who will cry for the little boy
Abandoned without his own?
Who will cry for the little boy?
He cried himself to sleep.
Who will cry for the little boy
Who never had for keeps?
Who will cry for the little boy
Who walked the burning sand?
Who will cry for the little boy
The boy inside the man?
Who will cry for the little boy
Who knew well hurt and pain?
Who will cry for the little boy
Who died and died again?
Who will cry for the little boy?
A good boy he tried to be.
Who will cry for the little boy
Who cries inside of me?
Davenport says, “Who will cry?” Antwone responds, “I will. I always do.” To which Davenport replies, “This is excellent, Antwone. You’re good because you’re honest. You are more honest than most people. Even in your anger—the only thing you’re not honest with yourself about is your need to find your own family; your natural family. You’re upset with them because you feel they didn’t come to your rescue. Maybe they didn’t know. Antwone replies bitterly, "How could they not have known?" Davenport says, "That’s the question you need to ask. ’Regard without ill will despite an offense.’ That’s Webster’s definition of forgiveness." Antwone says, "Why do I have to forgive?" Davenport answers, "To free yourself, so you can get on with your life." [Content: PG-13 for violence, language, and mature themes involving child abuse. Elapsed Time: 01:11:10 to 01:13:45 (DVD Scene 20)].
All of us here fall into one or two of these categories: you are either a father and or a child of a father. That’s simply the way it is. There were only three people who ever lived on the planet who did not have an earthly father, Adam, Eve and Jesus. Now all 3 of them had an heavenly father and Jesus had an adoptive earthly father but the rest of us got here because of both a man and a women. That’s the way God designed it.
Today’s message is divided into 3 parts: children, parents (fathers), and Christians. Everyone here who has trusted in Jesus Christ for forgiveness of sins has a heavenly Father because you are His adopted son or daughter. So this passage speaks to the way that the heavenly Father relates to you. If you’re here today and you haven’t done that set, we’ll give you the opportunity to have an adoption ceremony today.
Please turn in your Bible to Colossians 3:20-21. When you have found it, please stand to your feet.
READ COLOSSIANS 3:20-21
We’re beginning a new preaching series today that will take us through the book of Colossians. I would normally begin with chapter 1 and verse 1 but since today is Father’s Day and this text is about fathers I decided to begin with it instead. A preaching schedule is available with dates and texts for each sermon. I am trusting that this will serve to help you to get into the Word and to allow the Word to get into you so that you grow and stand firmly in the faith.
In context, Paul is asking us to apply the specifics of what it means to do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus (3:17). If we are grateful to God for salvation from sin and wrath in Jesus Christ; if we are wanting to bring attention to the character of Jesus and the good news of His gospel; then that is going to affect the way we act toward each other, the way we talk to each other, and our attitudes toward each other. This week we what it looks like for children and parents (particularly fathers) to relate to each other in the name of the Lord Jesus.
PRAYER
Paul wrote this letter to faithful believers in the church at Colossae, so he’s telling Christian families how to live. Of course what he says would be God’s will for non-Christian children and parents also, but that’s not what Paul is mainly thinking about. He wants to instruct believers here. And he says that the goal of Christian fathers (and mothers) is to raise up children who are not discouraged, but encouraged. We’ll see what those terms mean later on. And the goal of Christian children is to please the Lord by obeying their parents. That’s how we show each other the character of Jesus and the goodness of the gospel of salvation. So this message is about fathers encouraging their kids and kids in turn obeying their fathers. My title is: Father Knows Best. We don’t always know what is best but Our Heavenly Father Knows Best for sure.
Four quick generalizations from this text: first, God’s Word in general and this verse in particular speaks to both parents and kids; second, these verses are commandments not suggestions; third, it is asking for unquestioning adherence to god-given authority; and, fourth, obedience pleases God.
The text divides naturally into two parts. First Paul speaks to children. Then he speaks to fathers. We’ll look at each one of those in turn. Then we’ll close by connecting that to the relationship of God the Father and God the Son.
On the one hand, realizing that there are no dependent children present here I’ll keep this section at a minimum. On the other hand, knowing that many of you have dependent children at home or may have children in the future; thus we highlight the main point so that you can grasp the main point. So let’s begin with the children.
Big Idea: God is glorified when fathers, sons and daughters reflect His grace.
1. (v.20a, c) Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
I could sense the agreement this truth would have with you all even while I was preparing this message. Following orders is ingrained into the very fibers of our military, country, and faith. If your child were here you probably would be elbowing them right now or telling them to listen up.
It brings a sense of order, discipline and satisfaction both in the kingdom of man and kingdom of God. On the surface, all obedience may appear to be the same. As we examine God’s Word and let the Word examine our hearts we will learn the truth and the truth will set us free. The truth is not all obedience is equal. What often drives us to obey our parents and what often drives our desires for our children to obey us can be very different from and opposed to godly desires and values. Remember, Our Father Knows Best!
By the way, what is it that we want and does that align with God’s intent of this truth? Surely, we would all agree that it is God’s will for both saved and unsaved children to obey their parents. However, what is my focus as I parent my children? Is it focused upon changing behavior (morals-driven parenting) or changing the heart (gospel-driven parenting)? What is the difference between the two? Both morals-driven and gospel-driven are concerned with the morality of their children. Both may desire children who love God and others as themselves.
God commands children to obey parents out of a grace-motivated desire to please Him.
“Gospel-driven” in the home is not new. It’s not another Christian fad with a catchy phrase that after having its day in the sun will simply fade away. We must remember that Paul did not intend to separate these commands to children and to fathers from the life-giving foundation of the Gospel laid out in chapters 1-3. The Ten Commandments as well as these commandments are not central in Christian parenting. The gospel is.
Morals-driven parenting says, “Obey me without a word and you then will be blessed;” thus, morals-driven children hear, “If you obey me then I will love you.” It is fear-based and man-centered. Its only reward is this present life.
Gospel-driven parenting says, “You are unspeakably blessed so obey;” thus, gospel-driven children hear, “I love you no matter what.” It is love-based and Christ-centered. Its rewards are in both this life and the life to come.
Thus, grace-motivated obedience comes from desires to please God not serve self. Children obey their parents because it gives them joy to please God who has given them what they did not deserve. (Eph. 2:8-9; Rom. 5:2, 15-20; 6:14; 1 Cor. 15:11; 2 Cor. 9:8, and 12:9).
Transition: Obedient Children need Encouraging fathers to lead them.
Big Idea: God is glorified when fathers, sons and daughters reflect His grace.
2. (v.20b, 21a) Children obey your parents…fathers do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
God gives authority & responsibility to fathers for raising their children. Now this command would also certainly apply to mothers, because they too have a God-given authority in the life of their children. Children are to obey both fathers and mothers, because both of them direct their children and ask them to do things.
The correction of this verse is for mothers also. But the Lord singles out fathers in this verse because they have the primary accountability for how the children are doing. Verse 18 reminds us of that. There we are told that wives are to submit to [their] husbands, which means mothers yield to the leadership of the fathers. Kids obey mom and dad, and mom yields to dad, and that means that the dads have the primary accountability for how the kids are raised and the responsibility to lead in that.
So here’s what that means for dads. We have to be involved. We have to be intentional to lead in the care and development of our children. Our wives have an important and irreplaceable role. They are our helpmates who are particularly gifted in the nurturing and day to day care for our kids. They are going to bear much if not most of the practical day to day child training. But it would be wrong for us to just expect our wives to do everything while we are off pursuing something else.
The Teacher by Leslie Pinckney Hill
Lord, who am I to teach the way
To little children day by day,
So prone myself to go astray?
I Teach them KNOWLEDGE, but I know
How faint they flicker and how low
The candles of my knowledge glow.
I teach them POWER to will and do,
But only now to learn anew
My own great weakness through and through.
I teach them LOVE for all mankind
And all God’s creatures, but I find
My love comes lagging far behind.
Lord, if their guide I still must be,
Oh let the little children see
The teacher learning hard on Thee.
A husband can think that because he’s bringing home a paycheck that his responsibility toward his kids is fulfilled. But his responsibility doesn’t end there. Nor can he tune out his family and just pursue his hobbies, his investments, and his pet projects. God looks to the fathers to be primarily responsible for the spiritual and character development of their children. The shaping of their character and their training in godliness rests finally with the fathers. God calls us to lead. Father knows best!
Transition: Fathers are not only called to lead but to be dads who encourage their kids.
3. (v. 20c) Fathers are called to raise children who are not discouraged. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
To become discouraged is to become disheartened, to lose motivation and have a sort of resigned apathy toward life. It’s to lose hope, to lack confidence, and to become unhappy. God does not want that for our children. In fact, he wants the opposite. God wants kids who are hopeful, not hopeless, who are motivated to try things rather than dispirited and dejected. He wants fathers (and mothers) to help kids take heart, to become confident, to be happy.
If we said no more than that, we wouldn’t be saying anything distinctly Christian. Probably no parent, Christian or non-Christian, would say that the goal of parenting is to discourage their kids. That may be what many parents end up doing, which is why we have this command here, but that isn’t what parents generally set out to do. So pretty much everyone agrees we shouldn’t do that. But the apostle Paul isn’t just teaching what everybody already thinks here. He’s not just endorsing the worldview of Dr. Phil or any number of daytime talk show hosts who want to tell you how to have a great family. He’s not talking about giving your kids everything they want, protecting them from every trial, or boosting their self-confidence and self-esteem.
Paul has a distinctly Christian and God-honoring kind of encouragement that he wants our kids to experience. He wants fathers to raise kids who are not just happy in their circumstances, but who are happy in God. He wants fathers to raise kids who are not confident that they can do anything they put their mind to, but who are confident that God is for them and so they are motivated to try things to bring glory to him. He wants fathers to raise kids who are not just hopeful that they will have a smooth and trouble-free life, but who hope in the God who has said “I will never leave you or forsake you.”
We know that because that’s the way Paul encourages the Colossians. For the whole letter he’s been reminding them of all that God has done for them and will do for
them because of their salvation in Christ. Forgiveness of sins, right relationship with God, deliverance from the power and penalty of sin and demonic forces, and the riches of knowing Jesus Christ who is our source of life. Therefore you have hope in this God. Don’t be unmotivated and disheartened and hopeless and unhappy. Believe the unseen realities of God’s promises and God’s goodness.
That’s how Paul keeps the Colossians from discouragement. So it would be totally
uncharacteristic for him to now turn and say, “But when it comes to your kids, just make sure that you keep them happy with worldly pleasures. Make sure they never lack a snowboard or an iPod or something else they want. Make sure you never do anything that might upset them, like discipline. Don’t ever give them a hard thing to do.”
No, that’s not the kind of encouragement Paul is talking about. God calls on the dads (and the moms) to help our kids to be happy in God, motivated to obey and honor him, confident in his unfailing love.
Transition: But we can seriously hinder that encouragement by how we parent. We, especially fathers, can provoke our children and tempt them to discouragement, to become unmotivated to pursue God and unwilling to trust God.
Big Idea: God is glorified when fathers, sons and daughters reflect His grace.
4. (21b) Fathers can undermine a child’s encouragement in God. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
The word provoke that is used here does not necessarily mean to stir them up to anger. That is one kind of provocation. It’s the kind talked about in Ephesians 6:4, which says “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger… But this isn’t the same word here in Colossians. This word provoke is a general word for ‘stir up’ or ‘push in a certain direction’. And by using this general word, Paul is saying that parents, and particularly fathers, are to avoid everything that would tempt their child to be discouraged toward God: to lack confidence in his love, to lose hope that he is truly a Savior, to doubt his goodness and seek happiness somewhere else besides God.
Big Idea: God is glorified when fathers, sons and daughters reflect His grace.
5. (21b) Fathers can undermine a child’s encouragement in God. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
What are the ways fathers provoke their kids?
There are many ways we can do that. An obvious one would be to discipline in anger; to have a critical spirit toward our kids. I’ve done that. And I’ve found out the truth of James 1:20, “the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” In other words, angry discipline doesn’t produce the godly qualities you hope to see in your kids. It doesn’t work. Instead, it provokes them to lose heart in God. They learn to expect God to be angry at them and condemn them whenever they sin. But the gospel tells us that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ.
But we can also provoke our kids to discouragement by abdicating responsibility to discipline. If we don’t discipline our kids, which means to direct them away from sin and toward righteousness by the use of consequences, then we are encouraging them in sin. We are supporting the inclination of the human heart which is to do whatever is right in our own eyes. And that doesn’t faithfully represent God’s care for his people.
Hebrews 12:6-8 says this: “For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives." It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.”
We provoke our kids and tempt them to find happiness somewhere else besides God by not disciplining the ones we love, by not turning them to God who is the source of life.
And I’ll mention one more way we can provoke our kids to discouragement in God. We do our children a disservice when we display a dispassionate example by not showing that we love God ourselves and following his commandments. Our kids watch our behavior more than our words. It is better caught than taught.
They’re perceptive. They know whether dad is more excited about money than about God. They know if dad is more eager to go hunting than to go to church. They know if dad is really reading his own Bible or praying much or if he’s slandering people or if he’s mean to mom. And they compare that with what the Bible says and they are tempted to think, “Well, God must not be all that great. My dad doesn’t act like it. His life isn’t much different from the life of a non-Christian. Why should I follow this God?”
That’s provoking our children to discouragement, to not hoping in God. God would have us fathers avoid all these things because he wants our children to be happy in God, to hope in God, and to be motivated to bring him glory for so great a salvation. So fathers (and mothers), God’s word to us today is “do not provoke your children, lest they
become discouraged.” Instead, let’s encourage them to hope in God by hoping in God ourselves, and showing them the discipline and instruction of the Lord in patience and kindness.
The Father that knows best…loves best; cares best; is there best; corrects best; thinks best; feels best; talks best; listens best; behaves best; teaches best; leads best; confesses best; repents best; forgives best; confronts best; inspires best; encourages best; and disciples best.
Transition: Now, we need to connect this to the good news of the gospel. These commands are for earthly children and fathers. But like everything in Scripture they point to something greater.
Big Idea: God is glorified when fathers, sons and daughters reflect His grace.
6. (20-21) Encouraging Fathers and obedient children point to the relationship between God the Father and God the Son. Fathers can undermine a child’s encouragement in God. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
3. THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN GOD THE SON AND GOD THE FATHER Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers can undermine a child’s encouragement in God. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
A child should obey and a father should encourage a child in the Lord. But that’s not only to have happy families. It’s because both of those things point to the relationship between the obedient Son of God and his loving Heavenly Father and the plan they worked together for our happiness and hope in God.
We can see this all working out in John 8:28-29. So Jesus said to them, "When you have lifted up the Son of Man, then you will know that I am he, and that I do nothing on my own authority, but speak just as the Father taught me. And he who sent me is with me. He has not left me alone, for I always do the things that are pleasing to him."
Jesus was an obedient Son to his Father. He always did the things that are pleasing to the Father in every detail, and in every moment of his life. He obeyed his father in everything. And the Father gave the Son this task: he sent him into the world to save sinners. The Father’s will for his Son was to take on human flesh, live a sinless life and then to be lifted up on a cross of suffering and death in our place and for our sins. And the Son obeyed willingly and without complaint. Philippians 2:8 says he became obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Though it was a terrible thing to Christ to bear his Father’s wrath, he did it.
So when a believing child obeys his or her earthly father, not with complaints and not in sin, but willingly, he or she reflects something of the obedience of Christ that saved his people from judgment. That’s the greater reason for the command to children. It glorifies the Son of God.
But the passage in John speaks to fathers also. God the Father was a perfect Father to his Son, because he encouraged the Son in Himself. Jesus said of his Father, “he who sent me is with me. He has not left me alone.” God the Father did not neglect God the Son. The Son always knew that the Father was with him and for him.
He had heard the voice from heaven say, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased.” (Mt. 3:17) He was aware of his Father’s pleasure. Except for one time. When he was on the cross, bearing the sins of his people in himself, his Father poured out his displeasure on his Son. And it was a terrible thing for him to bear. But even then, he knew that this was according to the Father’s good and perfect will. Hebrews 12:2 says that it was for “the joy that was set before him [that Jesus] endured the cross despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” He had to endure the Father’s wrath, but he walked obediently to meet it because he knew that on the other side was joy and a throne and the glory that he had with the Father from before the world existed (Jn. 17:5).
The Father did not dishearten his Son. He did not neglect his Son or tempt him to be discouraged in God. He was a perfect father who loved his Son. So when a Christian father encourages his children in God, he reflects something of the love that the Father had for his beloved Son. That’s the greater reason for the command to Fathers. It glorifies God the Father.
And how does this relate to all of us, whether we are children or parents or those without children or without parents? Here’s how. God the Father will do the very thing for each of us that he requires of earthly fathers. He will not provoke us to discouragement. He will not discipline us in anger. He will not withhold discipline. He will not fail to point us to his glory and by his Spirit show us that he is the fountain of living waters, the source of all happiness and hope. God our Father is a perfect Father for all who are his sons and daughters by faith. If you are going through any trial or discipline, know that the Father is not angry with you, but that he disciplines the one he loves. He disciplines you that you may share in his holiness, and ultimately share in his joy.
If you are aware of your sins – whether sins of disobedience, or sins of parental failure or sins of some other nature – God the Father will never leave or forsake you, he will never neglect you, he will never fail you, he has forgiven your sins. Why? Because his Son obeyed him perfectly in your place, even to death on a cross. And we can rest in that. May the Lord glorify his name in our willful and happy and hopeful obedience to him in all things.
Transition: How shall we respond to God’s command s of obedience and encouragement?
Big Idea: God is glorified when fathers, sons and daughters reflect His grace.
Conclusion: Which reality are you living? (Mohawk Trail Teambuilding Illustration) A morals-driven parent child relationship characterized with selfishness, individualism, and offenses. Perhaps you’re already living the reality with your father and or your children as a relationship that already reflects glory to God, and in that case you have much to thank God for right now.
When Eve first opened her eyes on planet earth, she was already married to Adam. Soon afterwards, Adam and Eve became parents. Think of it, it had never been done before. They had no parenting books to read. No other parents to bounce ideas off of. They just stepped into growing up. Some of you here parents before you had a chance to be a child, or know what it means to be innocent and grow up with your trust intact.
You can’t go back and make things different. You’re not the same person and you’re never going to be. You cannot relive your parental years any more than you can relive your first marriage or your early childhood. But there are three scriptural steps you can take to get up, get over it and move on: (1) Forgive what others have done to you (See Eph 4:32). (2) Forgive yourself for what you’ve done (See Php 3:13). (3) Believe that God has truly forgiven you and act on it (See Isa 43:25).
Sometimes we hold onto the past because we believe there’s something there we think we still need. We cling to certain things because we fear we’ll never be able to replace them. No, God has more in store for you. If you’ve entrusted your future to Him you haven’t seen your best days yet. There’s more ahead of you than behind you. God promises: "Beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness" (Isa 61:3). So in God’s strength get up, get over it and move on!
Reflect his glory in your parent and child relationship. Gospel-driven parent child relationship produces joyful, not fearful, obedience. Our Father really does know best.
