I don’t know if you need this message today, but I guarantee you I do. We are in the middle of a series entitled No Wake Zone. We’re looking at some Biblical principles that, if we would follow, would really create no wake zone relationships. Relationships, we’ve said, of rest and refreshment and encouragement. Relationships are really, really difficult. Today we’re going to look at one of the reasons why relationships are so difficult, and that is because of me, because of self.
As I think about the difficult times and the difficult spots and the relationships I’ve had in my life, one thing that stands out and transcends all those different occasions and situations is me and my selfishness. So, today, we’re going to talk about how to break the stronghold of self, because we’ll never have no wake zone relationships without dealing with our own selfishness.
My youngest son, Clay, loves going to pet stores more than anything else and he just loves animals. He’s kind of an outdoor guy, he’s really into that. So, whenever he has some time and I ask him what he wants to do, I know what he’s going to want to do. He wants to go to a pet store. He’s kind of in a snake phase right now, which is not good. He really wants a snake. Sometimes when kids ask you a question, as a parent, it’s tough to come up with an answer. I don’t have a difficult time answering that one. He says, "Why can’t we have a snake?" "Well, it’s easy. We can’t have a snake because snakes are evil. When you look in the very beginning of the Bible, Satan masqueraded as a serpent and so that’s why we can’t have a snake."
One of the pet stores he likes to go to in town, they have this, just massive boa constrictor. I’ve got to tell you, I want to squeal like a third grade girl when I see it. I mean, I just do. Man, they mess with me. So, he’s talking about snakes and the sales person is just all over it. She’s wanting to unload this boa constrictor on us; like that’s going to happen. I said, "Well, I’m sure a snake like this is hard to keep up with." Or, not hard to keep up with, obviously. That would be a problem if you lost it wouldn’t it? "Hard to take care of." She said, "Well, no not really. You only have to feed them once a month." I said, "Well, that’s not bad." She said, "Yeah, but it’s like a small pig." Wow. That’s a neat scene I want going on in my house, a National Geographic special in your den.
She said, "Really, the main thing is, you have to help with their shedding. That’s what you have to help them with." I don’t want any part of that. I was just sort of playing along and I said, "Well, how does one help with the shedding of a snake of this size?" She says, "Well, you just have to have a spray bottle of water and just keep its body moist because it’s has to have tons of water on its body so that it’s easier to shed that outer layer." Since I’m a preacher and I’m always looking for illustrations I said, you know what, that’s it. I have an outer layer. I’ve got this hard shell in my life called my flesh and it makes relationships hard. Really, that’s a Biblical principle, that we could shed this outer layer so that God could live his life in and through us.
We’re studying on Wednesday in the book of Ephesians. Ephesians tells us how we shed that outer layer. It says in Ephesians 5:26 that we are cleansed, or we grow closer to God through the washing with water, through the word. That’s what the Word does. It cleanses us and it breaks this stronghold of self so that God can do what he wants to do in our life.
Let’s take a look today at a couple really quick principles that are so, so important to apply in our life if we’re ever going to have healthy relationships, in any arena of our life. If you have your Bibles, you can open them up to Romans 12? We’re going to look at this passage for just a second today. Then I’m going to look at four keys to really breaking the stronghold of self. Because, again, we’ll never have no wake zone relationships without this idea of dying to self. Romans 12:9. If you have that, let’s go ahead and stand. We did that last week. We want to continue to do that because we’re showing our honor for God and his word and our obedience to it.
In Romans 12:9 that Apostle Paul says, "Love must be sincere." It must be authentic. It can’t be phony. "Hate what is evil, cling to what is good." That’s what happens when I grow in my relationship with God. I begin to see as God sees and I do as God in my life. I hate what God hates and I love what God loves. And in verse 10 it says, "We ought to be devoted to one another in brotherly love." We should realize, as believers, there’s something that we have in common. What causes so many problems in relationships are different personalities, and a different interest. If we’re not careful, we spend most of our time, relationally, focused on that which divides us. And Paul says we should focus on what unites us, this bond we have in Christ. "Be devoted to one another in brotherly love and then," here’s this word that we have no idea what it means and we’ve really lost sight and touch of it in our culture. He says, "Honor one another above yourself."
Let’s pray together. Father, we love you today and I realize in your word there is freedom. Lord, today in this sanctuary there are many, many broken relationships, hurting relationships between husbands and wives, between children and parents. Lord, all types of different relationships that are really struggling today. I pray that you would meet us here, and Lord, we can begin to have some no wake zone relationships in our life as we begin to come under the authority of your word. In Jesus, Amen. You can be seated this morning.
The first key to really overcoming self is this idea of finding your purpose. This word, purpose, is really a hip word. I guess in the last ten or twelve years, everybody’s really talked about that, and Rick Warren’s written tons of books on that. You can get a purpose driven calendar if you want that today. We talk about purpose. I want to say today that you’ll never really overcome self until you find something greater than yourself to live for, that we need purpose in our life, and we need something that is far beyond what we have. I have gifts. You have gifts. You’ll either use your gifts for your glory, or you will use your gifts for God’s glory. We’ve got to. It’s so imperative in our life, if we’re every going to overcome self, we’ve got to find purpose in our life.
Let’s look at our notes here as we begin to understand what it means to find your purpose. Selfishness begins to die when you surrender to something greater than yourself. That’s the cause of Christ today, that’s what I’m going to say to you. There is something greater than yourself that you can surrender to; something greater than myself that I can surrender to. It’s God’s kingdom. It’s his cause on planet earth, which has impact now and for eternity. There is a greater, greater picture than we can be involved in. Let’s look on at our notes. I believe this. We’ve talked about it in this series over and over and over again. I believe that Christians have the ability to have the greatest and the healthiest relationships on planet earth. But, we struggle in relationships, just like everyone else.
Christianity is really the only cure for self. Can I say this today? We just talked about it a few moments ago. What is the biggest cause of dissention and difficulties in relationship? It’s just me being me; it’s selfishness. What is the cure for self? What is the cure for selfishness? If you ask a hundred people, why did Jesus come to planet earth? You could really boil down those answers. Most people would say, "Jesus came so I could miss hell and make heaven." There’s tons of truth to that, I’m not discounting that. I believe that Jesus came to save me from myself. Human beings, left up to themselves will destroy themselves. Some of you in your life can say, "You know what, that was me. I was tracking, doing exactly what I wanted and I was out of control and I didn’t realize it but I was destroying myself." That’s the enemy’s agenda for our lives and we play right into that with our flesh. The only cure is a real relationship with Jesus Christ to save us from ourself. We’ll talk about that a little bit later.
Let me ask you a question, because in this series, we’ve tried to be practical, and tried just to give you some things that you could take. I’m aware that you remember about five percent of what I say, which is such an overwhelming encouragement, I can’t tell you. We give you a handout, not because we want to insult your intelligence but so that maybe you could take that, and this week you’d look back over these scriptures and look back over these notes and God could remind you of some principles that he wants to put in place in your life.
Here’s a question I think that’s important. What is your life’s mission statement? Now, before you answer that, how many of you work at a company that has a mission statement? Your company or your workplace, you have a mission statement. Some of you don’t like your place of work. "Yeah we do, I don’t know what it is. I hope my boss is not here." That’s big in the corporate world today. It has been for a while. You have to have a mission statement. Really, what’s a mission statement? This says what we’re about. We have one here at New Vision. It’s "Knowing Christ and Making Him Known." That’s what we’re about. Knowing Jesus personally and making him known to our community. That would be one phrase that really defines who we are.
Let me ask you another question. What is your personal mission statement? If it’s important to have a mission statement at your workplace and at your church, wouldn’t it make sense that you would have a mission statement personally? Nobody’s nodding. Yes, I think it would. Have you ever thought about that? Maybe you have one. If you do, that’s great. If you’re mission statement is really about you then you’re still in this stronghold of self, and here’s the byline for this whole message today. If I live my life for myself, sooner or later I will end up all by myself. That’s why this is so, so important. Now, here’s the thing about great mission statements. Most of them are already taken. In other words, somebody already has them. Really catchy phrases and mission statements, they’re already gone.
My father-in-law, he’s now gone on to be with the Lord. He had the greatest personal mission statement for his life I’ve ever heard. Maybe got it from somebody else, I don’t know. It is on his tombstone now today in South Alabama. If you would go to Perdido, Alabama and see that cemetery, you would see my father-in-law’s tombstone. It gets me emotional thinking about it. His life’s mission statement was to go to heaven and take as many people with him as possible. That’s pretty dog gone good, isn’t it? It’s so good, I’ve just stolen it. That’s mine, because everything good’s already been taken. That’s me, that’s what I want. If you had to boil my life down to one sentence, "Hey, Brady, in your life, in one sentence, what’s it about?" Going to heaven and taking as many people with me as possible. Hey, if you can find a better one than that, I might adopt it. I don’t know. I think it’s important that find a purpose greater than yourself to give yourself to. I want to share with you that that’s in the kingdom. That’s living for the Lord Jesus Christ with reckless abandon.
Now, let’s look on and let’s see. We’ve talked about the first thing, finding our purpose. You’ll never break the stronghold of self until you find your purpose. Here is the second thing. We’ll never break the stronghold of self until we begin to go for the bronze. Now, here’s why I put that in. I get emails from some folks and there are some of you here that are trying to get your personal best as far as time, how long it takes you to fill in all the blanks. You fill in all the blanks before I even get to them, and you’ve elevated yourself to some spiritual level of excellence. You didn’t get that one right did you? I said, go for the, you already had the gold. Go for the gold, that’s what I do. That’s what our culture says, we should go for the gold. We should wake up every day, we should go for the gold, right? Be the best. See, I understand that.
In the Olympics they give away three medals, right? The gold for first place, the silver for second, and the bronze for third place. You never hear somebody who won the bronze medal interviewed and they said, "You know what? This is what I wanted. This is what I’ve been working for the last twenty years, to stand on this stage in third place. This is the goal in my life." No, everybody wants to go for the gold. As we think about relationships, if you want to win relationally, you have to be a person who’s going for the bronze, who is saying that I want to be third. God, you’re first, others are second. That’s what the scripture says, to put others ahead of yourself. Unless and until you adopt an I’m third attitude, you’ll never have no wake zone relationships. We want to be people who are going for the bronze.
Look at this. Service to others is the key to breaking the stronghold of self. You try to teach to your children that it’s important to do something for somebody else. In my own life, I have to realize that. Think about this today. When I wake up in the morning, before I have a cup of coffee, my first thought is about me. That’s why my name in the flesh around the house is Big Number One. Many of you know that. Whenever I’m living outside of God’s will, my wife has to remind me, "Big Number One, you’re showing up again." See, that’s the way it is. My first thought is about me, my desires, my wishes, my needs. That’s our default position. Unless I have a process in place that I’m living out on a daily basis, I’m going to destroy folks relationally. It is service that breaks the stronghold of self.
Listen to what Jesus said. Matthew 20:28, "Just as the son of man did not come to be served but to serve and to give a life as a ransom for many." That’s the way Jesus came and lived his life. His father’s will first, for others second, and for himself third. He had adopted an I’m third mentality. That is a key relational principle. Sometimes I meet with young people and college students. I like doing that. I love Murfreesboro. I love our community. It’s just a neat community because there’s just all different types of demographics here. Living in a university town is a cool thing. That’s a time in our life when we’re really thinking and we’re open to a lot of new ideas. Sometimes college students who come, as they’re thinking about marriage and think, "When should I get married? When will I know I’m ready to be married?" I think that’s a good question. Here’s how I would answer that. I don’t think you’re ready to be married until you’re ready to go for the bronze, until you’re committed to be in an I’m third kind of relationship, to put others ahead of yourself. If you’re not willing to die to yourself, you’re going to destroy somebody else very quickly. Isn’t that true? Some of you today would say, you know what, that’s the train wreck of my previous relationship. That’s exactly it. In every relationship in our life that’s such a key principle.
If you have your Bibles, let’s look back at a real interesting passage that makes this point. Boy, this is a great, great passage. Genesis 13, the story of Abraham and Lot. Abraham was the father of faith. Through his son, Isaac, this child of promise, we see the Messiah coming in that same line. So, Abraham brings Lot, his nephew, into his household to care for him. In that culture, it was real easy to differentiate between who was in charge relationally. The elder statesman, the older person in the relationship, the man, had the rights. In the relationship between Abraham and Lot, Abraham had the rights relationally. Now, let’s pick up this story in Genesis 13:5, "Now Lot was moving about with Abraham. And Lot also had flocks and herds and tents. But the land could not support them while they stayed together, for their possessions were so great that they were unable to stay together. And quarreling arose between Abraham’s herdsman and Lots herdsman."
In a relationship between Abraham and Lot, Abraham’s people and Lot’s people began to get sideways with each other. That happens in relationship doesn’t it? Here’s an interesting thing. In verse seven, "And quarreling began to break out between Abraham and Lot. The Canaanites and Perizzites were also living in the land at that time." Now, this is a culture of people that don’t even exist anymore. Why did God see fit to tell us that there were some other pagan people looking on into Abraham and Lot’s world? Here’s the reason. We live in a culture that is looking into the relationships of the lives of believers. They’re desperately wanting to know if Jesus makes any difference in relationships. Relationships are hard for everyone in this room, right? Can you imagine how difficult they are for folks that do not have a real relationship with Jesus Christ? So, our culture is looking for help. That’s why God shows that the culture is looking in on Abraham.
"So Abraham said to Lot," Abraham realized there was a lot at stake. "Abraham said to Lot, ’Let’s not have any quarreling between you and me, or between your herdsman and mine, for we are brothers’." In other words, we’re united, we’re family, we’re God’s people. "’Is not the whole land before you? Let’s part company. If you go to the left I’ll go to the right. If you go to the right I’ll go to the left’." Remember who’s speaking here. Abraham’s speaking. Now, think about this. Abraham had all the relational rights. Abraham had the right to go first. Do you understand what he’s saying? He’s talking about their livelihood. He’s saying, "Lot, you pick the choice land. Whichever way you go, I’ll give you first choice and then I’ll go the other direction." What an incredible principle of what it means to be I’m third that we see lived out in Abraham’s life. "Lot looked up." It’s like when somebody tries to buy your meal. Don’t you hate that awkward argument between people? My boys just steal the money while it’s on the table. They’ve learned to profit from quarreling. But anyways, you see...that was just a joke. Can ya’ll loosen up a little bit this morning? Wow. A lot of tension in the room here isn’t there? Yeah. Unbelievable.
Here’s the deal. Lot just says, "Okay." He doesn’t argue. He says, "Sweet, I’ll take it." So, he takes the land of the plain which was much more fertile. It was going to be easy to get around and navigate. We would say "Hey Abraham, you’re older and you’re weaker, I’m not going to send you up on those barren hills. You take the easier land, you deserved it." Lot just says, "Okay," and Abraham let him. Abraham, even in his old age, understood the key relationally is to adopt an I’m third attitude. Why was Abraham willing to do that? Why could he do that? Abraham knew his father had always provided for him. Didn’t God provide for him when he brought Isaac to be sacrificed? Abraham realized it wasn’t the land that was going to provide for him. It was God’s provision that was going to take care of him. That’s why he could risk going third.
"So, Lot chose for himself," verse eleven, "the whole plain of land of Jordan and set out to the east. The two men parted company. Abraham lived in the land of Canaan while Lot lived in the cities of the plain." What an incredible principle. Look at this. Living an I’m third life always creates a no wake zone. Let me ask you a question as we leave this. What would relationships be like at the office, at school, wherever you’re in relationship with people, if everyone adopted an I’m third mentality? Can you think about that for just a second? Wouldn’t that be powerful? Can you think about that at home? I have two boys. If the three of us were fighting over who was going to open the door for mom, "No, I will." "No you..." We’d be slow to get anywhere, but, boy, wouldn’t that be incredible if everybody adopted an I’m third mentality. Well, who goes first? Listen, as a believer we go first because we trust God’s provision in our life, to follow that principle.
Let’s look at the third thing today. If we’re going to die to self, we have to find our purpose. We have to find something to live for that is greater than ourself. Number two, we have to go for the bronze. We have to adopt an I’m third mentality. Then, number three, we have to grow up in our thinking. Now, what do I mean by that? Well, let’s look at a very interesting verse. I put it wrong in your notes. It’s I Corinthians 13, not I Corinthians 12. I Corinthians 13 is commonly referred to as the love chapter. Everybody loves I Corinthians 13 until you get down to about verse eight or nine and then we just kind of fade off.
This is what verse eleven says. I mean, you always hear I Corinthian 13 at weddings, the love chapter. "Love is patient." Everybody oohs. "Love is kind, it’s gentle." Nobody ever reads verse eleven at a wedding, it’s too intense. Paul says in verse eleven of I Corinthians 13, "When I was a child I talked like a child." Well, that makes sense doesn’t it? How does a child talk? What is Paul talking about? Children, at their worst, are whiners. Does that whining not just wear you out? I can handle a lot of things. I can’t handle the whining. I know your kids don’t do that. The sentence always start with them first, "I’m hungry, I, I, I." Finally I just said, "You know what? If we could just start a sentence with something other than I, that’d be great. Let’s try that. That’s a new rule."
Paul says, "When I was a child I just talked like a child." That’s just natural for children. He says, "When I was a child I thought like a child." What does it mean? What is children’s logic for thinking? It’s me. Isn’t it interesting? A kid can say, "It’s three hundred and sixty-three days to my birthday." Who remembers that but a child? Kids are the only ones who age themselves. "How old?" "Seven and a half." We don’t do that as adults. I’m thirty-seven until the day I turn thirty-eight. I mean, that’s the deal. "What do you want?" They’ve already got a list for what they want. Why? Because they think like children.
That’s what Paul says. "When I was a child I talked like a child. When I was a child I thought like a child. When I became a man..." Now when he’s talking here, he’s not necessarily talking about age as it relates to maturity. He’s talking about spiritual maturity. He says, "When I became a spiritual man, when I grew up in the Lord, I put off, or, I put my childish ways behind me." Now, this is something that’s interesting in the original language, the way that it’s written. It’s written in a sense that Paul’s saying I have to daily put my childish ways behind me.
You know what’s said about men? The only difference between men and boys is what? The price of their toys. That’s pretty true isn’t it? I mean, that’s true in my life with my hobbies. My wife sometimes, when I get a new fishing rod or something, she’ll come in and say, "How much was that?" I’ll tell her and she just shakes her head and walks out of the room. That’s never a good scenario is it? She said, "I can’t believe that you"...You see, that’s the thing. What Paul’s saying is, I have to put off daily my childish ways of talking and thinking because at my worst I am just all about me. That’s what the Apostle Paul says. So, I have to have a process of growing up in my faith. That’s what we all have to do. If we’re ever going to defeat self, we have to have a process; we have to have a plan of growing up in our faith.
Look at this. Selfishness always breeds conflict. Isn’t that true? Doesn’t selfishness always breed conflict? In your life today, after church some of you are going to leave and you’re going to go to eat. Guys, you’re going to say to your wife, or girlfriend, or whatever, you’re going to say, "Where do you want to eat?" "Oh, I don’t care." That’s a loser isn’t it? Sure she cares. Absolutely she cares. So, you’re going to say, "Okay" and you’re going to go grab wings. That’s where you’re going to go because that’s what guys do. She’s going to sit there and just not order. "Why aren’t you ordering?" "I’m not really hungry." "What do you mean you’re not hungry?" "I’m just not hungry. No, okay, I didn’t want to eat here." "Well, why didn’t you tell me?" "I thought you knew that I..." "I don’t know that." You see? We find ourselves in that. So, now you’ve got conflict. Why? Selfishness always breeds conflict in our life. Not most of the time, all of the time. If I’m living for self, it’s going to breed conflict in my life. What is selfishness? This is what the Apostle Paul is teaching us in I Corinthians 13. Selfishness is ultimately immaturity personified. It’s choosing not to grow up in the way we think and not to grow up in the way we talk. It’s choosing to live life like a child. That’s what the Apostle Paul is saying.
Now, let’s look at this last thing. We’ve left a few minutes here to talk about this today. This word that I am going to reintroduce for you has the potential and the power to revolutionize every relationship in your life. I would say that this word that we’re going to look at in scripture is one of the misunderstood and misapplied words in our culture. There’re two concepts that we’re going to end with today that our culture is desperately missing. Here’s the first one. It’s this concept of honor. If I’m ever going to break the stronghold of self, I have to understand the code of honor.
Now, what is this Biblical word? We saw it in our text today. Paul says we are to honor one another above ourselves. What does it mean to honor somebody? We’re initially thinking, "Well, who should I honor"? Well, let’s define honor first and foremost. Honor is a choice to praise someone for their immeasurable work. That’s what honor is. Just like last week, forgiveness is a choice. Honor is a choice to praise someone for their immeasurable work.
Now, let me show you this. This word, honor, is very closely aligned in scripture to another word, the word glory. That’s another churchy word that freaks us out. What does it mean to give God glory? Well, the Greek word for glory is doxa. It means immeasurable weight. To give God glory means to ascribe to God, to lay onto God his immeasurable weight. We think weight, what does that mean? In a First Century culture, weight was very closely associated with worth. Do you see that? Weight equaled worth. Not talking about your personal weight, meaning the heavier you are the more worthy you are. No, that’s not it. But as it relates to gold, you could see that? The heavier the metal the more it was worth.
This word glory is saying, God, you are of immeasurable weight therefore you are of immeasurable worth. So, now we come down and we look at this concept of honor which is really built off of this word for glory. To honor someone is to say, "I am choosing to ascribe to you the worth that is yours because of your weight." Now, what do we mean by that? Or, how in the world do I do that or who gets honor? Listen. Everybody in this room is someone, the Bible says, that is created in what? In the image of God. Isn’t that interesting? So, to honor someone is to heap on them the worth that is due them because of who they are as a person created in the image of God.
Honor is when you look at somebody and you just go, "I can’t believe that I’m in relationship with you. Someone who is a child of the king. Someone who is created in the image of God." We are different from all other creation. We’re created in the image of God. To honor someone, in the Greek, really means to lay it on thick. In our culture, we would use that for kind of a phrase of speaking in a dishonest manner. To honor someone is to ascribe to them, to give them the worth that is theirs. I know what you’re thinking. Some of you are thinking, "There are not a lot of people in my life who deserve to be honored." Well, let’s think about what we talked about last week. Hey, did you deserve forgiveness when God extended grace to you? No, sure didn’t. When we begin to honor people, when we begin to ascribe to them the worth that is theirs, you know what? People begin to live up to that.
The problem with most people in their life is that they don’t really understand their identity. When you fail to understand your identity, your activity on a daily basis is really going to be messed up. So honor, really, brings about change. Now, you don’t have to think through all that. I mean, really, truthfully as a pastor, I really shouldn’t even go into all that, giving us reasons why we should do that. If God says it, that really should settle it for us. Right? Some of you are already drifting off. Isn’t that true? If God says it, why do I have to have all kinds of reasoning for doing that? That should really settle it. Even if I don’t understand it, I’m called to honor, a choice to praise someone for their immeasurable worth.
Now, let’s look at the first time where we see this word honor. This is so, so important. Hang in here. Some of you are drifting. This can change your relationships. If you begin to be a person who consistently honors others in your life, it is going to radically change and shape every relationship you have. This is a key, key Biblical concept, the choice to honor. First time we see honor, when do you think it is? It’s in the Ten Commandments in Exodus 20. I didn’t give you time to answer. Exodus 20, God says to Moses, "Hey Moses, here’s my top ten list. This is it. If I just have to boil it down, these are ten key things that are non-negotiables for me as you’re having relationship with me and other people."
Number five is this, "Honor your father and your mother so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God has given you." Isn’t it interesting? We’ve talked about this on numerous occasions here. You know what is so fascinating about this concept? This command to honor is the first command with a what? With a promise attached to it. Isn’t that interesting? God says, "If you will do this then that is going to be a key for you receiving my blessing." Just like we saw last week with this choice to forgive, it unlocks God’s blessing. Well, this choice to honor unlocks God’s blessing in your life. Let’s follow it on. In Deuteronomy 5 we see it again. It’s fleshed out a little bit more. "Honor your father and mother as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long in the land." Here’s that promise of blessing. "And that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you."
Then in the New Testament, look at this. Ephesians 6, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. Honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on earth." Now, I realize today that some of you don’t have children or you’re saying, "Boy, I wish my children were in here right now because they need to hear this." This concept of honoring starts with honoring our father and our mother. Now, all of us in this room had a father and a mother at some point in time. We don’t need to go too far back into understanding that. Right? We all agree with that. All across the board, we have all kinds of different kind of relationships. Some of you had great relationships with your parents. Some of you had, or have, lousy relationships with your parents. So, here’s the point. Who does this principle apply to? It applies to everyone, even if your parents are deceased. Look at this. I’m making a pyramid or a triangle upside down. This concept of honoring this first relationship of authority in your life is crucial to how you will have relationships with every authority figure for the rest of your life. I will say to you, if you struggle relationally honoring that first relationship, it will affect every other relationship after that. We’re going to talk about some keys. I know this is difficult.
Look at this. The command to honor is the only command with promise. It’s important. It brings God’s blessing. Honoring your parents is the foundation of relational freedom. Now, would you ever say this to your kids? "Hey listen. Why don’t you buck the system all your life? Hey listen. Why don’t you just rebel against authority. Let me tell you what you should do. You should live your life and you should just recklessly rebel against authority all the days of your life." Would you ever tell your kid that? You know people like that don’t you? You know people like that who have rebelled against authority. It’s train wreck after train wreck after train wreck in their life. Here’s this principle that maximum freedom comes under authority, whether we realize it or not.
Maximum freedom, relationally, and in every other way, comes under authority. Many of us have never learned to honor our parents, that first key relationship that God has given us. Let me say to you, we never outgrow this command to honor our parents. We never outgrow it. No matter how old you are, we never outgrow this principle. Man, as I talk to guys, especially...Amy and I were talking about this this week. In our ministry together, for the last, almost seventeen years, we’ve never taught a group together. We always really teach separately. I’m really most comfortable leading men’s groups. That’s what I’m into. She teaches a women’s class. She’s really into that. That’s the way we do life. We’re sort of into that. When you begin to work and talk with men, and man, you want to talk about men’s relationships to their dads and you can really see that affect that it’s having and being lived out in their life today. The same thing happens with ladies. We really leave, and live a legacy in our lives of the results that occurred in this primary relationship.
Now, let’s think about this. Unless you learn to extend honor to your parents, you will have a riptide of relationships in the future. What is a riptide? You’ve been to the beach before and seen riptide warnings. That’s when the current comes in so close to the coast and just grabs people and shoots them straight out. They’re caught up in this riptide and they can’t do anything about it. Many people today are in riptide relationships. They’re caught up in this relationship and it’s just controlling them emotionally and mentally. I believe one of the reasons is that we’ve failed to understand this Biblical concept of honor.
Here’s what I believe about honor. I believe without honor the culture crashes. Now, I know, we’re looking at the passages in relation to children with their parents. Boy, that’s an important thing. Sometimes I want to say this to my kids. I don’t because I think it would freak them out. Have you ever said something like this to your kids? "I can’t believe you’re talking to me that way. If I would have talked to my parents the way you’re talking to me, boy, it would have been over." Have you ever said anything like that? Is my mic even on? Maybe you don’t have any problems with your kids, I don’t know. Yeah, you’ve said that.
Do you know what I want to say? I want to say, "You know what? If you would have talked to me this way two thousand and five hundred years ago in the nation of Israel, they would have stoned you." Those of you who know your Bibles realize that that’s not a joke, that’s true. That created a whole different environment between parents and kids. If kids dishonored their mother and dad, they spoke a negative word, you could literally have your children brought out into the gates of the city and the elders would stone them. Forget the whole spanking thing. That’s a whole other level isn’t it? Can you imagine walking home from school one day and seeing Matt go down as a thirteen year old? Wow, that would have an affect on you wouldn’t it? This is so central to the heart of God, understanding what it means to honor people, especially our relationships with our parents.
Look at this. Without honor, the culture crashes. I think our culture’s lost site of what it means to honor. We should honor everyone. Just like we talked about last week, who do we forgive? Everyone of everything all the time. You think that’s weird? Welcome to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. This is an upside down kingdom and it is very different. When we come under the differences and the power that God has, it creates some radically different relationships. Hey, don’t you want different relationships than the culture. Wouldn’t it make sense that in order to have them we might have to live on a whole different level that the Lord’s called us to? Well, who do we honor? Everybody, all the time.
Now think about this. Remember the statement I made? It was a pretty bold statement. Without honor our culture crashes. How many times have you heard people say, "Boy, our culture’s in chaos"? Have you heard that? Just nod. It makes me feel better. The family’s in chaos or crisis. Think about some hot button political issues. Not just for our day but for the last several, several decades. The abortion issue. When does life begin? The euthanasia issue. When does life end? We as human beings want to be able to end life whenever we choose. So, that’s at the abortion issue and the heart of the euthanasia issue that’s really taking place in Europe. Now, think about this for a second. Where does that all come from? Isn’t that really an honor issue? Isn’t that really choosing not to honor life? Do you see? When we don’t honor life, don’t we see how our culture just crashes? Are you with me? Do you understand that? That’s exactly what’s happening in our culture. We’re not honoring life. We don’t honor anybody and we see chaos beginning to reign.
Now, what does it mean to honor someone? How in the world do I do that, because, listen, my dad, or my mom, or my uncle, or my spouse or, they’re this and they’re that. You have to be careful because it almost sounds like we’re whining there, doesn’t it? What is that? We’re beginning to think and act and talk like children. Look at this. Honoring someone is choosing to locate what they’re doing right and beginning to lay the praise on thick there. That’s what it means to honor someone. We started this passage, and Paul says love must be sincere. Honoring someone must be sincere. You don’t want to be dishonest in how you honor. You don’t want to lay it on thick if they’re not doing something well. I guarantee you can find something. Maybe it’s your mom, maybe it’s your dad, maybe it’s your husband, maybe it’s somebody that you’re sideways with. Whoever it is right now in your life that you are sideways with, there is something that they’re doing right. There is something that you share in common. Whether that’s a belief or an action, you can choose to start there. Let me tell you something, that will be the foundational principle that will begin to grow that relationship, if you choose to be obedient to the Lord and practice this concept of honoring.
Let me tell you something, if you don’t choose to honor, you know the results? Bitterness. Some of you are so sideways with people. If you came up here today and you shared this story of how they weren’t there for you at this stage in your life or that, and you could have us all crying in this room. Let me just tell you, you’re not getting any better are you? There have been years of that and you’re not improving. Folks seeing what people have done to you in the past when they have damaged you is not making you any better. It’s making you worse. Honoring that person begins to break the stronghold. It begins to break the cycle in your life.
Now, look at this. Look at our notes as we wind up today. We don’t honor others when they deserve. We honor others because God commands it. That’s what the scripture teaches and that’s what begins to bring changes in our life. Let’s think about this as we close. What would your home be like if everyone honored each other, if everyone began to lay it on thick, to ascribe to you and to everyone around the worth that was theirs because of who they were in God’s eyes? Let me ask you to think about this. I’m done. We’ll never honor any person in creation until we really come to the point and time where we honor the creator. I won’t honor someone consistently and passionately in my life until I really honor the creator and realize that person is a product of my creator.
I told you a few moments ago, there were two words we’re going to talk about today that our culture’s lost site of. One is this concept of honor. We don’t honor people like we’re supposed to. The other is fear. Sometimes you see the bumper stickers or the t-shirts or, there’s a whole line of clothing, "No fear," and we carry that around like that is the greatest good, if you could have no fear. That’s the ultimate for humanity, to live your life with no fear. You know what? That’s just stupid. If I’m not afraid of gravity, I’m not going to make it very long. There are just some things in life that we should have a healthy respect for, a healthy fear for. This concept of fear of God is something that we’ve totally lost in our culture today. We have no healthy respect and fear of God. I think it’s one of the greatest things that’s missing in our culture. That’s why we continue to walk in disobedience in our life. That’s why we don’t take God’s word seriously, when God gives us a difficult challenge, like the difficult challenge of honoring other people. Some of you, you’ve got to do something with this today because you have some difficult people in your life that God’s calling you to honor, and you just flat out don’t want to do that. You know what motivates that? It’s a healthy fear.
Listen to what Jesus said about fear. I’m going to close with this. Luke 12, he said, "Don’t fear those who could kill you, or kill the body, and after that can do no more." He said you should not to fear that. In Luke 12:5 he says, "Let me tell you who should fear. You should fear him who after killing the body has the power to throw you in hell for all eternity." You know what Jesus is saying? It’s important to live your life with a healthy fear of God. Without a healthy fear of God, you’ll fear everything. That’s where some of you are today. You’re a slave to so, so many fears in this life. If you fail to fear the one preeminent thing, you will settle for a life where you fear everything. If you would begin to fear the one thing, that is God in his power. Why do I fear him? Because of his glory, his weight, his worth. He spoke everything that we see into existence with the power of his word. Wow. In our culture today, in our churches, we celebrate the nearness of Jesus. Let me just tell you something today. If Jesus Christ himself would walk in this room, physically, all the air would be sucked out of this room. For one moment, if we were to come into the presence of the living God, we would look for a hole in this carpet to crawl under. There isn’t a person in the Old Testament who was able to look upon God and live. Moses only got to see is backside.
It’s important that I have a healthy fear. If I fail to have a healthy fear of who God is, I’ll be a slave to every other fear in life. I begin to fear the one thing. I can live my life void of fear of everything else. The Bible says perfect love casts out fear. Perfect love is found in a perfect relationship with a living God through faith in his son Jesus Christ. This whole time today we’ve been talking about this issue of weight equaling worth. One day you’re going to stand on the scales of eternity to be weighed one final time. That scale has eternity hanging in the balance. It is a scale to determine your righteousness. Let me tell you something. If you stand up on that scale on your own, you will be found wanting. But, when you come to faith in Jesus Christ, Russ said it earlier this morning, he extends to you his righteousness. You have a right standing with God, and you can stand on that scale weighty, worthy, because of who Jesus Christ is in you.
How are you going to stand? You have a chance today to bow. Would you do that right there in your seats? Would you bow your heads? Would you close your eyes? Would you say, "God today, I have a hard time honoring others in my life, heaping the worth on them that they deserve because I’ve never really honored you." Today, honoring the father is admitting who you are as his child, broken and sinful, wanting and receiving by faith his righteousness that always tilts the scale in your favor. Have you ever done that? You ever honored the creator? Have you ever given him your life? That’s a purpose and meaning you’re looking for.
You can do that right now. Call on the name of the Lord to save you, to extend to you his weight, to take away your sin debt and give you your righteous standing. Lord, we love you. We thank you for this moment in time. We thank you for a chance to respond to you. We thank you that you keep initiating. God, thank you that you have brought us to this defining moment today. What we do with the word that you’ve shared with us today will affect our relationships. Ultimately, they will affect all of eternity. God, could we as your people say yes to your leading. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.
