Sermon for 6/14/2009
Ephesians 5:28-33
Introduction:
A. A husband was told by the marriage counselor to try and be more considerate of his wife. So one day he came home from work. He looked real nice, he put on some cologne on, and he had a bouquet of flowers and a box of candy in his hands. He rang the doorbell and when she opened the door he presented her with the flowers and candy and said, “I’ve arranged for babysitting, would you go out to dinner with me?” She took one look at him and burst into tears. In between her sobs she says, "It’s been a terrible day. Johnny got in a fight at school. Suzy was sent home sick and is throwing up. The kitchen sink is backed up. Your parents just called, they’re coming to visit this weekend. And to top it all off, you come home drunk!”
B. All of this stuff is great but where does the rubber meet the road? Practical stuff.
Thesis: Let’s talk about the husband’s duty; the husband’s role and the husband’s responsibility.
For instances:
1. Husband’s duty
A. Simply to love his wife. Vs. 28. Oh, if she would just let me I would love (lust) her. Part of it is physical (fulfill marital duty) but part of it is not.
B. As their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. Is this encouraging self love? Those guys who go to the gym. Supposed to help our wives go to gym? Let our wives pamper their bodies because they really are our bodies.
C. We do certain things for self preservation. We look out for ourselves. If we don’t look out for us, who will? Vs. 29
D. The Lord has placed that instinct within us. Now obviously that instinct can go too far! I look out for myself and that is it. It is all about me!
D. As husbands our duty is to look out for the good of our wives (and visa versa). If we want to be happy and healthy, we will look out for the good of our wives.
E. Here is the problem with many. They don’t love themselves. When they take an honest look at themselves, they don’t like what they see. They hate what they do. They hate how they are. (Rom 7:18 NIV) I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. (Rom 7:19 NIV) For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing.(Rom 7:20 NIV) Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.(Rom 7:21 NIV) So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me.(Rom 7:22 NIV) For in my inner being I delight in God’s law;(Rom 7:23 NIV) but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.
F. When this goes too far the instinct of self preservation is lessened. When this goes too far it contributes to not caring about ourselves. When this goes too far it contributes to alcoholism, drugs, violence, (cutting is common in our day, they do it to punish themselves, they do not like themselves) and maybe even suicide.
G. People talk a lot about self esteem in our day. Here is the kicker. We cannot really love ourselves or anyone else if we do not love the Lord. (Rom 7:24 NIV) What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? (Rom 7:25 NIV) Thanks be to God--through Jesus Christ our Lord!
H. Look at the Great Commandment. (Mat 22:37 NIV) Jesus replied: "’Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’(Mat 22:38 NIV) This is the first and greatest commandment. (Mat 22:39 NIV) And the second is like it: ’Love your neighbor as yourself.’(Mat 22:40 NIV) All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."
I. Which is the greater of the two? To love the Lord. The Lord loves us and we love the Lord. This is where we learn about who we are, who the Lord is and how much that the Lord cares about us. This is where we get our self worth, our self esteem.
J. The second is to love your neighbor as yourself. Good portion of the Law of Moses is devoted to proper conduct toward neighbor. If we love ourselves then we will love our neighbor. We cannot love ourselves unless we are saved.
K. (Titus 3:3 NIV) At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. (Titus 3:4 NIV) But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, (Titus 3:5 NIV) he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit
L. Cannot love the Lord, ourselves, or others if we are not saved.
2. Husband’s role
A. I like what the New King James says in Ephesians 5:29- For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.
B. Here is the husband’s role in the family. Nourisher and cherisher.
1. Nourisher.
a. Great, I am just supposed to nourish. In other words, I bring home the bacon. I bring home the bacon and she fries it up in a pan. Part of it.
b. Nourish physically- non sexual touch.
c. Mentally- See that she gets mental stimulation. Master’s Degree.
c. Emotionally- A shoulder to cry on.
d. Socially- TV’s in every room should not be.
d. Spiritually- Contact with Christ.
e. Men, who provides for the family? We do. Wrong. (Phil 4:19 NIV) And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
2. Cherisher.
a. The Lord cherishes his Church. I think that the Lord has a picture of us in his office. Much like I have a picture of Crystal in my office.
b. Cherish= to hold as dear. Treat her like a princess.
c. There are many diversions and distractions in our day. God, then wife.
d. In the marriage vows- to love and to cherish
d. I cherish the treasure, the treasure of you. Lifelong companion I give myself to you. God has enabled me to walk with you faithfully, and cherish the treasure, the treasure of you.
f. Cherish is the word I use to describe all the feeling that I have hiding here for you inside. You don’t know how many times I wished that I had told you. You don’t know how many times I wished that I could hold you. You don’t know how many times I’ve wished that I could mold you into someone who could cherish me as much as I cherish you.
g. Who should love more, the husband or wife?
3. Husband’s responsibility
A. His responsibility is to cleave to his wife. Leave father and mother and any other earthly relationship and his 1st earthly relationship is to his wife.
B. Glued to her. Sexually and in every other way.
C. Sin is not glue. Sin separates. Concern over those who give themselves to many
D. Maintain that oneness- don’t give into social pressures- “Come on, you need to indulge that hobby.” I had a roommate and I said that he was whipped.
E. Two rivers may flow smoothly towards one another before they merge. But when they flow together, they often become tumultuous. Each river has its own current which collides with the current of the other river creating undercurrents and rapids. As the rivers flow downstream, the collision of currents subsides, and the new river emerges – broader, deeper, and more powerful. And this is the way it is with good marriages.
E. Researchers at Denver University looked at long-term marriages, and discovered that as a trend most marriages decrease in satisfaction the first 10 years then they rebound and eventually far surpass the years of Young Love. It was also discovered that the median duration of marriage before divorce is only 6.5 years. After 35 years of marriage is when couples usually start to understand oneness.
E. (Eccl 4:12 NIV) Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
F. This same glue, oneness, is also talked about in (Prov 18:24 NIV) A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Conclusion and invitation:
A. Clark’s commentary- Without marriage, wretchedness would be the consequence. Without marriage, mankind would be unnoticed, unclaimed, uneducated, and totally neglected. This would continually increase the wretchedness, and in process of time bring about the total depopulation of the world.
B. Relationship with Lord first will restore respect and dignity for marriage.
C. (Heb 13:4 NIV) Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
D. Perish is a word that more than applies, to the hope in my heart each time I realize. That I am not going to be the one to share your dreams, that I am not going to be the one to share your schemes, that I am not going to be the one to share what seems to be the life that you could cherish me as much as I do yours.
E. (John 3:16 KJV) For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
