A college man walked into a photography store with a framed picture of his girlfriend. He wanted the picture duplicated. This involved removing it from the frame. In doing this, the storeowner noticed the inscription on the back of the photograph:
“My dearest Jim, I love you with all my heart. I love you more and more each day. I will love you forever and ever. I am yours for all eternity.”
It was signed "Susan.” And after signing her name she wrote, P.S.: “If we ever break up, I want this picture back.”
We’re in the series on "Recession-Proof Relationships" and today we’re going to talk about another biblical topic that will enable us to have happy relationships even when the pressure’s on. We’re going to discover today what the Bible says about "Developing Durability, Making My Relationships Last."
There are times in every relationship, whether its marriage, friendship, a job, a church, etc., when your relationship loses momentum. There’ll be times when your emotions may tempt you to give up on a relationship because stress and problem resolution exact a toll them. You may become disillusioned. Your emotional reserve may become depleted. Sometimes you feel like you don’t have what it takes to carry on.
Furthermore it can be tough to balance all of your commitments. Being a husband or wife, a parent, a business owner or manager, an employee, a Christ follower, a servant to others - all at the same time - can be demanding.
How do you handle the feeling of being overwhelmed? Where do you turn?
In this series we’ve already talked about being authentic in our relationships and you’re going to need that. We’ve talked about some practical precepts for relationship repair. Employ those and they too will help.
But one often overlooked resource for great relationships, especially in our culture today, is COMMITMENT, because sometimes it is commitment that will hold a relationship together when all else fails.
As soon as I use the “C” word some of you flinch. Commitment has become a bad word when in reality it’s a great concept! Without commitment true friendships couldn’t exist. Business would come to a screeching halt. The concept of marriage and family would fail. Parenting would be out the door. Nations would crumble. Our world would turn to chaos without commitment.
Certainly we need to “count the cost” before we make relationship commitments. But to think that we can live happy and joy-filled lives without making and keeping commitments isn’t clear-headed thinking.
So today we’re going to see WHAT true commitment is; WHY it’s essential to good relationships; and HOW to keep our commitments – so that we can grow in our relationships and recession-proof them! So that we can DEVELOP DURABILITY and make our relationships last.
1. WHAT true commitment is.
To discover what true commitment is we need to look at God’s idea of commitment because a human viewpoint can be distorted. We often measure our relationships and commitments by other people’s relationships and commitments when we need to measure them by Scripture.
We also need to look at the cost before we look at the payoff. Commitment does have a price tag. This is perhaps why it has a black eye. People look at what’s expected of them to make relationship commitments and think they can’t afford the investment when in reality its one of the best bargain deals anywhere! What we gain in return for our investment can be astronomical! Here are just a few things that commitment is.
A. A commitment is AN AGREEMENT TO INVEST IN OTHERS.
One of the best friendships in history illustrates this – the friendship between Jonathan and David.
3 Jonathan made an agreement with David, because he loved David as much as himself.4 He took off his coat and gave it to David, along with his armor, including his sword, bow, and belt. 1 Samuel 18:3-4 (NLT)
What was Jonathan saying by giving all this valuable stuff of his to David? He was saying that their friendship was valuable! He was investing in David. As a shepherd, David didn’t own these things. After his famous defeat of Goliath he would need them as a soldier. So Jonathan - in an act of friendship commitment - gives David his soldier stuff.
This is particularly notable because, even though Jonathan was the king’s son he didn’t mind if David became king in his place. He wanted David to succeed even if it meant succeeding before him. That’s true commitment. Investing in others so that they’ll achieve more than they would if they weren’t in a relationship with you. We’ll get to the payoffs of this in a few minutes but this is part of the cost. This is part of what commitment consists of.
If I desire relationship blessings that will get me through stressful times then I’ve got to do some investing in others! If I desire a return later I’ve got to invest now. My family, my friends, my church family, my co-workers, they all need me to invest in them.
Investing in others helps us stay the course. Once you’ve invested in a friendship, a marriage, a church, or a business or job – you realize that that investment grows. And if you give up on that relationship you lose most of your investment. So investing in others helps you want to see the relationship succeed.
More importantly, investing in others is a very God-like quality. The more you walk with God the more you will want to invest in others just as He does!
B. Charles Francis Adams, the 19th century political figure and diplomat, kept a diary. One day he entered: "Went fishing with my son today--a day wasted." His son, Brook Adams, also kept a diary. On that same day, Brook Adams made this entry: "Went fishing with my father--the most wonderful day of my life!" The father thought he was wasting his time while fishing with his son, but his son saw it as a very valuable investment in his father’s relationship with him!
A commitment is an agreement to invest in others. Secondly,
B. To commit is to LIVE BY PRIORITIES INSTEAD OF PRESSURES.
"…I seek not to please myself but Him who sent me." Jesus – John 5:30b (NIV)
Jesus made this statement after He healed a lame man and the religious leaders were hassling Him for performing the miracle on the Sabbath day. Jesus was letting everyone know that His relationship to hurting people wasn’t based on the amount of pressure that other people put on Him. He had a priority to do the Father’s will. He was committed to pleasing the Father. He was committed to helping hurting people.
This is a tremendous model for us to live by! Each of us lives with a lot of pressure in our lives but our commitments enable us to determine what we will and will not do and how we will live.
Make your commitments to the people who really matter. Then, when stresses come, follow your commitments.
2. WHY keeping commitments is essential to good relationships:
Why are commitments good for us? What role do they play in helping to recession-proof our relationships?
A. Commitment PREPARES US FOR FUTURE BLESSINGS FROM GOD!
Then Joshua told the people, "Make yourselves holy, because tomorrow the Lord will do amazing things among you." Joshua 3:5 (NCV)
Joshua was about to lead God’s people across the Jordan River - when it was at flood stage! (Joshua 3:15) God was going to perform a miracle and open up the waters so approximately one million of them could cross on dry land! He instructed the priests to take the Ark of the Covenant first, and then the people were to follow.
"That way you will know which way to go since you have never been here before." Joshua 3:4a (NCV)
When you come to those places in life where you’ve “never been before,” God goes before you - but there’s one caveat, you must “Make yourselves holy.”
To make themselves holy (some translations of the Bible use words like “sanctify” and “consecrate”) meant that they were to commit themselves completely to God and to the task before them. To “make holy” meant to be set apart for God. It means that they were to make a commitment.
After they had made the commitment it is what Joshua says next that is the payoff: “The Lord will do amazing things among you.”
Imagine that a stranger approached you one day when you were vacationing at the seashore. Imagine that he hired you to move sand. He gave you a teaspoon and instructed you to move the sand – one teaspoon at a time – from the beach. You were not to use a bucket or a wheelbarrow. You had to carry each teaspoon of sand across the beach, across the boardwalk, through a big parking lot, and to a dump truck parked in the far corner of the lot. You then had to climb up the side of the dump truck and toss the sand into the bed of the truck.
All the while you were carrying teaspoons of sand, giant waves replenished what you’d carried away. Many times during the day, you wanted to toss the teaspoon into the ocean and give up.
But suppose, at the end of the day, the person who hired you walked right past the tons of sand left on the beach. He climbed into the bed of the truck and carefully swept every grain of sand you carried and scooped it into a small pile. He looked at the sand and smiled approvingly, saying, “We’ll weigh the sand you carried, and I’ll give you an equal weight in diamonds!” (From “Spending God’s Money” by Mary Kinney Branson)
We need to start looking at our commitments from the perspective of the great things that God can do when we make and keep our commitments! Don’t just think about the difficulty of how relationship commitments can sometimes seem like carrying teaspoons of sand. Look at what God can transform your commitments into!
A second reason that keeping commitments is essential to good relationships is that…
B. Commitments BUILD TRUST.
Jesus told this parable:
"A man had two sons. He went up to the first and said, ’Son, go out for the day and work in the vineyard.’ 29The son answered, ’I don’t want to.’ Later on he thought better of it and went. 30The father gave the same command to the second son. He answered, ’Sure, glad to.’ But he never went. 31-32Which of the two sons did what the father asked?" They said, "The first." Matthew 21:28b-31a (Msg)
The second son in the parable couldn’t be trusted. He said one thing and did another.
There is a saying in professional sales, to "under- commit and over- deliver" -- the reason is that you create fewer disappointments and more feelings of goodwill by doing more than you said you would. People begin to trust you and therefore they have a greater desire to continue a business relationship with you.
Trust is the number one area where relationships break down. Those who count on you need to know that you will be where you say you will be when you say you will be there and that you will do what you say you will do!
When others find out that you’re trustworthy your relationships with them deepen and increase in value. Intimate relationships can flourish when people can trust each other.
If you’ve had some trust issues in the past in your relationships then realize that others need to see that you are now trustworthy. Trust can be rebuilt but it takes time. Keep the promises you make and wait patiently for others to see your trustworthiness.
3. HOW to keep commitments.
A. BE CAREFUL NOT TO OVER-COMMIT.
This is not to discourage you from making worthwhile commitments. As we’ve already seen, commitments are very valuable to our relationships. But at the same time be realistic in what you say you will do. Jesus said,
"Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. What is the first thing you will do? Won’t you sit down and figure out how much it will cost and if you have enough money to pay for it?" Luke 14:28 (CEV)
A lot of commitments aren’t kept because people didn’t take the time to see whether or not they could afford to keep the commitments.
That’s why the Bible says - "It is better not to promise anything than to promise something and not do it." Ecclesiastes 5:5 (NCV)
If you find yourself over-committed, don’t just break your promises. Communicate with others. For instance, call the credit card companies to negotiate for a lower rate, or talk to your family about scaling back a plan you made together because you now realize that you over-committed.
In the future, keep in mind how important keeping commitments is to your relationships and be careful not to over-commit. It’s so easy to do in our culture that preaches you can have everything and do everything. The truth is we CAN’T have everything and do everything - so we’ve got to make wise choices.
In addition to being careful not to over-commit, a great practice that helps me keep my commitments is to…
B. LOOK FORWARD INSTEAD OF BACKWARD.
Jesus said, "Anyone who begins to plow a field but keeps looking back is of no use in the kingdom of God." Luke 9:62 (NCV)
Plowing and looking back in today’s culture is like driving a car and looking in the rear view mirror all the time. That’s not only dangerous but it impedes progress. Or driving and talking on the cell phone all the time!
Commitment helps you stay focused on what’s ahead, not on what’s behind you. In order to make serious commitments sometimes you have to burn bridges. Sometimes you have to decide there’s no turning back.
On April 21st, in the year 1519, the Spanish explorer Hernando Cortez sailed into the harbor of Vera Cruz, Mexico. He brought with him only about 600 men, and yet over the next two years his vastly outnumbered forces were able to defeat Montezuma and all the warriors of the Aztec empire, making Cortez the conqueror of all Mexico. How was this incredible feat accomplished, when two prior expeditions had failed even to establish a colony on Mexican soil? Here’s the secret. Cortez knew from the very beginning that he and his men faced incredible odds. He knew that the road before them would be dangerous and difficult. He knew that his men would be tempted to abandon their quest and return to Spain. And so, as soon as Cortez and his men had come ashore and unloaded their provisions, he ordered their entire fleet of eleven ships destroyed. His men stood on the shore and watched as their only possibility of retreat burned and sank. And from that point on, they knew beyond any doubt there was no return, no turning back. Nothing lay behind them but empty ocean. Their only option was to go forward, to conquer or die.
Relationship commitments shouldn’t be given up on just because you feel overwhelmed by past mistakes.
Focusing on the future instead of the past was one of the things that made the Apostle Paul so successful. He said,
"I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead." Philippians 3:13 (NLT)
When I focus on looking forward I stay more motivated! I’m moving toward my goals and dreams!
It helps me keep my commitments to remind myself what I’m working for.
It helps to remember that if I make wise commitments and stay true to them my relationships will be recession-proof!
