We’re concluding our series on love today and several times in this series I’ve mentioned that one of the battles that we all fight as we try to become more loving people is our own insecurity.
One of the greatest challenges each of us faces in life is becoming comfortable in our own skin. In fact, insecurity is a big problem througout our culture. This may stem from childhood experiences, mobility, and even the harsh and critical spirit in our culture – just watch how people talk to one another on some of the news shows.
Facing insecurity is so important because a person who is secure with himself or herself is much more likely to achieve more loving and meaningful relationships. Feelings of insecurity make it more difficult for us to show love and to be loved. So we’ve got to come to terms with our insecurity if we want to enjoy the love God created us to enjoy. And this is a problem that men face just as much as women. We men just try to cover it up more.
A big problem right off the bat is that some of you would strongly deny that you ever feel insecure. And I understand how you feel. Back in high school I had a teacher that assigned us to read Psycho-Cybernetics. The book was published in 1960 but it really became popular in the 70’s. I remember reading the book and it said that 95% of Americans have some sense of insecurity. I felt like that was ridiculous. Over thirty years later, after knowing more about myself and others, I don’t think it’s so far-fetched.
You say, “How do I know whether or not I have any insecurity?” I’m going to give you a list of characteristics. If you exhibit these qualities then you have some insecurity.
Be honest with yourself. I’m not asking you to stand up and confess to being an “insecuraholic.” (And it’s so ironic. One of the greatest signs of insecurity is refusing to admit it.) We don’t have to be afraid or ashamed to admit it.
Ever since Adam & Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden mankind has battled insecurity. God comes looking for Adam after he and Eve had sinned and they’re hiding from God. Hiding from God for the first time ever! Why! Insecurity. Nothing had changed in the environment around Adam and Eve. Not yet. It would later. God would banish them from Paradise. But first He would have to confront them about their misbehavior. No their environment hadn’t changed yet, but a drastic change had taken place inside their psyches! They hid from God because for the very first time ever – they felt insecure. Since all of us have sinned we all share in battling the problem of insecurity just from being human.
We don’t have to hide or deny our insecurity because God has a BIG, BIG answer for our insecurity, which this message is primarily about. But first let me share some signs with you, some signs of insecurity because we sometimes fail to see ourselves until we’ve seen our reflection in the Word of God. Some of these signs are the masks we wear in an attempt to hide our insecurity.
DEFENSIVENESS – This was evident in the life of one of most insecure people in the Bible, King Saul. (There are a lot of examples of insecurity in Bible characters: Noah, Abraham, Gideon, the 10 Spies, Elijah, etc.) But King Saul is a textbook case on insecurity. He was defensive whenever approached by the prophet Samuel. Samuel would come to Saul with the word from God and Saul would put up his guard. (1 Samuel 13)
One time King Saul wouldn’t wait for Samuel to arrive at a battle scene against the Philistines, so Saul offered sacrifices as if he were a priest. 11 Samuel asked, "What have you done?" Saul answered, "I saw the soldiers leaving me, (his soldiers were afraid and insecure and so they were going AWOL – Note: we can’t afford to allow ourselves to be infected with the insecurity of others!) and you were not here when you said you would be... 12 Then I thought, ’The Philistines will come against me at Gilgal, and I haven’t asked for the Lord’s approval.’ So I forced myself to offer the whole burnt offering." 1 Sam. 13:11-12 (NCV)
Furthermore, he did not do all of what God told him to do in the battle with the Amelekites. When Samuel challenged his disobedience he was defensive. He argued that he had disobeyed God because of the people. Insecurity. He was afraid of losing the approval of the people.
And Saul was a big guy - stood head and shoulders above everyone else. (1 Sam. 9:2) Security isn’t about physical size or strength! When he found out he had been chosen as Israel’s first king (because the Israelites were insecure and wanted to be like other nations) he hid himself among the baggage. (1 Samuel 10:22)
His insecurities were exemplified in his paranoia of David and his consultation with the witch of Endor. He consulted of a medium in cahoots with Satan instead of consulting with God, but it was his defensiveness against God that lost him his kingdom. Instead of being insecure he could have realized that everything God asked him to do was for his own good and for the good of those around him. He could have realized that God was with him. I could preach an entire message on Saul’s insecurities and what we can learn from them. But for now, ask yourself, “Do I have a tendency toward defensiveness when others share Word of God with me, or, when they challenge my opinion at all? Can I stand to have my opinion challenged, or am I too insecure for that?
SELFISHNESS (Lk. 16:14 – “the Pharisees, who loved money”…then Jesus tells the story of the rich man and Lazarus)
"Woe to you who are complacent on Mt. Zion, and to you who feel secure…4 You lie on beds inlaid with ivory and lounge on your couches. You dine on choice lambs and fattened calves. 5 You strum away on your harps like David and improvise on musical instruments. 6 You drink wine by the bowlful and use the finest lotions, but you do not grieve over the ruin of Joseph." Amos 6:1, 4-6 (NIV)
Do you attempt to find security by surrounding yourself with possessions or accolades or attention from your “things?” Are you reluctant to share with others? Are you reluctant to even give praise and compliment others? Do you cringe when someone else praises them because you want to be the one getting most if not all of the recognition? When you don’t get your way, are you difficult to live with? Must you have that feeling of validation when you get your way? Do you show others your dark side when you don’t get your way? Is this because you “feel secure” and important because of what you have?
ACCOMODATION – The Apostle Paul wrote to the churches of Galatia, which were falling prey to false teachers because of their insecurity. He wrote,
"Do you think I am trying to make people accept me? No, God is the One I am trying to please. Am I trying to please people? If I still wanted to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galatians 1:10 (NCV)
Paul was not an accommodating preacher/teacher, but the false teachers at Galatia were manipulating people by their insecurities. That is a big problem by the way. If you don’t successfully manage your insecurities, you will be easily manipulated and exploited by others!
You say, “How can I recognize this in myself?” Do you attempt to gain the approval of others by bending over backwards to please them? I’m not talking about just being nice. Being nice it good. Nothing wrong with being nice to others because you love them. But do you have a difficult time saying “no” because you fear someone won’t love you if you don’t do what he or she asks?
Bear with me for a couple more signs of insecurity and we’ll get to the really positive news about how to overcome insecurity. But we’ve got to be honest about this before God’s truth can lift us up!
INDULGENCE – (addictive behavior) Do you battle weight problems, do you battle lust, do you struggle with secret sins? Of course nothing is secret from God: Psalm 90:8 (CEV) says,
"…and you know all of our sins, even those we do in secret."
Do you indulge yourself in bad attitudes like jealousy, envy, bitterness, etc.; do you indulge in sin in secret? Do you coddle certain sins because you feel justified in them due to insecurity?
Perhaps your parents didn’t show you the love and respect you longed for, so you started seeking it in indulgent and addictive behavior in an attempt to quiet your inner battle with insecurity.
Like I said last week, people who go on shooting rampages, and there’s been an epidemic of them lately across the country, do so because they felt frustrated. But they also felt insecure and so they indulge themselves in fantasies of making themselves secure by being in control. Of course most of us don’t have insecurities that make us want to go on shooting sprees thank God. But if you can think of any indulgence in your life – be honest with yourself – is it because of insecurity? Great healing can take place in your life – especially in a little bit when we get to the healing part of this message – but right now we must honestly diagnose our problem.
One final sign of insecurity to consider.
JUDGMENTALISM – Jesus said, "Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It’s easy to see a smudge on your neighbor’s face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, ’Let me wash your face for you,’ when your own face is distorted by contempt? It’s this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor. Jesus – Matthew 7:1-5 (Msg)
Do you find yourself being negative and critical of everything and everyone? Not “constructively” critical but “destructively” critical. Are you consistently finding fault with others and the way they do things? Our insecurity causes us to do this because our fallen nature subconsciously and incorrectly concludes that if we tear others down it will build us up. And we so badly want to be built up, we want to feel good about ourselves, we want to feel secure so much that we tear others down. It’s sad.
The good news is that we don’t have to resort to any of these bad behaviors! We can become confident people through a positive, encouraging resource. We can overcome our insecurity, even though it’s a daily battle, by realizing how much God loves us!
One of my favorite Scriptures on this is this verse from Zephaniah:
"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love, He will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV)
God loves you so much that He takes great delight in you! He sings over you like a mother singing lullabies over her child! I can’t think of any place more secure than a babe in its mother’s arms, and that mom singing a lullaby to her child! God says, “that’s how much I love you! That’s what I have to offer you! I have security for you! You don’t have to be insecure. You don’t have to resort to destructive forms of behavior in order to feel loved and to feel good about yourself.”
If you have accepted Christ you are God’s beloved child! He adores you! He loves you! He even likes you! He wants to hang out! If you haven’t accepted Christ yet – God longs for you to do so! He wants to sing His love song to you too! God wants you to experience incredible joy by overcoming you insecurities by His love!
Before Jesus went back to heaven He said this to His followers: “Until now you have not asked for anything in My name. Ask and you will receive, so that your joy will be the fullest possible joy.” John 16:24 (NCV)
Circle, “the fullest possible joy.” God wants you to experience the “fullest possible joy!” God celebrates your life! Therefore you should celebrate your life too! Celebrate the lives of those you love!
Maybe there is someone here who doesn’t feel loved. You don’t feel special. You don’t feel treasured. I want to stand before you as God’s spokesmen and ask you to repent. Repent of not feeling loved. Embrace your status before God as being loved by God. Embrace your status as his treasure, the apple of His eye. Embrace the view of yourself that God has of you!
God’s Word isn’t just about teaching and telling people what they’ve done wrong and what they ought to do and should have done but its about telling us that God loves us!
We are loved. WE CAN BEAT INSECURITY! We can beat worry. We can get out of debt. We can develop discipline to spend time in the Word and prayer. We can loose weight. We can restore relationships. We can reach people with the Good News about Jesus! We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us!
Too much of our thinking is just the opposite. It is not positive and uplifting. It is not hope-filled and faith-filled, and certainly not love-filled. It’s, “poor me, nobody loves me. Nobody wants to hang out with me. Nobody cares.” Who wants to bathe in that kind of dirty water? God does love you! Those who love God love you! Turn to several people all around you and say, “God loves you and so do I!”
We can overcome our insecurity because the greatest individual in the universe, God Himself, loves us! We can be significantly more loving, noticeably more joyful, more visibly at peace. Jesus really can make a difference in our lives. It is real. It is significant. It is visible.
Josh Hunt tells the story of a man in the Philippines who was, by his own admission, a very bad man. He was very insecure and he took his insecurities out on others. His name was Mr. Gepte. (pronounced as an "H"). He had two wives and 24 children and was mean as a snake. He used to cut people with razor blades just for kicks. You didn’t want to be his enemy. But, Mr. Gepte got saved. Josh Hunt’s dad, who was a missionary to the Philippines said, "I can’t defend this biblically, but it seems to me that some people get saved and some people get really saved." Mr. Gepte got really saved. He visited his son shortly after he was saved and his son could see the difference. The son said, "My Poppa has a new man inside." He had never heard of 2 Corinthians 5.17 ("If any man is in Christ he is a new creation.") but he observed that his daddy had a new man inside. And, it wasn’t a flash in the pan. The prayer of his life was that all of his 24 children would come to Christ. The missionary and his wife visited Mr. Gepte on his deathbed and rejoiced with him that God had answered his prayer and all 24 of his children had come to know the Lord! JESUS REALLY CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE!
I know that life is hard.
I heard this growing up and I got the idea that, “Okay there are speed bumps in life.” When I say, “life is hard” I’m not talking about speed bumps. I’m talking about train wrecks. Sooner or later most of us have them: a divorce, the death of a child, the untimely loss of a spouse or a parent, major financial setbacks, some painful and debilitating disease. Sooner or later, it happens to most of us. Life can be really, really hard.
But, Romans 8.28a (NCV) is still true. "We know that in everything God works for the good of those who love him." God can make all things work together for good. That’s my favorite verse in the Bible. It speaks volumes to me about how BIG God is, how great He is, how loving He is!
He can take a quadriplegic like Joni Erickson Tada and give her a worldwide platform to share His love. She became a quadriplegic after a diving accident, paralyzed from the neck down. Yet, by the grace of God, she became a positive and uplifting person, ministering to millions. He can take Chuck Colson’s jail sentence for the Water Gate cover up and turn it into an international prison ministry. He can take the pain of your life and bring good from it.
God loves you even though life is sometimes hard. We need to focus on His love for us instead of the occasional hardships in life.
Hebrews 13:5-6 says, 5 Keep your lives free from the love of money, and be satisfied with what you have. God has said, "I will never leave you; I will never abandon you."(Quoting Deuteronomy 31:6) 6 So we can be sure when we say, "I will not be afraid, because the Lord is my helper. People can’t do anything to me." (Quoting Psalm 118:6)
Circle, “the love of money,” and “people can’t do anything to me.” We look for security in possessions and in people and God says, “Your security is in Me!” Possessions are temporary and subject to loss. Just consider the current status of the stock market.
That’s why Jesus said, 19 "Don’t store treasures for yourselves here on earth where moths and rust will destroy them and thieves can break in and steal them. 20 But store your treasures in heaven where they cannot be destroyed by moths or rust and where thieves cannot break in and steal them. 21 Your heart will be where your treasure is.” Matthew 6:19-21 (NCV)
You say, “How can I be sure that God loves me all the time, even in the hard times?” I’ll give you one BIG way. God just doesn’t talk about His love for you. He proved it by sending His only Son, Jesus! Jesus went through the hardest time of anybody so that you and I could be saved!
I read a rookie rock climber’s account recently. He said he wanted to climb cliffs but he was afraid to do so until a friend who was a veteran cliff climber invited him to go along with him. He said he was half way up the face of the cliff when fear began to take over – it was then that he heard the voice of his veteran rock-climbing friend above, telling him not to be afraid, that he had already been where he was now, and that furthermore, he had taken great pains to secure the ropes by going before him.
Jesus has gone before you and he has secured the ropes! You don’t have to be afraid with Him leading the way! His voice right now is saying to you, “Don’t be afraid. Don’t be insecure. I’m right here with you!”
Right now we’re going to observe communion and every time we celebrate the Lord’s Supper we are reminded about the great price God paid to prove His love for us!
We practice “open” communion here at Pathway. In other words, you needn’t be a member of our church family, but you do need to be a follower of Christ to participate. If you’re not a follower of Christ please observe how much God loves you by the symbolism of communion.
As we eat the bread that represents Christ’s broken body and as we drink the grape juice that represents His shed blood, think about how much God loved you to give up His only Son for you! Think about how much Jesus loved you to die in your place!
