OPEN: Every year, 100s of Civil war buffs get together and put on mock battles. They form military regiments modeled after the armed forces of that by-gone era and have artillery and cavalry units as well as foot soldiers. And they all don uniforms that soldiers of the North and South would have worn back then.
A couple of years ago, one such group was replaying the Battle of Hanover (it’s a town that influenced the outcome of the Battle of nearby Gettysburg). The southern forces under General J.E.B. Stuart had attacked a Federal cavalry unit driving it back through the streets of Hanover. But Union reinforcements arrived just in the nick of time and Stuart driven back, and was nearly captured.
Well, during the reenactment, it was a hot sweltering day. The civil war buffs are sweating as they maneuvered into position for their battle, facing delays and the usual frustrates involved in setting up such a display. However, one of the “Rebels” got so tired and hot and frustrated that he literally threw in the towel and headed for the refreshment tent.
As he tugged off his wool uniform he was heard to grumble:
“I quit. We’re not going to win anyway.”
And, of course – he was right!
At best, the Battle of Hanover was a draw, but it contributed Confederate loss at Gettysburg.
So here was this civil was buff – who knows HOW everything is going to turn out.
He’s tired, he’s hot, and discouraged.
He KNOWS his side isn’t going to win anyway… so he quits.
APPLY: And you know - that’s why many people quit.
They just know they’re going to lose (whatever struggle it is they’re facing).
They’ve give up hope.
They’ve gotten discouraged.
It’s not worth it to soldier on, and so they throw in the towel and walk away.
Here in Revelation 2, we read about a church at a city called Smyrna.
This is a first century congregation, and they’re fighting a losing battle.
They’re a poor church.
And they’re struggling to survive in a hostile community.
They’ve endured slander, persecution and there is little doubt that some of them are going to be thrown into prison.
They’re frustrated.
They’re discouraged.
And they’re on the edge of throwing in the towel.
And then, in walks Jesus.
He arrives just when they need Him most.
He’s come to tell them things they need to hear, so they’ll have the courage to hold on and stand firm in their faith.
One of the things he tells them is: “Be faithful, even unto death, and I will give you the crown of life.” Revelation 2:10
Be faithful unto death.
That’s not easy to do.
Particularly when it doesn’t look like you’re ever going to win.
Particularly when it doesn’t seems like nothing you do will ever change anything.
AND to that person - going thru that kind of struggle - Jesus says
“Be faithful, even unto death, and I will reward you.”
This month’s sermon series deals with marriage.
The first sermon dealt with restoring your marriage’s “first love” and how critical it was that YOU decide that YOU were going to be the one to make that happen.
Today’s sermon deals with the phrase you often hear in marriage ceremonies:
“Til Death Do Us Part” or
“Til we’re separated by death”
That phrase - from your wedding vows - sounds an awful lot like Jesus’ declaration to the church at Smyrna – “Be faithful, even unto death”
But why does that phrase (Til Death Do Us Part) show up in so many wedding vows?
Well, for one thing Jesus taught us:
“at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’ So they are no longer two, but one.
Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” Matthew 19:4-6
God doesn’t want marriages to fail.
God expects – that when people make a commitment to be married - it’s going to be a lifelong commitment.
In fact, this is such a serious issue for God, that in Malachi 2:16, God declares
“I hate divorce”
Let me repeat that
“I hate divorce.”
Let me repeat that again:
“I hate divorce.”
But why?
Why does God hate divorce?
Because it messes up so many lives.
ILLUS: According to one recent survey, children of divorced parents generally suffered adverse effects from the divorce. A significant percentage of children from divorced families felt:
• they were not the center of their family
• That they weren’t emotionally safe
• That they couldn’t look to their parents for comfort
• And that – while they loved their parents… they didn’t necessarily respect them
(Elizabeth Marquardt Readers Digest June 06 p. 161-163)
Other studies have found that
• Within 5 years of the divorce more than a 1/3 of the children experienced moderate or severe depression.
• At 10 years, a significant number appeared to be troubled, drifting, underachieving.
• At 15 yrs many, now adults, struggled to establish strong love relationships of their own
(Readers Digest 7/93 p.118ff, study by Judith Wallerstein, a clinical psychologist, and her staff interviewed middle-class children in San Francisco area).
And what about the parents?
Were they happier once they get their divorce… apparently not.
ILLUS: One research team studied the responses of over 5000 married adults who were first interviewed in the 1980’s. Five years later, the survey re-contacted those people. Even though the study really wasn’t centered on divorce, they found that some of the original group had gotten divorced or separated during that time… and their responses on their state of happiness took the experts by surprise. What they found was that the divorce RARELY made anyone’s life happier.
• According to Dr. Linda Waite, sociology professor at the University of Chicago and lead author of the study, “Staying married is not just for the children’s sake… results like these suggest the benefits of divorce have been OVERSOLD.”
• Dr. Scott Stanley, co-director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver, explained the unexpected findings this way: "The conventional belief is that when a marriage is down, it is done… But what we are seeing with these data is that there are couples who are basically down, but the relationship bounces back."
(Family News from James Dobson 9/02, commenting on a study done by The Institute for American Values)
(pause)
There are many who view marriage as a contract between two people.
That’s why when they get divorces, they get someone to help them.
Who do people get to help them with their divorces? (lawyers).
That’s right, they get lawyers and they take the matter to court. Much like they would in a failed business venture. They do this because they view marriage as simply a piece of paper that signed by 2 people. Just like all contracts are.
But God tells us that marriage is far more complicated than that.
God said: “…a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become (what?) one flesh.” Matthew 19:5
One flesh?
Hmmm.
This is the image God wants to put into your mind:
Once you got married, you are literally joined at the hip (or more to the point - heart).
You and your spouse became ONE flesh.
Now, what happens when you remove a piece of flesh from you body?
Does it hurt?
Of course it does.
ILLUS: Years ago, I was in the emergency room of a hospital. As I was there an older man walked in who had a dazed look in his eyes. He held up a bloody hand and he calmly said “I think I’ve lost some fingers.” And sure enough – the three middle fingers of his hand were missing!
But he was so calm about it. So matter of fact.
How could he hold his hand up so calmly?
That’s right - he was in shock.
And it wasn’t going to be long before he would be in intense pain.
Part of his flesh had been ripped away from him.
And it wasn’t a pretty sight.
Now, he didn’t had a contract with his fingers.
They were not removed by a lawyer, or by a judge, nor in a court of law.
It wasn’t a painless experience… because part of his body had been forcibly removed .
Most of us expect our fingers to be with us til death do us part.
How many of you expect to have your fingers with you that long?
But this man didn’t get that pleasure. He became divorced from part of his body by no desire on his part.
Now, I’ve said all that - to say this:
God created marriage to be “til death do us part”
It doesn’t work very well any other way.
But the promise that we’ll stay married until death do us part doesn’t really mean anything until you have to act on it. As long as our marriages are smooth and our spouse pulls their weight and shows us love - til death do us part - is kind of gets taken for granted.
But marriages can get difficult.
People don’t always treat each other like they should.
Husbands get mad at their wives. And wives get mad at their husbands.
They get into arguments.
They say things they shouldn’t say.
They do things they shouldn’t do.
And eventually one – or both of them – decide to call it quits
But we’re Christians.
When we got married, me made a vow before God that even when those times come we’ll stay true until “Til Death Do Us Part”. So you and I should NEVER be the ones who call it quits.
Now, if you’ve gone thru a divorce… and maybe you blame yourself for it. If that’s true of you, there’s something you need to know. God does forgive. AND God does heal.
In fact, God has given you a specific promise:
If you’re a Christian, and if you love Him – He will mend that which is broken.
In Romans 8:28 we’re told that “…In all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
It’s God’s desire to take the broken lives of everyone who comes to Him and start undoing the damage that we’ve created along the way. You’ve just got to let Him do that… and make sure you let it happen again.
When Marriages get difficult – Jesus says the same things to us that He said to Smyrna.
Jesus told the church at Smyrna:
I know your afflictions (Revelation 2:9)
I know about your difficulties
I know about the bad things that have been said about you.
BUT remember that I am always with you - watching over you.
I care for you and I’ll help you thru it – if you’ll let me.
Be faithful, even unto death, and I will give you the crown of life.
But why should I be faithful?
I’m not going to win anyway!
Nothing I’m doing seems to work!
Well – as I’ve pointed out in this sermon - you should be faithful to God in this matter, because the alternative isn’t really a pretty sight.
Divorce hurts.
It hurts you. It hurts your spouse. It hurts your kids. It hurts society. And it hurts your witness.
It’s painful, because it’s not normal.
It’s not the way God designed things to work.
But there’s an even deeper truth here.
You should be faithful to God in this, because you are a child of God.
God has called you to be His servant.
God has called you to minister to others, especially to those in your family.
In I Corinthians 7, Paul writes this:
“…If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.” (I Corinthians 7:12-13)
Notice, you can’t force your spouse to stay married to you.
They must be willing to stay with you.
But – as a believer - you’re not the one who should be breaking up the marriage.
WHY?
Well, Paul explains himself in the next few verses:
“For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband… How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?” 1Corinthians 7:14, 16
In other words, in a troubled marriage you become the missionary to your spouse.
You are God’s child and your objective is to protect your spouse.
You sanctify them. You set them apart for protection.
You are there to shield them.
You are there protect them from harm.
That is your ministry.
And if they’re not a Christian –God wants you there to try to win them to Jesus.
What I found really intriguing about one of those studies I quoted to you earlier was this statement by Dr. Scott Stanley,
"The conventional belief is that when a marriage is down, it is done…
But what we are seeing with these data is that there are couples who are basically down,
but the relationship bounces back."
In other words: the battle isn’t always lost. The marriage isn’t always beyond hope.
Jesus is standing alongside you and saying:
Stand firm.
Be faithful even unto death.
Show this world what a Godly man/ a Godly woman is willing to do for their savior.
And Jesus says: When you show yourself faithful to me, I will reward you.
