LESSON 5
THE ACT OF MARRIAGE
Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Today’s lesson covers an extremely important aspect of marriage.
“Sex in the Marriage” I’m going to be very frank & open with you tonight.
A lack of sexual fulfillment is a leading cause of difficulties in marriage.
We want to approach this as mature adults with an open mind.
I said open mind.
Not open marriage.
Let’s get to it!
DO NOT ALLOW PRIDE TO KEEP YOU FROM ADMITTING A WEAKNESS IN THIS AREA.
1)IMPROPER ATTITUDES CONCERNING THE ACT OF MARRIAGE:
a)That sex is sinful:
Many have the attitude that sex is a dirty.
Some even go as far as saying it is,
“Reserved for darkness” Show that to me in the Bible.
Many a husband & wife never talk about the act of marriage.
Sex is ordained of God & is the gift of God.
Hebrews 13:4 Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
God told Adam & Eve to multiply & replenish the earth.
Genesis 1:28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.
Satan is sly & will encourage sex before marriage.
He will also discourage sex after marriage.
Why is this?
Sex before marriage is sin.
No sex in the marriage will cause cheating to happen.
Then that is sin. Another attitude is.
b)That sex is unimportant:
Sex cannot make a bad marriage good.
However, it can make a good marriage go bad.
Another attitude is.
c) That women don’t enjoy sex as much as men.
May I say that is a lie straight out of HELL.
If that is the case.
I’m here to tell you something is very wrong.
Either a partner has the wrong attitude or has the improper techniques.
Wives should experience a climax most of the time.
Another attitude is:
d)If you do what comes naturally, you will be fine:
Most men know very little about their wife.
They know little about her body.
They no little about how it functions.
They know very little about what her needs are.
2)THE BENEFITS OF THE ACT OF MARRIAGE:
A) It helps guard against the sic of adultery.
1 Corinthians 7:1-5 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
Notice the context of 1 Corinthians 6:15-20 Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid. What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh. But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit. Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.
From these verses we learn these principles:
1)Paul Warns That Refraining From Sex Too Long Is Not Good.
Verse 5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
2)Sexual desire is normal, natural & God given:
God has given us a desire for food.
A desire for preservation & sexual desires.
This is a natural, God given desire.
God has placed in man’s biological make-up this need.
Wives better meet this God given need.
If not, Satan will put a sexually aroused female in his path.
May I say what goes around, comes around.
3) Each mate should strive to fulfill their partner first:
1 Corinthians 7:3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
Our attitude should be,
“It’s more blessed to give than to receive”
If a man will try to satisfy his wife first.
He in return will receive greater satisfaction himself.
4)The husband is to submit to his wife & the wife to the husband:
Never should a wife use her body to manipulate her husband.
Do not, again I say never threaten to “CUT HIM OFF” from sex if you don’t get your way.
5)Couples may abstain by “MUTUAL CONSENT” for a short time only.
1 Corinthians 7:5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
B) It Is The Highest Expression of Love
The act of marriage reaches its highest peak when it is motivated by a desire to express your Love.
At this time, you can communicate your deepest feelings of love.
I mean say the crazy things you say when at your peak. Think about at this time you are as one. Just like God planned it to be.
C) It Helps Produce Peace Of Mind & Eases Nervous Tension:
I’m hear to you that a lack of sexual fulfillment is often the cause of irritability & tension.
I don’t know how you woman folk feel.
I can tell you this that when this is man cut off, I feel it & she will feel it from me.
I am very miserable in life, & she is going to be the same.
I mean to tell you when in the cut off period, I’m very irritable.
D) It Increases Feelings Of Dependence & Security:
I depend on my to take care of my needs.
When she doesn’t, “THE MIND WONDERS”, ok who’s getting it.
If I’m not, someone is.
This is called insecurity.
3)HAVING THE PROPER TECHNIQUE IN THE ACT OF MARRIAGE:
Let me recommend that every couple read a good book on the “ACTS OF MARRIAGE”
Dr. Tim La Haye has written an excellent book on this subject.
A)Fulfillment In The Act Of Marriage Requires Proper Preparation:
1)Emotionally:
If you want to make love wife your wife at night.
It is very wise, to start in the morning by being kind.
Unknown to many men is that kind treatment & expressions of love causes vaginal fluids to begin to secrete.
Yes, even early in the day.
Love is not measured by the number of trips to the bedroom.
It is measured by the treatment in between.
What you say all day is important.
Men, as far as you & I go we don’t care about all that.
All we know when he says it’s time, it’s time.
2.Spiritually:
A spiritual Christian can be the greatest lover.
Love & living for others are Christian virtues.
Sex should have dignity & beauty.
It is not just jump on, and wham, bam thank you mam.
Don’t use gutter language, 4 letter words, gruff language & or even rough tactics.
Remember she’s not your bro, or as they say in the hood, home.
3)Physically:
Be Clean, bathe (wash it), brush your teeth (Nothing says I love You more than the breathe of a dragon), Please use deodorant.
4)Fulfillment Requires Caressing, kissing, & foreplay:
This is where most men fail.
I said most men, not all.
A man must learn to pace himself.
(That’s why NASCAR’s have the pace care, so they don’t get off to quick)
In the book of Song of Solomon God has given us a pattern to follow.
(Again go to the Word of God for Help)
Song of Solomon 7:1-7 How beautiful are thy feet with shoes, O prince’s daughter! the joints of thy thighs are like jewels, the work of the hands of a cunning workman. Thy navel is like a round goblet, which wanteth not liquor: thy belly is like an heap of wheat set about with lilies. Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins. Thy neck is as a tower of ivory; thine eyes like the fishpools in Heshbon, by the gate of Bathrabbim: thy nose is as the tower of Lebanon which looketh toward Damascus. Thine head upon thee is like Carmel, and the hair of thine head like purple; the king is held in the galleries. How fair and how pleasant art thou, O love, for delights! This thy stature is like to a palm tree, and thy breasts to clusters of grapes.
Now consider how long ago this was written.
Notice his romantic talk. "When you look at me and my wife," replied Solomon, "you are seeing two armies!" The Hebrew is mahanaim & takes us back to the time Jacob was about to meet his brother Esau and was very much afraid. God gave him a vision of an army of angels sent from heaven to protect him, so Jacob called the name of the place "Mahanaim" because he saw two armies. The army of God above him & his own army of retainers around him. The wrong kind of military language is often used with reference to marriage, such as, "My wife is a battleaxe!" or "My husband’s on a campaign to buy a boat!" But the Song of Solomon sees the wife and husband like two armies marching together, each helping & defending the other. They don’t battle with each other, but they attack anything that will threaten their marriage. Most of the similes in 7:1-7 have been used before in the book, but a few are new. He describes her beauty from foot (v. 1) to head (vv. 5 and 9). Both food and drink are referenced in 7:2, describing the intimate area of her body. This suggests that the husband is nourished by the love of his wife.
Oriental "fish pools" were beautiful & peaceful. Even though filled with life, & so were her eyes (v. 4). Previously, Solomon had been so smitten by her look that he was overcome (6:5). But now he can watch her eyes and find beauty and excitement.
If today you compared a woman’s neck or nose to a tower, you would offend her. But not so in that day. The reference isn’t to size or prominence but to proportion & fitness. Like a tower on the city wall, or even standing alone in the land, it was in the right setting and had its own beauty. Hair "like purple" isn’t referring to dyed hair but to royal curtains or tapestries. Whereas the king had been transfixed by her eyes in 7:5. Now it’s her hair that captures him. In verses 6-7, he introduces a fascinating new metaphor. He sees his lovely wife as a palm tree, beautiful & fruitful. Their intimate love as his climbing the tree & eating its fruits. ("Grapes" in v. 7, KJV should be "fruit," referring to dates.) Kissing her was like drinking wine, and he told her so. Her reply was that she hoped the wine would flow gently over his lips & teeth & please him. Again she assures him of their mutual love and devotion "His desire is toward me" reminds us of Genesis 3:16, where the Lord said that Eve’s desire would be for her husband. Sexual attraction in marriage must be a mutual experience. The husband and wife must work at making themselves desirable.
In chapter 8:3, he stimulates her & embraces her.
Song of Solomon 8:3 His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.
Then we find that she returns Her love with sweet romance. ( Just a note here on Song of Solomon. Two ways to look at this book. (
1) A love between a rich man & a poor woman,
2) The love between God & man thru the eyes of God)
B)Remember That There Are Some Differences Between Husband & Wives:
HUSBAND: WIFE:
1.Motivated by sight Motivated by touch
2)Surroundings no important Surroundings very important
She needs privacy, dark & clean
3)Aroused faster & satisfied faster Requires more foreplay
4) It is an act (10-15 min) It is an event. (All day)
5) No monthly cycle (Thank God) Pre-menstral & post-menstral cycle
6) Eager for sex after disagreements Not eager after disagreements
7) Foreplay not important to most men Foreplay is extremely important
8) After-play not important After-play is very important
4)SOME PROBLEMS TO OVERCOME IN THE ACT OF MARRIAGE:
A) A lack of knowledge:
This problem can be overcome by reading a good book on the subject.
B)Some are undeveloped sexually at marriage:
1) Husbands should be very patient.
(Note: Not a mans better virtue)
2)Wives you too need to be very patient.
(Note: He is a man)
C)Selfishness:
This is one of the biggest problems.
Too many women make excuses for not fulfilling their husband’s needs.
(If he is hungry, he can go to a café, & a maid can clean house.)
But only his wife can meet his sexual desire.
That is if her or she wants to right with God.
D)Frigidity in Women:
This is one of the biggest problems.
This is caused by:
1.Improper Attitudes:
Some wives think their husbands are a beast because he desires her body.
This may I say is a wrong attitude & it’s unbiblical
1 Corinthians 7:4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
2.Lack of foreplay:
Dr. John R. Rice said,
“Be patient, don’t hurry, go slow”
E)Impotence in Men:
Need to be very careful here.
This is some time due to a physical condition.
(Such as diabetes& other conditions)
However on the other hand it is normally psychological matter.
In some cases it is wise to see a doctor in these matters.
F)Expecting too much:
Many men have polluted their mind with porno.
Even if they were addicted & they come clean.
It’s still there, it’s like drugs & alcohol, it stays with you.
It is a battle all the time, wives you need to help by trying to please him.
I mean to tell you, they have seen “FLAWESS”, touched up pictures of naked women.
They then expect a perfect wife.
(Note: I still can recall the 1st naked picture I ever saw. This was 40 years plus back)
(Not proud of the fact, but it’s truth.)
G)Do we use birth control:
Every couple must discuss this & decide if they will use birth control.
They must even decide on the method to use.
There is no biblical vies on this other than abortion.
(God sees that as murder)
To some the fear of pregnancy can hinder martial relations.
I will go one step further, if you want children & he or she does not.
You should think real serious about marrying that person.
5) ADVICE TO HUSBANDS & WIVES:
A) Husbands:
1. Use self control so that your wife can reach her “CLIMAX”.
2. Begin your foreplay early in the day with affection.
Such as kisses & kind words.
3. Seek to satisfy your wife first.
4. Maintain good lines of communication with your wife.
I mean let her even express her deepest feelings.
5. After the thrilling roller coaster ride of the “ACT OF MARRIAGE”
Don’t be in a hurry to withdraw.
Talk awhile & hold her.
6.Avoid the worldly attitude that a man must conquer “HIS WOMAN”.
Also, never use vulgar, qutter terms about the sacred “Marriage Act.
This is no barnyard talk, or a do & tell thing with your buds from high school.
7.There will be occasions when it will be best not to consummate “THE ACT OF MARRIAGE”.
Even though it is unscriptural to stay apart.
At times we need to understand & have patience & understanding about this.
Something mat be going on, & women are women the need space.
Not in the mood at the time.
8.Don’t believe the “LOCKER ROOM” myth that deep penetration is the secret to satisfying your wife.
Some time the little soft kisses will send her over the edge.
Don’t believe all the trash talk coming from you buds.
I mean the things they lie about in their sex lives. Married or unmarried.
On how good their wife or girlfriend does everything & how good she is.
It’s all lies, & second as a Christian man you should not be part of that kind of conversation in the first place.
9. REMEMBER that God made you the aggressor.
I never heard of a woman going to jail for rape.
WIVES:
1.Your attitude is of the most importance.
Avoid such attitudes as “HERE WE GO AGAIN”,
“I MUST DO MY DUTY AS A WIFE”
(Note: It is a privilege that God gave to man & wife. Not a duty)
Or even this one
“HE’S USING ME”
(Note: again you belong to him, & he belong to you)
2.Learn to make an exception to the standards of modesty you have been taught.
Remember the bed is undefiled in marriage.
Hebrews 13:4 Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
God grants you one exception & that is your husband.
(Before Jan & I got married our Pastor’s wife walked in on Jan while doing her thing.
Told her to forget about pajamas at night.
In English: sleep nude.
Keep in mind she is in her 70’s maybe that’s whay her & Pastor has been married over 50 years.
Faithful to only each other.
Oh yea I must tell you what my Pastor told me as he showed me his house, & was in the bedroom looking at his round bed
“it still work”)
What wisdom here!
3.Keep yourself clean:
No man wants to sleep with a fish.
4.Respond enthusiastically to you husband’s advances.
(Note: I said your own husband)
5.Don’t make excuses.
Many a wife will use a reason,
“I’M TOO TRIED”
There are many others to go along with this one, due to time we must move on.
The bottom line in this area, this can simply become an excuse for not fulfilling your husband’s needs.
This goes against the Word of God & His plan in marriage.
6.If fear of pregnancy keeps you from enjoying the “ACT OF MARRIAGE”
Both of you need to go see a Dr. & discuss the options you have.
7.If you are not reaching a climax in the “ACT of MARRIAGE”
Again, together seek Godly counsel.
Read a book on the subject.
8.Sometimes you can be the aggressor:
Put the kids in bed early & get attractive.
Then go for the kill. We men we like to tame a lion once in awhile.
I have been very frank but honest.
I pray it helped.
