HELPS FOR A HAPPY HOME
Eph. 5:18-33
LESSON 1
THE ESSENTIALS OF A HAPPY HOME
A Christian home can be the nearest thing to Heaven that we will experience in this life on this earth.
However, a home without Christ can be a heart breaking situation.
The homes that are enduring are homes where Biblical principles are practiced.
Folks, God has a plan for our homes.
We must learn to follow them in order to have a happy home.
NOTICE 10 ESSENTIALS FOR A CHRISTIAN HOME:
1.MARRIAGE IS BUILT ON A RIGHT RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD!
Eph. 5:18-19
And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit;
Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord;
The person who is not right with God cannot be right with their spouse.
On the other hand.
The one who is not right with a husband or wife will not be right with God.
One cannot separate his or hers relationship to God & his or hers relationship with others.
The scriptures warn us that problems in the home will hinder answered prayers.
1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
Proper marriage counseling begins with trying to get both parties right with God.
2.MARRAIAGE IS BUILT ON AN ATTITUDE OF THANKSGIVING!
Ephesians 5:20 Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ;
Complaining, griping, & nagging will ruin your home.
It does not matter who does it.
Men like to think the women do all that.
Women like to think it is the men.
The truth be said we all have our moments.
Here is how it goes in the home.
The husband will come grouchy & crabby.
Bad day at work, seems to follows us home men.
Many a wife are quality of having a nagging spirit.
That is why you hear my wife is a nag.
Hey men we do it too!
Attitude of THANKSGIVING will produce the right spirit in the home.
Just like a smile will produce a smile.
Miss Jam is really good of thanking me.
Even for things that we both do.
Oh thank you for buying this for me, or taking me out, or going with me to do this & that.
3.MARRIAGE IS BUILT ON A LIFE LONG RELATIONSHIP!
Genesis 2:21-24 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
One of the most devastating things to a marriage is the threat of divorce.
The easy divorce of today is unscriptural & ungodly.
Matthew 19:3-9 The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
Many husbands & particularly wives use the threat of divorce.
They use it as a “battering ram” against their mate.
I mean to tell you when difficulties come, they say,
“I’m going home to mommy”
Husband will say
“I’m out of here, I don’t need this”
If you are going to have a Christian home & a Happy home.
You must have a determination that you are going to make the marriage work.
Take these words out of your vocabulary.
DIVORCE- I’M LEAVING
Good marriages are forged on the anvil of determination.
Hammered; beaten into shape!
To have a Happy Home: You must covenant together to make the marriage work. To come together; a coming together; a meeting or agreement of minds.
4)MARRIAGE IS BUILT ON PROPER PRIORITIES!
1 Timothy 5:4 But if any widow have children or nephews, let them learn first to shew piety at home, and to requite their parents: for that is good and acceptable before God.
This passage instructs the widows to teach their children.
“1st to show piety at home”
If you are going to have a Happy Home.
You MUST keep your priorities right.
I can not stress the fact that is the utmost importance that we keep our home right.
I have found that those who are right at home will be right everywhere else.
God has ordained 3 institutions:
The Home, government, & the local church.
The very 1st institution was the HOME.
The Bible gives us examples of men who neglected their homes.
The result was tragedy!
The Bible tells of Eli the High Priest who put his ministry 1st.
The results are in, he lost his own sons.
Vance Havner said
“What does it profit, if he win the whole world, & lose his family.”
We also find the example of David who put his kingdom before his own children.
The results are in.
David’s own sons became rebellious & he lost them.
Even to death.
In the book of Genesis we come to the sick scene of Lot in Sodom.
Lot put his riches before his own family.
The results was, Lot lost everything.
His riches, his wife, his family.
Later had a horrible encounter with his daughters.
We need to realize the importance of the home.
I mean impressed upon our hearts.
Far too many women make their responsibilities as a wife & as a mother a secondary responsibility of little importance.
Far too many lose their marriage & their children because they do not spend time with their families.
I’m guilty here.
2 Lessons here we should learn.
1) Ladies as a mother & a wife.
You have the greatest job in the entire world.
2) Men, we must take time for our wives & children.
5) MARRIAGE IS BUILT ON UNDERSTANDING!
The wise husband or wife realizes there are important differences between man & women.
Oh yea, not just in the plumping.
He or she will then try to accommodate the needs of their mate.
Sounds like I’m talking about animals.
We are animals in a way.
Least we act like it at times.
Let’s notice several important differences:
a)A man is a rational being
(I know it does not always show)
Woman is an emotional being
(Let her not get her way, watch out)
The husband wants to do things on the basis of logic.
Prove it you say.
That’s why a man is often heard to say to his wife
“I just can’t figure you out”
That my friend is logic!
A woman, on the other hand.
She does things on the basis of her emotions.
Every husband says,
“Why did you do that”
The wife then replies,
“I just felt like doing it”
THAT IS EMOTIONS MY FRIEND EMOTIONS
b) A man needs admiration
(Man has this man problem; we are tuff & a lean mean machine)
Every man needs to feel like his wife thinks he is the best.
(Wife, fake if you have to, give him the joy he is the best thing since bologna)
Hey, God has made woman (not another man) so that they meet a man’s time & attention.
Now for the woman she needs lots of attention
(I mean to tell you they hog this area.)
(Give it or pay the price man)
Really men we need to give our wives the attention they want & needs.
I mean to tell you it would be wise.
Wife you need to give your husband the admiration that he needs.
(Even if he thinks he is Spider Man, but he is running around in his jammies)
c)A husband is future oriented
Ladies men are dreamers.
Some are really big dreamers. I’m talking way out there.
In another world where they think they are the only ones there.
But they are often thinking about what will happen in the years to come.
The wife is oriented towards the present
The wife however on the other hand is more geared toward what is happening today.
Proof of this
A man will think about what he will do around the house in the months to come.
I mean to tell you he will plot & work up all the plans.
The wife on the other hand really could care less about what he going to next week.
She is more concerned about getting the light fixed today.
d)Men are more nomadic, while women are more stable
By this I mean, it is much more difficult for a woman to make a move than it is for a man.
I remember my dad being in the Air force.
When it was time to make the move my dad was ready & excited.
My mom was sadder, & didn’t want to leave.
Me I could care less.
The same in the ministry.
Inevitably the man is more excited about the move than the wife.
e)The husband is motivated by sight While the wife is motivated by touch!
The male is sexually aroused by sight.
That’s why Jesus said,
“Whoso looketh upon a woman to lust after her…”
But then we read in I Cor. 7:1
Paul tells the church in Corinth,
“It is good for a man not to touch the woman”
Do you see the difference here
The Bible says he that looks that’s sight
Then it tells us it better for a man not to touch a woman.
One can observe men & woman shopping at the produce section of the store.
CHECK THIS OUT!
You will find the man choosing a head of lettuce by looking at it carefully.
Invariably, the woman will choose the head of lettuce by
“squeezing it”.
(That is really touching)
f)Men are quicker to arise emotionally & quicker to recover!
Man is more apt to become angry.
(My wife hardly ever get mad or upset.)
(On the other hand I blow)
But he is also quicker to recover from it.
It is easy for us men to forget a quarrel with his wife.
He may explode early in the day. Yet within an hour he will be ready to go into an intimate relationship.
It is not so with the wife.
When her spirit is wounded, it takes much longer for her to recover.
g)A man is easy to understand while a woman is harder to understand!
We can never figure the woman out men!
A man is logical & RATIONAL.
The woman is emotional.
Men have a very hard time figuring out their wives.
(Try to find the right gift for the right time)
A woman seems to be much more complex than a man.
6)MARRIAGE IS BUILT ON PROPER AUTHORITY!
Ephesians 5:22-24 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Ephesians 6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.
Having the proper “Chain of Command” in the home is vitally important.
God has ordained that Christ be the head of the man.
The man is the head of the woman.
The man & woman together over the children.
Many husbands lack the masculinity to be the head of the home.
Most often even they are passive. Then the domineering woman takes control of the home.
Time & time again.
I have seen when this happens, the children go to the Devil.
7)MARRIAGE IS BUILT ON LOVE & ROMANCE!
The things that you did in courtship to win the LOVE of your spouse.
Well men that should continue after the marriage altar.
Consider the following things:
a)Spend time together
In the days of your courtship, you spent time on “dates”.
Remember how much you enjoyed a walk together.
Far too many of us make foolish mistakes of not spending time with each other.
Every father needs to spend time each week with his children.
Every husband needs to spend time with his wife.
Try to go on a date at least every other week.
Your budget may only allow you to go to McDs & you may even have to share a burgers & fries.
(Jan & I dates we shared)
Hey it may be a peanut bitter & jelly sandwich at the park.
(There has been time we went to the park & sat on a bench & I read the Bible to her)
You know what those are best memories together.
Spend time talking to each other.
Spend time listening.
Men don’t make the mistake over & over again.
Come home & bury your face in the paper.
Even sit in front of the TV in your easy chair.
Then fall asleep on her.
Then claim it as family time.
NOT!!!!!!!!!!
b) Express you’re Love
Hey guys & gals physical expression of love is very important.
(Let your children see this, hey you’re in love)
Hey husband we need to unexpectedly & often kiss our wives or put our arms around them.
(Not to much then they want it all the time LOL)
You wives should do the same.
My daddy always said
“What goes around comes around”
Folks this really is important.
Warning:
Husbands if you don’t there are always a man somewhere who will.
Wives the same with woman.
Plus the kicker is this.
This is healthy showing love for each other.
It will keep each other from looking elsewhere.
Regardless the grass is not greener on the other side.
What it is a whole lot slippery.
Married folks should also share vocal expressions of love.
Hey guys that means say
“I LOVE YOU”
Tell her how beautiful they are.
You have only eyes for her.
“Not that’s my story & I’m sticking to it”
Wives tell your husbands how handsome he is.
Even if he is no Fabio or Tom Jones
Some of us think this way
I told her 50 years ago that I loved her & how beautiful she is.
That should be good enough.
I don’t want it to go to her.
Be sure to communicate the love they have for each other.
Guys even if she wants to kiss face, do it.
There was this Scottish woman whose lifelong mate was dying.
Just a few hours before his death that would drive them apart for ever.
Her husband looked at his lovely and said
“I LOVE YOU”
She then replied,
“I knew you did, but how good it is to hear you say it”
All the good times they missed out on.
The times she was robbed of hearing three simple words that mean the world.
“I LOVE YOU”
c) Do special little things
Husbands send flowers even if you have to take them out of your neighbor’s yard.
Just joking!
Write a note to her
(My wife goes crazy over little notes)
Call on the phone when she is not at home & leave a message I Love You.
Put a note on the windshield of her car.
REMEMBER:
Birthdays & Anniversaries
Wives do the same.
They will lie to you & tell you it does not matter.
All I have to say is Liar!
d) Keep yourself physically attractive
I know we get old & we don’t have the lean mean body we once had.
Yet we can control some what.
It is a tragic thing when husbands who before marriage kept themselves.
I mean they shaved, brushed their teeth, comb the head if they have hair.
Put on some Old Spice, and the good old deoratite.
Now its replacement time.
Clean shaved for a shadow (but it’s cool looking)
Then she says rub it on someone else.
Nice combed hair for the new look porcupine.
Old Spice for body order.
Flossing to meat in the teeth.
Hey wives you’re guilty too.
You should not let your self go either.
Put on that sexy outfit he likes.
Fix up the hair God gave you.
Put on that smelly stuff that drives him crazy.
You know the stink juice.
8) MARRIAGE IS BUILT ON FMILY ALTAR
Deuteronomy 6:6-9 And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.
It has been said
“The family that prays together stays together”
Every Christian home should have a time for family altar.
A time of Bible reading & prayer as a family with God.
America was built on old fashion family altars.
Men you know I love you in the Lord.
But we need to be men & to charge in this matter.
Not only this one but in going to church, serving God.
Every area in the home take charge.
1 Corinthians 16:13 Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong.
We are responsible for family altars & the time to have them.
Some think that mornings are best.
I like the evenings.
Make note it is very important that all take part.
All read & all pray.
This is so vital for having a Christian home.
With out God in the family who can it be Christian?
9) MARRIAGE IS BUILT ON GENUINE LOVE:
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
The Bible speaks much on the power of LOVE.
Proverbs 10:12b …love covereth all sins.
Solomon said in Song of Solomon 8:7a Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: …
Then there is the great Love chapter of the Bible.
I Cor.13:8
“Charity (love) never faileth.”
Only real Love can overcome most of the problems in the home.
Remember:
Love is learned.
Rather than using the term
“living in Love”
We should say,
“Growing in Love”
10) MARRIAGE IS BUILT ON SELF DISCIPLINE:
It takes good character to be a good husband.
To be a good wife.
It takes character to discipline & train our children.
It takes character to be careful with the finances.
Don’t get in over your heads.
It takes character to be an example to your children.
It takes character to submit to God ordained authority.
It takes character to live for others.
May I say it takes character to bridle the tongue?
May God help us to have the self discipline necessary for a Christian Home.
May God help our families
