Have you ever felt like the world around you was moving at such an incredible speed while you were standing still? I mean, have you ever wondered if maybe you weren’t going anywhere in life, at least not everywhere you want to go? Have you ever asked yourself, “Is God even at work in my life? Doesn’t He see that everything is at a standstill?” Or worse yet, “Does He realize I feel like things are going backwards in my life?”
It is when we are at these places in our lives that we are in an incredibly dangerous spot. That’s when Satan tries to take advantage of the weakness of our sinful human nature. They work in tandem. Our own weaknesses, coupled with the devil’s deception, can make for a very destructive mixture. Our lives can take some severely wrong turns when we become disillusioned and start doubting God’s involvement.
We begin a new series today on the book of Esther. She was an unlikely queen in the Old Testament. Unlikely, because she was a Jewish orphan girl who became queen of Persia! This is a truly incredible story of Divine Destiny!
The Bible is such an exciting book because it is filled with such stories! Consider the lives of Abraham and Sarah, Jacob, Joseph, David, Mary the mother of Jesus, and so many more. If you read the biographies in the Word of God you cannot help but see God at work in people’s lives, especially people who trust Him and look to Him for guidance! And in each of those lives there are times when all seems lost. Things have a way of seeming to get worse before they get better.
The story of God’s work in the life of Esther begins with her in the background. She isn’t even mentioned in this first chapter of the book that bears her name. God isn’t mentioned either - not in the entire book! Neither is the devil. But God and the devil are both involved in what is about to happen. Today we consider, "Why the Devil Takes Visa – Wrong Things to Do When I’m Angry, Depressed, Anxious, etc."
Here’s the foundation of the story from chapter one of Esther.
1 These events happened in the days of King Xerxes, who reigned over 127 provinces stretching from India to Ethiopia. 2 At that time Xerxes ruled his empire from his royal throne at the fortress of Susa. 3 In the third year of his reign, he gave a banquet for all his nobles and officials. He invited all the military officers of Persia and Media as well as the princes and nobles of the provinces. 4 The celebration lasted 180 days—a tremendous display of the opulent wealth of his empire and the pomp and splendor of his majesty.
5 When it was all over, the king gave a banquet for all the people, from the greatest to the least, who were in the fortress of Susa. It lasted for seven days and was held in the courtyard of the palace garden. 6 The courtyard was beautifully decorated with white cotton curtains and blue hangings, which were fastened with white linen cords and purple ribbons to silver rings embedded in marble pillars. Gold and silver couches stood on a mosaic pavement of porphyry, marble, mother-of-pearl, and other costly stones.
7 Drinks were served in gold goblets of many designs, and there was an abundance of royal wine, reflecting the king’s generosity. 8 By edict of the king, no limits were placed on the drinking, for the king had instructed all his palace officials to serve each man as much as he wanted. 9 At the same time, Queen Vashti gave a banquet for the women in the royal palace of King Xerxes.
10 On the seventh day of the feast, when King Xerxes was in high spirits because of the wine, he told the seven eunuchs who attended him—Mehuman, Biztha, Harbona, Bigtha, Abagtha, Zethar, and Carcas—11 to bring Queen Vashti to him with the royal crown on her head. He wanted the nobles and all the other men to gaze on her beauty, for she was a very beautiful woman. 12 But when they conveyed the king’s order to Queen Vashti, she refused to come. This made the king furious, and he burned with anger.
13 He immediately consulted with his wise advisers, who knew all the Persian laws and customs, for he always asked their advice. 14 The names of these men were Carshena, Shethar, Admatha, Tarshish, Meres, Marsena, and Memucan—seven nobles of Persia and Media. They met with the king regularly and held the highest positions in the empire.
15 “What must be done to Queen Vashti?” the king demanded. “What penalty does the law provide for a queen who refuses to obey the king’s orders, properly sent through his eunuchs?”
16 Memucan answered the king and his nobles, “Queen Vashti has wronged not only the king but also every noble and citizen throughout your empire. 17 Women everywhere will begin to despise their husbands when they learn that Queen Vashti has refused to appear before the king. 18 Before this day is out, the wives of all the king’s nobles throughout Persia and Media will hear what the queen did and will start treating their husbands the same way. There will be no end to their contempt and anger.
19 So if it please the king, we suggest that you issue a written decree, a law of the Persians and Medes that cannot be revoked. It should order that Queen Vashti be forever banished from the presence of King Xerxes, and that the king should choose another queen more worthy than she. 20 When this decree is published throughout the king’s vast empire, husbands everywhere, whatever their rank, will receive proper respect from their wives!”
21 The king and his nobles thought this made good sense, so he followed Memucan’s counsel. 22 He sent letters to all parts of the empire, to each province in its own script and language, proclaiming that every man should be the ruler of his own home and should say whatever he pleases. (Esther 1:1-22, New Living Translation)
What King Xerxes did was wrong. He threw a drunken party; embarrassed himself by making a foolish request of his wife; was further humiliated because the queen had more decorum than he; and became so furious that he tried to save face by following the chauvinistic and foolish advice of his cabinet.
I reiterate. What King Xerxes did was wrong. But the book of Esther is about how God was able to take his wrong and move in the life of Esther in a way that would save the Jewish people. God was able to take a wrong and make a tremendous “right” out of it. Stick with us in this series to see how it all plays out.
Right up front you need to know this about God. He isn’t handcuffed by people’s bad decisions. (Next Sunday come back and hear what the Bible has to say about Making Good Decisions and Getting over Bad Ones).
King Xerxes made a bad decision. It was foolish of him to have Queen Vashti deposed and exiled in his anger. But God is so wise and so much in command of the situation, that He uses this foolish decision in the king’s life to make something good of it.
People have made foolish choices that have adversely affected your life. Or you’ve faced other setbacks, defeats and discouragements because of poor decisions that you or someone else has made in a moment of anger or depression or fear.
God is able to take bad things and make good of them in your life!
But before we get to some of those good things that only God can do, let’s learn from the king’s mistake so that we too don’t make stupid choices like he did. Doing stupid stuff when we’re angry is like buying stuff with a credit card and not paying it off before the interest accrues. This is why the Devil takes Visa. Buy now. Pay later. And pay with interest.
Wrong Things to Do When I’m Angry (or depressed, or fearful, or anxious, or worried…)
1. It’s a mistake to invest in pride.
But when they conveyed the king’s order to Queen Vashti, she refused to come. This made the king furious, and he burned with anger. Esther 1:12 (NLT)
King Xerxes throws a mammoth 6-month long party and invites dignitaries from the 127 different provinces over which he rules. Then he follows that up with a one-week long party for anybody and everybody in the capital city. What’s the purpose of this ostentatious celebration?
To impress people with how important he is!
Xerxes’ dumb decision to get rid of Vashti stemmed from egotism. He made a foolish request of his wife; an unmannerly, unkind, and disrespectful request for her to appear before the drunken mob as a sex object.
Then he gets angry because she has better sense than he does!
Pride often initiates, inflames and intensifies anger. That’s why it’s a big mistake to invest in pride.
Whatever I invest in becomes what I’m committed to. Once Xerxes had invested so deeply in pride he had committed himself to self-glorification and self-honor. He became so self-focused that he had no clue as to what his request would mean to his wife.
We all have these momentary lapses of judgment when we think too highly of ourselves. The key is not to let this false impression of ourselves last. Don’t invest in them. When we feel foolish pride swelling up inside us we need to follow the old adage of swallowing our pride.
I’ve heard messages and even done plenty of teaching myself on the topic of dealing with anger, and the best guard against doing stupid stuff when I’m angry (or hurt, or depressed, or fill in the blank with your favorite bad behavior), is to head anger (or any other bad behavior) off at the pass. If pride precedes intemperance then I need to get to the roots of my problem.
2. It’s a mistake to borrow bitterness.
What’s the first thing King Xerxes did when Queen Vashti turned down his insulting idea?
He immediately consulted with his wise advisers, who knew all the Persian laws and customs, for he always asked their advice. Esther 1:13 (NLT)
What’s wrong with this picture? Isn’t it smart to get ideas from other people when you confront a tough situation? Sure. Generally speaking, it IS wise to lean upon a wider body of ideas than only that which comes from your own experiences in life.
But think about it? Was he really asking the right people?
Do you know what I think the king was doing? I think he was doing the same thing we’ve all done before. He asked these guys because he knew that they would tell him what he wanted to hear.
The purpose of his 6-month and 1-week long party was to show everybody how important he was! His “crowning” moment was going to be the cameo appearance of his beautiful wife. He was going to parade her into the arena of the inebriated inhabitants of the capital city – and insult of all insults – she refuses to acquiesce to his demands!
I want to pause and insert something here about relationships. It is never proper to make requests of others that humiliate, denigrate, or in any way exploit them.
Chuck Swindoll says this about Queen Vashti’s refusal to her husband’s abusive request:
“I…admire Queen Vashti. In the midst of an unsavory scene she was brave enough to say no to that which was blatantly wrong, and in resisting this insulting act of indignity, she took a stand against the greatest power in her universe. Good for her!
“Submission does not mean that a wife is a sexual pawn in the carnal desires of her husband. It was never God’s design that a wife submit to her husband’s evil desires. In King Ahasuerus’ case, this took the form of desiring to display her before those who would have nothing in mind but lust. What he asked was not submission; it was sexual slavery. And I applaud Queen Vashti for her courageous decision. Marriage does not give a husband the right or the license to fulfill his basest fantasies by using his wife as a sexual object.
“Having been in ministry now for more than thirty-five years, I’m virtually unshockable. But every once in a while I have to suck in my breath when I hear what some men demand of their wives, calling it submission. It is, rather, insulting and shameful. So a word of warning here: Be careful, men, what you ask of the woman God had given you. Be certain that it doesn’t assault her dignity as a person, or turn a precious human being, created in God’s image, into a sexual object for your own carnal gratification.” (Esther, p. 27)
Now back to the point about it being a mistake to borrow bitterness. Reading the reply of the king’s cabinet to his plea for advice you get the idea that these guys were insecure to say the least and bitter to boot.
16 Memucan answered the king and his nobles, “Queen Vashti has wronged not only the king but also every noble and citizen throughout your empire. 17 Women everywhere will begin to despise their husbands when they learn that Queen Vashti has refused to appear before the king. 18 Before this day is out, the wives of all the king’s nobles throughout Persia and Media will hear what the queen did and will start treating their husbands the same way. There will be no end to their contempt and anger.
19 “So if it please the king, we suggest that you issue a written decree, a law of the Persians and Medes that cannot be revoked. It should order that Queen Vashti be forever banished from the presence of King Xerxes, and that the king should choose another queen more worthy than she. 20 When this decree is published throughout the king’s vast empire, husbands everywhere, whatever their rank, will receive proper respect from their wives!” 21 The king and his nobles thought this made good sense, so he followed Memucan’s counsel. 22 He sent letters to all parts of the empire, to each province in its own script and language, proclaiming that every man should be the ruler of his own home and should say whatever he pleases.
That’s quite an overreaction! But the king falls for it because it is precisely what he was listening for!
Be careful about picking people to give you advice who are going to tell you what you want to hear. ESPECIALLY BE CAREFUL ABOUT LISTENING TO BITTER PEOPLE! What you need are people who are going to have enough integrity to tell you what you need to hear!
It is not difficult to read between the lines and see the bitterness and insecurity of the king’s counselors. These guys were not fit to lead the kingdom. They didn’t even know how to lead in their own homes! YOU DON’T LEAD PEOPLE BY DICTATORSHIP. Oh you can get some of what you want by bullying people. But you can’t have loving, lasting relationships without leading people by example and respect.
These counselors had an axe to grind. People who have an axe to grind will chop you up!
King Xerxes was proud. His pride led to anger. And then, he listens to a bunch of bitter guys, men who obviously didn’t get it. These men thought you could legislate respect by saying whatever you please to your wife. “Pass a law. Make it legal for a man to say whatever he wants to say to his wife; treat her any way he pleases and she has to put up with it.”
Knuckleheads!
If you follow that kind of advice in your relationships, that kind of bitterness with backfire on you!
In his book, The 7 Sins of Highly Defective People, Rick Ezell writes: “When my wife and I were in London one spring, we discovered that some of the bombs dropped on England are still killing people. Sometimes they are discovered; sometimes blow up at construction sites, in fishing nets or on beaches more than 50 years after the war. Undetected bombs become more dangerous with time because corrosion can expose the detonator.
“What is true of bombs that are not dealt with is also true of people who have unresolved anger. Buried anger explodes when we least expect it. When anger explodes, it does all sorts of damage. It severs relationships. It causes ulcers. It leads to murder. When anger is turned inward, it leads to depression. When it is turned outward, it leads to aggression. So, I have to deal with my anger, not bury it.
“Anger is like a splinter in your finger. If you leave it there, it gets infected and hurts every time you use your finger. If you remove it, the sore heals and you feel better.”
Don’t borrow bitterness! Don’t let someone else’s unresolved anger invade your life! It kills relationships!
Wrong things to do when I’m angry, depressed, etc.: 1) Invest in anger; 2) Borrow bitterness; and…
3. It’s a mistake to trade relationships.
So if it please the king, we suggest that you issue a written decree, a law of the Persians and Medes that cannot be revoked. It should order that Queen Vashti be forever banished from the presence of King Xerxes, and that the king should choose another queen more worthy than she. Ester 1:19 (NLT)
Let me preface this point by saying that I am not trying to excavate anyone’s past sins. Some of you have gone through very painful and heartbreaking ends to relationships in your past. Please know that I know, and more importantly, God knows, that those are in your past.
We’ve all made mistakes in our relationships. God knows that Deb and I have made some serious mistakes in our 31-plus years of marriage. But those are in our past and our marriage is strong and secure. By the grace of God we did not trade relationships when we went through some rough spots.
King Xerxes made the serious mistake of deciding to trade relationships. He decided to choose another queen instead of working out his problem with Vashti. Vashti wasn’t unfaithful, so he had no grounds for divorce.
I’m sorry about all the marriages that have broken up. I’m sorry for some of you who have gone through divorce. But all of us need to stand together to try and help marriages remain intact from this point forward. Our hearts need to go out to those recovering from divorce, yet at the same time we need to do everything in our power to see that divorce is not the answer that a lot of people think it is.
Christ followers need to be committed to making their marriage work by turning to Christ and finding ways to overcome their obstacles. Deb and I were just talking New Year’s Day about a series we want to share with you this spring about the things we’ve learned from the Word of God and in our own relationship about how to stay together even when the pressure’s on. Unfortunately we can’t get to all of that today.
What we are dealing with today is an important principle. King Xerxes made the mistake that a lot of people make today. In pride and anger, in bitterness and in response to bad advice, he ended his relationship with his wife and sought another.
Yes, as we noted at the beginning of this message, God is able to take bad choices and make good out of them.
I don’t understand how God does it – He’s God! He deserves a lot of praise for this and so many other reasons!
We’ll begin to see next week in this series that God was strategically able to make the Jewish orphan girl named Esther the next queen, and how, by becoming queen, she was able to save her people.
But that is not to say that what the king did was right. Yes, God is merciful, He is gracious, and He is kind! But don’t mistake God’s wonderful attributes with approval for our sin. By using the king’s mistake to raise up Esther, God was not promoting divorce. He was not approving how Xerxes treated Vashti. He was showing us how much He loves us, and how He can work in our lives in spite of our sin!
It is a mistake to trade relationships when the going gets rough.
Will Smith told People Magazine back in May, that he and his wife Jade Pinkett Smith had been married for ten years. When asked how, in Hollywood terms, they had remained together so long, Smith replied, “What I found is divorce just can’t be an option…I think that’s the problem with L.A. – there are so many options. So a huge part of the success for Jada and me is that we just removed the other options.”
I believe that’s a good platform on which to base a marriage. Both parties need to be committed to that precept – divorce is not an option. Deb and I have been committed to that precept. I know many others who have been. And it is a powerful tool for working things out in your relationships.
Once again, I realize this is a tender subject and I also know that some of your believed in that precept when you had spouses who didn’t. But as much as possible we need to believe that our marriages are worth fighting for!
Later in the book of Esther we’ll see signs that King Xerxes regretted his hasty decision. It was foolish.
It’s just one of the foolish things we can do when we’re angry, depressed, frustrated, etc. It’s why the devil takes Visa. He knows that our immediate gratification is not as profitable for us as waiting on God.
What mistake(s) do you need to avoid when the pressure’s on?
1. It’s a mistake to invest in pride.
2. It’s a mistake to borrow bitterness.
3. It’s a mistake to trade relationships.
I invite you to make some commitments today about what you will and will not do next time you’re angry, sad, depressed, or stressed out.
