WRESTLING WITH LONELINESS
Part 2 in Series: “Does Anybody Know, Does Anybody Care?”
Rev. Todd G. Leupold, Perth Bible Church, Sunday October 5, 2008 AM
INTRODUCTION:
Paul McCartney famously sings: “All the lonely people, Where do they all come from, All the lonely people, Where do they belong?”
Ernie is a hard-working family man who has always blended in. He’s an average guy – except that he has a secret few others know about or even suspect. Lately, Ernie has felt very lonely. What makes it even more difficult is that he doesn’t understand why. This is not a normal experience for him, he has a loving family, people he is friendly with at work, people he is friendly with at church, and he is a believing Christian who knows that Jesus will “never leave nor forsake him.” Still, he can’t seem to shake this unsettling feeling of being disconnected and alone.
Annie is a single adult. She is generally a fun, warm, capable and bright woman. Annie has a lot to offer the world as a worker, friend, mentor and volunteer. Most people tell her she’d make a wonderful spouse and mother ’some day.’ But her pursuits just seem to lead to one dead end after another. Whether hers is a case of a love never lived or a love lost and seeking to reclaim, the hauntings of her loneliness are the same. Even in church, it seems everyone else already has their own group of friends and don’t need or want to add any more. Also, it seems nobody knows how to relate to a single woman.
George is a kind-hearted and sensitive man in mid-life. His whole life he has struggled with a seemingly natural melancholy – constantly feeling lonely and depressed, seeing life’s worries while overlooking it’s blessings. In whispers people have taken to calling him “Droopy Dog” and “Eyeore.” George knows this and struggles greatly with feelings of worthlessness and uselessness.
Finally, there is dear Shirley. Shirley is a wonderful woman in the sunset years of her life. For all but a seemingly distant few of those years, she has lived the ups and downs of life’s journey with her beloved soulmate, Fred. Not quite a year ago, God called Fred to His heavenly home. As a woman of strong faith, she knows that God is there for her, but she also is living with a stark reminder that we have all been created with a need for human companionship – to be with people in whose presence we can relax and be ourselves. Her loneliness has been deepening into depression and the temptation to just ’pull away’ from the world and await her own homecoming.
Do any of you here this morning know an Ernie, Annie, George or Shirley? Or, perhaps, you are an Ernie, Annie, George or Shirley? If not you, perhaps someone sitting near you?
David Burns referred to loneliness as “the world’s most common mental health problem.” Henri Nouwen described it as “one of the most universal sources of suffering.” In 1985, sociologist Robert Weiss conducted a landmark study of loneliness in which he estimated that a quarter (25%) of the American population feels extremely lonely at some time during any given month. Dr. Gary Collins writes:
“Loneliness is the painful awareness that we lack close and meaningful contact with others. It involves a feeling of inner emptiness, isolation, and intense longing. Even when they are surrounded by others, lonely people often feel left out, unwanted, rejected, or misunderstood . . . There may be an intense desire to reach out, but often the lonely person feels frustrated and unable to initiate, continue, or experience a close relationship.”
(Each of the above from Christian Counseling: A Comprehensive Guide, by Dr. Gary R. Collins, pp. 92-93.)
Far too often, our society’s response to others’ loneliness is a simple and abrupt “deal with it,” or “get over it,” or “stop being so selfish.” Even in the church, we may hear: “You just need to get right with God . . . buck up and have more faith . . . accept that it’s all your own fault.”
Loneliness can only be overcome through intimate relationships with Jesus and other people.
Consider what God said about this in the very beginning:
GENESIS 2:18 “It is not good for man to be alone.”
God declared this as a fundamental truth of His creation before sin and its consequences invaded the earth!
What about David, the man and follower God Himself designated as one with a heart like His?
PSALM 25:16-17
PSALM 68:4-6
PRAYER
People of God no less than Moses, Job, Noah, David, Elijah, Jeremiah, Ruth, Esther, Mary, & others had to confront loneliness at one time or another. Even Jesus, in His earthly ministry, often found Himself rejected and alone. At different points in His life, Scripture mentions His feeling rejected and/or abandoned by His own human family, His closest disciples, and even the Heavenly Father while He bore the world’s sins upon the cross.
But it is the Apostle Paul who, in Scripture, most detailed the realities of wrestling with loneliness. Near the end of his roller coaster life, Paul was all alone in a Roman dungeon and awaiting his certain execution that would come any day. For all of the sacrifices he made, all of the lives God used him to touch and transform, all of the people he blessed and churches he planted, Paul nevertheless found himself alone and largely abandoned and forgotten! It was at this time and in this state, that – inspired by the Holy Spirit of God – Paul wrote what was likely his last letter: one of encouragement and ministry training to his beloved ’son’ in the faith Timothy.
2 TIMOTHY 4:9-22
I.) SOURCES OF LONELINESS
A. When We Feel Trapped
In Paul’s case he was literally trapped. For many of us, however, it is more a matter of feeling trapped by circumstances.
The walls of oppression have closed around us. The door of opportunity has been locked and bolted shut and we either can’t get or can’t find the key or know how to use it.
B. When Friends Depart (vv. 10-12, 19-20)
Some desert us in favor of someone or something else (Demas).
Some move geographically (Crescens, Titus).
Some become too enmeshed and busy with their own lives and/or ministries (Priscilla & Aquilla)
And some are too sick to make the effort anymore (Trophimus)
C. When We Focus On The Past
It is always a temptation to focus on the highlights of the past in comparison to the lowlights of the present.
“It used to be this way . . . , but now it’s this way . . .”
“If only things now were like they were when . . .”
D. During Certain Seasons (vv. 9,21)
Paul know that his struggles with loneliness tend to increase in the Winter months. I think it’s a big club, huh?
For others, it may be another season because of the memories and associations that come to them – especially holidays.
Or, perhaps, even certain ’seasons’ of our life.
II.) BLESSINGS LONELINESS CAN PRODUCE
Our times of loneliness do NOT have to be wasted times on nothingness or even going through the motions.
In Christ, they may also be the source of blessing! Specifically:
A. Renewed Appreciation For Others (v. 11)
Paul’s tone (not to mention common sense) seems to indicate that at no other time did he appreciate the good Dr. Luke any more than in the midst of his loneliness.
Even one who is yet absent, such as Mark, is longed for. Keep in mind, as well, that this is the same Mark who years before (Acts 15:36-40) Paul split off his partnership with Barnabus because of Paul’s refusal to continue the mission with due to his disregard for Mark as immature and a deserter. Yet, now, in his time of loneliness he yearns to be with Mark again most of all!
As the old saying goes, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder!”
Karl Menninger, a renowned Psychiatrist, was asked what a lonely, unhappy person should do. He said, “Lock the door behind you, go across the street, find someone who is hurting, and help them.”
In your times of loneliness, do you focus on your bitterness or look for renewed appreciations?
B. Refocusing of Our Dependence On God (vv. 14,18)
In v. 14, Paul connects to his condition the great harm done to him by Alexander the coppersmith. Yet, rather than dwell on this fact or on how much things may have been different or better if this hadn’t occurred, Paul quickly and fully turns the matter over to the Lord, the righteous Judge.
Then, in v. 18, Paul makes another important choice regarding how he will respond to his circumstances. Rather than worry and fret, focus on and complain about all of the negatives, or give up hope of anything changing (even though he is in a dungeon awaiting a certain execution), Paul chooses to depend upon and trust in God for his blessed assurance!
In your times of loneliness, do you give up, accept this is the best your life will get, or look forward with confidence and excitement toward the fulfillment of God’s promises for you?
C. Forgiveness & Understanding (v. 16)
Between his acts of dependence on God, Paul demonstrates a spiritually mature attitude of forgiveness and understanding.
He acknowledges how quickly even his best of friends and most devoted followers deserted him when he emotionally needed them most. Yet, rather than stew in anger and bitterness about this, he chooses to take advantage of his time for reflection to seek to better understand them and why they would have done such a thing.
But he has come to at least understand it – their hesitation, fears, common sinful nature, and how easy it is for each of us to become caught up and distracted to the point of forgetting those who really mean the most to us.
After all, “but for the grace of God go I”!
In your times of loneliness, how much effort or time do you take to seek to better understand and forgive even those who have let you down, abandoned you or somehow caused your grief?
III.) BATTLING LONELINESS
Comedian Ron Dentinger once quipped: “You know what’s a real bummer? When you send your picture to the lonely hearts club and they send it back with a not saying: ’We’re not that lonely.’”
How, really, are we to cope?
A. Confession
Like King David’s psalmist cries, face the reality of your loneliness, confessing it
to yourself, Jesus, and those close to you.
B. Reflection
While the feelings and emotions of loneliness are very real and unavoidable, do NOT allow them to consume you to the point of crowding out your God-given knowledge, wisdom, discernment and reflection. Seek to greater understand the sources of your loneliness and the provision of the Lord!
C. Transformation
- Dr. Gary Collins writes: “Loneliness often comes because sin has alienated us from God and from one another. Instead of turning to God in repentance and seeking restitution with fellow human beings, thousands of lonely people seek to escape from their loneliness through involvement with drugs, sex, encounter group experiences, work, sports, or a host of other activities that fail to remove the inner restlessness. When God is ignored and sin unconfessed, loneliness is likely to persist” (pg.98).
- Seek and invite God to use the Holy Spirit to transform you in every way. 2 Tim. 4:13
1.Mentally: Your focus, determination, and healthy processing.
2.Spiritually: Review your feelings & circumstances in light of Scripture.
3.Socially: Push yourself to get and remain engaged in Christian fellowship.
4.Physically: Maintain proper health, eating, sleeping and exercise.
IV.) THE CHURCH’S RESPONSIBILITY TO THE LONELY
Scripture plainly tells us that the local church exists in order serve and glorify Christ through encouraging and building up one another.
As Paul writes to the Corinthians, when one member of the body (church fellowship) hurts or is not functioning well, the whole body will hurt and not function well.
ALL of us, therefore, are responsible for combating both our own loneliness and that of others.
This is why regular, meaningful participation in the life of the church and one another throughout the week is so important and so emphasized in the New Testament!
CONCLUSION: THE ATTITUDE OF VICTORY
John 12:20-28
James 4:8 “Come near to God and he will come near to you.”
VIDEO: “DOES ANYBODY HEAR HER?”
