The Promise of Respect
Exodus 20:12
Comedian Rodney Dangerfield, who died October 5, 2004, at age 82, made a living making fun of himself and the difficulty of getting what we all desire: a little respect, please. Some of his best lines were:
“I tell ya I get no respect from anyone. I bought a cemetery plot. The guy said, ‘There goes the neighborhood!’”
“Last week I told my psychiatrist, ‘I keep thinking about suicide.’ He told me to pay in advance.”
“My uncle’s dying wish, he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.”
“I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”
“I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor, so they sent a priest to talk to me. He said, ‘On your mark. . .’”
“My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.”
“I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War my great uncle fought for the West.” (He Had a Million of ’Em, www.ChicagoTribune.com, 10-6-04)
All kidding aside, it seems that nobody gets any respect anymore. Our society has lost much of its civility, and I’m afraid it’s going to destroy us unless we can turn it around.
Ronald Kernaghan recently observed: “At the beginning of the 21st century, reasoned discourse [is imperiled]. Reasoned discourse is increasingly giving way to in-your-face sound bites… Hardball is the dominant metaphor for American public life. Our interchanges are confrontational, divisive, and dismissive. Truth is not something we expect to emerge from a conversation. It is something we hope to impose. Balance and fairness are casualties on evening shows as two, three, and sometimes four voices contend simultaneously for dominance. Volume and intransigence are the new civic virtues. (Ronald J. Kernaghan, "Speaking the Truth In Love," Theology, News & Notes, Winter 2003)
He’s absolutely right. Just listen to all the political commentary in this election year. People are not calmly discussing the issues; they’re shouting at each other.
The question is: How can we restore respect to a society that seems to have lost it? How can we bring back a sense of civility before it destroys our way of life as we know it?
Well, the answer is quite simple: Respect begins in the home. If you have your Bibles, I invite you to turn with me to Exodus 20, Exodus 20, where we have God’s prescription for a long-lasting, healthy society. Exodus 20, and verse 12 (read)
This was written to a nation of people that had just come out of slavery. They were getting ready to enter into a new land where they were going to establish a new society under a different set of rules, rules which reflected their new-found freedom from tyranny and control.
And God tells them, “If you want your new society to be a long-lasting society in the land to which you are going, then be sure your children learn to honor their parents.”
That’s the basis for a strong nation. That’s the basis for a society which lasts. That’s the basis for a people that thrive even through times of adversity. For if children learn to honor their parents in the home, they become citizens that respect each other in the community. They don’t kill each other. They don’t steal from each other. & They respect the laws of the land.
What then does it mean to honor your parents? Well, 1st of all, for a child it means simple obedience. For somebody still living at home with their parents, to honor them means to OBEY THEM, TO DO WHAT THEY SAY, TO SUBMIT TO THEIR AUTHORITY, whether you agree with their decisions or not.
This is the specific application of the New Testament on this commandment. Ephesians 6:1-3 says, Children, OBEY your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth” (Ephesians 6:1-3).
For children, honor means obedience. & Parents, it’s the most important thing we can teach our children. We must teach children to obey, not because they HAVE to, but because they WANT to out of their love and respect for us.
In 2005, 70 percent of those living in America declared, “people are ruder than they were 20 or 30 years ago.” Among the worst offenders: children, according to an Associated Press-Ipsos poll.
Why? Experts say it’s because of what parents expect from kids. “The pressure to do well is up. The demand to do good is down, way down…” (Judith Warner, "Kids Gone Wild," The New York Times, 11-27-05)
We certainly want our children to do well in life. But we should me more concerned that they do good. We must teach them to be good, to obey so that they do do well in life.
Proverbs 1:8-9 says, “Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. They will be a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck.
When children learn to obey their parents it makes the children look good before a watching world. Such children are attractive to potential employers. & They end up going far in life. They are honored, because they honored their parents. On the other hand, when children don’t learn to obey their parents, they are dishonored before a watching world.
The dishes, garbage, and dirty laundry would pile up for days when Cat and Harlan Barnard’s teenage children refused to do their chores. So the Barnards, of Enterprise, Florida, went on strike in early December 2004, moving out of their house and into a domed tent set up in their front driveway. The parents refused to cook, clean, or drive for their children – Benjamin, 17, and Kit, 12 – until they shaped up.
Their mother, Cat Barnard, age 45, said, “We’ve tried reverse psychology, upside down psychology, spiral psychology, and nothing has motivated them for any length of time.” She spoke from a lawn chair at an umbrella-covered table.
The strike took Benjamin and Kit by surprise. They came home from school on a Monday to find their mother outside with handwritten signs that read “Parents on Strike” and “Seeking Cooperation and Respect!”
Cat Barnard, a stay-at-home mom, and her 56-year-old husband, a government social services worker, decided their children needed to learn about empathy and responsibility. The Barnards slept on air mattresses in the tent and barbecued while their children fended for themselves with frozen TV dinners. The parents only went inside to shower and use the bathroom.
Passers-by from this bedroom community between Orlando and Daytona Beach shouted out words of encouragement. One woman driving past the Barnards’ house rolled down her car window Wednesday and shouted, “Good for you! You should put the kids outside!”
Cat Barnard said she and her husband would keep up the strike until they saw some changes. “If we have to stick it out here until Christmas, then ho, ho, ho, we’re out here,” she said. (FoxNews. com, 12-9-04)
Now, I don’t know if going on strike is the answer, but the parents sure got the sympathy of their neighbors. Nobody likes to deal with disobedient, disrespectful children.
Do you want your children and grand-children to do well in life? Then teach them to do good; teach them to obey you, not for your sake, but for theirs.
Also, do it for the sake of our country. A strong society depends on children learning to obey their parents when they’re young.
Honor your father and mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
For a child, to honor mom and dad means to obey them. But as a child grows older, leaves the home and gets married, that “honor” takes on a different approach.
For the grown child, to honor your parents means to RESPECT THEM, TO TREAT THEM AS IMPORTANT PEOPLE, TO GIVE CONSIDERABLE WEIGHT TO THEIR INFLUENCE IN YOUR LIFE.
The word for “honor” literally means to treat someone as heavy or with weighty importance. Grown children are no longer under obligation to obey their parents, but they should weigh their parents’ words very heavily. & They should treat their parents’ like VIP’s, whether they deserve it or not.
Our parents were not perfect. They didn’t always do it right, but they do deserve recognition for their weighty influence in our lives. & They do deserve some of our unhurried time.
We live in a fast-paced culture today, but some things just ought to happen slowly. Jim Sheeler, in his book, Final Salute, tells the story of Major Steve Beck, a U.S. Marine whose heart-wrenching task is to inform the nearest of kin when a Marine is killed in Iraq. Beck doesn’t just break the sad news and then leave; for several days he may help the family through the process of the funeral. That includes supervising the Marine honor guard that stands near the fallen soldier’s body.
The honor guard learns from Beck how to salute their fallen fellow-Marine as they leave or resume guard with a slow salute that isn’t taught in basic training. The slow salute requires a three second raising of the hand to the head, a three second hold, and then a three second lowering of the hand—a gesture of respect that takes about nine times longer than normal. Beck explains: “A salute to your fallen comrade should take time.”
Indeed, those who die serving their country are worthy of great honor, worthy of a slow salute, worthy of extra time. To do some things fast, just to get them done so we can move on to the next thing in our lives, sends a subtle message of disrespect.
So it is with our worship of God. God deserves a slow salute. The Savior who gave his life for us is worthy of our time. (Jim Sheeler, Final Salute, Penguin, 2008)
And so are our parents. They gave a large part of their lives for us. The least we can do is give them a little time, unhurried time in their presence.
If your parents are still alive, think about it: When was the last time you gave them the respect of your unhurried time? When was the last time you sat down to have a good long talk without having to rush on to something else? Some of us may need to make that phone call this afternoon.
Leviticus 19 says, “Each of you must respect his mother and father… Rise in the presence of the aged, show respect for the elderly and revere your God. I am the LORD” (Leviticus 19:3,32).
Somehow, our respect for God is directly tied to our respect for the elderly. That is to say, when we respect our elders, when we respect our parents, we also show respect to God Himself who gave them to us.
So if you cannot “honor” your parents out of respect for them personally, then “honor” them out of respect for the LORD. They may not deserve it, in your mind, but the Lord does. So do it for Him, if you cannot do it for them.
Every day, for close to seven years, Walter "Buck" Swords cursed and stomped his feet in his favorite restaurant, Luby’s Cafeteria, demanding that he get his food exactly as he wanted it. Every day, for close to seven years, his preferred waitress, Melina Salazar, offered a patient smile and did whatever she could to help her most stubborn customer. After years of thankless service, Salazar was rewarded. When Swords died at 89 years old, just days before Christmas (2007), he left Salazar $50,000 and a 2000 Buick.
“I still can’t believe it,” she said. After all, she says, he was always “kind of mean.” (Associated Press, “Man leaves $50,000, Buick to waitress,” USA Today, 12-28-07)
It’s amazing what a little respect will do, even for the most cantankerous of people. It’s what makes us a good, strong society.
Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
For the young child, to honor your father and mother means to obey them. For the grown child, to honor your father and mother means to respect them. & For the child whose parents can no longer take care of themselves, to honor them means to CARE FOR THEM, TO PROVIDE FOR THEIR NEEDS FINANCIALLY, TO SUPPORT THEM IN WHATEVER WAYS WE CAN.
In Matthew 15, when the Pharisees asked Jesus, “Why do your disciples break the tradition of the elders?” Jesus replied, “And why do you break the command of God for the sake of your tradition? For God said, ‘Honor your father and mother’ and ‘Anyone who curses his father or mother must be put to death.’ But you say that if a man says to his father or mother, ‘Whatever help you might otherwise have received from me is a gift devoted to God,’ he is not to ‘honor his father’ with it. Thus you nullify the word of God for the sake of your tradition.” (Matthew 15:1-6).
In other words, the Pharisees created a loophole in the law. By designating certain items as “devoted to God,” they could not be used for any other purpose. So if your parents were needy, you could say to them, “I’m sorry, but the money I could have used to help you has been “devoted to God.” Then after your parents die, you could un-designate that money, and use it for yourself. It was a clever way the Pharisees had of keeping all their money to themselves.
It all looked very spiritual, but it was only a mask for greed!
Jesus rightly said of them, “You hypocrites! Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you: ‘These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. They worship me in vain; their teachings are but rules taught by men.’” (Matthew 15:7-9)
Jesus understood what the law meant for elderly parents who are unable to take care of themselves. To honor them means to financially support them. To honor them means to use our resources of time and money to care for them when they cannot care for themselves.
Even from the cross, Jesus made sure his mother was cared for. He asked his closest friend and disciple, John, to be like a son to her in His absence.
To honor your parents means to care for them. Now, different families will apply this principle differently. Some may choose to keep their elderly parents with them in their own home. Others may choose to provide for a nursing facility or assisted living. But none of us have the option of neglecting our parents when they have a need and we are able to supply that need. To do so would be to show the utmost disrespect and dishonor.
Many in our society are fighting for “the right to die.” They say that the elderly and the infirmed should have access to physician assisted suicide so the can end their lives “with dignity” whenever and wherever they want to. The problem with this is that the elderly and the infirmed begin to feel their “right to die” is an “obligation to die,” so they are not a “burden” to their families.
This is not dying “with dignity,” my friends. This is dying with the utmost disrespect.
As Christian people in a so-called “Christian nation,” we have an obligation to care for the elderly and the infirmed, not to hasten their death through physician assisted suicide. If this ever catches on in our society, then we cannot survive very long as a nation. Such a disrespect for life will literally kill us in the end. In fact, we as a nation have already lost too much respect for those in need.
The last thing LaShanda Calloway saw before she died was people literally stepping over her to continue shopping as if nothing had happened. Calloway had stopped to shop in a convenience store in Wichita, Kansas, when she was stabbed in an altercation. As she lay dying, a surveillance camera recorded no less than five people stepping over her to continue down the store’s aisles. Only one stopped briefly—to take a picture of Calloway with a cell phone camera.
“It was tragic to watch,” police spokesman Gordon Bassham said. “The fact that people were more interested in taking a picture with a cell phone and shopping for snacks than helping this innocent young woman is, frankly, revolting.”
Wichita police chief, Norman Williams, had even stronger words: “That’s crazy! What happened to our respect for life?” (Associated Press, “Police: Shoppers stepped over victim,” Houston Chronicle, 7-4-07)
I would ask the same question: What happened to our respect for life?
To honor the elderly and the infirmed means to care for them as best we can, not to hope they die so we can get what’s left of their estate.
My friends, without such respect, we are doomed as a nation. The 5th commandment is very clear: Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
For the young child, to honor your father and mother means to obey them. For the grown child, to honor your father and mother means to respect them. & For the child whose parents can no longer take care of themselves, to honor them means to care for them.
Remember, our parents brought us up. We dare not let them down.
