“Lessons about Marriage”
Opening Illustration: Blue Fishtv.com. - “Christian Marriage” thoughts by Les and Leslie Parrot on marriage
Thesis: Paul in chapter 7 of 1 Corinthians addresses three main subjects, “Let’s talk sex and do it God’s way,” “Divorce is not an option for the Christian” and then, “Decide for yourself to marry or not to marry.”
Scripture Text: 1 Corinthians 7:1-39
1Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry. 2But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 3The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
8Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. 9But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
10To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.
12To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
15But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
17Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches. 18Was a man already circumcised when he was called? He should not become uncircumcised. Was a man uncircumcised when he was called? He should not be circumcised. 19Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing. Keeping God’s commands is what counts. 20Each one should remain in the situation which he was in when God called him. 21Were you a slave when you were called? Don’t let it trouble you—although if you can gain your freedom, do so. 22For he who was a slave when he was called by the Lord is the Lord’s freedman; similarly, he who was a free man when he was called is Christ’s slave. 23You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men. 24Brothers, each man, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation God called him to.
25Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. 26Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are. 27Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. 28But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.
29What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; 30those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; 31those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.
32I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—34and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
36If anyone thinks he is acting improperly toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if she is getting along in years and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. 37But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. 38So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does even better.
39A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. 40In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is—and I think that I too have the Spirit of God.
Introduction:
Markman, Stanley and Blumberg in their book “Fighting for Your Marriage” stated, “There is at least one constant in our ever-changing world: regardless of gender, culture, socioeconomic status, skin color, and language, nearly everyone wants a lifelong, secure, happy, and committed (marriage) relationship” (Page, 11).
Lyons from his sermon “Keep the Home Fires Burning” on sermoncentral.com states, “Christian author Joyce Landorf wrote a book entitled, Tough and Tender: What Every Woman Wants In A Man. In one chapter she mentions a man she calls George, who worked at her husband’s bank. George was recently divorced. And he was leading a lifestyle of sexual liberation. If anybody looked like the most enviable California bachelor in banking, it was George. He had a beach apartment; beautiful women coming and going; no-hassle sex night after night. Most men would think that George had it made. But what did George think?
Landorf writes this: “… one afternoon George came up to my husband’s desk and haltingly said, ‘Uh, Dick, could I talk to you about something?’ Then, as nearly as Dick can remember, this is what George related. ‘You know, Dick, I’ve really got it made. I’m free from the attachments of marriage. I’ve got this great place at the beach and I go to bed with one sexy gal after another. I come and go as I please and I do my own thing. But something is really bothering me and I can’t figure it out. Every morning as I get dressed for work I look into the mirror and I think, “What was last night’s sexy little game all about? Sure the girl was good-looking. She was good in bed and she left this morning without bugging me, but is that all there is in life?” I ask myself, “If this lifestyle is what every guy thinks he wants, why am I so depressed? Why do I feel a cold nothingness all the time?”’
George stopped, leaned closer to Dick and quietly continued, ‘I know the guys here think it would be fantastic to have this kind of liberated freedom. But honestly, Dick, I hate this life.’ George sat back and paused a few seconds and then wistfully added, ‘You know what I’d really like? I’d like to go home tonight, smell dinner cooking, hug my wife hello, and spend the evening telling her and showing her how much I love her. I’d like to go to bed with her and not have to prove my virility, not have to sexually perform above the call of duty, but just give her love, and go to sleep knowing she’d be there in the morning.’”
People long for the type of marriage relationship that God designed us for. I believe there are many George’s in this world as well as Eve’s that are looking for a real marriage relationship that will last a lifetime.
Paul addresses the subject of marriage in our chapter today and gives us good insight into sex in marriage, divorce, and even whether we should even get married.
T.S. -Today I want to pull three thoughts from our chapter by Paul. These three thoughts are all lessons on marriage and family. His first subject centers on that three letter word “SEX.”
For many in the church - the word “Sex” conjures up all kinds of bad and uncomfortable vibes. But God did create this act of love and He designed the male and female body for this act of love. This was God’s design for humankind and He knew what He was doing when he designed this methodology for creating life in the family unit.
I. “Let’s talk sex and do it God’s way” (1-9)
a. Paul addresses some of the questions from the Corinthian Church and the first one he seeks to answer is their questions about sex in marriage.
i. Paul says since you live in a city filled with sexual immorality and temptation on every corner and you don’t seem to be able to control yourself - then get married!
1. You need to find your soul mate and stay faithful to them for your lifetime!
a. The Parrot’s state in their book Soul Mates this, “When the researchers examined the characteristics of couples who had been married for more than two decades and were fulfilled, one of the most important qualities they found was ‘faith in God and spiritual commitment.’ We never needed scientists to tells us that spiritual meaning was important to our marriage. We knew it from the start. Marriage is not a superficial bonding, a mere machine that needs routine maintenance to keep it functioning. Marriage for us is founded upon a mutual exchange of holy pledges. It is ultimately a deep, mysterious, and unfathomable spiritual endeavor” (Page, 10).
b. Paul’s guidelines for a good sex life.
i. Have sex only with your spouse key word “only.”
1. Quote: Doug Lyon states, “Another Christian author wrote, ‘Sexual expression within marriage is not an option or an extra. It is certainly not, as it has sometimes been considered, a necessary evil in which spiritual Christians engage only to procreate children. It is far more than a physical act. God created it to be the expression and experience of love on the deepest human level and to be a beautiful and powerful bond between husband and wife.’”
ii. Paul says, “Have sex regularly” – Its God’s design for marriage and its fun.
1. Dr’s Les and Leslie Parrot say we need to fire up the passion in the Bed room:
a. They state in their book , “The Love List” this:
i. “Fire Up Passion In The Bedroom” (Once a Month), Sarah was in grade school when she heard a number of new words at school from other students. She asked her mother about them. Her mom said, ‘Sarah, those are words that people use to crudely describe something God gave us to enjoy.’ Like a pro, her mom went on to explain the facts of life. Puzzled and shocked, Sarah, one of three children, asked her mom, ‘You mean you and daddy did that three times?’ You may be wondering if we have a similar mindset because we are placing this healthy habit of firing up passion in the bedroom in the category of ‘Once a month.’ Even before we wrote this chapter our editor was ribbing us: ‘Only once a month?’ Not exactly. We’re not saying you should only make love with your spouse once a month. We have something else in mind, and it will shed plenty of light on quality as well as quantity. In fact, a landmark study of seven thousand married people found that the frequency of marital sex was strongly associated with how couples rate their sexual satisfaction. Nine out of ten of the couples who were having sex three or more times a week reported satisfaction with the quality of their sex lives. In contrast, only half of those individuals who were having sex once a month were satisfied. All that to say, this healthy habit is not about limiting your sexual encounters with each other to once every thirty days. Quite the opposite” (Pages, 89, 90).
2. This week I was reading, “Relevant Magazine” and I came across this news flash in their May/June 08 edition on page 38: “I Don’t Want Your Sex for Now,” “Tampa’s Relevant Church (which has no relation to RELEVANT Media Group) recently issued a challenge to married members of its congregation to have sex every day for a month. (They also asked single members to abstain from sexual activity in the same time frame.) The pastor said the 50 percent divorce rate led them to issue “The 30-Day Sex Challenge.” The church told congregants the premise follows the idea that repeating an action for 30 straight days develops a long-term habit.”
3. Les and Leslie state, “If you are intentional, marriage provides the greatest sex possible. It’s a gift neither singles nor cohabitating couples enjoy. Consider this: Married people are about twice as likely as unmarried people to make love at least two or three times a week. And that’s not all: Married sex is more fun. Forty-eight percent of husbands say sex with their partners is extremely satisfying, compared to just thirty-seven percent of cohabitating men” (Page 91-93).
a. They give practical advice on how to stir up the passion in the bedroom and here is a list from their book found on pages 93-98:
i. Talk to each other about sex or ask what you’d like with sex.
ii. Schedule a sex date.
iii. Guard your time fiercely.
iv. Have a plan.
v. Enjoy the anticipation.
vi. Overcome sexual ignorance – learn what you don’t know see the Penner’s book, “Getting Your Sex Life Off To A Great Start”
vii. Learn what men need to know about women
viii. Learn what women need to know about men
iii. Joke: A new study reveals that monkeys treat sex as a commodity and females make the males pay for sex by bargaining for the males to do chores like grooming them. Or something like that, I couldn’t finish the article because I had to take out the garbage and clean up the garage. - Alex Kaseberg
1. Sex should never be used as a means for power and control of another.
2. Paul makes that clear in our teaching today.
iv. Never withhold sex from your partner except by mutual consent.
1. Fulfill your marriage vows -do your duty and have sex with each other.
a. Fire up the passion because sex is critically important to having a healthy fulfilling marriage.
2. Only stop sex if both agree!
a. Don’t let the Devil have any room to cause one to stumble!
b. Remember - When you got married you made a Covenant relationship between the two of you. The Word says you became one. Therefore your bodies belong to each other and sex should not be withheld from one another.
3. You are not to deprive the other of the joy of sex except for prayer or specific health issues.
a. Do not allow the Devil to have a foothold in your spouse’s life by depriving them of sex. Because Satan will seek to pull them away from you and it could lead your spouse into the act of adultery.
i. Remember the Corinth city? Sex available everywhere!
b. How serious should we take this command in Scripture?
i. Doug Lyon shares this story: I read an account of a man named James Matlock. (He has nothing to do with the old Matlock TV series starring Andy Griffith!) James Matlock was a Puritan who lived in New England in the 17th century. Apparently he was placed under church discipline. And the reason was because he wasn’t having sex with his wife. His wife complained to the church elders that her husband wasn’t fulfilling his marital duty to her. They investigated the matter and then excommunicated Matlock. And they told him he would remain under church discipline until he began satisfying his wife’s sexual needs. And most people think the Puritans were prudish and anti-sex! Not at all! They were very biblical in their approach to practical areas of the Christian life.”
c. Lyon also states, “Well, Paul tells us here in verses 3 and 4 that husbands and wives are to satisfy each other’s sexual needs. And that includes being sensitive and understanding of one another in this area. Men are generally stimulated by sight. So wives, make yourselves attractive for your husbands. Women are generally stimulated by affection. So husbands, demonstrate care for your wife by loving words and tender touch. Show common courtesy to your wife.”
c. We need to have normal sexual relations in marriage – it’s the plan and design of God.
T.S. – Paul informs the Christians in Corinth the importance of have having healthy sexual relations in their marriages to prevent moral failure. He then proceeds to instruct the Corinthian Christians about the subject of divorce and re-marriage.
II. “Divorce is not an option for the Christian” (10-23; 39, 40).
a. Paul says stay married – don’t divorce!
i. He even makes it clear to the new converts that they were not to divorce their unsaved spouses but show them the love of God and who knows they may even lead their spouses to Jesus.
1. Ann’s story
ii. He also gives them another good reason why they should not divorce – for the sake of the children. The truth is it is better for your kids to stay under the guidance and protection of God and for your kids to receive the spiritual blessings he provides. They receive this by living under the same roof of the saved spouse.
1. The 12 year old girl killed in Vermont this week:
Fox news: CHELSEA, Vt. — The stepfather of a missing 12-year-old girl has been arrested on federal child molestation charges in connection with a sexual assault investigation involving her uncle. Brooke Bennett’s stepfather Ray A. Gagnon, 40, was in federal custody Tuesday on a charge of aggravated sexual assault on a minor, according to Vermont State Police. The arrest is related to charges against Brooke’s uncle, Michael Jacques, who was charged on Monday with sexually assaulting a young girl over a five-year period. The girl told police she had been enrolled in what police called a program for sex. According to court papers, she told police that Jacques was to be her trainer in a "program for sex."
2. I read and hear of way to many stories of children being sexually abused by step parents in this world.
a. This should alert us to the danger we ourselves can place our children into by divorcing and remarrying so much.
b. I have often wondered if this is why Paul says that if a person does divorce then they should stay single until the ex-spouse dies.
i. Why else would he say this – Could it be the challenge of blended families and the impact on the children?
1. Video Illustration: Bluefishtv.com - Conflict in blended families.
c. Jesus said you could only divorce for marriage unfaithfulness.
i. In Matthew 19 the religious leaders of the day questioned Jesus about Deut. 24 and Moses teaching on divorce and Jesus reiterated that divorce can only occur as a result of marriage unfaithfulness.
ii. Deut. 24 - Moses words of divorce are clear he was not for it but because it was so widespread he gave guidelines to it.
d. God hates divorce according to Malachi chapter 2:
i. Malachi 2:16-17: “I hate divorce,” says the LORD God of Israel, “and I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,” says the LORD Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith. You have wearied the LORD with your words. “How have we wearied him?” you ask. By saying, “All who do evil are good in the eyes of the LORD, and he is pleased with them” or “Where is the God of justice?”
ii. The people of God have chosen to abandon the wife of their youth and “God hated the widespread devastation of divorce in there society.”
1. The Jewish nation became seduced by the ways of the world and one of the ways was by abandoning their godly woman for ungodly woman. They started divorcing the woman God brought into their youth and exchanged them for others who were sinners.
a. They wanted the liberated sinful women!
2. This sin of divorce tore apart the family units of Israel impacting every person in the nation. It affected people’s relationship to God and led to demise of the nation as a whole.
a. The same sin is ripping the foundation of America apart today and it will eventually collapse it.
i. Reference study from last week.
iii. The reason God wanted them not to divorce was because they needed to do what it said in Deut. 6:1-15
1. 1These are the commands, decrees and laws the LORD your God directed me to teach you to observe in the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess, 2so that you, your children and their children after them may fear the LORD your God as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life. 3Hear, O Israel, and be careful to obey so that it may go well with you and that you may increase greatly in a land flowing with milk and honey, just as the LORD, the God of your fathers, promised you. 4Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. 5Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.10When the LORD your God brings you into the land he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, to give you—a land with large, flourishing cities you did not build, 11houses filled with all kinds of good things you did not provide, wells you did not dig, and vineyards and olive groves you did not plant—then when you eat and are satisfied, 12be careful that you do not forget the LORD, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.13Fear the LORD your God, serve him only and take your oaths in his name. 14Do not follow other gods, the gods of the peoples around you; 15for the LORD your God, who is among you, is a jealous God and his anger will burn against you, and he will destroy you from the face of the land.”
iv. They were to stay faithful to each other and to God and to raise godly offspring.
1. This was a commission from the Lord to His people. This was to be their job for the spread of the kingdom of the Lord in the Promised Land.
2. But they allowed sin in and it lead to the demise of their offspring and to what they believed about God.
3. This in turn affected their home and their nation.
4. The result was sinful families and a sinful nation.
a. Instead of raising godly children they raised ungodly and rebellious children.
b. This failure on part of the people of God led to the demise and destruction of their own nation.
e. So why does God hate divorce? Answer because, “It breeds rebellion toward God and His ways” Just look around today at the ramifications of divorce?
i. Why does God hate divorce? Listen to some ramifications of divorce, taken from Biblical Counseling for Today - Watson pages 187-188:
1. Dobson commissioned his Focus on the Family staff to conduct a broad based survey of existing research concerning marital status. “From a social perspective,” he asked, “is it a good thing to be married? Or is marriage just a piece of paper, as many family cynics have suggested? What resulted was a thirty six page summary of seventy two research studies, mostly secular, which clearly showed the advantage, for the average person, of being married. Comparing traditional populations (married couples and children living with married birth parents) to other populations (never married singles, cohabitating couples, separated/divorced individuals, blended stepfamilies, and others) across a number of variables (income, physical and mental health, lifestyle habits), the report argued that marriage is a definitive ‘plus’ for both adult spouses and dependent children.
2. Based on this paper and the spin-off broadcasts and articles it inspired, Sunday school teachers could say to teenagers,
a. Did you know 90 percent of cohabitating couples plan to get married someday, but 40 percent break up before they say I do?
b. Did you know that those who live together before they get married are nearly twice as likely to get a divorce afterward, compared to couples who never played house? In, fact, the longer a couple lives together before marriage, the more likely they are to get divorced afterward!”
c. Did you know that 84 percent of all documented child abuse occurs in single –parent homes, with half of those instances occurring at the hands of boyfriends?
d. Did you know that a pregnant woman is 4 times more likely to be beaten by her boyfriend than by her husband?’
3. Even therapists, gaining leverage from the report, would encourage couples to stay together.”
4. Some people will tell you that divorce is the answer…that its only a brief crisis and your kids will get over it. But the research suggests that children of divorce are far more likely to end up adults with poorer incomes, weaker emotional adjustments, and less stable marriages.
ii. It is very clear that this is why God hates divorce. He knows that there are always deep and scarring hurts that occur through the breakup of a family unit.
iii. Listen to some of these other reports on the ramifications of divorce:
1. "After divorce, children tend to become more emotionally distant from both the custodial and non-custodial parent." Paul R. Amato and Alan Booth, A Generation at Risk (Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press, 1997), p. 69, reporting the findings of Rossi and Rossi (1991).
2. "This emotional distance between children and parents lasts well into adulthood and may become permanent. As adults, children of divorced parents are half as likely to be close to their parents as are children of intact families. They have less frequent contact with the parent with whom they grew up and much less contact with the divorced parent from whom they have been separated." Lye et al., "Childhood Living Arrangements and Adult Children’s Relations with Their Parents," pp. 261-280, and William S. Aquilino, "Later-Life Parental Divorce and Widowhood: Impact on Young Adults’ Assessment of Parent-Child Relations," Journal of Marriage and the Family, Vol. 56 (1994), pp. 908-922
3. "Compared with continuously married mothers, divorced mothers--whether custodial or non-custodial--are likely to be less affectionate and less communicative with their children and to discipline them more harshly and more inconsistently, especially in the first year after the divorce. In particular, divorced mothers have problems with their sons, though their relationship is likely to improve within two years even when some discipline problems persist up to six years after the divorce." E. Mavis Hetherington, Roger Cox, and Martha Cox, "Long-Term Effects of Divorce and Remarriage on the Adjustment of Children," Journal of the American Academy of Child Psychiatry, Vol. 24 (1985), pp. 518-530.
4. "Divorced mothers, despite their best intentions, are less able than married mothers to give the same level of emotional support to their children." Jane E. Miller and Diane Davis, "Poverty History, Marital History, and Quality of Children’s Home Environments," Journal of Marriage and the Family, Vol. 59 (1997), pp. 996-1007.
5. "The quality of the relationship that divorced fathers have with their sons, often troubled before the divorce, tends to become significantly worse after the breakup. Finally, the higher the level of conflict during the divorce, the more likely the distance between father and children afterwards." Janet Johnston, "High Conflict Divorce," The Future of Children, Vol. 4 (1994), pp. 165-182, and Amato and Booth, A Generation at Risk, p. 68, reporting the findings of numerous authors.
6. "Also, children of divorce are less likely to think they should support their parents in old age. This finding alone portends a monumental problem for the much-divorced baby-boom generation that will become the dependent generation of elderly during the first half of this new century." Aquilino, "Later-Life Parental Divorce and Widowhood," pp. 908-922.
7. "Even older young adults whose parents divorce report turmoil and disruption. They deeply dislike the strains and difficulties that arise in daily rituals, family celebrations, family traditions, and special occasions and see these losses as major." Marjorie A. Pett, Nancy Long, and Anita Gander, "Late-Life Divorce: Its Impact on Family Rituals," Journal of Family Issues, Vol. 13 (1992), pp. 526-552.
8. All quotes above taken from: The Effects of Divorce on America by Patrick F. Fagan and Robert Rector
a. Fagan: American society may have erased the stigma that once accompanied divorce, but it can no longer ignore its massive effects. As social scientists track successive generations of American children whose parents have ended their marriages, the data are leading even some of the once-staunchest supporters of divorce to conclude that divorce is hurting American society and devastating the lives of children.
f. We now may understand Why God hates divorce and also understand why Malachi tells us to guard ourselves from sins like divorce and to not break the faith with the wife of our youth.
i. Yes it is true that those who chose the path of divorce have not guarded themselves from divorce and its ramifications.
1. They could have done like the Israelites did and married non-believers and therefore suffered the consequence.
a. Some divorces occurs because people do not marry other believers.
i. Bible says. “Light and darkness do not mix”; Also Scripture tells us to not marry unbelievers! Why? Divorce!
2. Some could have chosen the pain of divorce because they rushed into a relationship without knowing the heart of the individual they were marrying.
3. Some could have chosen divorce because they have fallen into sin and it has impacted their marriage.
4. Some fall into the trap of divorce because they have believed the lies of the enemy and walked away from God.
5. Some have fallen into the trap of divorce because they have been victimized by the other spouse’s sinful choices.
ii. Bottom line from Malachi is we must guard ourselves from divorce and its affects in our lives and our families’ life.
g. One of the best ways to do this is to be proactive in our marriage relationship and to prevent divorce from happening
i. We must learn how to divorce proof our marriages?
1. We must not allow the lies in this world to cause us to break the faith.
a. Michele Weiner-Davis, M.S.W., took a stand. She believes that the vast majority of divorces in our country are absolutely unnecessary because most relationship problems are solvable.
b. The problem in America is people chose the path of divorce rather than the path of reconciliation thinking it will be easier.
ii. How do you guard your marriage from divorce?
1. Dr Dobson gives us some ideas: James C. Dobson, Ph.D. My advice to young couples is simply this: Don’t permit the possibility of divorce to enter your thinking. Even in moments of great conflict and discouragement, divorce is no solution. It merely substitutes a new set of miseries for the ones left behind. Guard your relationship against erosion as though you were defending your very lives. Yes, you can make it together. Not only can you survive, but you can keep your love alive if you give it priority in your system of values. Any one of the following evils can rip your relationship to shreds if given a place in your lives:
a. Over commitment and physical exhaustion. Beware of this danger. It is especially insidious for young couples who are trying to get started in a profession or in school. Do not try to go to college, work full-time, have a baby, manage a toddler, fix up a house and start a business at the same time. It sounds ridiculous, but many young couples do just that and are then surprised when their marriage falls apart. Why wouldn’t it? The only time they see each other is when they are worn out! It is especially dangerous to have the husband vastly over committed and the wife staying home with a preschooler. Her profound loneliness builds discontent and depression; we all know where that leads. You must reserve time for one another if you want to keep your love alive.
b. Excessive credit and conflict over how money will be spent. Pay cash for consumable items, or don’t buy. Don’t spend more for a house or car than you can afford, leaving too few resources for dating, short trips, baby-sitters, etc. Allocate your funds with the wisdom of Solomon.
c. There are two kinds of people in the world, the givers and the takers. A marriage between two givers can be a beautiful thing. Friction is the order of the day, however, for a giver and a taker. But two takers can claw each other to pieces within a period of six weeks. In short, selfishness will devastate a marriage every time.
d. Interference from in-laws. If either the husband or wife has not been fully emancipated from the parents, it is best not to live near them. Autonomy is difficult for some mothers (and fathers) to grant’ close proximity is built for trouble.
e. Unrealistic expectations. Some couples come into marriage anticipating rose-covered cottages, walks down primrose lanes, uninterrupted joy. Counselor Jean Lush believes, I agree, that this romantic illusion is particularly characteristic of American women who expect more from their husbands than they are capable of delivering. The consequent disappointment is an emotional trap. Bring your expectations in line with reality.
f. Space invaders. I am not referring to aliens from Mars. Rather, my concern is for those who violate the breathing room needed by their partners, quickly suffocating them and destroying the attraction between them. Jealousy is one way this phenomenon manifests itself. Another is low self-esteem, which leads the insecure spouse to trample the territory of the other. Love must be free and it must be confident.
g. Alcohol or substance abuse. These are killers, not only of marriages, but also of people. Avoid them like the plague.
h. Pornography, gambling and other addictions. It should be obvious to everyone that the human personality is flawed. It has a tendency to get hooked on destructive behaviors, especially early in life. During an introductory stage, people think they can play with enticements such as pornography or gambling and not get hurt. Indeed, many do walk away unaffected. For some, however, there is a weakness and a vulnerability that is unknown until too late. Then they become addicted to something that tears at the fabric of the family. This warning may seem foolish and even prudish to my readers, but I’ve made a 25-year study of those who wreck their lives. Their problems often begin in experimentation with a known evil and ultimately end in death — or the death of a marriage. The restrictions and commandments of Scriptures were designed to protect us from evil, though it is difficult to believe when we are young. “The wages of sin is death” (Romans 6:23). If we keep our lives clean and do not permit ourselves to toy with evil, the addictions that have ravaged humanity can never touch us.
i. Sexual frustration, loneliness, low self-esteem and the greener grass of infidelity. A deadly combination!
j. Business failure. It does bad things to men, especially. Their agitation over financial reverses sometimes sublimates to anger within the family.
k. Business success. It is almost as risky to succeed wildly as it is to fail miserably in business. The writer of Proverbs said, “Give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread” (30:8).
l. Getting married too young. Girls who marry between 14 and 17 years of age are more than twice as likely to divorce as those who marry at 18 or 19 years of age. Those who marry at 18 or 19 are 1.5 times as likely to divorce as those who marry in their 20s. The pressures of adolescence and the stresses of early married life do not mix well. Finish the first before taking on the second.
i. This article was excerpted from Love For a Lifetime by James C. Dobson. Copyright © 1987, 1993 James C. Dobson. Used by permission of Questar Publishers, Inc.
h. Lyons notes, “According to the National Center for Health Statistics, last year—in 2003—there were 2,187,000 couples that got married in the United States. And the Center reports that there were 1 million couples that divorced last year in America. That means that for every 2 couples that got married, 1 couple got divorced.”
i. Paul is telling the Corinthians that Christ’s ideal for marriage is: a husband and wife staying committed to each other their entire lifetime.
1. This is healthy for them!
2. This is healthy for the family!
3. This is healthy for the church!
4. This is healthy for society!
T.S. – Paul makes it clear that God is not for divorce and it is better to stay married if at all possible because God designed marriage to last a lifetime. Paul then addresses the question of whether someone should get married or not.
III. “To marry or not to marry?” (7-9; 24-38)
a. Paul makes it clear that in his personal opinion people who are unmarried should stay unmarried.
i. Paul throughout this chapter inserts his thought about marriage and he suggests that people stay single. His reasoning is then you can put all of your effort into serving the Lord Jesus.
1. Be like me he says, “Stay celibate!”
a. It is a gift and it’s a good one at that.
b. The reason is your focus is strictly on serving the Lord and not on meeting the needs and demands of a spouse or family.
c. There is also less grief for an unmarried person.
i. Marriage is hard work – trust me it’s true!
ii. But he also means their loyalty is to the Lord not to their family and spouse and having to worry about the bills and the many needs of a family and marriage.
iii. Their time is their own!
ii. Why also did Paul push for celibacy? Paul knew hard times were coming for the Christian Church.
1. Listen to his words, “…But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. 29What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; 30those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; 31those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.”
a. Paul sensed the danger that was lurking over the hill from Rome!
2. Remember persecution was starting to rise in the Roman Empire toward Christians.
a. He could see the danger coming over the horizon and the hurt and turmoil that was coming to the Christian Church.
b. He knew that soon it would become more widespread and Paul was trying to show how hard this would be on couples and their families.
c. Paul, Peter and many of the 70 were persecuted under Nero’s insane reign and many Christian families were wiped out.
i. Some thrown to lions and wild dogs.
ii. Some burned alive
iii. Some executed by being shot with arrows.
iv. The stories of the martyrs of the first persecution were truly horrible and I believe Paul wanted to spare the horror of this!
b. But if they did not have the self-control to stay single then they should marry because it’s better to be married then to fall into sin.
i. But in dating they were to treat women with respect and do not cross the line! Otherwise get married – this was the right thing to do!
c. Marriage is good but being in control and celibate is better especially with persecution on the horizon.
Conclusion:
Paul’s three thoughts:
1. Keep the fire of passion burning in you sexual relationship with your spouse to prevent and open door for the enemy!
2. Don’t divorce your spouse even if they are unsaved and you have become saved. You could win them to Jesus and also protect your children. Don’t divorce because this is not the plan of God because God hates divorce. Marriage is to last a lifetime.
3. Decide for your selves to marry or not to marry. But if you don’t have self-control by all means get married. If you can stay single then you can serve the Lord better and since persecution is coming- it is better to be single in the day of destruction.
