Today’s message is the last installment in our series from the book of Proverbs. We’ve been looking all this month at the God-given wisdom that helps us lead happier and more successful lives. So far we’ve looked at:
How we talk – which plays a big role on our fulfillment in life – if we talk right we’ll live better.
How to jumpstart a breakthrough - which basically happens when we couple an attitude of love with actions of faithfulness.
On Father’s Day we covered how to overcome lust and lost tempters.
And last week we learned the 7 biggest money mistakes we need to avoid.
These are the issues that God emphasizes in the wisdom literature of the Bible. He’s letting us know where we really need to apply godly insight and understanding if we want to lead happy and successful lives.
Our text for this series has been Proverbs 2:2-4 (NLT).
2 Tune your ears to wisdom, and concentrate on understanding. 3 Cry out for insight, and ask for understanding. 4 Search for them as you would for silver; seek them like hidden treasures.
Re-read those verses of Scripture out loud with me.
2 Tune your ears to wisdom, and concentrate on understanding. 3 Cry out for insight, and ask for understanding. 4 Search for them as you would for silver; seek them like hidden treasures.
I encourage you to continue THE SEARCH for God’s wisdom once we conclude this series today. May it be a lifelong pursuit!
To whet your appetite here’s one more important issue, which the Holy-Spirit-inspired Word of God imparts wisdom on – 6 Ways to be a Better Friend and Neighbor.
I’m talking to you about this today because God talks about it in Proverbs. It’s a major topic, just like the others we’ve ruminated about in this series. God knew we would need insights on these important relationships outside of our biological family.
Sadly, our culture today is a lot less conducive to friendships and neighborliness that it used to be. We know some of the reasons. The average American moves every five years; people drive straight into their garages, hire lawn services; and hang out in their back yards instead of their front porches.
Whatever the causes, we tend to be missing out on the full benefit of one of life’s greatest God-given privileges. We tend to have fewer and less satisfying friendships and we’re suffering for it.
God created us with the longing for community. Friends and neighbors are important to God’s plan for our well being. That’s why Tom Hanks talked to a volleyball named “Wilson” in the movie Castaway. We’ve all gotta have someone to talk to.
The Bible says…
"… a true friend is closer than your own family." Proverbs 18:24 (CEV)
We need family and this Proverb isn’t belittling that fact. But sometimes family can’t or won’t do for us what a friend can or will.
If we can learn God’s wisdom in our relationships with our friends and neighbors we can enjoy some tremendous closeness with other human beings just as God intended. Our level of fulfillment and happiness in life will increase.
Leslie Parrot has this to say about friendship from the book Relationships: “Friends make the ordinary-running errands or eating lunch, for example, extraordinarily fun. And good friends ease our pain and lighten our heavy load…Not only are friends good for the soul but for the body as well. Friends help us ward off depression, boost our immune system, lower our cholesterol, increase the odds of surviving coronary disease, and keep stress hormones in check. A half dozen top medical studies now bear this out. Their findings didn’t seem to be influenced by other conditions or habits such as obesity, smoking, drinking, or exercise. The thing that mattered most was friends. What’s more, research is showing that you can extend your life expectancy by having the right kind of friends.”
So what does the consolidated wisdom of the book of Proverbs have to say on this very important topic?
6 WAYS TO BE A BETTER FRIEND AND NEIGHBOR
MAKE TIME FOR FRIENDSHIPS
This is basic. This is where it starts. We have to make this a priority.
"If you can help your neighbor now, don’t say, ’Come back tomorrow, and then I’ll help you.’” Proverbs 3:28 (NLT)
How often do we put off our friends and neighbors because we’re too busy? Too busy to call them up and check on what’s going on in their lives; too busy to help them with a need; to ask them to do something together instead of alone? There’s too much “aloneness” in our culture, and people are suffering greatly for it.
The fast pace in which we thrive also makes it difficult for us to survive. Friendships are one of the primary casualties of living at a breakneck speed. So if we’re going to have good relationships with others we’re going to have to work at it. We’re going to have to intentionally make a point of investing our time and effort in the lives of others.
We especially need to work on our friendships at church.
A Gallup study commissioned by Group Publishing shows that people with close friendships in their church are very satisfied with their congregation, less likely to leave their place of worship, and have a strong friendship with God. Church members who have a best friend at church are 21% more likely to report attending at least once a week and 26% more likely to report having a strong, more active faith in God. 77% of highly satisfied members have eaten a meal with fellow congregants (who are not members of their family) at some point over the last year. Only 56% of somewhat satisfied or dissatisfied members have shared a meal together. Mealtime fellowship appears strongly correlated with high levels of congregational satisfaction. 62% of those who eat meals together report regularly spending time in prayer and worship daily vs. 49% who have not eaten meals with other church members. The findings are published in Group’s new book Friendship: Creating a Culture of Connectivity in Your Church. (Monday Rush 2/22/05)
Make time in your busy schedule to build friendships. It affects your spiritual life, your church satisfaction, and your health – both emotionally and physically – and it blesses other people.
DON’T FLEE WHEN CHANGES OCCUR
One newspaper held a competition to find out how people would describe friendship. The winning answer was, “A friend is someone who’s walking in when everyone else is walking out.” No wonder the Bible says this:
"Never abandon a friend – either yours or your father’s. When disaster strikes, you won’t have to ask your brother for assistance. It’s better to go to a neighbor than to a brother who lives far away." Proverbs 27:10 (NLT)
Circle that first phrase, “Never abandon a friend.”
The second sentence seems to indicate that the time people are often abandoned is “when disaster strikes.” When disaster strikes your friend, or when some change takes place in his or her life, don’t abandon them, and then, when you go through similar situations, you won’t have to ask for assistance.
Friendship is a two-way street and we enjoy it when folks are being our friends. Have we been making the same efforts to befriend others? It’s vital that we continue to invest in the friendship even when changes take place.
Gary Ingrid, who has written extensively on friendship, tells the story of some parents on the East coast who got a telephone call from their son during the Korean War. They were thrilled, because they hadn’t heard from him for many months. He said he was in San Francisco on his way home. "Mom, I just wanted to let you know that I’m bringing a buddy home with me," he said. "He got hurt pretty bad, and he only has one eye, one arm, and one leg. I’d sure like him to live with us." Sure, son," his mother replied. "He sounds like a brave man. We can find room for him for a while." "Mom, you don’t understand. I want him to come live with us." "Well, OK," she finally said. "We could try for six months or so." "No, Mom, I want him to stay always. He needs us. He’s only got one eye, one arm, and one leg. He’s in really bad shape." By now the mother had lost her patience. "Son, you’re being unrealistic about this. You’re emotional because you’ve been in a war. That boy will be a drag on you and a constant problem for all of us. Be reasonable." The phone clicked dead. The next day, the parents got a telegram: their son had committed suicide. A week later the parents received the body. They looked down with unspeakable sorrow on the corpse of their son - who had one eye, one arm, and one leg. (From Lee Strobel, God’s Outrageous Claims, 125)
Don’t abandon others because of their hurts and pains and injuries in life. If we ever need to be a friend it’s then!
PRACTICE IMPARTIAL FRIENDSHIP
"Many people want to please a leader, and everyone is friends with those who give gifts." Proverbs 19:6 (NCV)
"Wealth makes many ’friends’; poverty drives them all away." Proverbs 19:4 (NLT)
"The poor are despised even by their neighbors, while the rich have many ’friends.’ It is a sin to belittle one’s neighbor; blessed are those who help the poor." Proverbs 14:20-21 (NLT)
We shouldn’t withhold friendship simply because someone isn’t wealthy or strategically situated in society. The Bible says we’re sinning when we behave with partiality.
Who have you befriended that isn’t rich enough to buy you something or influential enough to do you a political favor? Manipulating friendships simply for what’s in it for you is exploitation. It’s not God’s way and it doesn’t provide a lasting and fulfilling friendship.
Tom Rath, in his book, Vital Friends, tells of Project Recovery, a remarkable research study done by the Gallop Organization on homelessness. Over the span of four months he and his associates interviewed hundreds of homeless men and women around the country. He says, “Our goal was to answer one main question: "Why do some people emerge from homelessness and recover, while others do not?”
“To answer this question, we started interviewing people who were homeless and not headed toward recovery (according to experts in each community). My initial suspicion, likely rooted in age-old stereotypes, was that most homeless men and women were in their situation as a result of extreme alcohol or drug abuse. So we asked several questions designed to uncover such dependencies. Sure enough, many of the people I spoke with had severe addictions, and some suffered from serious mental illnesses.
“But as I listened closely, it was clear that alcoholism or a dependency…was more a symptom than a root cause. In most cases, the relationship with a bottle or needle was precipitated by the collapse of a close relationship with a friend or loved one. The men and women who remained homeless for decades had something in common: a lack of healthy friendships. They were more ‘friendshipless’ than anything else – being without a home was just the most obvious and visible part of their plight. By no means was this the only reason people ended up on the streets, but it was one common theme I heard throughout the interviews.” (Pages 8-9)
Rath goes on to share several touching stories of homeless men and women lifted from a life of despair by just one individual who befriended them!
The Bible’s ancient wisdom underscores the need for every one of us to befriend someone who can’t repay us; to reach down and pull someone else up by giving ourselves as God has given Himself to us.
DON’T TAKE Y0UR FRIENDS FOR GRANTED
"Don’t visit your neighbors too often, or you will wear out your welcome." Proverbs 25:17 (NLT)
Many of you know that I grew up near Aberdeen Proving Ground in Maryland. Because it was about two miles from the front gate of this Army installation to the front door of our church, a lot of servicemen use to show up to worship with us. It wasn’t uncommon for families in the church to take soldiers from different parts of the country under their wings since they were far from home.
One family invited a soldier over for dinner one evening and he started showing up at their house every night for supper until the man of the house had to tell him that he was sorry but they couldn’t feed him all the time. They had just intended to have him over for supper occasionally. We all felt sorry for this guy but he was wearing out his welcome by showing up for supper night after night.
You might ask, “How will I know if I’m visiting my friend or neighbor too often?” They’ll give you some subtle hints if you’ll pay attention.
My wife’s family use to have a pastor that would be invited over for supper but would stay late into the evening. My father-in-law, who had to get up very early in the morning to go to work, would stand up and say, “Preacher, good night, I have to go to bed.” But the pastor would stay and talk to my mother-in-law and my wife and brothers anyway. There was a hint that he had worn out his welcome if he had been paying attention.
It’s just a matter of being considerate to the needs of others. If you’re a constant drain on others you’re friendships won’t succeed. Don’t shy away from visiting your friends and neighbors. Just be aware that they need their space. That’s one of the things the Bible tells us will help us be a better friend and neighbor.
And here’s another.
BE IN YOUR FRIEND’S CORNER IF THEY ARE NOT THERE TO DEFEND THEMSELVES
"A friend is always loyal…" Proverbs 17:17a (NLT)
"Whoever forgives someone’s sin makes a friend, but gossiping about the sin breaks up friendships." Proverbs 17:9 (NCV)
"It is foolish to belittle one’s neighbor; a sensible person keeps quiet." Proverbs 11:12 (NLT)
If you’re at a gathering at which someone mentions your friend disparagingly, defend him or her against criticism. Even if they have done wrong they shouldn’t be the subject of idle gossip. Sooner or later, news of your loyalty will travel back to your friend, and it will deepen your friendship. But if you join in on the gossip or don’t defend your friend that too has a way of getting back to your friend.
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Are you noticing a trend in these Proverbs on friendship? If you want to be a good friend and neighbor it basically boils down to really making the effort to treat your friends like the special people they are.
Right now think of a friend that is really special to you.
Do you have someone in mind?
Now think of the last thing that you did to treat that person in a special way?
Can you think of anything? If so – good. Keep it up.
If not, it’s time to put these Bible principles into action.
One final piece of wisdom about how we treat our friends/neighbors:
TALK STRAIGHT TO YOUR FRIENDS
"To flatter friends is to lay a trap for their feet." Proverbs 29:5 (NLT)
"The godly give good advice to their friends; the wicked lead them astray." Proverbs 12:26 (NLT)
"You can trust a friend who corrects you, but kisses from an enemy are nothing but lies." Proverbs 27:6 (CEV)
"With their words, the godless destroy their friends…" Proverbs 11:9 (NLT)
Don’t get the idea that friendship isn’t about honesty. Your friends will need someone they can trust to give them the straight scoop. They’ll need your advice. (Which means, by the way, that we need to be willing to listen to the advice of our friends as well as dish it out.)
No flattery. No entrapment. Good advice. Correction that is based on wanting what is best for your friend. Talk that is straight.
We’re going to close the worship gathering today by observing communion.
It’s appropriate that we’ve heard the Word on the topic of friendship today because no one has proven Himself a better friend to us than Jesus.
Look at the wisdom insights on friendship from Proverbs once more and think about how Jesus fulfills each one.
1) Make time for friendships – No one went more out of His way to become our friend than Jesus did!
2) Don’t flee when changes occur – No one is a more loyal friend to us!
3) Practice impartial friendship – Jesus wants to be the friend of every person – no matter what!
4) Don’t take your friends for granted – Even though Christ is more important than us, He always shows us how special we are to Him!
5) Be in your friend’s corner if they are not there to defend themselves – Where would we be without Jesus standing up for us?
6) Talk straight to your friends – No one has imparted more truth to us than Jesus has!
Let’s observe communion together today in remembrance of the great price of His life and shed blood that our greatest friend Jesus paid for our salvation.
If you do not yet know Jesus as your friend please make a faith commitment to Him today.
