[Part 3 of 5 in the Series, THE SEARCH, Solomon’s Secrets to a Happy & Successful Life.]
It’s Father’s Day and we’re in the series “THE SEARCH… Solomon’s Secrets to a Happy and Successful Life.” Here’s our text for this series:
2 Tune your ears to wisdom, and concentrate on understanding. 3 Cry out for insight, and ask for understanding. 4 Search for them as you would for silver; seek them like hidden treasures. Proverbs 2:2-4 (NLT)
Following the admonition of this Scripture we’re searching the wisdom and insights on the primary topics covered by the book of Proverbs. Two of the insights in this book are tools for dealing with two very dangerous minefields: 1) lust, and 2) losing tempers.
Of course the question arises, “what do these two temptations have to do with the theme of our current series of searching for secrets to a happy and successful life?” The answer is: if we don’t learn how to successfully dismantle lust and lost tempers we’ll miss out on the fulfillment God has for us. We can’t find the happiness and success God wants us to have without moving these two big roadblocks.
It is fitting that we deal with these two issues on Father’s Day because lust and lost tempers are particularly tough issues for men. Sure, ladies need to be aware of these two critical topics as well, because lust and lost tempers are not just guy problems – they’re human problems. But lust and lost tempers are two particularly testosterone-driven weaknesses. It also helps if women understand the greater degree of struggle with aggression and sexual angst that men experience.
God’s Word addresses these issues with great wisdom and insight. We need to understand the part of the iceberg that’s underneath the surface so we don’t think there isn’t any danger involved. Lust IS a problem. It may be unseen, like envy, or bitterness, or greed, but its adverse affects are very real and very damaging. Having a short temper IS a problem. Like a volcano, it may only go off once in a while but it can be a destructive force when it erupts.
THE NEGATIVE RESULTS OF LUST & LOST TEMPERS:
SELF-DESTRUCTION
"Someone with a quick temper does foolish things, but someone with understanding remains calm." Proverbs 14:17 (NCV)
We’ve all seen this. One time when I was a boy we were visiting our grand parents’ house and noticed that a neighbor up the road had thrown his furniture, TV set, clothes, and nearly everything his family owned out into the front yard, destroying much of it. Later we saw his son and asked what had happened, thinking perhaps there was a fire and he was trying to save their possessions. But no, he did all of this in a rage. He lost his temper and did foolish things just like the Bible says.
I know this neighbor was probably going through a tough time and was under a lot of stress. But his temper tantrum only made things worse for him and his family.
Losing your temper and doing foolish things go hand in hand. It’s a very self-destructive habit.
Same thing is true of lust – it leads to self-destruction.
16 Wisdom will save you from the immoral woman, from the seductive words of the promiscuous woman... 18 Entering her house leads to death; it is the road to the grave. Proverbs 2:16 & 18 (NLT)
Circle those words, “death” and “grave.” The ultimate result of unbridled lust is death and the grave. Not all lusting leads immediately to this of course, but ultimately lust doesn’t fulfill us, it slowly destroys us.
A QUICK EXPLANATION AND CLARIFICATION
When we talk about lust we’re talking about craving, especially sexually, what God has forbidden.
God created sex for a couple of great purposes: 1) The mutual pleasure of heterosexual marriage partners and 2) procreation – having babies. So He isn’t against sex. He’s pro-sex. It’s just that He knows that when we lust, when we respond inappropriately to the urges and desires of our sex drive, it ends up boomeranging on us with the opposite affect of what we desire. We desire a fulfilling experience, and instead, lust leaves us with a feeling of emptiness.
Sex and sexuality aren’t our enemies; lust is our enemy because it hijacks God’s good plans for us. Lust tells us lies. The truth sets us free!
God doesn’t have taboos against incest, adultery, homosexuality, etc., because He wants to take pleasure from us – He wants us to enjoy sex – but only in heterosexual marriage - because individual and societal fulfillment is heightened when we enjoy sex the way The Creator designed it. Even secular studies have proven this! Do you know who the most sexually fulfilled people are? Faithful heterosexually married people! God doesn’t just have rules; He has a plan for our happiness!
Don’t be confused about what lust is and what it’s not.
“It’s not lust to be attracted to someone or notice that he or she is good-looking. It’s not lust to have a strong desire to have sex. It’s not lust to anticipate and be excited about having sex in marriage.
It’s not lust when a man or woman becomes turned-on without any conscious decision to do so. It’s not lust to experience sexual temptation.” (Joshua Harris, “Not Even a Hint,” page 35.)
Lust, just like losing our temper, is self-destructive.
Lust and lost tempters also lead to...
STRAINED RELATIONSHIPS
"A hot-tempered person starts fights…" Proverbs 15:18 (NLT)
Does anybody want to disagree with that? When we don’t control our temper we put a strain on our relationships because of the fights we instigate.
Lust also strains relationships.
"Don’t waste your life chasing after women! This has ruined many kings." Proverbs 31:3 (CEV)
Lust has ruined a lot of people in power - presidents, congressmen, etc. But lust has also ruined a lot of ordinary people because it strains relationships.
SUFFERING
"People with quick tempers will have to pay for it." Proverbs 19:19a (NCV)
"…corrective discipline is the way to life. 24 It will keep you from the immoral woman, from the smooth tongue of a promiscuous woman. 25 Don’t lust for her beauty. Don’t let her coy glances seduce you…
27 Can a man scoop a flame into his lap and not have his clothes catch on fire? 28 Can he walk on hot coals and not blister his feet?" Proverbs 6:23b-28(NLT)
These rhetorical questions of God’s Word are easy to answer. No, we can’t scoop a flame into our laps without our clothes catching on fire. We can’t walk on hot coals without blistering our feet. And we can’t indulge ourselves in lust without suffering.
If lust and losing our tempers are connected to such severe consequences, where does the susceptibility to these two weaknesses come from? Of course we know it comes from the weakness of our human nature but the Bible enlightens us further.
THE UNDERLYING SOURCES OF AND LUST & LOST TEMPERS
1. Bad role models.
14 Do not go on the path of the sinful. Do not walk in the way of bad men. 15 Stay away from it. Do not pass by it. Turn from it, and pass on. Proverbs 4:14-15 (NLV)
The culture in which we live is saturated with bad role models in the area of unrestrained anger and unrestrained sexual desires. Living selfishly is touted as normal and acceptable. A steady stream of such licentious suggestiveness bombards us in our advertising, our entertainment, and in the way people are living all around us. Here’s one example:
The publisher’s review of a recent book describes it as a “thoughtful, detailed discussion of every aspect of considering, preparing for, beginning, and conducting a successful and emotionally fulfilling extramarital affair.” The book is called, “Affair! How to Manage Every Aspect of Your Extramarital Relationship with Passion, Discretion, and Dignity.” (By Cameron Bates, UPublish.com, 1999.) For just $19.95 plus shipping and handling, you can get a practical summary of the lies the devil would have you believe concerning adultery. (PreachingToday.com)
The Word of God admonishes us from following such philosophy. “Don’t go down that path,” it warns us. “Stay away from it, turn from it.” Doesn’t matter that our culture sanctions certain behavior. We must ask ourselves, “What effect is this behavior going to have on our future happiness?”
But many people, including some Christ followers, have been lured down the path of accepting immoral behavior as okay because of the role models all around them. Joshua Harris in his book, “Not Even a Hint,” says, “…lust may be the defining struggle of this generation.” (Page 19)
We need to ask ourselves, “whose example are we following?” If we’ve been going down “the path of the sinful,” that the Bible talks about, in the area of our sexual thinking and behavior, and of mishandling our anger, we cannot blame others for our choices but it may help us understand why we’re the way we are.
In a few minutes we’ll look at the effective biblical model for change if we’ve been misled by bad role models.
But first, another underlying force for bad behavior in lust and lost tempers besides bad role models is…
2. Bad Company.
"Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble." Proverbs 13:20 (NLT)
"Don’t make friends with quick-tempered people or spend time with those who have bad tempers." Proverbs 22:24 (NCV)
Why not make friends with quick tempered people or spend time with them? Because they’re attitude and actions rub off on us. If we hang out with insensitive people we’ll begin to pick up their bad habits. The same is true with lust. We shouldn’t spend time around people who tempt us to compromise our sexual integrity. Here’s what the Bible says:
"The lips of a seductive woman are oh so sweet, her soft words are oh so smooth. But it won’t be long before she’s gravel in your mouth, a pain in your gut, a wound in your heart. Keep your distance from such a woman; absolutely stay out of her neighborhood." Proverbs 5:3-4,8, (Msg)
Circle, “keep your distance.” Why “keep our distance” from people bent on seducing us? Because even the strongest Christ followers are susceptible to yielding to temptation.
Bad company corrupts. It corrupts you even if its online, Internet, company.
According to XXX.com, which sounds like a pornographic site but it’s actually a Christian organization committed to help people overcome porn addiction, every second, approximately 28,258 Internet users are viewing pornography. [Members of the organization give Bibles to pornography workers and fans and t-shirts that read, "Jesus Loves Porn Stars." So you can see they’re not judgmental in their approach. They want to help people overcome porn addiction. Jesus does love porn stars by the way. He just does NOT love the porn industry because it is ruining people’s lives.] 70% of the Christians that took part in an unscientific poll on XXXChurch.com admitted to struggling with Internet porn in their daily lives.
Granted that may be a high number since a lot of the Christians who visit their site may be looking for help overcoming temptations to view porn, but even if the real number is half of that, there’s a problem and people need help.
Bad company in person, or on the Internet, aggravates the lure of lust. In a few minutes we’ll look at the practical biblical solutions.
Besides bad role models and bad company, lost tempers and lust also stem from…
3. Bad Choices.
Ultimately we yield to losing our tempers or lusting when we make bad choices and these choices have consequences.
29 For they hated knowledge and chose not to fear the Lord. 30 They rejected my advice and paid no attention when I corrected them. 31 Therefore, they must eat the bitter fruit of living their own way, choking on their own schemes. 32 For simpletons turn away from me—to death. Fools are destroyed by their own complacency. 33 But all who listen to me will live in peace, untroubled by fear of harm. Proverbs 1:29-31 (NLT)
Even small compromises can lead to serious sin and regret. However, we don’t want to dwell on regrets of past sins. What tools has God given us to dismantle lust and lost tempers.
TOOLS FOR DISMANTLING LUST & LOST TEMPERS
RELY ON GOD’S POWER, NOT WILL POWER
"Those who trust in themselves are foolish…" Proverbs 28:26a (NCV)
The most important tool for overcoming any temptation is to rely on God’s power. Our willpower simply isn’t enough because of our inherent weaknesses. We’ve got to rely on our Father in heaven.
Boxer Evander Holyfield was the youngest of eight children and unfortunately he never knew his dad as a kid. His parents never married but they kept in touch, mostly due to the persistence of Evander’s late mother, Annie.
One day Evander and his mother drove into a tiny southern Alabama lumber town. There, Evander, a 21-year-old cruiserweight boxer, wondering if he had the genetic material to grow into a heavyweight, saw his father, a broad-shouldered, 230 pound lumberjack, big as any heavyweight boxer.
“It was a good feeling,” Evander said later. In that instance, when a 21-year-old man met his estranged father, his vision became clear: to someday fight for – and win – the title of “Heavyweight Champion of the World.” He literally could see his future standing before him. He knew from his father’s size and heft that he had the ability to grow his body from cruiserweight into heavyweight status.
In that moment, Evander became a heavyweight in his mind. An ordinary circumstance became an extra-ordinary moment! A vision was revealed; a future champion anointed!
Every child of God should consider the size of the Father in heaven! We have the ability at our disposal, not in ourselves, but in the strength the Father gives us, to derail any temptation that we face.
The first tool for dismantling lust and lost tempers is God’s power not will power. The second tool is…
PURSUE SUCCESS ONE DAY AT A TIME
"Don’t brag about tomorrow, since you don’t know what the day will bring." Proverbs 27:1 (NLT)
Satan counts on our ego, especially the male ego, to defeat us. If you go one day without losing your temper you may drop your guard the next day. If you defeat lust for one day, the next day you are tempted to become complacent. We must become aware of the need to be vigilant every day. Yesterday’s success is not sufficient for today.
Have you ever wondered why a pigeon walks so funny? A pigeon walks the way it does so it can see where it’s going. Since it can’t adjust its focus while its moving, the pigeon actually has to bring its head to a complete stop between steps in order to refocus. This is the way it walks: head forward, stop; head back, stop.
In our spiritual walk with the Lord we have the same problem as the pigeon. We have a hard time seeing while we’re moving so we need to stop between steps. We need to refocus where we are in relation to the Word and will of God. (SermonCentral.com newsletter)
So first we rely on God’s power, not your willpower; and secondly, we make this reliance upon God a daily habit. Next,
SAFEGUARD OUR HEART AND MIND
"Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life." Proverbs 4:23 (NLT)
"For as he thinks in his heart, so is he." Proverbs 23:7a (NKJV)
Losing your temper, or lusting, like all sin, begins in the heart and mind. If you feed your heart and mind with God’s understanding and wisdom (just like we are right now by searching these Scriptures) you will be more likely to conquer temptation.
"…a person with understanding is even-tempered." Proverbs 17:27b (NLT)
According to this verse of Scripture it is “understanding” that helps us become even-tempered instead of hot-tempered. One of the ways we increase our success over temptation is to increase our understanding.
We must control the flow of information entering our heart and mind. We’ve got to especially guard our media diet. If you eat junk food it will affect your physical health. Ingesting spiritual junk food isn’t any better. We need to fill our minds and hearts with the understanding, wisdom and insights of God’s Word, and block all the unhealthy information from getting into our thoughts and emotions, or at least take the trash out when it gets into our thinking.
“Two Buddhist monks were walking in a drenching thunderstorm. They came to a stream, and it was swollen out of its banks. A beautiful young Japanese woman in a kimono stood there wanting to get to the other side but was afraid of the currents. In characteristic Buddhist fashion, one of the monks said, ‘Can I help you?’ “The woman said, ‘I need to cross this stream.’ The monk picked her up, put her on his shoulder, carried her through the water, and put her down on the other side. He and his companion went on to the monastery. “That night his companion said to him, ‘I have a bone to pick with you. As Buddhist monks, we have taken vows not to look on a woman, much less touch her body. Back there by the river you did both.’ The first monk said, ‘My brother, I put that woman down on the other side of the river. You’re problem is, you’re still carrying her in your mind.’”
One more tool for dismantling lust and lost tempers.
PURSUE GODLY PLEASURES
"Whoever pursues righteousness and unfailing love will find life, righteousness, and honor." Proverbs 21:21 (NLT)
God has only said “No” to lusting and losing our tempers because He has something better for us! When we turn away from selfish temptations and instead pursue the lifestyle that He teaches us in His Word we not only honor Him but we “find life.” Sometimes we have to fight fire with fire. The fire of the pleasure of lust or losing our tempers must be replaced with better pleasures - godly pleasures.
That’s part of what Jesus meant when He declared He came so that we could have life in all its fullness! (John 10:10)
What will you do with the wisdom of the Word that we’ve mined today?
"The wise see danger ahead and avoid it, but fools keep going and get into trouble." Proverbs 27:12 (NCV)
All of us battle lust and letting our tempers adversely affect us. Even if you’re a mild-mannered person on the outside, you may have a battle with inner anger and it can have adverse affects on you too.
Let’s pray.
