[Part 1 of 5 in the series, "THE SEARCH, Solomon’s Secrets to a Happy & Successful Life"]
2 Tune your ears to wisdom, and concentrate on understanding. 3 Cry out for insight, and ask for understanding. 4 Search for them as you would for silver; seek them like hidden treasures. Proverbs 2:2-4 (NLT)
Circle the phrases in that passage from God’s Word that tell us to do: “tune our ears,” “concentrate,” “cry out,” and “ask,” for wisdom and understanding, to “search for them as you would for silver; seek them like hidden treasures.”
Our two youngest offspring and their spouses were visiting Deb and me last weekend for Memorial Day and we all went together to enjoy the latest Indiana Jones movie. The theme that ties all of the movies in this series together is THE SEARCH for some valuable yet well-hidden and dangerous-to-acquire treasure.
Watch the two-minute movie trailer and see what I’m talking about…sorry but we don’t have any popcorn.
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=YaBtukt6cHA&feature=related
I think that one of the many reasons these movies have resonated so well with the viewing public is the sense of adventure they portray on the way to finding great treasure. Solomon says that our search for God’s wisdom and understanding should be like that - like someone seeking for silver and hidden treasure! When you think about it can be a very exciting pursuit!
We’re beginning a new series today called "THE SEARCH, Solomon’s Secrets to a Happy & Successful Life." Solomon was a very successful king of ancient Israel, and when he lived by God’s wisdom he was happy, so we’ll be excavating wisdom and understanding from the book of Proverbs written by Solomon. If we live by this wisdom and understanding our chances for living a happy and successful life will increase exponentially. That’s the great treasure we’ll find – happiness and fulfillment and success in life!
The first secret deals with communication. Good communication skills can drastically improve our chances of success and happiness in life and ineffective communication is often our number one problem in life.
Saying the wrong thing at the wrong time or not saying anything at all tremendously affect our relationships at home, at church, at school, at work, and even at play. Every aspect of our communication, our words, our tone of voice, our gestures and facial expressions, our spirit, our timing, and all the nonverbal communication habits we utilize, affect whether or not we succeed in achieving what it is we believe God wants us to attain.
EXAMPLES OF THE VITAL ROLE COMMUNICATION PLAYS IN OUR HAPPINESS & SUCCESS:
* Our communication can extinguish anger or escalate it.
"A gentle answer will calm a person’s anger, but an unkind answer will cause more anger." Proverbs 15:1 (NCV)
This proverb points us in the direction of making a positive choice in our communication. Every time we’re angry, or someone is angry with us, we have a choice whether or not we’re going to be gentle or unkind. Circle those two words, “gentle” and “unkind.” The choices we make in great measure determine the outcome of the conversations we have. And the outcome of our conversations determines the outcome of our relationships.
You must remember that we are not responsible to God for the other person’s response but we are responsible for ours. If we practice gentleness rather than unkindness people will begin to want to communicate with you more openly. If we practice unkindness we’ll be painting ourselves into a corner and our own happiness and success will wane.
* Our communication can wound others or heal them.
"Careless words stab like a sword, but wise words bring healing." Proverbs 12:18 (NCV)
This is another role communication plays in our happiness and success. We can wound or heal people by our words. That’s the formidable power of verbal communication. What a word picture that word is – healing!
I told you recently of getting poison ivy for only the third time in my life. It felt so good when it finally healed up. No more itching! Isn’t healing a great thing? When you get over some sickness isn’t it great to feel good again – to be “healed?”
Sometimes life hurts, and one of God’s intended uses for our words is to bring healing to others when they’re hurting!
"As a tree gives fruit, healing words give life…" Proverbs 15:4a (NCV)
Healing words are a vital God-given tool for happiness and success.
Another outstanding example of the role communication plays in our happiness and success is how…
* Our communication can mean life or death.
"What you say can mean life or death. Those who speak with care will be rewarded." Proverbs 18:21 (NCV)
The kids use to sing a song, “Oh be careful little mouth what you say…” How we need to heed that warning because our communication can mean life or death!
“Perhaps one of the most vivid examples of the ‘tongue’s power’ to save life took place in Atlanta, Georgia, in March, 2005. Brian Nichols had murdered a judge and three others when he took Ashley Smith hostage and forced her to let him into her apartment. Most of America knows the rest of the story. Her words of hope, vision, and purpose, and the words she read from ‘The Purpose Driven Life,’ brought about a dynamic change in the heart and mind of her captor. Her words not only saved her life, they saved his life and who knows how many other lives might have been lost had he not peacefully surrendered to the police.” (“The Richest Man Who Ever Lived,” by Steven K. Scott, p. 59)
* Our communication can bring inspiration to others.
"The right word spoken at the right time is as beautiful as gold apples in a silver bowl." Proverbs 25:11 (NCV)
Have you ever been stopped dead in your tracks at the sight of some beautiful work of art or the sound of some enthralling music? God’s Word says that speaking the right word at the right time is like that – words that draw our attention away from the pain and loss of life – away from the hurt and the heartache – and bring us renewed vision of the beauty in life.
Those are just some of the EXAMPLES OF THE ROLE COMMUNICATION PLAYS IN OUR HAPPINESS AND SUCCESS.
If communication has this much power to bring happiness and success to our lives – how can we put its power to use in our lives?
SOLOMON’S STEPS TO SUCCESSFUL COMMUNICATION:
1. Speak in ways that help others.
"The good acquire a taste for helpful conversation; bullies push and shove their way through life." Proverbs 15:2 (Msg)
It’s easy to just open our mouths and let whatever we’re thinking pop out. But that often isn’t the most helpful to others. It may satisfy our selfish desire to be heard but if we wait and think about framing our conversation in another way, we can still get our point across – we can still be heard – but we don’t have to push and shove, we don’ others with our words. We don’t have to be verbal bullies. We don’t build happy and successful relationships that please God by verbal browbeating.
When we choose to say helpful, uplifting, encouraging, positive, insightful things to others – our stock with them goes up. They begin to want to be around us more. They begin to want to listen to us more and share more of their conversation with us!
The wisdom from God’s Word teaches us to speak in ways that help others.
2. Fill your mind with wisdom in order to speak persuasively.
"From a wise mind comes wise speech; the words of the wise are persuasive." Proverbs 16:23 (NLT)
We all know that when we engage our mouths without engaging our minds we’re in trouble. Even more so, when we engage our mouths without filling our minds with God’s wisdom we may say the wrong things.
The Scripture is teaching us here that wise words come from a wise mind and those wise words have the power to persuade others!
Zig Ziglar tells the story of boy that went with his mother to the old general store. He liked to sneak away from his mother and when no one was looking he would dip his finger into the large barrel of molasses. The storekeeper caught him doing this and decided to teach the boy a lesson. He picked up the boy by his britches and dunked him head first into the barrel of molasses and then set him out on the front porch of the store. But instead of crying the boy was out there praying, “God, give me the tongue to equal this opportunity.”
We need to pray something like that prayer! “God give me your wisdom so I’ll speak in a way equal to the opportunities you give me to speak!”
3. Listen before speaking.
"Anyone who answers without listening is foolish and confused." Proverbs 18:13 (NCV)
We’ve all been guilty but it’s one of the worst communication habits possible – talking before listening. It’s foolish and rude to answer a person before they finish talking. If a line of communication is open – this will be one of the first things to close it back up.
Years ago I went to see an older gentleman that had visited our church. When I got to his house I was surprised that there were not one, but two fences around his yard. I stepped to the front gate, opened it and went through, then stepped to the second gate, opened it and went through and up the sidewalk to his door. During the course of the conversation I asked him about the two fences. He said he use to own a ferocious dog that always tried to get out and the only way to keep him in the yard was to build the second fence.
Our tongue can be vicious, so do you realize what God did? He constructed two fences around our tongue – our teeth and our lips – to give us a hint about guarding what we say. If we would be more successful in our communication, we would listen before we speak, and we would…
4. Think before speaking.
"There is more hope for a fool than for someone who speaks without thinking." Proverbs 29:20 (NLT)
It’s amazing how many times we don’t filter our words through our brains!
There are a lot of questions we may ask ourselves before ever opening our mouth: “Is what I’m about to say true and kind? Is my motivation right? Do I have the facts straight? Is this a good time?” Etc.
One more step to successful communication from Solomon…
5. Don’t talk too much.
"If you talk a lot, you are sure to sin; if you are wise, you will keep quiet." Proverbs 10:19 (NCV)
Some of us are more talkative than others are. Some of us get in talkative moods and at other times we don’t feel like talking. Whatever the case we need to always remember that there is a time to stop talking.
"Even fools seem to be wise if they keep quiet…" Proverbs 17:28a (NCV)
Make your point, then be silent.
To illustrate this point – that’s all I’m going to say about it.
What are…
THE BENEFITS OF BECOMING AN EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATOR
Why should we even care about the wisdom and understanding God gave Solomon on this subject?
1. Fulfillment
"Everyone enjoys a fitting reply; it is wonderful to say the right thing at the right time!" Proverbs 15:23 (NLT)
Saying or hearing the right thing at the right time is very fulfilling. It’s enjoyable. It’s satisfying. God made us that way. He is a communicative God and He created us in His image. He loves it when we understand what He is trying to communicate to us and we have the same passion for giving and receiving understanding that He has. When our passion for successful communication is fulfilled – we’re fulfilled.
Instead of going through life with this unfulfilled feeling we can live satisfying lives if we’ll learn to communicate with the tools God gave us.
Some of you have heard this before so don’t give it away…
How many of you recognize this famous poem?
Scintillate, scintillate, globule vivific, Fain would I fathom thy nature specific. Loftily poised in the ether capacious, Strongly resembling a gem carbonaceous.
Translated:
Twinkle, twinkle, little star, How I wonder what you are, Up above the world so high, Like a diamond in the sky.
Good communication can be fulfilling and bad communication can be frustrating. So we should care about becoming effective communicators for that reason.
And then there’s the second benefit of becoming an effective communicator.
2. Friendship
"Whoever loves pure thoughts and kind words will have even the king as a friend." Proverbs 22:11 (NCV)
How can we make and keep friends? The Bible tells us that our speech habits play a large roll.
If we…
Speak in ways that help others…
Fill our minds with God’s understanding and wisdom…
If we listen before we speak, and think before we speak…
If we don’t talk too much…
People will be more attracted to us and want to be our friends.
What an important reason to want to implement God’s speech habits in our lives!
But there’s one more.
3. Fitness
"Those who control their tongue will have a long life…" Proverbs 13:3a (NLT)
We live in a culture obsessed with long life and here the Bible gives us a clue as to how to extend our years - controlling our tongue!
What a great motivation for learning to live by God’s communication skills! If we follow these guidelines our lives will not only be happier and more successful – the Bible says we’ll live longer!
How can this be? Solomon answers this question in another Proverb.
"Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, making people happy and healthy." Proverbs 16:24 (NCV)
When you’re healthy you live longer and our speech habits have a definite connection to happiness and health! One connection to health is probably stress. Good communication can help alleviate a lot of the stress in our lives. And when we do away with excess stress we’re healthier.
Another reason might be staying out of trouble. Staying out of trouble is good for your health.
"Those who are careful about what they say keep themselves out of trouble." Proverbs 21:23 (NCV)
Talk Right, Live Better, How God’s Communication Skills Help You Live a Better, Happier Life
I think all of us have been challenged by these biblical EXAMPLES OF THE VITAL ROLE COMMUNICATION PLAYS IN OUR HAPPINESS & SUCCESS.
I think all of us need to implement or re-implement SOLOMON’S STEPS TO SUCCESSFUL COMMUNICATION.
I think we all long for the fulfillment, the friendship and the fitness that comes from becoming an effective communicator.
So why don’t we make a commitment before we leave this place?
Let’s pray.
