Three Essentials for a Great Family
Family Matters 2007 Part 3
Text: Deuteronomy 6:1-9
When D.L. Moody was asked by a reporter why he had never married, Moody quipped back “I’d rather go through life wanting that which I did not have than to go through life having something I’d wished I hadn’t”.
Groucho Marx once said, “Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution”.
Rodney Dangerfield said, “My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.”
Henny Youngman said, “My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant for some good food. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.”
Many have kind of negative attitude towards marriage don’t they? Someone once said, “in the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.”
But does marriage have to be so miserable? I don’t think so. And I don’t believe God thinks so either. The Bible teaches us very clearly that God designed marriage for happiness. A recent study surveyed various people groups and found that the people who claimed to be the happiest in life were married men.
Carl Zimmerman, who spent decades studying the rise and fall of the major empires of history while also tracking what happened to the family units in those civilizations wrote a very compelling book called, “Family and Civilization” In his research for the book he studies 3000 years of family life. This Harvard Professor makes a powerful case for the tradition family structure. The summation of the book goes something like this…so goes the children so goes the culture, or so goes the family so goes society! In his book Zimmerman gives 7 warning signs to a declining nation:
• An Increased rate of divorce. Quick and easy no fault divorce.
• The failure to understand the permanence of the marriage model.
• A looser standard of family as a solution to social problems.
• Lack of respect to parental authority.
• A promotion of co-habitation over marriage.
• The breakdown of most inhibitions against adultery.
• Acceptance of all forms of sexuality.
Dr. Zimmerman wrote, “As we watch the destruction of the family, so we simultaneously watch the collapse of society.”
You might be thinking, “This is just another Christian’s conclusions rallying around the “Marriage and Family Debate.” It you think that, you’d be wrong. This man was a secular historian and from all accounts never confessed to be a Christian. By the way, this book was written in 1947!
Have you ever heard the phrase, “those who do not learn from history are destined to repeat it”? A sobering thought as we consider the almost violent shift in American culture and society.
I don’t personally think that it is our destiny to repeat history, I think it is in the hands of this generation to MAKE HISTORY!
When it comes to being a “history maker” and a trend setter in the family, I think Moses gave three essential tools to make that happen; Tools to build a Great Family.
1. Create a place where godliness is lived out (vs. 1-2)
Like it or not, the moment our children are born, it’s God’s plan that mom and dad be the primary role models for them.
Hillary Clinton once said, “It takes a village to raise a child.” Wrong Hillary! It takes courageous parents.
In my secular work I meet so many parents who exemplify former NBA star “Sir” Charles Barkly when he said “I don’t want to be a role model”. See, that’s simply not our choice. We only have two choices in the matter; to be a positive or negative role model, but it’s one or the other!
2. Create a place where the Lord is expressively loved (vs 4-5)
There are two powerful principles that you and I need to be passionately teaching our children and every life that we influence.
a. That God really does exist
b. That we need (desperately) a relationship with Him.
Folks, absolutely no pressure here, BUT how you express such things as Unconditional love .. Forgiveness .. Grace, Faithfulness (commitment, loyalty, stick-with-it-ness) is exactly how your kids and the unchurched around you will view Jesus in their own lives.
Why is it that we are producing a generation that is abandoning the Church? Could it be because they have not seen a connection between “church going parents” and “Christ loving parents”?
Don’t fall victim of giving your kids the “God shot”
ILL: Flu shot - inject a small amount of the virus to build up an immunity to the real thing….. We expose our kids to small amounts of God on Sunday but they see little of our relationship with God Monday through Saturday.
Parents, perhaps you should stop doing so much “personal devotions” and start “Family Devotions”
ILL: Pastor was preaching on “Family Alter” and asked how many families “had a family alter” a young man looked at his wife kind of puzzled, not knowing what on earth a family alter was, but shot up his hand along with several others sitting in the service. His wife leaned and whispered “honey, I don’t think we have one of those, put your hand down: to which he replied “If pastor says we need a Family Alter, than starting today, we have one!”
3. Create a place where right lessons are learned (vs. 6-9)
Your home needs to be your children’s primary classroom.
Not Sunday School and certainly not public school!
Are homes are where children should learn the life lessons of compassion, forgiveness, acceptance, love; Where they learn how to use Godly control more than the remote control!
If our children are to learn how to function successfully in society we must lead them through three life lessons:
a. Parental Control - Teaching kids what to do.
Honestly, this parenting style of “choice” concerns me. Rather than giving clear direction you offer choices to them. I call it “Behavioral Roulette”
Mom and Dad, try this choice, “do as I say or suffer this” It’s still a choice!”
Moses said “teach these [words] diligently to your children. To love the Lord with all your heart, soul and strength. It’s a command – not a suggestion!
b. Self Control - Self gratification and immediate gradification are not elements of self control.
1. Teach your children self control and it will keep them off of Community Control.
2. Teach them how to be a God Pleaser and they won’t be so inclined to Peer Pressure.
3. By the way, while you teach them Self Control, go ahead and teach them the other 8 traits of fruit from Galatians 5 that exemplify a Spirit Filled life:
Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness Goodness, Faithfulness and Gentleness.
Which leads me to the third
c. God Control - yielding themselves to the lordship (ownership) of Christ in their lives.
Parents, when you say that you don’t want to impose your beliefs on your children you are saying in effect:
1. Your beliefs are no significant enough to make for a life changing experience in the heart of your children
2. Faith in God is optional and therefore not necessary in consideration in their eternal state.
Teach them , as Paul admonished, to present themselves to God a “living sacrifice”. See, once that lamb is captured and is offered as a sacrifice he has, in effect, lost control.
Scripture teaches that you can’t really find yourself until you’ve lost yourself fully in the fullness of who He is.
The bottom line: Its only when you give control of your life to God, do you really gain control of your life.
Couples, parents, parents to be, single mom’s and dad’s, empty nesters, DON’T DISPAIR.
If a carpenter can take a dilapidated house and raise it up again, don’t you think that Christ, can take a dysfunctional home and completely re-construct it?
He is, after all, the Master Builder and Chief Cornerstone!
Let’s Pray.
A note from Pastor Terry,
Thanks so much for looking over this message. I trust that, in some way, you were blessed, encouraged and empowered on your own walk with Christ. Every message I prepare is bathed in prayer that God will draw, inspire, and challenge my listeners (or readers) into a more meaningful and power-filled walk with Him.
Pastors, how we need one another! We need to be encouraged, strengthened and built up in order to encourage, strengthen and build up. It’s my personal prayer that the message you’ve just reviewed has done that for you in a personal way. Use what you can of this message, toss what you can’t and above all, let God’s Spirit inspire it all!
Sometimes I feel like Peter and John at the Temple steps…”Silver and gold; I don’t have but what I do – I give to you”
Grace and peace to you, your family and the Flock you tend.
Pastor Terry
