“Let Go Of Bitterness”
Introduction:
In Southeast Asia many years ago someone developed an ingenious method to catch monkeys alive and unharmed. The “Monkey Trap” which was developed was very simple; the hunter would take a pot with a wide bottom and narrow opening and bury the pot in the ground to where the opening of the pot was just above the ground. In the pot the hunter would place pieces of fruit, nuts or meat on skewers. The heat of the day would cause the odor of the treats to attract monkeys to the delectable monkey treats. The monkey smells the treats and reaches down into the narrow opening of the pot to grab hold of the treat, as the monkey attempts to extract the treat from the pot; the monkey finds that their fist full of food will not fit through the narrow opening. The monkey excited and frustrated will scream as he continues to hold on to his food and attempts to remove it from the pot. This is a sign for the hunter to walk over to the monkey and throw a net over to capture it. Even as the monkey sees the hunter approaching instead of letting go of the food the monkey holds on to the food tighter and tries even harder to dislodge it’s arm and fist of food from the pot.
Of course you and I realize that to escape from the monkey hunter, the monkey simply had to let go of the food and it would have easily been able to remove its arm from the pot and run for its freedom! All the monkey had to do was LET GO!
What is it that you are holding onto that is putting you in danger? Over the next few weeks I want to talk about letting go. Some things are hard to let go of. Once you’ve touched an electric fence it’s hard to let go. It is hard for West Virginia fans to let go of a coach that spurned them for the University of Michigan. It’s hard for some people to let go of what they see as priceless junk, we call them “pack rats”. It is hard for some to let go of the past. For me the most difficult thing to let go of is feelings of resentment and bitterness.
In my Christian walk, the concept of forgiveness has been the most difficult concept to accept and put into practice. All my life I have held on to anger and bitterness for things that have happened throughout my life. There is not a person here who has not been deeply wounded by someone else’s actions. Many times those wounds fester and turn into bitterness. If you, like me have ever wrestled with bitterness towards someone then you know how negative of a thing it is and of how it can totally take over your life.
This sermon has been the most difficult sermon for me to prepare, and frankly I don’t want to preach it, but I am compelled to. As I prepare for a sermon of letting go of bitterness I cannot help but to allow memories and thoughts to creep into my head from my past. I said that bitterness has always been a struggle for me, perhaps it would be better said that bitterness has always been easy for me. Even to this day I wrestle with strong feelings of bitterness because of things in my past.
Although, many people in life had much worse childhoods than I had I did not have a rosy childhood. My whole upbringing was full of anger and fighting. I remember times of being filled with such rage towards my mother and father for how they treated me that it would swell. I do not tell you this for sympathy or for pity; my past has made me who I am. My past is not a crutch that I will lean on and use as an excuse for every mistake and character flaw I possess. However, because of my past bitterness has been a big part of my life.
My Dad was in the picture for most of my early childhood, but most of my memories of him are negative. My Dad is a severe alcoholic. I do not remember many days when he was not totally drunk. Now he is paying for some of those decisions as he is in severe condition with cirrhosis of the liver. Often times the alcohol got the best of him and changed his personality. When he would be drunk it would always lead to a fight between him and my mother and often times to violence turned towards me. Of course the longer that took place the more my hatred grew for my father. I honestly got to the point where my life was consumed with hatred for him because of his constant abuse. A few weeks ago I got a call that my Dad was in the hospital. As it turns out he has cirrhosis of the liver. He is literally been drinking himself to death. As I got the news of it many emotions were brought out. I was angry at things he was and things he wasn’t. In twenty-six years of life I never heard my Dad say, “I love you” or “I’m proud of you”. I don’t have any fond memories with him. He never took me hunting or fishing. He never played ball with me. The closest he came to that was when he took me to my baseball games and instead of watching his son and cheering me on, he would leave and get drunk during the game. I was angry that I had none of those memories with my father that many children have. I didn’t know what it was like to have a father who cared. That anger though turned into sorrow. I was sad for him. It is sad to know that someone can live their whole life distancing themselves from others and choose to not be involved in their family’s life. I felt a huge weight upon my heart, and that was the weight of bitterness. I thought I had forgiven him, but I hadn’t.
Then there is my mother who is a true piece of work. I struggle with bitterness with her perhaps even more than I do with my father. I won’t even go into details about my mother, but she is about is close as it comes to being evil as it comes. She would walk all over her own children in a second to advance herself.
Text: Hebrews 12:14-15
I. The Reason For Bitterness
The one’s that most often hurt us are people who are close to us – a husband or wife, a parent, a child, or a close friend. When we are hurt by someone we love and trust it can be very difficult to overcome. So while bitterness is never okay, we might understand how easy it is for bitterness to creep into our lives and for our anger and feelings of betrayal to magnify in our lives.
A. Wrong Done to Us
Perhaps you have your own story. I am sure that somewhere along the line someone has done something to you that upset you. Perhaps it was a harsh word. Perhaps it was some action that greatly bothered you. Perhaps it was something that occurred years ago. If you are anything like me then you know that the easiest thing that you can do is to stay bitter with that person. You attempt to justify that bitterness the best that you can. You rationalize in your mind about how violated you were or how wrong the person was. Perhaps the hurt runs deep and it is not just some petty difference or shallow reason. I would be willing to bet that just about everyone here has someone that they are harboring some bitterness towards. Today, let us let go of bitterness. Let us let go of the anger and ill feelings that run deep within us. Let us stop allowing people’s actions towards us dictate our futures. Let us take the difficult path and forgive those that have wronged us, no matter how deep those wounds are and no matter how seriously wronged we feel that someone might have been, let us show the world that we who are called by Christ’s name will not be controlled by bitterness.
The bottom line is the reasoning and justification for your bitterness does not matter, does it? Perhaps you could tell your story of why you are bitter and someone else may be able to understand and sympathize with your bitterness, let this be a time that we let go.
Life is full of hurts and it always will be! As long as you live, people are going to hurt you, offend you and disappoint you. Those things are a given, but that is not an excuse for bitterness.
B. Pride
What enable me to stay bitter towards my parents? I would have to say it is my pride. That pride manifests itself in several ways. First of all it is my pride because there is a part of me that feels that if I let go of bitterness it is letting them off the hook for what they had done that hurt me. My pride steps in and I convince myself that if I stay bitter and the more bitter I am the more wrong they were and the guiltier they are for their wrongs.
Secondly, my pride comes in because I allow myself to stay bitter at people for wrongs they have done to me, but I also know I am not innocent. I know that there are times I hurt people with my words. I know there are times I do things that bother others. I don’t want people to stay angry at me for my wrongs. On top of that how arrogant is it for me to remain bitter at something someone has done to me when I have most of all wronged God and He has forgiven me.
II. The Danger of Bitterness
I really believe that bitterness is one of the most dangerous sins because of the negative affects it has on a person and because of how far and fast it spreads. There are some great dangers to bitterness.
Hebrews 12:15
Did you notice the great warning about bitterness? It warned that the bitter root can cause people to miss the grace of God, that it can cause trouble, and it can defile people. There are many dangers to bitterness.
A. Loss of Health
Bitterness is like a constantly running machine and it certainly will take its toll on you physically. Bitterness has been linked to things like heart problems and high blood pressure. Not to mention to emotional and psychological effect of maintaining bitterness. One leading psychiatrist wrote, “90% of all people in insane asylums could be released immediately if they would learn how to forgive, or how to be forgiven.” Perhaps you are not at that level, but the point is that bitterness can have a negative effect on you physically. Maybe this is not the greatest side effect of the bitterness that we hold onto, but we must understand that if we decide to be bitter than it will certainly affect us physically in a negative way.
B. Loss of Joy
Bitterness has a way of taking over. It controls our mind and our thoughts. As that bitterness grows and continues to exist it is easy for our joy to be diminished. It is difficult to maintain joy when we are spending time nursing bitterness. I believe many Christians have diminished joy because they are so concentrated on bitterness that joyous moments are hard to see. Do not let something someone has done to you no matter what extent it goes to cause such bitterness within you that it robs you of your joy and dictates your life.
C. Loss of Spiritual Growth
If you deal with bitterness and understand how that bitterness can consume you perhaps you understand how difficult it can be to grow spiritually while harboring anger and bitterness in your heart. That bitter attitude hardens your heart and makes it near impossible for the Word of God to penetrate through. Perhaps that is what Jesus had in mind in the sermon on the Mount.
Matthew 5:23-24
D. Vengeance
A lot of times we can be guilty of allowing those feelings of anger and bitterness lead to retaliation on our part. There are many times when someone is wronged and the sin continues to mount and grow because people respond out of their anger in vengeance.
Romans 12:19-21
The story is told of a woman involved in bitter fighting with her husband. Seeking professional help she was asked by the counselor, "Have you tried heaping coals of fire on his head?" to which she responded, “No, but I tried a skillet of hot grease!"
Well that is not exactly how we ought to respond, but the point is that often times we can become just as guilty when we respond to someone else’s actions in a wrong way. We must understand that vengeance is the Lord’s and not ours.
E. Hatred
As bitterness grows it can easily become hatred for the person you were bitter towards. Like most sins, bitterness if not dealt with progresses even further. Bitterness can easily overwhelm you and those bitter feelings which were wrong can become actual hatred for someone.
A rattlesnake, if cornered, will sometimes become so angry it will bite itself. That is exactly what the harboring of hate and resentment against others is--a biting of oneself. We think that we are harming others in holding these spites and hates, but the deeper harm is to ourselves.
F. Unforgiveness
Also the danger of bitterness as that you will never let go of those feelings of bitterness and it will become a sin of unforgiveness.
Colossians 3:13-14
The bottom line is that if we do not forgive and let go of bitterness we will not be forgiven. Hopefully we can see the danger of bitterness and the possibility that it progresses to unforgiveness. You have to deal with bitterness before your heart becomes hardened and you become unwilling to ever forgive.
G. Eternal Danger
For those obvious reasons the real danger of bitterness is an eternal danger. Yes, you may have been innocent and greatly wronged by someone else. Yes, they may be accountable for their actions to you and to God. Yes, they were clearly in the wrong, but we can also become wrong if we continue and persist with bitter feelings. Do not let a wrong someone has done to you get the best of you, don’t let it control your life. Bitterness is very dangerous because not only can it sever relationships with others and progress to great sin, in the end if we harbor that bitterness and refuse to let go it can separate us from God for all eternity. Let us let go of bitterness and learn to forgive as the Lord forgave us.
III. The Cure For Bitterness
In the Old Testament one of the greatest times was the Year of Jubilee. Every fifty years the Year of Jubilee came about and it was a time when debts were cancelled, slaves were set free and all property was returned to the original landowner. I believe we are in a desperate need for a year of Jubilee when debts will be cancelled and we will let go of bitterness.
While true forgiveness cannot take place without some form of repentance by the person who was at fault, but bitterness is not acceptable no matter what the case may be.
A little boy was sitting on a park bench in obvious pain. A man walking by asked him what was wrong and the young boy said, “I’m sitting on a bumble bee.” The man urgently asked, “Then why don’t you get up?” The boy replied, “Because I figure I’m hurting him more than he is hurting me!” How many of us handle forgiveness like this little boy? We endure pain for the sadistic satisfaction of believing that we are hurting someone else more than they are hurting us. When we get off the bench of unforgiveness, both parties can begin to realize relief from their pain.
A. Admit the Bitterness
The Scripture uses the language of a bitter root. A root is hidden and not easily seen, but when it is uncovered you realize how big and deep the root goes. That is the way it is with some of us. We cannot easily see the bitterness and others cannot see it, we hide it well, but the feelings are there and they run deep. It is time for us to uncover the root and let it go.
Like most things bitterness does not go away by pretending it is not there. One of the first steps to overcoming bitterness is to admit that you are bitter. Some people are in denial about their feelings of bitterness, but if they would admit that there are feelings of bitterness and resentment then they can work towards letting go, towards forgiveness and ideally towards reconciliation. Justifying our feelings does not make them any more okay in the eyes of God. Perhaps today you can take the first step and admit that you have feelings of bitterness towards someone for something they have done.
B. Stop Nursing the Bitterness
Anger is a natural emotion that we have. It is a way that we respond to things. Anger in itself is not bad, that is why the Scriptures teach us not to sin in our anger. While anger in its basic form may not be a sin it is a very dangerous emotion that often leads to much more.
Ephesians 4:26-27
Anger becomes bitterness when we nurse that anger and allow it to grow and magnify in our lives. We must learn not to continue to nurse bitter feelings that we have. When we feel wronged or offended we sometimes nurse those angry feelings too much rather than working towards reconciliation and forgiveness. It is easy for us to get together with other people and those strong emotions to be built upon. It is easy for us to sit and think long and hard about what someone has done to us and all that does is nurse that bitterness and strengthens those emotions. However, no matter how long you nurse a grudge, it won’t get better.
There is an ancient door on display in St. Patrick’s cathedral in Dublin, Ireland. The rough hewn door has a rectangular hole hacked out in its center. It is called the “Door of Reconciliation,” and gives rise to the Irish expression of “chancing one’s arm.” In 1492, two prominent Irish families, the Ormonds and Kildares, were in the midst of a bitter feud. As the feud grew and turned into an all out fight, the Earl of Ormand was besieged by the Earl of Kildare. The Earl of Ormand and his family and followers took refuge in the chapter house of St. Patrick’s cathedral and bolted themselves in. However, as the siege wore on, the Earl of Kildare concluded the feuding was foolish. Here were two families worshiping the same God, in the same church, living in the same country, trying to kill each other. So Kildare called out to the Earl of Ormand and pledged that he would not seek revenge or indulge in villainy — he wanted the Ormands to come out and the feud to be over. But the Earl of Ormand was convinced that it was a scheme full of treachery and refused to come out of the cathedral. So Kildare grabbed his spear, chopped a hole in the door with it, and thrust his hand through. There was a tense moment until his hand was grasped by another hand inside the church. The door was opened and the two men embraced, thus ending the family feud. From Kildare’s noble gesture came the expression: “chancing one’s arm.”
C. Learn to Put Things Behind You
This is not an easy thing to do, but we need to learn to put the past behind you. Sometimes people do awful things to people and feel no remorse, but I have found that often times the things for which we are bitter the person who caused those feelings regrets their actions. Just like with any of us they cannot go back and change the past. Regardless of their feelings we need to learn to put the past behind us and stop letting it control us.
Philippians 3:12-14
A failure to put things in the past forces our focus off of the ultimate goal for the Christian.
Robert E. Lee, the Southern general in the Civil war, was visiting a Kentucky lady. She took him to the remains of a grand old tree at the front of her formerly great mansion. The north and the south had fought a bitter battle right over her front porch, and the limbs and the trunk of that tree had been destroyed by Federal Artillery Fire. She looked to Lee to speak some word of consolation, a word condemning the north or some word of sympathy for her loss. After a moment, Lee said, "Cut it down, my dear Madam, and forget it."
While you cannot go back and remove the wrong someone did to you, and while all things in our past serve to shape who we are now we must learn if we are going to let go of bitterness to stop living in the past and using our past as a crutch for today. Let us let go of bitterness and learn to put things behind you. When the Scriptures say to forgive as the Lord forgave you, I believe that includes some type of forgetting of the wrongs people have done to us and not continually reminding ourselves and them about those past mistakes.
D. Show Sincere Love
Ephesians 4:29-32
I have learned that many times that we think we are no longer bitter we still are. So, how do you know when you have overcome bitterness? Only when you can show sincere love for that person who wronged you and when you can think the best, speak the best and do the best for that person on a consistent basis and with a sincere heart. Bitterness is not just a feeling it is a way of life.
The best way to get rid of bitterness is to sincerely show love towards the person you were bitter towards. It is hard to serve someone you don’t love. Learn to not be overcome by evil, but to overcome evil by good. Learn to sincerely love those who you were once bitter towards.
