YOU BUILT A PRISON AND YOU ARE THE PRISONER?
CONTENTIOUS: PUSHING AWAY! SHORT FUSE?
By Wade Martin Hughes, Sr. Kyfingers@aol.com
I do this lesson in two parts,
TEXT:
Proverbs 18:19 A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city: and their contentions are like the bars of a castle.
Matthew 7:26 And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand:
27 And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.
I. BRING US TOGETHER? OR PUSH US APART?
WHAT WILL YOU GET OUT OF THIS BEHAVIOR?
HAVE WE EVER MISSED THE REAL LESSON BECAUSE WE WERE THROWING MUD?
A. ARE YOU A NITPICKER? A FAULTFINDER? DO YOU DRIVE OTHERS UP THE WALL?
KJV
Proverbs 27:15 A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.
NIV
Proverbs 27:15 A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day;
LB
Proverbs 27:15 A constant dripping on a rainy day and a cranky woman are much alike!
MSG
Proverbs 27:15 A nagging spouse is like the drip, drip, drip of a leaky faucet;
NLT
Proverbs 27:15 A nagging wife is as annoying as the constant dripping on a rainy day.
B. HAVE WE EVER MISSED THE REAL LESSON BECAUSE WE WERE THROWING MUD?
If you are throwing mud, you are the one losing ground!
C. LET US SEE THE REAL PROBLEM?
NAGGING:
To irritate with repeated SMALL ANNOYANCES...
One who nags HABITUALLY ...
One that is old and in poor condition.
D. TO FIND FAULT INCESSANTLY ...
To complain, badger, worry ...
TO PERSIST IN ANNOYANCE AND DISTRATION
To irritate by CONSTANT scolding or urging.
E. WE ALLOW THE GENDER ISSUES OF SEVERAL VERSES CAUSE US TO MISS THE REAL MEANING.
Men drive this verse toward women, when the verse probably should be non-gendered.
It is not just a CONTENTIOUS --- QUARRELSOME --- CRANKY --- NAGGING --- WOMAN!
THE REAL MEANING OF THIS VERSE IS A PERSON THAT IS:
CONTENTIOUS --- QUARRELSOME --- CRANKY --- NAGGING ---PERSON.
IS A PERSON THAT IS PUSHING AWAY THOSE THAT THEY LOVE BUILDING WISELY?
As Peterson in the Message words it: A NAGGING SPOUSE...
F. Let us catch what Solomon is trying to TEACH US.
G. Have we come to the point that we accept CONTENTIOUS SPIRITS AS A GIFT OF GOD? People are not ashamed of complaining, faultfinding, quarrelsome, cranky spirits.
THE CHURCH NEEDS TO CONFESS AND REPENT AS THIS IS NOT PLEASING TO GOD.
II. WE COME TO KNOWLEDGE AND WISDOM BY TWO PATHS:
1. INSTINCT
2. LEARNED BEHAVIOR.
A. INSTINCT:
The natural or inherent aptitude, impulse, or capacity.
A largely inheritable and unalterable tendency without a lot of work.
Behavior performed by reactions below the conscious level.
Non-taught behavioral patterns.
B. LEARNED:
To gain knowledge and understanding by skill of study, instruction, or experience.
MEMORIZE.
C. WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT NAGGING, NITPICKING, FAULTFINDING, ARGUMENTS BUILD GOOD RELATIONSHIPS?
D. WE ARE HABITUAL BEINGS:
HABIT:
A behavioral pattern acquired by frequent REPETITION.
A choice with regularity.
A manner of conducting self.
THE PREVAILING DISPOSITION OF THOUGHTS AND MAKEUP.
Settled tendency.
Manner of behavior.
E. CONTENTION:
A point advanced or maintained in a debate or argument.
Rivalry or competition.
To sow discord.
F. CONTENTIOUS:
Likely to cause contention.
Exhibiting an often perverse and wearisome tendency to quarrels and disputes.
Given to find fault, negative, objections.
To get ready to fight.
III. WE SELDOM RELEASE THE POWER OF WORDS. MANY OF US WILL SPEAK WORDS OF NEGATIVE FAULT-FINDING NATURES THAT WE WOULD NEVER WRITE DOWN ON PAPER?
A. AGAIN WE MUST RECEIVE THE REAL MESSAGE --- THIS IS NOT A GENDER PUT DOWN, THIS IS EXPRESSING AN HABITUAL ATTITUDE PROBLEM.
KJV
Proverbs 21:9 It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.
Proverbs 21:19 It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.
NIV
Proverbs 21:9 Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.
Proverbs 21:19 Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.
LB
Proverbs 21:9 It is better to live in the corner of an attic than with a crabby woman in a lovely home.
Proverbs 21:19 Better to live in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining woman.
MESSAGE
Proverbs 21:9 Better to live alone in a tumbledown shack than share a mansion with a nagging spouse.
Proverbs 21:19 Better to live in a tent in the wild than with a cross and petulant spouse.
B. PETULANT:
Insolent or rude in speech and behavior.
Quick to irritate
C. HAVE WE ALLOWED LIFE TO DRIVE US INTO HABITUAL BEHAVIOR THAT PUSHS OUR LOVED ONES AWAY??
Brawling, contentious, ANGRY, QUARRELSOME, ILL-TEMPERED, CRABBY, COMPLAINING, NAGGING, PETULANT, GRIPING PERSON.
IV. WE CAN GROW WHOLE FAMILIES OF CONTENTIOUS PEOPLE.
WE MUST REALIZE THAT TOLERANCE COMES INTO PLAY. WE EITHER WORK TO GET BETTER, OR WE BUILD A RESISTANCE AND GET WORSE.
A. WHY CAN’T WE AS GOD’S PEOPLE RECOGNIZE:
1. VALUE
2. PRICE
3. WORTH
B. Are you willing to pay the price and build families that are
constantly fighting and contentious.
C. HABITUAL BEHAVIOR...
1. GRIPING: belly ache, grief and wounded spirit --- irritate, VEX.
2. WHINNING: complaining, long drawn out sound like a dog ... complaining tone...
3. GRUMBLING: to be discontent, to be dissatisfied, GROUCH ...
4. MURMURERS: utter words in low, hard to hear sounds.
D. TOLERANCE:
The capacity of the body to build up and be less responsive to a substance or physiological insult that is often repeated.
WE CAN GROW WHOLE FAMILIES OF CONTENTIOUS PEOPLE.
BUILDING WOUNDERS OF THE HEART?
Job 2:11 Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this evil that was come upon him, they came every one from his own place; Eliphaz the Temanite,
and Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite: for they had made an appointment together to come to mourn with him and to comfort him.
V. IT IS POSSIBLE TO BUILD A WHOLE LIFE SO BENT TO CONTENTION THAT CONTENTION BECOMES AN ACCEPTABLE NORM, AND A PERSON LEAVES A TRAIL OF HURTING GOOD PEOPLE AND BRAGS ABOUT IT. YOUR ARE A PRISONER IN YOUR OWN PRISON?
A. FRIENDS OF A FEATHER STICK TOGETHER. Contentious people hang with contentious people. We must get away from focusing on the negative. Quit complaining, get up and do something positive. Does no one live up to what you expect? Listen to your friends?
Open the prison bars? Set yourself free?
BILDAD --- ELIPHAZ --- ZOPHAR --- WERE JOBS FRIENDS...
WHEN THEY SAW JOB SUFFERING THEY WERE SO HURT...
These 3 men sat 7 days and 7 nights before they opened their mouth.
WHEN THEIR MOUTHS OPENED THEY WERE:
CONTENTIOUS --- MEAN SPIRITED --- WOUNDERS OF THE SPIRIT AND HEART.
B. BILDAD: means: SON OF CONTENTION.
Bildad was called the Shuhite.
Shuhites came from the nation of Arabia.
Bildad was the 6th son of KETURAH and Abraham.
Remember after Sarah died Abraham took a new wife and had several children by her.
BILDAD AND HIS BROTHERS WERE KNOWN AS FUSSER, ARGUER, DEBATER, NAGGER AND LOVED TO DEBATE CONTROVERSIVAL SUBJECTS.
C. ABRAHAM HAD SEVERAL SONS BY KETURAH THAT WAS NOTED AS CONTENTIOUS.
Medan, the 3rd son of this couple was known as Mr. Contention. (Genesis 25:2)
D. BILDAD WAS ONE OF JOB’S THREE FRIENDS. BILDAD GIVES 3 FAMOUS SPEECHES UNDERCUTTING HIS GOOD FRIEND JOB.
JOB 8
JOB 18
JOB 25
E. Bildad was known for making 3 SPEECHES THAT HE MADE THAT WERE
1. MEAN-SPIIRITED.
2. VERY HARD and STERN in their content and tone.
3. Bildad could hide behind the fact he was not as mean as ZOPHAR.
Zorphar was the MEANEST of the three friends that scorched JOB.
BILDAD RAN A CLOSE SECOND.
4. ELIPHAZ WAS THE NICEST OF THE THREE.
E. ALL THREE BILDAD, ZORPHAR AND ELIPHAZ WERE CONTENTIOUS AND CRUEL TO JOB THEIR FREIND GOING THROUGH A TERRIBLE TEST.
There had to be some truth to these 3 contentious men BLASTING THEIR FRIEND. Their attitudes and hearts were not right.
VI. THERE IS A WEDGE THAT CONTENTION BUILDS.
THERE ARE GREAT BLESSINGS IN CONTENTMENT!
WHY SOW IN BARREN WASTE LANDS? NAGGING, GRIPPING, MEAN-SPIRITED,
I AM RIGHT AND YOU BETTER LISTEN TO ME ATTITUDES BREED SPIRITUAL SUICIDE AND PUSH THOSE THAT LOVE YOU FAR FROM YOU.
A. Whole families have FROZEN COMMUNICATION LINES.
I don’t like you --- I have a good reason not to like you! It is all your fault and not mine.
KJV
Genesis 37:4 And when his brethren saw that their father loved him more than all his brethren, they hated him, and could not speak peaceably unto him.
LB
Genesis 37:4 His brothers of course noticed their father’s partiality, and consequently hated Joseph; they couldn’t say a kind word to him.
NASB
Genesis 37:4 And his brothers saw that their father loved him more than all his brothers; and so they hated him and could not speak to him on friendly terms.
B. Joseph AND HIS WHOLE FAMILY had bad attitudes, his family was dysfunctional.
The contentious spirit had PUSHED LOVED ONES AWAY.
VII. MEAN TALK, CORRECTING OTHERS WITHOUT LOVE AND PRAYER, MEAN-SPIRITED JUDGMENT AND LONG NOSES PLACED WHERE THEY DON’T BELONG WILL ALWAYS GENDER STRIFE AND CONTENTION.
A. Aaron and Miriam had little respect for their GOD-CALLED BROTHER.
They carried a HIDDEN CONTENTION IN THEIR HEARTS FOR MANY YEARS.
One day the CONTENTION BURST OUT...
WHAT WAS THE ROOT OF MIRIAM AND AARON’S PROBLEM WITH MOSES? HIS WIFE?
Numbers 12:1 And Miriam and Aaron spake against Moses because of the Ethiopian woman whom he had married: for he had married an Ethiopian woman.
B. God hand picked Moses.
God did not call Miriam? He did not call Aaron to leadership? Why be mean and cruel now years after the fact? HEART ISSUES?
C. THERE WERE MANY OTHER UNRESOLVED ISSUES THAT MIRIAM AND AARON BUILT UP AGAINST THEIR BROTHER.
Yet God was not on their side of this issue!
D. WHY DO YOU NEED TO PICK ON MY SPECK WHEN YOU HAVE A LOG IN YOUR EYE?
Matthew 7:3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
E. MY DAD WOULD OFTEN SAY: HE WHO WOULD SCHOOL OTHERS:
OFTEN NEEDS SCHOOLING HIMSELF.
VIII. WITH A CONTENTIOUS SPIRIT YOU HAVE BUILT A BEAUTIFUL PRISON, AND YOU HAVE LOCKED MANY GOOD PEOPLE AWAY.
CONTENTIOUS SPIRITS AND ALWAYS CORRECTING OTHERS WITHOUT PRAYER AND UNDERSTANDING PUSHES PEOPLE AWAY --- AND WE BUILD
A PRISON THAT TRAPS US IN AND KEEPS OTHERS OUT.
Proverbs 18:19 A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city: and their contentions are like the bars of a castle.
A. So you are right. You win the argument? What did you win? How many TROPHIES DID BILDAD HAVE FOR WINNING ARGUMENTS AND THEN LOOSE HIS FRIEND?
B. DO WE SPECIALIZE IN INCESSANAT, ENDLESS PETTY POINTS? TALK, RAISED VOICES --- ANGERED SPIRITS AND NO ONE LEARNS OR CHANGES THEIR OPINIONS?
We have a Christian duty to get as far away from CONTENTIOUS SPIRITED PEOPLE AND TEACHERS AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN...
1 Tim. 6:6 But godliness with contentment is great gain.
7 For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out.
8 And having food and raiment let us be therewith content.
Titus 3:9 But avoid foolish questions, and genealogies, and contentions, and
strivings about the law; for they are unprofitable and vain.
C. WE CAN BECOME SPECIALIST IN DISAGREEING AND DISPUTING OVER MINOR USELESS QUARELS.
Unworthy, needless strife and contentious spirits hinder the LOVE OF THE HOLY SPIRIT.
CONCLUSION:
THE PRISON BARS ARE NOT METAL --- THE PRISON BARS ARE MENTAL.
WHY NOT HONESTLY EVALUATE:
THE CANCERS OF CONTENTION --- QUARRELSOME --- CRANKY --- NAGGING --- FAULT-FINDING --- MEAN-SPIRITED JUDGMENTALISM --- NITPICKING ---???
My Mom would go out under the apple tree and pick up what she called CULL APPLES... most will throw away cull apples...
MOM WOULD PEEL AND CUT AWAY THE BAD PART OF THE APPLE AND KEEP THE GOOD. She would cook the CULL apples. She would can them.
She would make APPLE JELLY... out of what most would have let rot.
Will we recognize we have developed BAD HABITS WITH
THE CANCERS OF CONTENTION --- QUARRELSOME --- CRANKY --- NAGGING --- FAULT-FINDING --- MEAN-SPIRITED JUDGMENTALISM --- NITPICKING ---???
Search for the problem and correct the underlying problem.
Quit GIVING COMPLAINTS AND START GIVING COMPLIMENTS
AND SEE HOW GOD CAN HELP YOU! You have a good life and a good family, enjoy the good and pray about the rest.
His servant, Wade Martin Hughes, Sr. Kyfingers@aol.com
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