Live Out Loud – Our MARRIAGE
Ephesians 5:22-33
Funny: A week before his wife turned 45, a husband asked what she wanted for her birthday. She said, “I’d like to be 10 again.” So on her birthday, he got her up fed her Pop Tarts and Coco Puffs, and whisked her off to of Six Flags where they rode the all the roller coasters and wild screaming rides gorging on theme park food. Six hours later she staggered out of the theme park w/ a splitting headache and an upturned stomach only to head across the street to Wet and Wild for (4) hours of water sliding and sun. Next he took her to see Shrek the Third in a crowded theater snacking on popcorn, candy, and soda. Then on the way home, he stopped by Chucky Cheese for a pizza, an animated concert, and a few video games. When the wife finally fell into bed that night, he said, “Do you feel like you ten again?” She groaned, “I was talking about my dress size!”
Trans: Last Sunday I offered you a quick and memorable outline of the Christian life according to Paul in his letter to the Ephesians – He says the Christian life is about KNOW-ing Christ, GROW-ing in Christ, and SHOW-ing Christ.
Last Sunday we began looking at what it means to SHOW Christ by discussing the call to imitate Him. Paul wrote, “Be imitators of Christ.” This is the Christians highest call. The question is how do we do this? Paul offers (5) areas where we can SHOW Jesus – in ministry, marriages, parenting, jobs, and spiritual warfare. Today, we’re going to focus on how husbands and wives.
Insert: Just this week, Outreach Magazine reported that only 52% of Americans say they believe the Bible is God’s authoritative Word. Of this group, only 36% say they believe people should live by Scripture; 45% say they operate by a mixture of God’s commands and their own inclinations and opinions; and 15% say they ignore God’s Word when and if it conflicts with their plans. 7/07, 24
Note: Why is this important? B/c when God’s Word states something we don’t like and our culture rejects and calls obsolete – we’re faced w/ a dilemma – will we believe God and obey His leadership trusting that He knows what He is doing.
Trans: Now this is a tough topic – especially for ladies. Let me assure after 100+ marriages this isn’t a popular teaching. I’ve had more than one women ask me to skip it. In fact, some of you are already antsy, while others have already tuned out. But listen carefully. Just b/c it isn’t popular doesn’t mean God is off His rocker. If you want to have a successful, healthy marriage, it is important to know God’s way of marriage.
I God’s Call to WIVE’S
Text: 22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
A The APPEAL to Submission v. 22a-23
Funny: A nervous bride was having trouble getting down the aisle during her rehearsal. The pastor took her to the side and gave her some advice. He said, “Tomorrow as you enter the church, you’re going to walk down the same aisle you’ve walk down every Sunday – focus on the aisle. When you get halfway down the aisle, focus on the altar. When you reach the altar, your groom Jim will be waiting for you. Remember – focus on the aisle, the altar, and then on Jim.” The next day the bride proceeded perfectly, but along the aisle people were shocked to her whispering to herself – I’ll altar Jim.
Trans: I’m not sure how successful she was at altering Jim, but Paul offers the key every wife needs if she hopes to influence her marriage to success – Submit.
Word: submit (hupotasso) used in vs. 21 – it means to relinquish one’s rights and to fall in line by willingly placing oneself under another’s authority and care. It is a military term of a soldier who comes under the authority of a superior officer and obeys his commands.
Note: The emphasis is on a wife who willingly makes herself subject to her husband’s authority and care – she falls in line under his love. It is a voluntary response to God’s will to give up one’s independent rights to her husband.
Insert: Let’s be clear. A Christian wife isn’t commanded to obey (hupakouo) her husband, as children are called to obey their parents and slaves their masters. Likewise, a husband isn’t to treat his wife as a servant or child, but as an equal. A wife isn’t a slave to be ordered around or who serves at her husband’s beck and call – she is a bride to be cherished, respected, and adored.
Trans: Nonetheless, a wife is to fall into line under God by falling into line under her husband who is to fall into line under God. Unfortunately, this doesn’t occur naturally, but supernaturally. Let me explain (Turn to Gen. 3:16)
Insert: After Eve was deceived and gave the fruit to Adam and he ate, their eyes were open to right and wrong and good and evil and they sinned. God then came over for a visit to find that His favorite tenants had started a new clothing line (Armani-leaf) and had eaten themselves out of house and home. Thus, He cursed the serpent, the woman, and the man. I want to look at Eve’s curse.
Verse: The Lord said to Eve, "I will increase your pain in labor when you give birth, and you will desire your husband’s authority, but he will rule over you." 3:16
Note: Before the fall, Eve lived under the authority and responsibility of Adam, but after the fall she was cursed w/ a desire for Adam’s position under God.
Word: desire (t’shuqa) Arabic root meaning to seek control over or to compel.
Note: The curse on Eve was that a woman’s desire from this time forth would be to usurp the place of man’s headship and that he would resist her desire and would try to keep her in her place under his rule.
Quote: W/ the fall and its curse came the distortion of woman’s proper submissiveness and man’s proper authority. This is where the battle of the sexes began and women’s liberation and male chauvinism started. MacArthur
Trans: Thus, it might not be a wife’s desire to fall in line under her husband’s love, but it is her spiritual calling under God and she is to submit – as to the Lord.
B The ATTITUDE of Submission v. 22b
Note: A wife is to submit to her husband’s leadership as she submits to God’s Spirit.
Note: Here is an important reality – a wife who refuses to submit to God’s call on her life to submit to her husband chooses to live in disobedience to His will. The marriage will suffer even if the husband loves as Jesus loves.
C The AMBITION of Submission v. 24
Note: Let me ask a question. Is there any area of your lives that you’re to w/hold from Christ? The ambition of the wife is to be identical to the response of every Christian to Christ – to be completely surrendered and united to the head.
Insert: But I think there is even a higher calling – a wife who submits to her husband as to the Lord follows in the footsteps of her Savior. A wife’s attitude should be the same as Jesus – who surrendered Himself to the will of the Father, humbled Himself, and gave His life for the forgiveness of sin.
Trans: When a Christian woman submits to God and to her husband, she experiences a release and fulfillment that can come no other way. The result will be an environment of intimacy, growth, and ministry partnership that will make a difference in her home and in the world.
II God’s Call to HUSBAND
Text: 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing w/ water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, w/out stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body.
A The SPLENDOR of Love v. 25a
Word: love (agapate) to unconditionally and continuously love sacrificially. Husbands are to love their wives as Jesus loves them – unconditionally and sacrificially.
Note: Love does whatever needs to be done and doesn’t consider the cost or keep a tab – whatever is needed it gives. It gives w/out looking for anything in return.
Note: It’s easy for a woman to fulfill her role when you’re fulfilling your role. She can come under your care when you genuinely show you care for her.
Quote: Let there be no mistake about it – while we cannot minimize the importance of a wife’s chaste and respectful attitude and gentle and quiet spirit as a catalyst for change, God’s priority in change is the husband. If the husband is a Christian and listens to the Word, the Lord places the welfare of the relationship squarely on his shoulders first. When he becomes “Christ” to her by sacrificially loving her unconditionally, she can more easily become “the church” to him. Anders
Note: In marriage, a husband submits to God by loving His wife as Christ loved the church. Thus, if a Christian man is unwilling to love His wife as Christ loved, then he chooses to live in disobedience to God’s will. So how is he to love?
B The SACRIFICE of Love v. 25b-27
Note: We find in this phrase not only the responsibility of loving, but also the measure of it – as Christ loved the church. Jesus loved us so much that He willingly gave His all, even his life, for our welfare.
Note: How did Jesus love? We spoke of this last week. He loved us to death – even death on a cross. Jesus laid down His life to give us life. In the same way, a husband is to lay down his life to give life to his bride.
C The SELFLESSNESS of Love v. 28
Note: What does it mean to love your wife as your own body? If it’s sick, he puts it in bed. If it is hungry, he feeds it. If it is thirsty, he gives it drink. If it is dirty, he cleans it. This is the essence of God’s call for men in caring for their wives. The issue here is to give attention to meeting needs, to being concerned to fill each issue w/ great eagerness, great speed and great devotion. Men are called to treat their wives w/ the same preoccupation they give to themselves.
Insert: Let me sum up the call of men w/ an excerpt from a wedding ceremony: God has called the husband to represent the Jesus by loving his wife unconditionally and sacrificially. To love means the husband must yield his desires and rights to his wife. He is to lay down his life that she might be found spotless, holy, and blameless. He is to be her salvation by surrendering his life that she might be highly esteemed and fulfilled. He serves not as her master, but as her savior, treating her w/ respect and dignity, and viewing her as his co-equal in life and ministry. The husband, like Jesus, has been called to lead his wife by serving her even unto death, to encourage her, uplift her, and protect her.
III God’s Call to COUPLES
Text: 31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Insert: A marriage is more than me and you (husband and wife); it is about us. Two people becoming one. If either person makes the marriage about themselves, then it will not work. Marriage is about two people working together to become US – it is two becoming ONE!
A One in FLESH v. 31
Note: To become one a couple has to do two things – leave and cleave.
Word: leave – to step away from a parent’s protection and influence – to cut ties.
Word: cleave (proskollao) to be glued or cemented together.
Note: Husbands and wives are to leave their parents support and influence and be cemented together – interdependent on one another and together dependent on God. In doing so, they become ONE spiritually, emotionally, economically, socially, intellectually, and finally physically – one flesh!
B One in FAITH v. 32
Note: Marriage is one of only three institutions established by God – marriage, salvation, and the church. All are pictures of God’s grace and desire for a relationship w/ His people. When a husband and wife obey and submit to the Father’s will, they not only experience a vibrant marriage, but their marriage serves as a beacon for Christ.
Note: When a wife submits she is a reflection of the way Jesus submitted to the Father and as a husband loves he is an example of how God loves us. Both husbands and wives are to be Jesus to one another and to the world.
CONCLUSION
Invite: Husbands and wives to come to the altar to pray for their marriage and family.
