Visitors to the forthcoming Calgary Stampede who are feeling extra frisky can now leave their wedding rings at the door. A local Calgary hotel is offering to let guests check in their wedding rings as they might their cars or their coats. Hotel Arts’ staff will even airbrush ring tan lines, so all the telltale signs of commitment vanish. "The stampede has a reputation for promiscuity, kissing and a little bit of infidelity," said Stephen Carter, an event planner who has been hired by the hotel to plan their corporate party tent during Calgary’s western-themed extravaganza. "That naturally led to the creation of a ring check." While eyebrows are being raised over the appropriateness of an ad campaign that appears to facilitate and condone cheating, the promotional video is receiving some attention on YouTube.(National Post: Published: Saturday, June 23, 2007).
Unfortunately this kind of pandering is not uncommon. From dating services reserved for married couples to communities that practice polygamy, like in Bountiful BC, a failure to live up to God’s standards of marriage are rampant.
Part of the problem is that men and women often have radically different expectations in marriage. Coming in with a rosy fog of blind optimism, unsaid and unconsidered expectations, often change to resentment, bitterness and too often lead to divorce, often at just the same rates for those who profess to be Christians and non-christians.
When the failure to implement the selfless submission of 1 Peter comes, everything breaks down. Relationships with family and friends are strained and often broken, finances are lost in arguing, and the name of Christ is tarnished.
No doubt in your wedding you exchanged vows with your spouse. Marriage vows traditionally include the notions of affection ("love, comfort, keep"), faithfulness ("forsaking all others"), unconditionality ("for richer or for poorer", "in sickness and in health"), and permanence ("as long as we both shall live", "until death do us part"). As grand as these are, the standards that God indicates goes well beyond. As difficult as the calling has been for wives in submission, the demand for Husbands goes far and above.
1 Peter 3:7 presents the Husbands Responsibility of A) Consideration, B) Chivalry, and C) COMPANIONSHIP
1 Peter 3:7 [7]Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. (ESV)
Likewise /In the same way refers again to the duty of submission (2:13, 18; 3:1).
We have seen this in three regards so far all for the same reason:
1 Peter 2:13 [13]Be subject for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether it be to the emperor as supreme, (ESV)
1 Peter 2:18 [18]Servants, be subject to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the unjust. (ESV)
1 Peter 3:1 [3:1]Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, (ESV)
This time it is the believing husband who submits to serve his wife.
Husbands obey that duty by adhering to three basic responsibilities in caring for their wives’ needs: A) consideration, B) chivalry, and C) companionship.
A) CONSIDERATION
1 Peter 3:7a live with your wives in an understanding way
Please turn to Eph. 5
In 1 Peter 3:7a, husbands are to live with their wives in an understanding way, which means they must be considerate. Understanding speaks of being sensitive and considering the wife’s deepest physical and emotional needs.
Illustration: Understanding Each Other
Someone has said:
A man is a person who, if a woman says, “Never mind, I’ll do it myself,” lets her.
A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, “Never mind, I’ll do it myself,” and he lets her, gets mad.
A man is a person who, if a woman says to him, “Never mind, I’ll do it myself,” and he lets her and she gets mad, says, “Now what are you mad about?
A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, “Never mind, I’ll do it myself,” and he lets her, and she gets mad, and he says, “Now what are you mad about?” says, “If you don’t know I’m not going to tell you.”
(Galaxie Software: 10,000 Sermon Illustrations. Biblical Studies Press, 2002)
Understanding our spouses often takes a lifetime of searching.
Well before we can figure out the intricies of our spouse, we must look to the standard, as men, of care:
What is the degree to which we are to love our wives?
Ephesians 5:25-28 [25]Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, [26]that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, [27]so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. [28]In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. (ESV)
Illustration: Reverse Reasoning
Often when couples meet for premarital counselling, they are entranced in a rosy fog of optimism. Blinded to the shortcomings, each sees only the other’s good points. But as the excitement of the new marriage wears off, they often drift to the opposite extreme and view these same traits as faults. Someone has called this “reverse reasoning,” giving the following examples:
She married him because he was ‘strong and masculine’
she divorced him because he was a very ‘dominating male.’
He married her because she was so ‘fragile and petite’
He divorced her because she was so ‘weak and helpless.’
She chose him because ‘he knew how to provide a good living’
She left him because ‘all he thought about was the business.’
He married her because she was ‘steady and sensible’
He divorced her because she was ‘boring and dull.’
(- H.G.B.Our Daily Bread, June 3)
In 1 Peter 3:7 The word translated live (sunoikountes) means “dwelling together” and refers to living with someone in intimacy and cherishing them. Believing husbands must constantly nourish and cherish their wives in the bond of intimacy:
Proverbs 5:18-19 [18]Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth,[19]a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.
1 Corinthians 7:3-5 [3]The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. [4]For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. [5]Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (ESV)
Illustration: Needs Are Different
Perhaps our understanding for marriage is to give our spouse what we feel is best.
Dr. Willard Harley, a Massachusetts psychologist, surveyed the perceived basic needs of men and women in marriage and found that the perceived needs are completely different. According to Dr. Harley’s survey,
The top five basic needs of the female in marriage are:
1. Affection
2. Communication
3. Openness/Honesty
4. Financial Support
5. Family Commitment
The male’s top five basic needs are:
1. Sexual Fulfillment
2. Recreational Companionship
3. An Attractive Wife
4. Domestic Support
5. Admiration
Looking at both lists, it becomes obvious that if we give our spouses in relation to our perceived needs, hoping to receive the same in return, we will miss the mark every time. Therefore, instead of giving in relation to what we need, we must strive to give what our spouses need.
From Bad Beginnings to Happy Endings, by Ed Young (Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publ., 1994), pp. 120-121.
Husbands obey that duty by adhering to the responsibility in caring for their wives’ needs in terms of: A) consideration,
B) CHIVALRY
1 Peter 3:7c the woman as the weaker vessel
A believing husband should also be chivalrous to his wife, realizing she is as some translations render: someone weaker, since she is a woman. Just as submission does not imply inherent inferiority for the ones who submit (see the discussion of verse 1 of this passage), so the word weaker does not mean the wife is intrinsically weaker in character or intellect than her husband. The word (rendered “weaker vessel” by the King James and New King James translators) also does not mean that women are spiritually inferior to men (cf. Gal. 3:28).
I have repeatedly mentioned this verse over the past weeks, but it must be front and center in understanding God’s regard to women in their worth before Him.
Galatians 3:28 [28]There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. (ESV)
The Word Vessel refers to the physical body. Therefore, women generally possess less physical strength than men. With that in mind, Christian husbands are the sacrificial providers and protectors of their wives (cf. 1 Sam. 1:4–5; Eph. 5:23, 25–26; Col. 3:19; 1 Tim. 5:8), whether or not the wives are believers.
Colossians 3:19 [19]Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. (ESV)
For Husbands, we see A) consideration, B) chivalry, and finally:
C) COMPANIONSHIP
1 Peter 3:7b showing honor/respect to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. (ESV)
This should be what is looked for in a prospective mate and what parents should train boys to do: honour/respect women.
-What do you say of your wife when you are at work or with the guys.
-Is she the but of Jokes, or do you praise her?
The husband is to be a companion for his wife since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, which refers not to eternal life, but to the true and intimate friendship that belongs only to those who are possessors of God’s most blessed gift in this life—marriage.
Peter labels marriage the grace of life because grace (charis) means “unmerited, undeserved favour” (cf. Rom. 1:5; 3:24; 5:15, 17; 12:3; 15:15; 2 Cor. 8:1; 9:8; Gal. 2:9; Eph. 2:7; 3:2, 7; 4:7; 4:29; 2 Tim. 1:9; Heb. 4:16; James 4:6). Marriage is a divine providence given to mankind regardless of his attitude toward the Giver. Intimate companionship in marriage, the richest blessing of this life, was a foreign concept to the Greco-Roman culture of Peter’s day. Husbands were generally uninterested in friendship with their wives, expecting them to merely maintain the household and bear children. In contrast, the Christian husband is to cultivate all the richness God designed into the grace of marriage by showing honor to his wife in loving consideration, chivalry, and companionship.
So that his prayers may/will not be hindered is the reward God promises to the loving, caring husband (cf. Ps. 66:18; Isa. 59:2; John 9:31; James 4:3).
Psalm 66:18 [18]If I had cherished iniquity in my heart, the Lord would not have listened.
Isaiah 59:2 [2]but your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God,and your sins have hidden his face from you so that he does not hear.
John 9:31 [31]We know that God does not listen to sinners, but if anyone is a worshiper of God and does his will, God listens to him. (ESV)
James 4:3 [3]You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. (ESV)
The warning is clearly given that if a husband in Christ is not fulfilling his responsibilities toward his wife, God may not answer his prayers. No more serious divine threat could be given to a believer than that—the interruption of all the promises of prayers heard and answered (cf. John 14:13–14).
The key to having a positive witness to an unsaved spouse is living an exemplary Christian life as a faithful, submissive spouse. That obedience pleases God and provides the testimony that honours Jesus Christ before the unsaved partner.
Illustration: A Better Plan
When in college Robert J , Morgan came across a poem written by a teenage girl looking for a husband. It was written as a prayer, and this is what she said:
Dear God, I pray all unafraid / As girls are wont to be
I do not want a handsome man / But make him, Lord, like Thee.
I do not need one big and strong / nor yet so very tall,
Nor need he be some genius / or wealthy, Lord, at all;
But let his head be high, dear God, / and let his eye be clear,
His shoulders straight, whate’er his fate / whate’er his earthly sphere.
And let his face have character, / a ruggedness of soul,
And let his whole life show, dear God, / a singleness of goal.
And when he comes / as he will come
With quiet eyes aglow / I’ll know, dear Lord,
That he’s the man / I prayed for long ago.
That girl’s name was Ruth Bell, and she later met and married—Billy Graham.
She died recently. Her life had a profound effect on one who so faithfully supported Billy Graham.
Robert J , Morgan found her poem while a college student, shy and wondering if I would ever find anyone to marry. So following her example he wrote a prayer to the Lord as a request for a life partner. It said:
I stumble, Lord, when I should think / Of finding one for me.
But to Thy throne I come to claim / That prudent wife from Thee.
She need not be a beauty, Lord, / The queen crowned at the fair;
Nor need she have a made-up face / Beneath embellished hair.
But let her eyes contain Thy strength, / Her smile announce Thy grace;
Her body kept within Thy realm, / Thy sheen upon her face.
Lord, give her hands that make each day / An innovative art,
And grant her feet to always serve / The progress of Thy heart.
She need not be a scholar, Lord, / But warm like Thee, and wise;
And with Thy wit, Thy word prepared / To teach and empathize.
And when the throbs of life shall come, / The trials that we shall see,
May she both find in Thee her peace / And be a strength to me.
So as I wait on Thee, dear Lord, / And in Thy dictates lean
Make me to be your man, and hers / And her to be my queen
(Morgan, Robert J.: Nelson’s Complete Book of Stories, Illustrations, and Quotes. electronic ed. Nashville : Thomas Nelson Publishers, 2000, S. 540)
