Want a Better Husband? Be a Better Wife!
1 Peter 3:1-7
Sermon by Rick Crandall - June 10, 2007
*Brian Mavis asks couples, “Do you remember the first time you knew there was chemistry? You thought ‘Oooo - I like this person. . .’
*Do you remember when you knew you were in love? When you knew you wanted to spend the rest of your life with that person? You were a team, a good one. You made a commitment to become one forever.
*But then do you remember when that person hurt you deeply? You made up and it was a good make up . . . But then more disappointments, more hurts, expectations not being met.
*You are not alone. Every marriage sees conflict. Every marriage is a journey of highs and lows.” (1)
*Being married can be hard for lots of reasons. For one thing, we all have our own set of likes and dislikes. As E.J. Graff said, “Marriage is when you agree to spend the rest of your life sleeping in a room that’s too hot. . . right beside someone sleeping in a room that’s too cold. (2)
*Sometimes marriage is hard because sometimes we are stubborn and selfish. On top of that, the devil hates marriage and constantly tries to rip us apart. And life holds challenges that can hit us like a tidal wave.
*Marriage can be hard, but it can also be heavenly. We know this because the whole idea of marriage came from heaven. And we can have a heavenly marriage, if we follow God’s plan.
*Ladies, do you want a better husband? Be a better wife. God’s Word shows you how.
1. First of all, support him with Biblical submission. Support your husband with Biblical submission. As vs. 1 says, “Likewise you wives, be submissive to your own husbands. . .”
*This does not mean that a wife should submit herself to be abused by her husband, or to do anything wrong for her husband. I appreciate what Pastor Tony Miano said about abuse:
-“One of the most dangerous and volatile calls I ever answered as a deputy sheriff involved domestic disputes. Very rarely would we go to such a call where it was the first incident of its kind in the home.
By the time we were called to the house, the abuse had been going on for months, maybe even years. I met more than one Christian woman who found herself in such desperate circumstances. I’ve also been told by some of these women that the counsel they received was that they should stay in the house and try to work things out. People in the church told them that unless there was infidelity in the marriage, they couldn’t leave.
*When I heard this, I would give the woman my own piece of advice. First, I told them to get out of the house. Then I told them to find another church.”
*And Tony says: “If you are here today and living in a situation where you are being abused, you must leave immediately and find safe shelter.
-Should you try to reconcile with your husband? Certainly. But do so in such a way, under such conditions, that you will be safe.” (3)
*What is God telling a wife to do when He says, be submissive to your husband? Submit to his leadership. Voluntarily choose to put yourself under his authority.
*This is not a popular message in 21st Century America. One reason why is because women have historically been treated as second-class citizens in our society. If you don’t believe me, just think about when American women got the right to vote. Do you know when it was? The same year that my daddy was born: 1920. That’s surprising isn’t it? (4)
*And how many women have been sexually harassed on the job. Two women in my family certainly have been. We’d be shocked to see a show of hands this morning. Under these circumstances, it’s easy to see why some women are skeptical about this part of God’s Word.
*But you must know that Jesus Christ has done more to help the cause of women than anyone else in the history of the world. And women are generally treated far better in Christian societies than anywhere else in the world. Right now, women are not even allowed to drive in Saudi Arabia. And the Koran specifically allows husbands to beat their wives.
*On the other hand, the Bible tells husbands to treat you as a precious treasure, and to love you just like Jesus loves the church. But God does tell you to submit to your husband. Voluntarily choose to yield to him.
*As Jonathan McLeod points out: “It is not the husband’s job to make his wife submit.” (5) Did you hear that men? It is not your job to make your wife submit.
*Ladies, the Lord wants you to voluntarily put yourself under your husband’s authority. And the problem is that we don’t like to submit. I had a huge problem with that when I was growing up. I didn’t want anybody telling me what to do!
*But God calls all Christians to submission. It’s not just for wives. In fact, submission is one of the main themes of Peter’s letter:
-In 1 Peter 2:13,
“Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake. . .”
-In 1 Peter 2:18
“Servants, be submissive to your masters with all fear, not only to the good and gentle, but also to the harsh.”
-In 1 Peter 3:1
“Wives, be submissive to your own husbands. . .”
-In 1 Peter 5:5,
“Younger people, submit yourselves to your elders.”
-And again in 1 Peter 5:5,
“All of you be submissive to one another. . .”
*Five times he tells believers to submit. Submit to the law. Submit to your boss. Wife submit to your husband. Young people submit to your elders. All believers submit to each other. Even Jesus submits Himself to our Heavenly Father, so it is a most proper thing to do. (1 Corin 15:28)
*Usually, when we consider wives submitting, we think, “Well it’s not too hard, if the husbands act the way they should." And of course that’s true. But notice that’s not what Peter is talking about here. In vs. 1, he’s talking about husbands who aren’t believers, husbands who don’t obey the Word of God. “Do not obey” is strong in that verse. It means a husband who deliberately sets himself against the truth. But Jesus calls us to go the second mile. And that’s what Christian wives are called to do here.
*Again this does not mean a wife should allow herself to be abused by her husband, or to do anything wrong for her husband. But God does call wives to submit to their husband. Every army needs a general. Every team needs a captain. And every family needs a leader.
*Now, since this is God’s plan for marriage, He gave men a built in need for respect. Men respond to respect. So, one of the worst things a wife can do is to berate or put down her husband.
*Early church leader, John Chrysostom put it this way 1,600 years ago, but this sounds like it could have been written yesterday. Chrysostom said:
-“A wife should never nag her husband [like this]: ‘You lazy coward, you have no ambition! Look at our relatives and neighbors; they have plenty of money. Their wives have far more than I do.’ Let no wife say any such thing.” (6)
*Verbal put-downs from a wife are poison to a husband’s heart. On the other hand, one of the best things a wife can do is to find ways to give your husband respect. Brian Mavis put it this way:
-“Be your husband’s biggest fan. If your friends only knew your husband by what you said about him, what would they think?
-Your husband has deep needs to be admired. He wants to know if you value him, if you respect what he does, if you are proud of him. This has nothing to do with a weak ego; even God asks to be admired. Rather, admiration is a God-given way to give and receive love.
-Conversely, negatives hurt deeply. Marriage experts have concluded that negative comments are the most predictable cause for divorce. Negative comments have even far more power than positive comments. For example, imagine you were to give a speech to 200 people. And you got 199 positive responses and one negative response. Which one would you dwell on?
-It takes your husband many, many positive statements to recover from one of your negative ones. Find ways to express how much you value him. Be sensitive to the times and situations when your spouse needs your admiration most. Your husband needs your compliments, he needs your good words, he needs your applause. . .” (1)
*Of course, we won’t always deserve it. As Marlo Thomas once said about her husband, Phil Donahue, “I’ve got the greatest husband in the world . . . and he’s nothing to write home about.” (7)
*Sometimes we’re nothing to write home about. Ladies, we need all the help we can get! So as a Godly act of grace, respect your husband. Give him more respect than he deserves. Serve the Lord by submitting to your husband.
*Sarah gives us a great example in vs. 5&6, “For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.”
*Sarah obeyed Abraham. As the Amplified Bible says in vs. 6, “Sarah obeyed Abraham [following his guidance and acknowledging his headship over her by] calling him lord (master, leader, authority). . .”
*She followed his guidance, and that took a lot of faith, especially when God called Abraham to leave his family and home, not knowing where he was going -- just knowing that God would lead the way. What a blessing Sarah was to Abraham!
*When I was dating Mary 33 years ago, I remember sitting on the steps of her apartment behind the bowling alley. And she said, “Wherever you go, I will go with you.”
*I didn’t begin to realize it at the time, but that was a life-changing, eternity-changing example of Biblical submission. That one sentence of commitment set us on the road to where we are today. And I am an infinitely better man because of my wife’s voluntary, grace-filled submission to me.
2. If you want a better husband, support him with Biblical submission. And give him the example of an excellent life.
*Give your husband an example of Godly living, the example of an excellent life. It’s the kind of life Peter talked about in vs. 1&2:
1. Likewise you wives, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives,
2. when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear [or Godly reverence or respect].”
*The KJV says “conversation” instead of “conduct” in vs. 1&2, but at the time the KJV was written, “conversation” meant a whole lot more than speaking. It meant your conduct, behavior or lifestyle. So God calls wives to a lifestyle that is chaste (modest, holy and pure), a beautiful life. The kind of beautiful life Peter talked about in vs. 3-5, when he said:
3. Do not let your beauty be that outward adorning of arranging the hair, of wearing gold, or of putting on fine apparel;
4. but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible ornament of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.
5. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands,
*God’s priority for your life is internal beauty. Vs. 3&4 don’t forbid fixing your hair or wearing make-up or jewelry. They just put the focus where it needs to be: on the inward beauty of the heart. God wants you to look at your life the way He looks at you. Be beautiful on the inside with purity, reverence, faith, and gentle, quiet strength.
*God cares infinitely more about internal beauty than external beauty. And notice that internal beauty is eternal beauty. Vs. 4 says that this kind of beauty is “incorruptible” or “unfading.” But all outward beauty in this world fades away. There are no exceptions.
*Ladies’ Home Journal reported that in 2002, Americans spent almost 39 billion dollars on anti-aging medicine, and more than 6 billion dollars on plastic surgery. (8)
*Well, it’s O.K. to try and take care of yourself -- But time and gravity will always take their toll. All outward beauty fades away in this world. There are no exceptions. That’s why God’s plan for wives is inward beauty: The kind of beauty that will never fade away, the kind of beauty that will give you an excellent life.
3. If you want a better husband, give him the example of an excellent life. And remember the priority of reaching.
*Christians, we are in this world to reach people with the Gospel of Jesus Christ! That certainly includes the people in our home. Peter reminded us of this in vs. 1&2, when he said, “Wives, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear [or Godly reverence or respect].”
*God wants us to win people over to Jesus Christ! But some people are hard cases. For example, some of the most faithful people in our church are wives whose husbands never darken the door. What’s a wife to do? God’s Word says to try to win them over with that beautiful life we just discussed.
*This does not mean that you never witness to Him. Of course God wants you to share your faith with your husband. But what if he’s not willing to listen? And will he be willing to listen if your life doesn’t line up with what you say? You must win them over with your Christian love and lifestyle.
*Live a life which proves that Jesus Christ is Lord God Almighty, that He loves us, that He died on the cross for us and rose from the dead. Live a life which proves that Jesus is your personal Savior and Lord, that you know Him, and that He will save them, if they put their trust in Him. Win him over to Christ with a worthy life.
*Let me take you back to those apartment steps behind the bowling alley 33 years ago, and the commitment Mary made to Godly submission: “Wherever you go, I will go with you.” That commitment was a major milestone on the road to my salvation. There was almost a direct line between that day on the steps, the day of our marriage, and the day of my salvation.
*God surely used her life to help lead me to the Lord. And I am still becoming a better man because of my wife’s grace-filled submission to me.
Conclusion:
*Do you want a better husband? Be a better wife.
1. Adapted from SermonCentral sermon “Enjoying the Traits of our Mates” by Brian Mavis - Eph 5:25
2. Quote found on sermonillustrations.com - Topic: Marriage
3. Adapted from SermonCentral sermon “How to Be an Effective Witness at Home” by Tony Miano 1 Peter 3:1-12
4. Encyclopedia Article from Encarta - “The Right to Vote”
5. SermonCentral sermon “Being Submissive in Days of Rebellion” by Jonathan McLeod 1 Peter 2:13-3:12
6. “A QUIET REVOLUTION” - Sermon by Rev. David Holwick - First Baptist Church, Ledgewood, New Jersey - July 6, 1997 (SOURCE: Discipleship Journal, #89 - TITLE: How Should Husbands Love Their Wives? - AUTHOR: John Chrysostom (C. 347-407) - PAGE: 118 - DATE: 9/1/95)
7. Found in christianglobe.com sermon “The World’s Only Perfect Husband” by King Duncan - John 17: 11b-19 (Guidebook for a Successful Family, Chapter 4)
8. ("Forever Young?" by Sharlene K. Johnson, Ladies’ Home Journal, December 2003, p.146.) Found in Dynamic Preaching sermon “Needed: A Radiator Cap Solution” by King Duncan - Phil 2:6-11 - April, 2004
