Want a Better Wife? - Be a Better Husband!
Ephesians 5:25-33
Sermon by Rick Crandall
McClendon Baptist church - June 3, 2007
*I know at least one husband who said he wasn’t coming today, because he didn’t want to get preached to about being a better husband. Men I am not here to beat up on you this morning. I am here to show you the possibilities. We can be better husbands. We can make a positive difference that will span the generations until the Lord returns.
*I also want you to know that I am preaching to myself just as much as I am preaching to you. When we got married 32 years ago, my middle name was “Clueless.” My first name was “Clueless” too! But over the years and especially over the last few years, I have learned how to be a better husband. And God’s not through with me yet! So do you want a better wife? Be a better husband. God’s Word will show us how.
1. First, love her like the Lord loves us.
*God clearly tells us to do this in vs. 25, where His Word says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it.” But how does the Lord love the church? How does He love us?
1-Jesus’ love is unselfish.
*There is so much selfishness in the world today. Last month a billboard in Chicago caught national attention. The ad showed a scantily dressed woman’s torso on one side and the abs and chest of a superiorly fit male on the other side. The two photos were divided by the billboard’s main message, "Life’s Short. Get A Divorce."
*Corri Fetman and Kelly Garland are the divorce attorneys who placed the ad. Thankfully, there was an uproar from the community, and the ad came down after a week, but only because of a technicality. And the two lawyers reported a big boost in their business. (1)
*There is so much selfishness in the world today, but that’s nothing new. Three hundred and fifty years ago, Samuel Butler was writing about a married couple he knew and said: “It was very good of God to let Carlyle and Mrs. Carlyle marry one another. And so make only two people miserable instead of four.” (2)
*Our selfishness breeds misery all around us. And sooner or later, we will suffer the consequences too. Can you imagine Jesus being selfish? Never! Jesus always acted in the best interest of others, and that is how He wants you to treat your wife.
2-The Lord’s love is unselfish and unconditional.
*We would be in terrible shape if we had to earn the Lord’s love, because not one of us could ever deserve it, but Jesus loves us anyway. And we must have the same kind of love for our wives. They are not perfect. Of course neither are we.
*As Aaron Burgess said, “Sometimes marriage is a pleasure. Sometimes it’s a duty.” Sometimes marriage is fireworks at Magic Kingdom in Disney World. Sometimes it’s a sparkler in the back yard. Some days your wife will be Cinderella. Some days she will be the wicked step-mother, but that’s O.K. because you aren’t always Prince Charming either. (3)
-Our job is to love our wives on the bad days as well as the good.
3-The Lord’s love is unconditional. Then it is patient, kind and gentle.
*Pastor Jerry Shirley once said, “These are stressful times in which we live. And almost everyday you hear about another home where the string has snapped.
*For example: did you know that an act of domestic violence is committed every 15 seconds in America? Scary, isn’t it? In one fourth of all marriages, violence occurs at least occasionally. . .” (4)
*Physical violence against your wife should be unthinkable, but some men beat their wives down with their words. Let me ask you, has the Lord ever treated you that way? Of course not and He never will.
*We need to love our wives with the same kind of agape love that Jesus has for us. 1 Corin 13:4-5 described it this way in the New Living Translation: “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged.”
*Watch what you say men. Some things just don’t have to be said.
*Years ago, if Mary cooked something I didn’t like, I thought it was my duty to tell her about it, like I was grading her cooking or something. Not a good idea.
-These day I don’t like everything she cooks. But I find something that I like a lot, and keep my mouth shut about the rest.
*It used to be the same way when we argued years ago. If I could get that one little piece of right on my side, I would pound her with it until she couldn’t take it anymore. I have learned better over the years. Of course that bucket of mop water she threw on me one time helped. Thank the Lord it was clean! She had just started to mop. Watch what you say men.
*Ogden Nash put it this way:
-"To keep your marriage brimming
-With love in the loving cup
-Whenever you’re wrong, admit it.
-Whenever you’re right, shut up!" (5)
*In Eph 4:29, God’s Word says, “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.”
4-The Lord’s love is patient, kind and gentle. And it is fully committed.
*Mary Lewis told about a young man who told his girlfriend, “I’d climb the highest mountain for you. I’d swim the deepest ocean. I’d give my very life for you.”
*She answered, “Oh, honey, that’s so wonderful. But what I really need is for you to help me clean up the garage on Saturday.”
*And he said, “Are you kidding? Now you’re trying to take advantage of me!” (6)
*I guess that young man didn’t love her as much as he thought he did. But Jesus is fully committed to us. And He wants you to commit to a lifetime of love for your wife.
5-The Lord’s love is fully committed, and it is faithful.
*Denn Guptill says, “Listen to the words of a Minister who ended up with a ruined marriage and a ruined ministry after a one night stand:
-‘Adultery isn’t something that happens with the act. It happens months beforehand. It’s an attitude. You disconnect yourself from the person you’ve said you’re spending the rest of your life with.’” (7)
*Can you imagine Jesus being unfaithful to His church? Never! And He calls us to be ever faithful to our wives.
6-The Lord’s love is faithful, and it is forgiving.
*Of course forgiveness must be a two-way street, because we all need forgiveness and we all need to forgive. As Paul said in Eph 4:31-32, “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you.”
7-The Lord’s love is forgiving, even sacrificial.
*Jesus paid the highest price. He gave His life on the Cross for us, and God wants us to have that same kind of sacrificial love for our wives.
*I am always blessed when I get to counsel with couples before they get married. It’s one of the things that has helped me be a better husband.
-One time I asked a man out of the blue, “Do you love her?”
-Without hesitation, he said, “I love her so much I would take a bullet for her.”
*Now you will never see that on a card at Wal-Mart, but God wants us to have that kind of love for our wives, because He has that kind of love for us.
2. Want a better wife? Love her like the Lord loves us, and treat her as a treasure.
*In vs. 25-27, we see the Lord treating the church in a wonderful way. Jesus “gave Himself for it, that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that He might present it to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish.”
*Then in vs. 28-29, God tells us to treat our wives the same way, “So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.” Nourish there is the idea of providing for your wife and protecting her. Cherishing her involves tender love and care. Treating her like a treasure, because she is a treasure from God.
*Almost all women will respond in a positive way when you treat her like a treasure. And you don’t have to spend a treasure to do it.
*I have had a couple of eureka moments on this over the years. Once I happened to be waiting in the Glenwood Medical Mall, when flowers were delivered to one of the ladies at the reception area. Immediately, all of the other ladies there gathered around her and started “oohing & aahing” with great delight. They were thrilled that someone cared enough to send those flowers. It was a small gift, but it made a big impact.
*The week before Mother’s Day this year, I went into one of those nail salons to get a gift certificate for Mary. I could hardly breathe in that place! (I don’t know how anybody stays in one of those places more than five minutes.) And I am sure I looked like this confused old guy who didn’t have a clue what he was doing. But there was a late-30’s lady waiting in the front, and when she realized that I was there to buy a present for my wife, her face lit up with approval, and she told me what a good thing I was doing. It was obvious she thought I was hitting a home-run. And I guess I did. But really it was a small thing.
*Yes you can treat your wife like a treasure. And it will almost always make a big difference in your marriage. Dr. Tony Campolo is the preacher, teacher, author and counselor who once wrote, “I challenge those who come to me for marriage counseling this way: ‘If you do what I tell you to do for an entire month, I can promise you that by the end of the month, you will be in love with your mate. Are you willing to give it a try?’
*When couples accept my challenge, the results are invariably successful. My prescription for creating love is simple: do ten things each day that you would do if you really were in love.
-I know that if people do loving things, it will not be long before they experience the feelings that are often identified as being in love. Love is not those feelings. Love is what one wills to do to make the other person happy and fulfilled. Often, we don’t realize that what a person does influences what he feels. (8)
*Treat your wife like a treasure, and she will be a treasure to you.
3. Want a better wife? Treat her as a treasure, and get help from God.
*You can never fully be the husband God wants you to be without His help, but Christians, God will give you the help you need. So the question is:
-Do you really know Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord?
-Have you trusted in His death on the Cross to pay the price for your sins?
-Do you believe that He rose from the dead?
-Have you opened your heart to Him?
*When you receive Jesus, vs. 30 applies to you, where Paul said, “We are members (or parts) of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.”
-Now just think about that for a moment. Christians, we are literally part of the spiritual body of Jesus Christ. So God eagerly wants to be involved in your life. He has a huge interest in helping you grow stronger as husband and wife. And He will give you the help you need.
*Lionel Whitston gave this advice:
-Broken marriages begin to mend and communication is reestablished when one of the partners is willing to make a breakthrough and say, "Lord, begin with me. I am the one who needs to change, to love more deeply and more wisely."
-Even if you think your spouse is 100% wrong, when you stand in the presence of Christ you will begin to see that you, too, have shortcomings.
-You will discern where you have failed to accept responsibility for the marital relationship, and you will be able to say, "God, change me. . ." (9)
*I have prayed Eph 5:25 hundreds of times, “Lord, help me to love my wife as you love the church and gave Yourself for it.” God is answering that prayer. And He is teaching me how to be a better husband.
*There have been times in the past when our marriage went through serious problems. Mostly my fault, of course, but every time God turned it around. Now our marriage just keeps getting stronger, because God is helping me to be a better husband. And He will help you too. God wants to give you a love that lasts a lifetime and grows stronger every day.
*J. Harold Smith was a wonderful preacher who served the Lord for many years in Arkansas. Many thousands were saved through his ministry, and over 900 men surrendered to preach.
*J. Harold first saw his future wife, Myrtice, when she was just a little girl coming to his uncle’s store. He looked out the window and said, “Who’s that girl, the little one?”
-His friend said, “That’s the girl from the family that moved down the road from y’all.”
-J. Harold said, “I’m gonna marry that girl.”
*By the fifth grade they were sweethearts, and every day after school they walked home together. One day the teacher said, “J. Harold, when school is out [tomorrow] I want you to come and dust my erasers out for me.”
-He told Myrtice, “I don’t know what I’m going to do. I can’t walk home with you. I’ve gotta stay and dust these erasers for the teacher.”
*The next day Myrtice wrote in a little letter, “J. Harold, I will walk real slow.”
-He quickly dusted off those erasers and walked as fast as he could to catch up with Myrtice.
*After they grew up and were married, they spent decades together, serving the Lord as a team. And as he sat by her bedside, shortly before she went home to be with the Lord, she said, “J. Harold, I’m going real soon.”
-He said, “No, Myrtice, no, no, no.”
-She said, “Now J. Harold, I’m sicker than you think I am.”
*Then she said, “You remember the letter I wrote you? You know, the one in the fifth grade.” When he realized the letter she was talking about, she looked at him and said, “J. Harold, I’m going soon, but I’ll walk real slow.” (10)
Conclusion:
*That is the kind of marriage God wants to give you.
-Looking backing at the past with the fondest of memories.
-Living in the present with your love growing stronger every day.
-And looking forward to the future with strong faith in the Lord.
1. In Other Words - May2007_2 - (Beaumont Enterprise, 5/10/7, p. 8B) (IN OTHER WORDS... began in 1991 and is produced by Dr. Raymond McHenry, Senior Pastor of the Westgate Memorial Baptist Church in Beaumont, Texas. 6130 Barrington ~ Beaumont, Texas 77706 (800) 553-4697 www.iows.net)
2. Samuel Butler, of Thomas Carlyle, in the Book of Insults, Ancient and Modern, by Nancy McPhee. (Found at sermonillustrations.com - Topic: Marriage)
3. Quote from and idea based on SermonCentral sermon “Three Essentials for a Happy Marriage” by Aaron Burgess - Eph 5:1-2
4. SermonCentral sermon “Relieve Stress and Tension in Home” by Jerry Shirley - Prov 15:13-25
5. Found at sermonillustrations.com - Topic: Marriage
6. SermonCentral sermon “A Love to Die For” by Mary Lewis - Rom 5:6-8
7. SermonCentral illustration contributed by Denn Guptill
8. Dr. Anthony Campolo, in Homemade, June, 1988. (Found at sermonillustrations.com - Topic: Marriage)
9. Lionel Whitston, in Homemade, April, 1990. (Found at sermonillustrations.com - Topic: Marriage)
10. Adapted from: BAPTISTS WE SHOULD KNOW: J. Harold Smith - By DR. MARK RASMUSSEN
