Hey everyone. Happy Mother’s Day to all the mom’s today. Hopefully, you have made a call or done something today to honor the women in your life. At the end of the service on the way out we have something we want to give to all the women here today. Whether you are a mom or not. So if you are a woman, and you know who you are, we have something at the doors on the way out.
This morning, we are continuing our series on the book of James, and today we are going to look at a well known passage which deals with the tongue. I was asked by a couple this week, are we talking about the tongue because it is Mother’s day? Before I could answer, the man said, “Well women do talk more than men.” And then he looked at me and said, “Right.” Now I am smarter than that. If he wants to build his own coffin, I’m not giving him any nails. But the answer is no, we aren’t talking about the tongue today because it is mother’s day, we are going through James and it just fell on this day.
Why don’t we pray as we move on this morning.
• Thanks for moms
• Pray for them as moms
• Those who have lost a mom (1st mother’s day without her)
Think back to when you were growing up, you are on a long trip and what game do your parents tell you to play? One of the games might be the quiet game. The game goes like this, in case you had a deprived childhood and don’t know about this cool game with no prizes and lame rules. You sit in silence, and the last person to talk wins. This is one of those things that I didn’t understand the greatness of until being a parent. Growing up I thought, why is it cool to sit here and not say anything?
But there is some truth and good things that can come from being silent as we will see today.
Henri Nouwen, in his book The Way of the Heart writes, "Recently I was driving through Los Angeles, and suddenly had the strange sensation of driving through a huge dictionary. Wherever I looked there were words trying to take my eyes from the road. They said, ‘Use me, take me, buy me, drink me, smell me, touch me, kiss me, sleep with me.’ In such a world who can maintain respect for words?"
Many of us know the power of words that are spoken to us, but often we don’t realize the power of our words spoken to others. Words are powerful, they can harm, they can build up. As a child when you are insulted we would say, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but what? But words will never hurt me.” That is a nice slogan, but words kill, words can break us. Words can stick with us, good or bad, for years.
I can still remember when I played soccer in my first college soccer game and my dad drove 5 hours to see me play. He had seen me play hundreds of games, but he wanted to be there for my first college game, even though I didn’t start. After the game, I remember standing on the field and my dad saying, “I’m so proud of you.” Words are powerful.
Our daughter Ava is almost 2, and one of the things I am learning about women through her and my wife is that they love to hear that they are beautiful. Even now, Ava will stand there and wait for me to admire her in an outfit and tell her that she is beautiful. Many of us, especially men forget the power of words. Today is a good day to be reminded.
I remember one of my mentors saying to me on many occasions, it would cost me a fortune to pay someone what my wife does. He went on, always tell her. Even if you don’t have kids, tell your wife, your significant other, your mom, tell them how much you appreciate them.
Let’s dive in. If you have your bibles, you can open them to James chapter 3. To bring everyone up to speed, James is a letter written to Christians who were not acting like Christians.
Last week we looked at the discussion involving how to live out your faith. James says in chapter 2 that we need to have more than just faith, we need to live it out. That our actions show the change that has happened within us. Then he moves into this discussion on how we use our words.
Chapter 3 is not the first time that James brings up the tongue. Look at James 1:26 where he says: 26If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.
James ends chapter 1 by saying the control of our tongue is one of the tests of true religion.
Now why does he make such a big deal about our tongue, how we use our words? One may think, it isn’t a big deal. Words are words. If you say something wrong, just say you are sorry, is this much ado about nothing? Here is something interesting, James is the only place that the tongue is talked about at this length. Almost like God felt he said everything that could be said, and it didn’t need to be brought up again in the Bible. Just an interesting tidbit for the note takers.
Flip over to chapter 3, verse 1: 1Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness. 2For we all stumble in many ways, and if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body.
James starts this discussion by talking to the teachers in the community, the leaders within a church. This verse has always caused me discomfort and made me think about what I say as a communicator. I think what James is saying, while it is good to teach if you have that gift, but teaching is not about showing how smart you are. I think he is saying the way some use their words, it is an issue of pride.
Another reason this is here is because communicators are more susceptible to judgment than others because they regularly engage in that activity which is the hardest to keep from sin – our speech.
How does this fit with favoritism, which we discussed in chapter 2? I think it is because, verbal attacks, like favoritism can be corrosive and lethal within the life of a community of faith. The reason he starts with the leaders is because the attitudes and culture of a church come down from the top. It is a simple leadership principle. If there unhealthy things happening within a church, look at the leadership, it is probably happening there. If you are a leader in our community, this should cause you to think like it does me. It should cause you to see not only the responsibility that comes with leadership, but to see how much God expects. Not everyone is called to lead, but those who do, God expects more.
Let me say one thing about teaching within a church and my role in that part in your spiritual journey.
Many people in churches and communicators view their job as making sure they feed their church, give them their weekly spiritual fill. Because Jesus tells Peter in John 21 to feed his sheep. So people for centuries have taken it to mean that it is the pastor’s job to feed them, and not theirs. This makes sense, except, have you ever seen a shepherd feeding a sheep. I can’t imagine a shepherd with a lamb in a highchair doing airplane with a spoon.
Here is how I see my role as the main communicator in our community. On Sundays, I want to help create a hunger within you, to show you where spiritual food is. It is your job to eat it, but I see myself as a guide to help you find it. I want to say, get your napkin out, get your knife and fork, here is the steak. Or something else if you don’t like steak. But you get the picture. I want to show you the food, give you the tools to eat it on your own.
Verse 3: 3If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. 4Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. 5So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire!
James then continues with using a lot of images. These are images that were well known in his time. Think about moving a horse, how you can direct it just by the small bit in its mouth. A way to think about it for us might be a steering wheel in a car. Think about, here is this machine with all that power that is able to be controlled or not controlled by a little wheel. He is trying to show us that the tongues influence, even though it is a small thing, its power outweighs its size.
I think he is trying to show how much of an impact our words have on our spiritual condition. Words reveal our spiritual condition, they show what is inside. Think about the song we started with inside outside. What is on the inside comes out.
James is pointing out, what we do follows what we say. Both our thoughts and our spoken words direct our actions.
This idea of what is on the inside coming out in our words shows up all over the book of Proverbs in the Old Testament:
Proverbs 10:19: When words are many, transgression is not lacking,but whoever restrains his lips is prudent
Proverbs 12:18: There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts,but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Proverbs 17:20: A man of crooked heart does not discover good,and one with a dishonest tongue falls into calamity.
Proverbs 18:6: 6A fool’s lips walk into a fight, and his mouth invites a beating. 7A fool’s mouth is his ruin, and his lips are a snare to his soul.
Proverbs 18:21: Death and life are in the power of the tongue,and those who love it will eat its fruits.
I think James is saying, along with Proverbs, our heart moves our tongue. Our thoughts decide our speech. Think about it, eventually, what we think comes out. If you don’t like something, how long can you fake it?
What about fire, that is an interesting analogy. Few disasters in the ancient world were more feared than fire, since people then had few resources to fight against them. Think about life here in the desert. What happens with a small spark in a dry area, around some bushes? A blaze can break out quickly. That is the power and speed to which our words can destroy someone.
Verse 6: 6And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. 7For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, 8but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. 9With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. 10From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. 11Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? 12Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water.
So James winds down the discussion on the tongue. James says that the fire a tongue can be comes from hell. The word hell here is the Greek word Gehenna. Which literally means The Valley of Hinnom, which is the valley that is right outside of Jerusalem. Here is a picture, to the left is the wall of Jerusalem.
This was one of the sites of idol worship. It was also a place used for child sacrifices to those idols. Jeremiah in the Old Testament said that this valley would be a place of judgment. This was linked with the idea of judgment at the end of the world. So in Jewish history, this valley became associated with the fires of hell and hell itself. So James, is saying, the evil of our tongues are produced in the same place as these horrible sins.
But what about getting angry? We talked a few weeks ago about anger, but I got an e-mail this week from someone who asked, “I was reading for this Sunday and it seems like James says anger is wrong, but didn’t Jesus get angry?” Do you want to hear my deeply theological answer? Um, yes. Jesus did get angry, but like we said a few weeks ago, we don’t get angry about the right things.
Here is something to think about: How do we handle how James tells us at the end of chapter 1 to control our tongues and then he tells us in verse 8, no man can control his tongue? How is that helpful? Do this, but no human can do it?
St. Augustine said, “James does not say ‘no one can tame the tongue,’ but ‘no man,’ so that, when it is tamed, we admit that it was done by the mercy of God, the assistance of God, the grace of God.”
This is one way, we can see the work that God has done in our lives.
He continues in verse 9: 9With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. 10From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. 11Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? 12Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water.
Almost to say, some of you sing the right songs and say the right things on Sunday, and then on Monday say horrible things. Brennan Manning said, “The single greatest cause of atheism in the world today is Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, then walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.”
It is impossible to fake this. As James closes this section he says, whatever a tree is, that is what it grows. A rose bush grows roses. We have a lemon tree in our backyard, it would freak me out if we found an orange on it. In the same way, what we are, comes out. It is like the orange. What happens if you squeeze an orange, just like in life, we get a little stressed. Orange juice comes out.
This is why I think James follows his discussion on faith and works with a discussion on the tongue and the power of words. Words are also works, they are action. Our words show how we feel. Our words confirm our feelings. If you are at someone house and the host says, “so and so is coming over.” If you don’t like them, you can’t hide that, you won’t say, “yes, that is awesome.” You will say, “oh, him.”
What about long term, do our words have any affect on eternity? Jesus said in Matthew 12:37: for by your words you will be justified and by your words you will be condemned. Meaning, one of the things God will judge our eternities on is our words.
So how do we use words? Here is one way that we excuse ourselves when we say something mean. Have you ever said something to someone and followed it with, “I’m just kidding.” It still stings. I do this a lot. I love joking around, sometimes I go too far and say, “I’m just kidding.” I have had to go back more than a few times to people and said, “I’m sorry.”
Think about relationships you have with a spouse, or friend, or parent. You know what to say to hurt them, you know what to do. Maybe you don’t have to say anything, maybe you can leave the room and hurt them. If I want to hurt Katie, all I have to do is leave the room when we are having an argument. It is worse than anything I could say to her, but it says a lot to her.
Think about your life, are there any strained relationships that aren’t associated with your tongue? Think about the pain and hurt in your life, are any of them not due to words?
Maybe you said something this past week that is now coming to mind that you think, man I shouldn’t have said that. Maybe you have a relationship with someone that you don’t build them up enough or at all.
Many people give and receive love through words. For some people, words are their life, it is how they breathe. They need to hear words of affirmation to know they are appreciated. And some of us are strangling the ones closest to us with our words.
Earlier I talked about some ways to show women love through words. Today is a great reminder to do that. Say thank you, tell her you love her, tell her she is beautiful.
There is one verse that has revolutionized mine and Katie’s marriage, it is Ephesians 5:33 which says men are to love their wives and women are to respect their husbands. I don’t want to get too much into it here, but let me talk to women for a second on how to use words with the men in their life. Men do not wonder, does she love me, she hasn’t told me she loves since 5 o’clock and it is almost 8. men want to know they are appreciated, needed, they want to be respected. The best things Katie can say to me is that I am her hero, she admires me, she appreciates how hard I work. Whenever Katie gives me a card, she signs it: with all my respect and admiration.
If you get nothing out of today, but this, that will make a huge change in your life. Tell your husband you respect him, admire him. Men, tell the women in your life she is beautiful, she is radiant, you love her, tell her why you love her. Remind her often.
This is why we say that as a community we want to be a voice of hope. If we can use our tongues for other than putting people down, talking behind people’s back, imagine the power of that. I want to be a part of that community. Don’t you want to be part of a community like that?
For the next few minutes the band is going to lead us in some songs. You can use this time as you need to. You can sit and listen, you can stand, you can sing along, you can come up and take communion when you are ready. Use this time however you need to.
Let’s pray.
God, help us to use our voices to build people up, not tear them down. As we spend these next few moments with you, bring to mind relationships where we are using our tongues in sinful ways, give us the courage to make those relationships right and to start using our words to build others up.
