How Humor is Good For Relationships
Part 5 of 6 in the series, “When Relationships Disappoint You, How to Find God’s Peace in the Pain.”
We’re in this series on relationships and the title of today’s message is “How Humor is Good for Relationships.” I really ought to have entitled this message, “How Humor is ESSENTIAL for Relationships.”
Today on Mother’s Day we’ve already laughed a little bit. We intentionally included a humorous skit in the worship gathering because parents, of all people, had better learn how to laugh. If you don’t you’ll pop a cork.
You need humor in all of your relationships. In your marriage, if you don’t laugh together you’re missing out on an entire galaxy of fun. Laughing with others is an integral part of healthy friendships. It’s one of the keys to successful relationships on the job. Members of the same church family need to laugh together. Sometimes it gets stressful trying to accomplish God’s purposes in a world not tuned in to God’s wavelength.
Since we’ve had the video of the children and the skit and time is therefore at a premium, I’m going to get straight to the point on how humor is essential for good relationships.
Our information on this subject comes from God’s Word. Here’s what the greatest sourcebook on relationships ever written says about humor in relationships.
THREE BIBLICAL STRATEGIES TO INJECT HUMOR INTO YOUR RELATIONSHIPS.
LOOK FOR LAUGHTER.
Sometimes laughter just happens.
“For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven…A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance.” Ecclesiastes 3:1,4 (NLT)
The wise soul will look for that "time to laugh."
Laughter is not wrong for Christ followers. We’ve talked about this before here at Pathway. No matter what you may have heard, it’s okay for Christians to have a good time. Jesus was criticized by His enemies for partying with sinners. He believed it was okay to celebrate at weddings, to enjoy the hospitality of His friends, etc.
There will be those who will criticize you for enjoying life as a follower of Christ – but there will also be those who will find your laughter contagious.
When the Jews came back from captivity in Babylon here’s what they said.
"Then we were filled with laughter, and we sang happy songs. Then the other nations said, ’The Lord has done great things for them.’" Psalms 126:2 (NCV)
Laughter and joyfulness and singing are a good witness to those who have yet to find a personal relationship with God. Being critical and grumpy aren’t qualities that make people want what you have.
I try not to shop where they have frowning sales clerks. If I’m picking out a cashier I often look for the one that is smiling. I’ve read studies where the same thing is said of churches. People won’t come back to a church where everybody was dour and long-faced. Who can blame them?
It’s okay to laugh. Laughing is good for us. It’s even okay to laugh in church. These words of wisdom from the Bible are simply reminding us to have proper timing.
The culture around us doesn’t get it. They often laugh at the wrong things at the wrong times. Nothing is sacred among people who don’t live by this Scriptural principle of properly timing your laughter.
I’m not suggesting that to have good relationships you need to laugh at the wrong times. I’m suggesting on the basis of Scripture that you need to learn to look for the right times to laugh. God has given you this capacity for enjoying good humor so you need to intentionally incorporate laughing into your daily routine.
Read the comics in the newspaper if that tickles your funny bone. Or watch a comedic TV show or movie. Get together and laugh with family & friends.
Deb and I schedule regular “date nights” that are especially set aside as time when we enjoy laughter and lifting each other’s spirits. It helps our marriage relationship. We celebrate our 30th Anniversary tomorrow and one of the things that has helped us survive the stress of a ministry marriage is laughter. We’ve had plenty to cry about. And sure we’ve cried together. But our laughing together has lightened a lot of heavy loads.
We’ve learned that we have to set aside time to laugh. Humor is good for our relationship. We laughed with our kids while they were growing up. I think that’s one of the many reasons all three of our children turned out to be pretty good adults. We laughed loud and proud. It wasn’t uncommon when our family was dining out that our table would be the table with the loudest laughter. We enjoyed having a good time. Perhaps we shouldn’t have made such a spectacle of ourselves but we couldn’t help it. We enjoyed being together and laughing and having a good time together.
Funny stuff is happening all over the place. You have to learn to look for it. You need to develop a humorous outlook – a humorous attitude.
My outlook often determines the outcome of my life.
The Bible says:
“For the despondent, every day brings trouble; for the happy heart, life is a continual feast.” Proverbs 15:15 (NLT)
If I have been looking at life from a positive perspective, if I’ve been looking for the lighter side of life, I can find things to cheer me up. But if I allow my emotions to dwell on the negative I will see life as full of trouble.
I know what some of you are saying to yourself right now. “But I know someone who needs to be more serious, not more lighthearted.” Sure, that is the problem some people have. And if you or someone you know is too lighthearted about life sometimes, if you need to become more serious, there’s also Scripture for you.
“Better to spend your time at funerals than at parties. After all, everyone dies—so the living should take this to heart. 3 Sorrow is better than laughter, for sadness has a refining influence on us.” Ecclesiastes 7:3 (NLT)
Is the Bible contradicting itself? Of course not. Different situations call for different remedies. That’s what Solomon was talking about in Ecclesiastes, there’s a time for everything.
If you find that you’re too lighthearted – contemplate life more seriously. But if you’re like me – too serious-minded by nature – then learn that there is a time to laugh and its okay to laugh.
So, first of all, to find the humor needed for good relationship building you must LOOK FOR LAUGHTER.
Another biblical strategy for injecting humor into your relationships is to...
TAKE A DAILY DOSE OF HUMOR (FOR GOOD RELATIONSHIP HEALTH)
The Bible says…
“A cheerful look brings joy to the heart; good news makes for good health.” Proverbs 15:30 (NLT)
“A cheerful heart is good medicine…” Proverbs 17:22a (NLT)
This past February the Norwegian University of Science and Technology reported in USA Today that according to their 7-year study involving 54,000 Norwegians, the greater the role humor plays in our lives the greater our health. If you enjoy a good sense of humor you will live longer than a grumpy person lives. They said their study proved that this was especially true for people with cancer. According to their study, a good sense of humor cuts one’s chances of death by about 70% compared with adults with a poor sense of humor.
That just reinforces what the Bible has always said. The more you laugh the greater your chances of good health.
There have been lots of studies that reinforce this vital truth. Researchers have learned all sorts of interesting stuff about the place of humor in our lives. Studies reveal that individuals who have a strong sense of humor are less likely to experience depression. And laughter has important psychological effects on our marriage partners, co-workers and friends. Humor also helps in improving your creativity and memory. Our minds more readily remember something if we can connect it with something hilarious.
Good humor brings good health.
We need to put this biblical principle, that is also supported by modern science, to good use.
And I’m going to apply that principle not only to your physical health but also the health of your relationships.
Laughter helps relieve stress by causing the release of natural painkillers in the body. When we laugh out loud, substances such as endorphins and adrenaline are released which result in a natural high, making you feel good about yourself. As we saw last week we need to feel good about ourselves to feel good about relationships with others.
With all of the stress in our fast-paced world, with all of the stress in our relationships, we need to utilize this vital resource that God has given us!
Let’s utilize it right now.
Here are the responses from second graders to a series of questions about mothers. There’s nothing funnier than the way a kid sees life.
1. Why did God make mothers?
a. She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
b. Mostly to clean the house.
c. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
2. How did God make mothers?
a. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
b. Magic, plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
c. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
3. What ingredients are mothers made of?
a. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world – and one dab of mean.
b. They had to get their start from men’s bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.
4. Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
a. We’re related.
b. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s moms like me.
5. What kind of little girl was your mom?
a. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
b. I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
c. They say she used to be nice.
6. What did your mom need to know about your dad before she married him?
a. His last name.
b. She had to know his background. Like, is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
7. Why did your mom marry your dad?
a. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot!
b. She got too old to do anything else with him.
c. My grandma says that mom didn’t have her thinking cap on.
8. Who’s the boss at your house?
a. Mom doesn’t want to be boss but she has to because dad’s such a goofball.
b. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff UNDER the bed.
c. I guess mom is. But only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
9. What’s the difference between moms and dads?
a. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just work at work.
b. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
c. Moms have magic. They make you feel better even without medicine.
10. What does your mom do in her spare time?
a. Moms don’t do spare time.
b. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
11. What would it take to make your mom perfect?
a. On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside I think some kind of plastic surgery.
b. Diet. You know, her hair. I’d dye it, maybe blue.
12. If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
a. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I’d get rid of that.
b. I’d make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
c. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.
I hope that sent several endorphins into your system.
LOOK FOR LAUGHTER.
Then, once you’ve found some things to laugh about…
TAKE A DAILY DOSE OF GOOD HUMOR FOR GOOD RELATIONSHIP HEALTH
And one more biblical strategy for injecting humor into your relationships so that your relationships will be healthier…
This one comes directly from Jesus and His Sermon on the Mount.
BE THE RIGHT KIND OF PERSON
A crash course on the Sermon on the Mount: Jesus was teaching His disciples that the truly blessed life comes not from GETTING, or from DOING, but from BEING.
If you want to enjoy life to the fullest, that kind of satisfaction doesn’t come from getting and doing. It comes from being the right kind of person.
Stop and think on that for a moment or two – because this is central to all of Christ’s teachings.
Our culture is saying the same thing the world said in the days of Jesus. “You can tell if someone is blessed by what they HAVE or what they DO.” And Jesus says, “No. You can tell if someone is blessed why who they are.”
Do you see that important contrast?
It’s easy to get caught up in worrying about what we have – what material things we possess. It’s easy to become enamored with what we accomplish in life – what we do.
Jesus calls us to seriously consider who we are.
Let me show you how this truth applies to laughter.
“God blesses you who are hungry now, for you will be satisfied. God blesses you who weep now, for in due time you will laugh.” Jesus – Luke 6:21 (NLT)
That’s counter-cultural. God blesses the hungry. Matthew’s Good News account adds to what Luke says. Matthew says that what Jesus told us to hunger and thirst for is righteousness – being the right kind of person. (Matthew 5:6)
“If you are hungry for righteousness,” Jesus says, “you will be satisfied.” “You may be weeping now but IF YOU DIRECT YOUR LIFE AT BECOMING THE RIGHT KIND OF PERSON in due time you will LAUGH.”
And several verses later Jesus says this:
“What sorrow awaits you who are fat and prosperous now, for a time of awful hunger awaits you. What sorrow awaits you who laugh now, for your laughing will turn to mourning and sorrow.” Jesus – Luke 6:25 (NLT)
Did you catch it?
“Jesus was not teaching that poverty, hunger, persecution and tears were blessings in themselves. If that were true, He would never have done all He did to alleviate the sufferings of others. Rather, Jesus was describing the inner attitudes we must have if we are to experience the blessedness of the Christian life.” (Warren Wiersbe)
Who are you inside? Are you laughing at the right things and for the right reasons?
The right kind of humor and laughter that will bless your relationships comes from being the right kind of person.
How do I become the right kind of person?
I’ve got to be committed to becoming a follower of Jesus with my whole heart and life.
