AM I A JERK AT WORK?
Part 2 of 6 of the series "When Relationships Disappoint You, How to Find God’s Peace in the Pain"
I originally titled this week’s message "When You Work With a Jerk," but as I continued studying the Scriptures a different perspective presented itself.
The Bible talks a lot more about my responsibilities to others than their responsibilities to me.
Please let that truth sink in.
I wonder how many times in life that I have viewed a problem from the wrong end? How many times have I started with the other person when I should have begun with my self? Instead of saying my wife needed to change perhaps it was I who needed to change. Instead of worrying so much about how someone else should treat me should I have worried more about how I should be treating others?
Let me see if I can explain.
The Bible says, "Love your neighbor as yourself." It doesn’t say, "Tell your neighbor to love you." I am not accountable to God for how my neighbor treats me but I am accountable for how I treat my neighbor.
There are many similar comments like this in the Word of God.
Instead of worrying as much about how my co-workers behave on the job I need to ask myself, "How am I doing? Do I behave in ways that make working with me agreeable and productive?"
If we take this perspective the question becomes "How am I behaving toward others?" rather than always asking, "How are others treating me?" This change in thinking will revolutionize our relationships, our emotional well being, and our spirituality.
And this thought is not just for my place of employment. How well do I work with others at home; in the community; at church? How easy am I to work with while I’m volunteering to do something for God? I want to ask you to apply the biblical principles we’re covering today to all of work in your life.
Let’s set the stage with an article from FastCompany.com called, "Are You the Jerk at Work?"
"We are all jerks sometimes. After all, we’re overworked and overstressed along with everyone else. With competition for good people increasing, it’s important to define and assess your own "jerk-like" behaviors -- and once you identify them -- decide to change.
We’ve asked thousands of people to describe what they mean by a jerk. Here is a sample of the 50 (yes, 50!) jerk-like behaviors we’ve found. How many do you occasionally, accidentally exhibit?
Intimidate
Condescend or demean
Act arrogant
Withhold praise
Slam doors, pound tables
Swear
Behave rudely
Belittle people in front of others
Micromanage
Manage up, not down
Always look out for number one
Give mostly negative feedback
Yell at people
Tell lies or "half-truths"
Act above the rules
Humiliates and embarrasses others
Always have to be in control
If you exhibit none of the behaviors above, you’re either a saint or you have a few blind spots. In other words, most of us exhibit some of these behaviors some of the time. The question is, how many and how often? And what effect does your behavior have on the people who report to you?
Our ongoing research on this topic is revealing. We continue to ask the survey question, "What ’jerk-like’ behaviors would make you walk right out the door?" The top five responses are these. People will walk if their boss:
Belittles them in front of others -- 40.5%
Lies -- 34.2%
Condescends or demeans -- 31.5%
Humiliates and embarrasses others -- 23.9%
Micromanages -- 21.9%"
You can see from that article that working with jerks can be unpleasant. God doesn’t want us to be unpleasant people to work with. We’re His representatives wherever we go whatever we do. So He gives us clear and practical help on making sure we’re not the jerk at work.
What does the Bible say?
First of all, if I’m not going to be a jerk to work with I must...
1. MIND MY OWN BUSINESS.
Many are surprised that this is indeed a Bible ethic but look at what the Word of God says.
"Make it your aim to live a quiet life, to mind your own business, and to earn your own living, just as we told you before. In this way you will win the respect of those who are not believers, and you will not have to depend on anyone for what you need." 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12 (GNT)
I need to learn to do my work and do it well - my own work. I don’t need to stick my nose into other people’s work - not unless I’m in supervision and even then micromanaging has proven to be a very ineffective style of leading. Control freaks turn people off. Control freaks don’t motivate people they irritate people!
Sticking my nose into other people’s business is an excuse to stop doing my own work.
The Apostle Paul wrote these words because there was a unique problem among the Christ followers at Thessalonica, in ancient Greece, and Paul addresses it further in his second letter to them.
"When we were with you, we told you that if a man does not work, he should not eat. We hear that some are not working. But they are spending their time trying to see what others are doing. Our words to such people are that they should be quiet and go to work. They should eat their own food. In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ we say this." 2 Thessalonians 3:10-12 (NLV)
Some Christ followers at the Thessalonian Church had misapplied the teaching of the imminent return of Christ. The fact that Jesus could return at any time doesn’t mean we are to sit around not working. But this was the justification being given by some of the church members there. "We’re too spiritual to work." No, work is spiritual. It pleases God. God created work. He worked six days creating the world and then rested and gave us the same blueprint.
The added temptation of idleness is that it makes it more likely that I will stick my nose in other people’s business. That’s one of the dangers when you have too much free time on your hands. The Bible isn’t harsh here. It’s very practical. I need to stay busy and mind my own business. When I don’t do my work but try to tell others how to do theirs I’m being a jerk.
In fact, the missionaries themselves set the example of work when they were establishing the church at Thessalonica.
"Now this is what we tell you to do, Christian brothers. In the name of the Lord Jesus, keep away from any Christian who is lazy and who does not do what we taught you. You know you should follow the way of life we lived when we were with you. We worked hard while we were there. We did not eat anyone’s food without paying for it. We worked hard night and day so none of you would have to give us anything. We could have asked you to give us food. But we did not so that you might follow our way of living." 1 Thessalonians 3:6-9 (NLV)
When the Bible says "when a man doesn¡¦t work he shouldn’t eat," it isn’t saying we shouldn’t assist those who can’t work. There are many biblical admonitions about our responsibility to serve the sick and minister to the poor, to take care of aged parents and grandparents, and to provide for our children until they’re old enough to provide for themselves.
And the Bible isn’t saying we should become workaholics, or that it’s not okay to rest and seek recreation. It’s just saying I should mind my own business - pay more attention to what I’m supposed to be doing instead of worrying so much about what others are doing or not doing.
It’s been said that there are four kinds of bones in the world when it comes to work.
The WISH BONES who spend their time wishing someone else would do the work;
The JAW BONES who do all the talking, but very little else;
The KNUCKLE BONES who knock everything that anyone else is trying to do;
The BACK BONES who shoulder the load and do the work;
Make it your goal to be a BACKBONE and you won’t be a jerk at work.
Secondly, if I’m not going to be a jerk at work, not only do I need to mind my own business but also concerning my work I need to...
2. MAKE IT THE LORD’S BUSINESS.
The Bible says
"Whatever work you do, do it with all your heart. Do it for the Lord and not for men. Remember that you will get your reward from the Lord. He will give you what you should receive. You are working for the Lord Christ." Colossians 3:23-24 (NLV)
When I see my work as something I’m doing to please God; when I see it as His business; it changes everything!
When I see myself as working for God above everyone else I don’t get as upset or hurt over having my motives misunderstood. Other humans can’t see what’s inside my heart. Only God can. When I work for Him I know He understands what I’m trying to do and why I’m trying to do it even if others don’t get it.
Even if I don’t receive promotion or pay increases from the people I work for - God sees my work and He will compensate me fairly for it.
Perhaps you’ve been passed over for promotion at work and someone who sucked up to the boss got the position you really deserved. Or maybe you should have been given more pay or benefits by now. You’ve been with the company long enough and you¡¦ve contributed consistently - but whoever’s responsible for such things hasn’t caught on yet. Should you now work with a chip on your shoulder? Should you slow down the pace and not give it your best any longer? The answer to all such questions is "No."
But why?
Since you’re really working to please God and since you know He will reward you fairly you can keep on contributing your best to your work.
That doesn’t mean you can’t hit your boss up for a raise. If he doesn’t give it to you and you deserve it - he’ll have to answer to God for his negligence. Working for God doesn’t mean you can’t search around for a better job if you need to. Nothing wrong with advancing yourself - but - wherever you work you should give it your best because you are not just working for men.
I need to make my business God’s business. And then I don’t have to worry whether or not others are doing their fair share when I work for Him. Even in the church. Satan creeps up and says, "You’re doing a big part of the work and others are sitting around."
Even if that were true, and its not, so what? I’m working for God. I’m not distracted by keeping track of who’s doing what or who’s not doing what. I don’t have to brag about anything I’ve done. God already knows. I don’t need any of those chips on my shoulder.
A person with a chip on their shoulder is a jerk at work. A person who slacks off because they haven’t been treated fairly can really be a jerk to work with. Someone who isn’t giving it their best because they got their feelings hurt is difficult to work with.
Christ’s followers are given a higher calling. We don’t just work for people. Everything we do we do for God!
Thirdly, "Am I a jerk at work?" Not if I:
1. Mind my own business.
2. Make my work God’s business.
And not if...
3. ENJOY MY WORK.
Here’s what God’s Word says.
"God wants all people to eat and drink and be happy in their work, which are gifts from God." Ecclesiastes 3:13 (NCV)
Eating and drinking and enjoying the fruits of my labor are gifts from God. If I don’t always enjoy my work I can at least enjoy the benefits of having a job. My wages or my salary provides me with the opportunity to buy food and take care of my family. Plus I have something to give to God’s work. And I have something to contribute to the needs of others.
But there is also nothing wrong with spending some of my earnings on having a good time. Solomon isn’t recommending pagan hedonism here in the book of Ecclesiastes. Neither is he saying we should spend our earnings irresponsibly. Sometimes we should be saving instead of spending. He’s not saying that the main purpose of our lives should be to have fun so we can forget about our responsibilities.
But here’s what he is saying. He’s saying - instead of complaining about what we don’t have - let’s enjoy the things we do have!
Complainers are jerks to work with. Anyone know what I’m talking about? Sure you do.
God created us with the ability and intent of enjoying life. When you get around someone who is not enjoying life like he or she is supposed to they’re a real drag. Don’t be a drag because of your complaining spirit.
Of course our enjoyment of life should take on a balanced perspective. We can’t party all the time but we can party sometimes!
Jesus performed His first miracle at a wedding party. And what was the miracle? Turning water into wine - making sure the host didn’t run out of refreshment for his guests. Jesus was often found dining with people - attending dinner parties. It’s not taboo to enjoy life. Jesus did. He enjoyed being with people.
An August 2006 poll from Directions Research suggested that happiness is highest among adults who dine with friends regularly or frequent the movies. (ReadersDigest.com)
Yes, it’s hard to find time to stop and smell the roses these days, but why not round up a few friends for dinner and a trip to the multiplex? Consider it part of your God-given right to be happy.
If you feel you can’t afford to go out to dinner and a movie invite some friends over and ask them to pitch in with the food and rent a video. You may actually have a good time and save money at the same time!
Don’t be a jerk by not enjoying the things God has given you. Don’t complain all the time about what you don’t have - enjoy what you do have!
If you’re a follower of Christ you shouldn¡¦t complain. You should express faith that God is going to meet your needs and you should show appreciation for what He has done for you.
Griping and murmuring and complaining not only grieve God they grieve others.
I know we all have bad days and we all need to be encouraged sometimes but some people are chronic complainers.
And yes there are certainly less than ideal circumstances associated with every job.
Take the job God gave Noah with the ark. It had its benefits as well as challenges.
A small group of church adults was brainstorming to come up with a "Help wanted" ad for an ark builder. It was part of their creative approach to studying the Bible together. This is what they wrote:
"Wanted: Person to build, maintain and sail a large ship. Must be civil engineer with experience as a zoologist. Must have experience in public relations, navigation and carpentry. Benefits: free 40-day-world-cruise and free shovel. Must be able to stand noise and foul odors. Above all, must have patience."
Every job has its demands - but look also for the unique benefits in your job.
That represents what our perspective should be regarding our job - whatever job God has given us. Yes there’s going to be things like "noise and a need for patience." But we should place those things last and look at the 40-day-world-cruise first!
And a word concerning the demanding and difficult perspectives of your work. Realize that God can use the demanding nature of your job to build character.
Like the man who made his sons work in the cornfields while their friends spent the afternoon at the swimming hole. Someone scolded the father saying, "Why do you make those boys work so hard? You don’t need all that corn." The wise father replied, "I’m not raising corn. I’m raising boys."
God is at work in our lives! God is at work even at our place of work. He gives us challenges to mold us into people who are more like His Son Jesus.
But He’s also given us opportunities to enjoy life. Our success at not being a jerk at work is learning to accept the unique challenges of our job as God¡¦s will and not complaining. Instead we are to thank God for the benefits of our work and we are to allow ourselves to be happy.
Am I a jerk at work?
Not if...
1. I mind my own business.
2. I make my business God’s business.
3. Enjoy my work.
I invite you to bow in prayer with me.
If God has spoken to you today about your attitude about your work - not only at your job - but even your work for Him - and you want to ask Him to help you change your attitude perhaps you could pray something like this from your heart.
"Dear God, thank you for the work you have given me to do. Help me to mind my own business in my work. I want to do the best that I can do for you without being distracted by what others are doing or not doing. I want my business to be your business. I want to work for you God, not other people. I don’t want to make it my main goal in life to please others - I want my main goal in life to be pleasing you. Help me to enjoy life and not to complain. I have so much to be thankful for God. Help me to concentrate on what you’ve given me to enjoy and not what I don’t have. Help me to trust you with my work and all that I have or don’t have."
And if you haven’t ever trusted Christ, perhaps today there’s a longing to know Him. You realize that you need the perspective that He brings to life and work and you would like to make a faith commitment to Him today.
Pray something simple like this in your heart. "Dear God I realize that I need you in my life. I know that I’ve sinned and that you paid for my sins by dying on the cross. Forgive all my sins and accept me as one of your followers so that I can live for you when I’m working and whatever I’m doing. I want to enjoy life the right way and I know that means I need to know you. In Jesus name. Amen."
