Slide # 1
Keys for a transformed life and a renewed mind!
Part 2 of 2
‘You’d better get a coffee – you might need it!’
Going to the heart of it!
Credit given to David Riddell – Living Wisdom – Friend, Mentor and Supervisor
To listen, read or download this and over 200 other messages. Te Atatu Baptist Church.com
Today is part two of last weeks message that was titled:
Lifting the band-aid!
That message was based in Romans 12:2
Be not conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
I brought this message in response to the many requests I had from people about how to actually heal the hurts, break the habits, release the pain and remove the shrapnel from our hearts our lives.
Several weeks ago we looked at the processes God uses to bring about our sanctification – which means ‘transforming us into the image of Christ’.
We discovered that the tools God uses to change our character, our heart – are the very things most Christians try to avoid or deny:
Slide # 2
• Afflictions
• Hard times
• Troubles
• Conflicts
• Hurts
The number one way God changes our hearts and transforms the darkness of our character, is when we are prepared and brave enough – to admit our faults, hurts, challenges and character flaws.
And He uses these situations to bring them to the surface!
Without going into much detail, let me summarize last week’s Bible study by looking at the bullet points we finished with.
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• God desires to transform the dark areas of our lives.
• It is natural for us to hide from our own pain, and blame others for it - however, healing comes as we accept our responsibility to trace, face and replace the faulty structures and habits in our lives.
• Many new Christians simply ‘adjust’ their dysfunctions to appear more ‘Christian’! However, the Christian life is the transformed life!
Along these lines we looked at the sad reality that many Christians follow other Christians who are highly driven and effective – not realizing that many times this ‘drive’ is motivated out of an unhealed hurt or trauma.
WARNING! NEVER follow a person or ministry leader just because they are gifted or effective!
God’s Word places CHARACTER above GIFTEDNESS!
Look at the CHARACTER of the leader, their marriage, children, attitudes and personality – CHARACTER above GIFTEDNESS!
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• It is our minds – our belief structures, our mindsets and assumptions that must be renewed and changed.
• True Christian victory is not an absence of pain, but because of it, and despite it.
• Your desire to change must be greater than the comfort to stay the same.
• Or – the pain caused by staying the same must be so great that it is less than the pain needed to change! (I.e. It gets you into trouble).
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• God will NEVER override free-will. (It’s YOUR choice!)
• Children are wet cement – you owe it to yourself and your descendants to break the generational sin.
• Prayer for ourselves and others can often break a resistant heart or attitude.
• A ‘break-down’ is a breaking of the cement that shaped our personality and belief structures – it is a good thing! It enables re-building on the correct structures of God’s Word.
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• Examine your foundations – search out your hidden faults – get rid of the log!
• God wants you to be set free!
• Whilst prayer is absolutely vital – Jesus said it is the TRUTH that shall set you free – the renewing of our minds!
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If there is ONE thing I want you to know today, is that it is God’s desire for you to experience healing, freedom and deliverance this morning!
It is God’s desire that you be ‘set free’!
And those whom Christ sets free – are free indeed!
(John 8:36)
Praise God!
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Question: Do you believe that – do you really believe that???
To be honest, I’ve discovered that many people say they do, but in reality – it’s just too darn hard or they simply don’t know where to start.
I’ve also discovered – that many people struggle with the concepts we are going to learn today.
For many years, as a young man, I couldn’t read, listen or talk about these things – I had an aversion to them – they made me depressed and even angry.
Like many others who reject these concepts and principles – I did so – because I was in great need of them.
Some people even reject them because of a bad experience with a counselor or pastor,
– and they still carry that baggage with them today and project it onto anyone else who reminds them of the original event.
I rejected these concepts, and criticized them – because that was my ‘defense mechanism’ to protect my own pain and dysfunction.
What I had to learn to do – was to be vulnerable and broken enough to be able to ‘put my prejudices’ aside, and accept the truth I needed.
The human heart has an amazing ability to reject what it needs, just as we cringe and pull away from the scalpel that is about to lance a boil or infection to bring release and healing!
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Our key Scripture for today’s Bible study is Proverbs 23:7
As a man thinks in his heart – so he is!
The title for today’s Bible study is:
Getting to the heart of it!
I will give you the most insightful statement you will ever hear about character formation and sanctification.
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Your character is determined by what you believe in your heart!
If you are serious about a transformed life, about leaving behind your baggage and the pain of the past.
If you are serious about ‘growing in God’ and becoming all he wants you to be.
If you are determined to break the cycle of generational sin and dysfunction in your family line.
Then you need to fully persuaded (Romans 4:21) about the above statement:
For the degree to which you believe, understand and accept this Biblical truth, is the degree to which you will find healing and freedom, and how quickly you obtain it.
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That’s why Proverbs 4:23 says:
Guard the affections of your heart, for they affect every area of your life!
It is a fact that our thoughts govern and determine our actions.
What you believe in your heart determines the attitudes of your character – either for good or bad, for life or death, for a blessing or a curse.
Probably the most hardest and difficult issue you will ever have to deal with, is facing your own faulty or distorted belief structures and issues,
– because for you – they are reality – even though they are not completely true.
Maybe it’s time to face true reality, and re-adjust your mindsets, to replace the attitudes of your heart – with truth.
There is so much in Scripture that talks about us having an awareness of the true issues in our hearts.
Isn’t that what Christianity is all about – telling and facing the truth?
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The parable of the ‘log in your eye’ (Luke 6:41), or Psalm 19 – all attain to this.
Psalm 19:13 No one can discern their hidden faults! We all need others to help us face them.
Getting to the heart of what is in your heart – facing it – is one of the most difficult things you will ever have to do.
Choosing to ‘not-side’ with your defense mechanisms!
Difficult, but of vital importance if you are going to grow and develop as a mature adult.
I’ll share something with you that not many of you know.
Debbie and I spend well over a thousand dollars each year in accountable relationships with professional supervisors/counselors.
We actually pay these people to ask us the hard questions, to see if there is any self deception residing within our hearts!
We go there with the specific purpose of getting the ‘log out of our own eyes’!
If I receive a nasty letter or complaint, one of the first things I do is take it to my supervisor and say to him:
‘What truth is there in this letter? What is God trying to tell me about myself through this person’s comments?’
If we were honest this morning, most of us go into ‘defense mode’ when criticized or have areas of our character scrutinized!
But this is exactly the methods God uses to reveal our true character – by the way we react and defend our innocence!
But let’s be real, most people today cannot afford a professional supervisor, and neither do they think they need one.
God’s Word offers some good advice on this matter.
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1 John 1:8-9
8 ¶ If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.
9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
It is interesting that the word ‘sin’ in the KJV is translated into ‘Faults’ in the NIV when it comes to the next verse!
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James 5:16
Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.
These verses are all about Relationships of accountability – about looking ourselves in the eye and seeing our hidden faults and false assumptions about life!!!
So – how and when can we discover areas of our lives that need attention?
Usually it is when things go wrong – when we find ourselves reacting or acting in ways that are not acceptable or healthy.
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• Depression
• Anxiety
• Overwhelming emotions
• Addictions
• Anger
• Moodiness
• Fears or phobias
• Compulsions
• Debt
• Broken marriages
• Rebellious children
• Food/weight issues
• Homosexuality
When the pressures of life or stressful situations bring areas of dysfunction to the surface of our lives.
This is when we must ‘examine the issues of our hearts’ – our foundations.
Let me show you a diagram to help us understand. Let’s imagine that this tree represents your life and personality.
Slide # 16 - Diagram of tree available via Email – baptistpastor@ihug.co.nz
The fruit represents your character, your actions and behavior
Below this, the leaves represent your feelings and emotions
The branches represent your thinking and self-talk
The trunk represents your beliefs and conclusions about life
The roots represent where all the above comes from – your assumptions – your heart
The soil represents what feeds your life, your environment.
Today we want to get to the roots, to the heart of who you are and what makes you behave the way you do!
Let me identify the number one mistake with transformation or sanctification. When people want to change a habit or attitude, or deal with one of the things we just mentioned, what do they do?
They try to change their behavior! They either try to stop doing something, or start doing something different. But if you haven’t got to the root of it, nothing is going to change!
Or else you stop the fruit growing for a while, but it comes back again, stunts the tree, or produces a different kind of corrupt fruit altogether!
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To change your attitudes, actions, behavior or mindsets, you MUST get to the root of it – to the heart!
Most Christians or counselors stop here – and never go any deeper!
If you want permanent, honest and Biblical change, you must get to the heart of it!
Your belief structure, your emotional heart – was formed and set as a child.
What you experienced as a child up to the age of around 8 or 9, determined your world view and understanding about life.
That’s why children are referred to as ‘wet cement’.
If you don’t believe me that our infancy and childhood are so vital, then ask yourself this question.
‘What makes me any different than the person beside me? What makes them able to cope, survive, grow, develop and achieve more or differently than I do?’
The answer – to a large degree – will be: ‘How they were brought up, and what they experienced in childhood.’
Slide # 18 Proverbs 22:6
Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
The trouble is, many people’s lives are like this:
Slide # 19 – Photo of root bound tree – sack around roots!
We are ‘root bound’ by the events of our childhood – either what we experienced, or what we didn’t.
And the result of this is that our growth as an individual, is stunted until we address the root of the issues.
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So - how do you get to your beliefs, and how do you change them if they are faulty!
Never do ‘open heart’ surgery on yourself – you’ll bleed to death!
Slide # 21 – Photo of open heart surgery.
Get help! – Proper help – not ‘self appointed spiritualists!”
Be very careful of ‘magic thinking’ that instantly cures your problems with the right prayer or deliverance session.
Yes, your affliction might stop – but unless you have dealt with the ‘heart’ or it – the root issue in your mind that needs renewing – it WILL ‘sprout’ up in other areas, or just go underground for a season!
Let’s cover the first question:
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How do I get to the heart of it?
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The first step in understanding that something’s not right, is because something’s not right!
You aren’t coping, you feel a failure, you are having nightmares, panic attacks, depression, addiction or compulsions that are getting out of control, you are constantly suspicious, negative, angry or a flirt.
Perhaps even one or more of your children have rebelled or withdrawn!
This one is important to me, because I have six children!
Let me share a truth with you, and smash a lie the devil has invented to encourage poor parenting habits.
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It is a deceptive lie that ‘all teenagers rebel’ and that it’s a natural part of growing up.
Parents who tell themselves this lie, do so to ease their troubled consciences.
A couple of ‘proverbs’ describe this area beautifully:
• An apple never falls far from the tree!
• If a man wants to hear himself speak, all he needs to do is listen to his children!
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Listen to this truth: Healthy, well adjusted teenagers do not happen by chance, and neither do rebellious ones!
If a teenager has prematurely or emotionally detached from their parents, it is because they have decided not to trust their parents, and decided to either parent themselves or allow their peers to parent them.
Either the parent has done something they shouldn’t, or haven’t done something they should have!
The best thing a parent can do in this situation is to stop trying to parent the child and ask them directly: ‘What have I done to break your trust, and what can I do to regain it?’
The trouble is, that by asking this question, we may have to change some of our own assumptions and belief structures that caused the problem in the first place!
• Have I become my work and trying to find my identity in it!
• Am I trying too hard to please my boss (really my father whom never accepted me) People project this onto pastors too!!!
• Is my work more important to me than my family - child
• I am an island in my family – do we live as islands?
• Do I think money equals happiness – how many things do I buy others/myself?
• Giving ‘things’ to my children instead of myself (Compensating)
These things are the ‘hard yards’ and we don’t like to hear them!
However, hear them we must, as Jesus said; ‘You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free!’
It’s about asking, ‘How and why did I come to believe these things – what ‘generational curse’ have I embraced with out realizing until now?’
It might mean working less hours at the office or factory, and learning how to communicate with your child, with your spouse, and with other meaningful relationships in your life.
This is part of the ‘generational curse’ we briefly mentioned last week.
It has little to do with demons, and more to do with us a parents ‘dealing with our stuff’ and not passing it on to the next generation!
As I said, we know things aren’t working in our lives, when things just aren’t working!
Maybe you feel a constant victim, ‘rescuer’ or somebody has taken the time to share with you that something in your life just isn’t working right!
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Sometimes all we need is a ‘Rhema’, a ‘truth’ sent from God to begin unlocking the chains that holds our ‘baggage’ to our hearts, emotions and lives.
Indeed, there are many, many issues we could cover – that simply ‘hearing and understanding’ the truth about, could begin to set us free!
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• Addictions is a very common one in Christianity – learning that addictions are simply the ‘fruit’ of emotional dysfunction that needs tracing, facing, and replacing with truth! Asking yourself; ‘What comfort am I getting from this addiction that I never received as a child?’
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• Emotional Based Reasoning is another. EBR is a counterfeit discernment! It is ‘anticipating and second-guessing the reaction of others’, - jumping to conclusions – and not understanding that although your emotions might be real, they are not always true! For me personally, I struggle with EBR, to the degree that I think and dream in emotions! But understanding the truth of my emotions, that they are real but not always true, has helped set me free! I can take people at face value and not try to ‘discern’ or ‘anticipate’ their reactions or thoughts!
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• Self esteem and body image is a very strong negative hold. Realizing I am not my body!
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• Anger and moodiness is another common ailment. The root of anger is sometimes suppressed rage or bitterness because of abuse, neglect or pain caused to me by another person. Forgiving the person, forgiving yourself, and even forgiving God (or your unreal understanding or God!) will begin to set you free! At other times, anger is simply an inability to communicate or negotiate properly – a skill that was not taught to you as a child, but can be leant now.
What we realise, is that we’re just not coping as we should, that something is wrong.
You see, sometimes we carry ‘baggage’ around with us – we are ‘root bound’!!
Paul, from the Bible, describes it as a ‘body of death’.
He is Sooo wanting to follow God and please Him, but he kept getting ‘tripped up’ time and time again.
His ‘baggage’ was weighing him down in life!
Romans 7:15-24
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.
16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.
17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.
18 I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.
19 For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.
20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
21 So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me.
22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law;
23 but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.
24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?
In Paul’s day, a convicted prisoner who was sentenced to death, had the corpse of another prisoner strapped to his back.
As the dead body disintegrated from disease and decay, the infection would begin to fester within the body of the live prisoner, and he would suffer a slow and horrible death from infection and disease!
The modern translation of ‘body of death’ - sin or hidden faults - could be ‘emotional baggage’!
This means addressing these areas:
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• Echoes from the past – When a person or situation reminds you of a hurtful experience in your own past. Fear of authority or an over awareness of the devil is often an echo of abuse from a childhood authority. Projection.
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• Self talk! Often a ‘taking on board’ of the words from others in your childhood/teenage years, such as – you’re ugly, you’re a failure, you’ll never amount to anything, you’re just a nuisance and get in my way! Along these lines, notice how much self talk starts with a ‘you’ and not an ‘I’ – that means it is spoken from some source OTHER than yourself! Be aware of the ‘accuser of the brethren!’ Also, your words might not be saying these things to your children or loved ones, but remember – actions speak louder than words!
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• The voices of your parents in your mind and heart!
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• False ‘welds’ in your life! The most common is when people weld correction with rejection, or disappointment with failure!
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• Emotional, physical or sexual abuse!
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• Neglected or indulged as a child! Both extremes are harmful!
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• Unbearable feelings – what emotion do you run from! Disappointing others, criticism, silence, friendships, fear of failure or success – both are the same!
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• Family mottos! Good idea to write down what your childhood ‘family motto’ was, i.e. keep the peace, children are seen and not heard, don’t upset your father, you have inconvenienced my life, I didn’t want you! Etc..
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• Divorced parents, broken families, and step-families. Childhood stories of wicked step-mothers were written by adults with ‘emotional baggage’ in this area!
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• Life defining moments What shaped you when you were vulnerable?
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• Survival kits you established! Pleasing, emotional withdrawal, running away under pressure, blame shifting, manipulation, anger, control, self talk, comforting addictions – eating or starving.
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• Mistaken beliefs from childhood! Children are excellent recorders of events, but poor interpreters. Children don’t have the emotional ability to understand and interpret events properly. That’s why a child of divorced parents will often ask and think; ‘I caused my parents to divorce. If I had been a better child, they would have stayed together.’
Having lifted the band-aid, and got to the heart of it, let’s quickly answer the remaining question:
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How do I find healing and freedom from these things!?
The reality is, that we have already covered over SIXTY steps, stages and keys that will help you on the pathway of recovery.
Here’s a few more to keep you busy!
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• Look yourself hard in the mirror and face the reality of what is in your heart and life. God wonderfully shows us our true heart under the heat of adversity or stress. Don’t ignore this when it happens.
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• Sometimes all we need is a ‘Rhema’, an understanding, truth or revelation that ‘starts the ball rolling’ and helps us understand, identify and address/replace faulty thought structures and assumptions about life.
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• Parent yourself! Honestly, as we love and nurture our own children, we are able to replace these things that we may have missed out on as children.
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• Get professional help! Be wary of amateurs! You wouldn’t do open heart surgery on yourself, or go to someone who doesn’t charge anything to have your tonsils removed! What price do you put on your emotional, physical or spiritual health?
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• Relationships of accountability. Either pay for it, or in reality – make it happen through friends, homegroups or family members.
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• Journaling. Keep a diary, a journal of emotions, reactions, Scriptures, dreams and events.
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• What ‘stands out’ from our lists of events today for you? Get your spouse or someone who knows you well - to help.
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• Dream interpretation. This is one of Debbie and my gifts. Get hold of the sermon I preached on this – either ask me, or get it from the web. Te Atatu Baptist Church.Com
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• Toxic Religion. I will preach on this in the new year. Just as our ‘foundations’ in life distorts and effects how we view reality, it also affects how we view God and understand Scripture. Knowing this is VITAL! Don’t think to yourself: ‘I believe Scripture as it is written! This ignores your own experiences and prejudices! Exegesis is the goal, not Isogesis!
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• Life and death is in the power of the spoken word – self talk! The ‘self talk’ within our head can develop so well, that we don’t even think it, all we need is a trigger – an emotion, a sight, a smell or a situation, and the words from our past keep us controlled and ‘root bound’.
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• Careful who we follow! Look for character, not giftedness. Find a role model – someone to ‘copy’. Paul said, ‘Imitate me as I imitate Christ.’
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• Faith comes from hearing, and hearing the Word of God. God and His holy Word are Truth! ALL our problems stem from non-truth about ourselves and our reality. We MUST read Scripture and soak it into our hearts and lives. Our incorrect and wrong world views will only change when they are replaced! Replace it with the Truth! Read the Bible daily!
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• Scripture in song! One of the best methods for changing our ‘stinky thinking’ is through Scripture in song! When your mind wanders and re-lives the past, when unforgiveness or temptation come to your attention – sing Scripture instead! This, coupled with replacing the faulty belief structures – will eventually change you from the inside out!
I want to finish by saying this.
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‘I believe in you! I believe you can do it! Face your pain, face your past, step out in faith – trust God and ‘one or two’ significant other people in your life – and make the decision to change – to become all that God has in store for you! You owe it to yourself, you owe it to your children (or future children/generations) and last, but not least – you owe it to God – who would rather die that live without you!’
