Plot Twist : Failure Series

Let us be honest: this year was also a challenging year for some if not all of us. We lost loved ones, and businesses changed. Loadshedding and the ripple effect it has. Fires destroying homes and family members not speaking to each other. Job losses, to mention a few.

I remember at the beginning of the year feeling that, feeling that so intently. I want to show you what I shared at the beginning of this year, and then maybe you will see the topic in our series I am going to talk about today:

So here is the post I posted on the 27th of January, 2023. Not a good start to the year, hey.

Today, I want to share and give hope and share about dark moments in my life: First of all, glory to God, for He restores my soul. I am not looking for sympathy, but I know my testimony is what I need to share, and the easiest way is, of course, via social media.

This is my testimony of God's goodness. I am typing this as the Holy Spirit leads.

This photo was taken in June 2022. I want to say from the start that Michelle Mare has just been such a pillar of strength when I was not.

I was in a place where I struggled with my faith. I was questioning everything in my life. My calling, ministry, my purpose, my plan. I felt like I failed on all fronts. The problem was that you must show people an exemplary life as a pastor. I learned that I need to point people to Jesus, but people are waiting for you to fail in church life. Not all, but some. I have a fantastic family at newlife and amazing brothers and sisters in Christ. Pro Tip. Use them. There is a reason they are in your life.

I was counselling people and still helping people. Thanks to the Holy Spirit that never left me. But inside, I was empty and broken. It came to a space where, yes, I was funny and witty, but that was because I was empty and questioned everything every day.

It all came at the end of last year when I went through a spate of depression(So much so that I became the problem for every solution). I was sitting on my bed with Michelle Mare and in the office with Ryan Langkilde here at church, and I was ugly crying to the point that I wanted to give up.

I am going to pause it there. There is a plot twist in this story. We can all agree that sometimes we feel like a failure, and when we fail, we tend to be critical because the world writes failures down very quickly. The world tells us you are only as good as your last job or contract at work. We joke that you are doing okay as a first husband or wife. Our friends disappear when we fail morally or fail in a relationship. So the world tells us that failure is not an option and that movies like Rocky, you know, the movie Sylvester Stallone being a boxer failing and then overcomes and wins in the end. They do not exist. And right there, the devil grabs onto you. How you ask:

You see, I felt like a failure(put on backpack), and what the devil does when you start feeling like this, you begin to see everything as a failure. So we go around and pick up these failure bricks like I did. I am a failure as a HUSBAND. Oh look, I am a failure as a dad, oooh look, I am a failure as a PASTOR, a failure as a FRIEND. Now, for you, it might be different, but we are all in the same boat.

You know this is nothing new. There is a story in the bible that we can also see it. I want to read the verses and then explain it to you.

Ezra 9:6- 7 (HCSB): My God, I am ashamed and embarrassed to lift my face toward You, my God, because our iniquities are higher than our heads, and our guilt is as high as the heavens. 7 Our guilt has been terrible from the days of our fathers until the present. Because of our iniquities we have been handed over, along with our kings and priests, to the surrounding kings, and to the sword, captivity, plundering, and open shame, as it is today.

First, some of you ask if Ezra is even a book in the bible, and you struggle to find it. Yes, and it is in the Old Testament. You see, we can see here clearly failure in action. We can see Ezra being ashamed and embarrassed about the failure of the Israel people. In this context, Ezra has just learned that the people of Israel, including the priests and Levites, have been intermarrying with the surrounding pagan nations. This is a direct violation of God's commandments, which instructed the Israelites not to marry foreign wives who could lead them into idolatry (Deuteronomy 7:3-4).