Let us be honest: this year was also a challenging year for some if not all of us. We lost loved ones, and businesses changed. Loadshedding and the ripple effect it has. Fires destroying homes and family members not speaking to each other. Job losses, to mention a few.
I remember at the beginning of the year feeling that, feeling that so intently. I want to show you what I shared at the beginning of this year, and then maybe you will see the topic in our series I am going to talk about today:
So here is the post I posted on the 27th of January, 2023. Not a good start to the year, hey.
Today, I want to share and give hope and share about dark moments in my life: First of all, glory to God, for He restores my soul. I am not looking for sympathy, but I know my testimony is what I need to share, and the easiest way is, of course, via social media.
This is my testimony of God's goodness. I am typing this as the Holy Spirit leads.
This photo was taken in June 2022. I want to say from the start that Michelle Mare has just been such a pillar of strength when I was not.
I was in a place where I struggled with my faith. I was questioning everything in my life. My calling, ministry, my purpose, my plan. I felt like I failed on all fronts. The problem was that you must show people an exemplary life as a pastor. I learned that I need to point people to Jesus, but people are waiting for you to fail in church life. Not all, but some. I have a fantastic family at newlife and amazing brothers and sisters in Christ. Pro Tip. Use them. There is a reason they are in your life.
I was counselling people and still helping people. Thanks to the Holy Spirit that never left me. But inside, I was empty and broken. It came to a space where, yes, I was funny and witty, but that was because I was empty and questioned everything every day.
It all came at the end of last year when I went through a spate of depression(So much so that I became the problem for every solution). I was sitting on my bed with Michelle Mare and in the office with Ryan Langkilde here at church, and I was ugly crying to the point that I wanted to give up.
I am going to pause it there. There is a plot twist in this story. We can all agree that sometimes we feel like a failure, and when we fail, we tend to be critical because the world writes failures down very quickly. The world tells us you are only as good as your last job or contract at work. We joke that you are doing okay as a first husband or wife. Our friends disappear when we fail morally or fail in a relationship. So the world tells us that failure is not an option and that movies like Rocky, you know, the movie Sylvester Stallone being a boxer failing and then overcomes and wins in the end. They do not exist. And right there, the devil grabs onto you. How you ask:
You see, I felt like a failure(put on backpack), and what the devil does when you start feeling like this, you begin to see everything as a failure. So we go around and pick up these failure bricks like I did. I am a failure as a HUSBAND. Oh look, I am a failure as a dad, oooh look, I am a failure as a PASTOR, a failure as a FRIEND. Now, for you, it might be different, but we are all in the same boat.
You know this is nothing new. There is a story in the bible that we can also see it. I want to read the verses and then explain it to you.
Ezra 9:6- 7 (HCSB): My God, I am ashamed and embarrassed to lift my face toward You, my God, because our iniquities are higher than our heads, and our guilt is as high as the heavens. 7 Our guilt has been terrible from the days of our fathers until the present. Because of our iniquities we have been handed over, along with our kings and priests, to the surrounding kings, and to the sword, captivity, plundering, and open shame, as it is today.
First, some of you ask if Ezra is even a book in the bible, and you struggle to find it. Yes, and it is in the Old Testament. You see, we can see here clearly failure in action. We can see Ezra being ashamed and embarrassed about the failure of the Israel people. In this context, Ezra has just learned that the people of Israel, including the priests and Levites, have been intermarrying with the surrounding pagan nations. This is a direct violation of God's commandments, which instructed the Israelites not to marry foreign wives who could lead them into idolatry (Deuteronomy 7:3-4).
Ezra is so grieved and ashamed that he tears his clothes, pulls out his hair, and sits in utter despair. Finally, he prays this intense prayer of confession found in verses 6-15.
Ezra 9:14-15 (HCSB): should we break Your commands again and intermarry with the peoples who commit these detestable practices? Wouldn't You become so angry with us that You would destroy us, leaving no survivors? 15 LORD God of Israel, You are righteous, for we survive as a remnant today. Here we are before You with our guilt, though no one can stand in Your presence because of this.
You see, Ezra was ashamed of the failure. Ezra was ashamed they did not obey God, Ezra was ashamed and embarrassed. It was so the same for me. I was embarrassed that I failed to be a good husband because I sucked, guys, as a father, dad, friend and colleague. And you might say, agghh louis. You were not that bad. I was terrible.
I was so embarrassed that I kept trying to do it on my strength, and I am telling people in counselling, meetings, and sermons to trust God. And I did not. But you know where the world wants you to descend in darkness. God wants to ascend you in the light. Can I repeat this:
You see, the world wants you to carry this backpack. They want you to take this weight with you, but you know what Jesus did for you and me at the cross. He died for that. He shows us Grace and Mercy. What does that mean? Well, it means, first of all, Grace. Grace is like someone giving you a gift you didn't earn. You see, in failure, you want to do something to fix it. In my case, instead of just accepting Grace, I tried to fix it.
I told God I would work harder in my marriage and become a better dad, and I would not flip my lid. I did devotionals and read my bible on HOW I CAN FIX MYSELF, but Jesus reminded me that He has already shown me Mercy and Grace, meaning I cannot do anything in my strength to fix it. I could do nothing to earn the love of Jesus back, and I needed to accept his Grace by taking these bricks out and giving them to God first. At the cross, he died for all my sins, inadequacies, and shortcomings, and I needed to be reminded of the gift I could never earn. The devil says work to achieve, but Jesus says, my Grace is enough, and you cannot earn it.
God also, unlike the world, shows us Mercy. You see, in Ezra, God led them into Mercy. Mercy is not receiving the punishment you deserve. Ezra was worried that God would destroy them and make them pay for what they did. But God showed Mercy towards them, but I want to say it is not a free pass now. Mercy meant that I needed to take a hard look at my life, and also, in the book of Ezra, I did a few things to make sure God was in control.
It means to me that the plot twist is that the world wants you to be condemned. The world wants you to stay a victim of your failure. The world will condemn you, but God is different. Jesus has given us Grace, and we can do nothing to earn it. He also gave us Mercy, where the punishment we deserve he has taken upon himself so that we are not failures but Victors in Christ. The cross is where Grace and Mercy come together, and at the foot is where we put our failures and give them to God.
I want to tell you today that we sometimes feel like failures because of unbelief. Unbelief in God's words, that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, that we are a Holy Nation, a Priesthood. We worship that we are no longer slaves of fear. You know failure is a fear. Because we fear that we will fail, guess what? You are going to fail. You are going to make mistakes, and you are going to sin. Glory, I was trying so hard to be this Pastor. That is a good example: I failed my marriage and my kids, and I sinned to God by not honouring God first and loving my wife 2nd.
I sinned against God; I let him down. I have failed Him more than once this year, and we will all fail, but I want you to understand this. That the talk of failure is not an option is such a problem statement in our society because you know where I found Jesus the most is my failure, giving it to God. And if you have never failed, I want to tell you your failure is your pride today.
God has a love for you that you do not even understand. I want to say that God loves you even when you fail. Humans' heart condition changes when we fail, but God's heart beats the same if you allow Him in all aspects of your life. Do not believe me.
Well, let us look at another bible story. God's Command to Hosea
Hosea 1:2: "When the Lord began to speak through Hosea, the Lord said to him, 'Go, marry a promiscuous woman and have children with her, for like an adulterous wife this land is guilty of unfaithfulness to the Lord.'"
This initial command from God sets the stage for Hosea's marriage to Gomer, a woman of questionable reputation. It's a vivid metaphor for Israel's unfaithfulness to God, yet God tells Hosea to marry her, symbolizing His commitment to Israel.
Gomer's Unfaithfulness
Hosea 3:1: "The Lord said to me, 'Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another man and is an adulteress. Love her as the Lord loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes.'"
Even after Gomer has left Hosea for other men, God commands Hosea to go and love her again. This symbolizes God's love for Israel and, by extension, humanity—despite constant unfaithfulness.
Hosea's Redemption of Gomer
Hosea 3:2-3: "So I bought her for fifteen shekels of silver and about a homer and a lethek of barley. Then I told her, 'You are to live with me many days; you must not be a prostitute or be intimate with any man, and I will behave the same way toward you.'"
Hosea's redeeming of Gomer by buying her back is akin to God's redemptive love, where He pays the price to bring His people back to Himself.
I mean, look at this story. Hosea's wife cheated on Him not once but a few times, but God told him to love her again and get her back. Now, if you understand the context of Hosea. In the first part, God illustrated Israel's unfaithfulness towards Him, but God showed his love and commitment towards them.
In the second part, God is saying through Hosea that He will still love us again even if we are unfaithful and sin, and the 3rd part means that it will cost The Father something to reconcile with us, and what was that cost? The son Jesus Christ. You see Grace and Mercy again given to us, even when we fail.
But that does not mean we play victim mentality when we fail, and It does not mean we just do nothing and carry on as usual. Understand this: I tried to win back God's heart in my strength, but God wants us to do things His way. And we need to make some hard choices in my life.
So what do I mean? Well, in Romans 12:1-2, yay, finally a bible book we all know: Romans 12:1-2 (HCSB) 1 Therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, I urge you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God; this is your spiritual worship. 2 Do not be conformed to this age but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.
It shows me four things that we need to do in our lives.
1. Do Not Conform
In-depth Analysis: When the Bible speaks about not conforming to the patterns of this world, it addresses societal norms, values, and expectations contrary to God's Word. In your sermon on failure, this could point to society's obsession with success and achievement, often measured by material wealth, power, and prestige. Conforming to this worldly pattern can set unrealistic standards and lead to a sense of failure when those aren't met.
Connection to the Sermon: Highlight how society sets us up to fear failure, making us more prone to hide our flaws or live in constant anxiety. Emphasize that God's measure of success is vastly different from worldly standards.
2. Be Transformed
In-depth Analysis: Transformation in the Christian sense is radical and holistic. It's not just about changing certain behaviours but a complete overhaul of your entire being. The Greek word for transformed is "metamorphoo," from which we get metamorphosis. Just like a caterpillar becomes a butterfly, the believer is called to undergo a profound transformation.
Connection to the Sermon: Discuss how this transformation allows God's Grace and Mercy to operate in our lives. When we transform, our failures are not endpoints but are woven into the larger tapestry of God's redemptive work.
3. Renewing of Your Mind
In-depth Analysis: Renewing the mind is an ongoing, active process. It involves consciously replacing lies and worldly viewpoints with the truth found in God's Word. This 'renewal' enables the believer to resist temptations, make godly choices, and live a life pleasing to God.
Connection to the Sermon: Dive into renewing our minds, specifically in failure. Explain how a renewed sense sees failure not as a dead-end but as a detour or a learning experience in our spiritual journey. Connect this to the idea of confession and God's unrelenting love as catalysts for this renewal.
4. God's Will
In-depth Analysis: The result of not conforming to the world and being mentally transformed is clarity in discerning God's will. Understanding God's will isn't about having a roadmap for life but a relationship with God that aligns your desires with His.
Connection to the Sermon: Wrap up by stating that when our minds are renewed and our lives transformed, we become resilient in the face of failure. We're better positioned to understand God's will, which often uses our failures as stepping stones for more incredible things.
Here is the end of this Facebook post in January, not knowing in October, I will be preaching about this.
Things changed as I opened up, and with God, my wife and friends who know the whole story, I STARTED OVER. When I opened up, it released all the toxins in me.
I had to do a few things; here is what I needed to do for those struggling.
1. My life, calling, purpose, or plan is not mine. It was all God's. Matthew 6:34 reminds us that tomorrow will worry about itself. It is God's and in his hands.
2. I needed to be held accountable for my feelings, and my actions over them were in my control. We all need people we can talk to and have empathy with but who give us Godly advice. Men SPEAK TO YOUR WIVES, and WIVES do the same. Listening to Michelle Mare and Ryan Langkilde when they hold me accountable is not easy, but it has helped a lot. I had to suck up my pride and be humble.
3. I am on medication. It is okay to be on medication. God created doctors. I am not advocating using drugs all the time, but I need to do this this season.
4. BE in church more often. I was just a church congregation member last Sunday, which changed everything. You need to interact, praise and worship. Psalm 23 is my life, the last couple of weeks.
5. It is okay to cry. But when you are done crying, stand up and walk in the power God has given you. He is an ever-present help in a time of trouble.
6. Rest, Google the story of Mary and Martha. We cannot run 24/7. It is even unbiblical. I needed to put the phone and everything away and just rest.
7. Exercise. It helps, trust me. Taking my mind off life for an hour works.
God is good, and I am getting healing. I want to say I am feeling much lighter because I LET GO and allowed God to shape me.
1 Peter 5:10 (HCSB)
10 Now, The God of all Grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ Jesus, will personally restore, establish, strengthen, and support you after you have suffered a little.
I am clinging to this verse. Today, I am not healed completely, but God is with me despite going through the valley, and I do not want to.
The attacks are more from the devil in and around our family, but God is fighting for us and pushing back that darkness.
I am still Louis; I will still be who God created me to be. I am now even more on fire for Him. Difference not in my strength but in His. I hope this helps someone today. Please feel free to share it; I won't want the darkness to win. Jesus always wins.
I want to end off with this quote I read in a book.
When we live by faith, every battle is won, and every enemy conquered. When we live by faith, lions go hungry, executioners become unemployed, and the Grim Reaper's prospects look grim.
Erwin Raphael McManus The Barbarian Way: Unleash the Untamed Faith Within
Let us pray
