Paul Explains Himself

Played on a recording:

Voice 1:

They say forgive and forget, but after what she has done, I’ll never forgive her.

Voice 2:

That sort of monster: he deserves to die

Voice 3:

They call it a life sentence – but after ten years he’ll be out. What about our Mary? They can’t bring her back. We have to live with that for the rest of our lives. That’s what a life sentence means.”

Voice 4:

I don’t want compensation, I want justice!

Voice 5:

An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

I hear those voices now and I shudder.

That used to be my voice – “An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth”.

But, before the blinding light, I never looked in the mirror to see how many teeth I should have been missing or what I would look like with both my eyes removed.

And here I stand now – and I know what the just requirement of the law would mean for me.

I had stood there – just stood there – as they dragged Stephen from the crowd. Something had repulsed me and yet something had excited me. Those scum, those heretics – they deserved to die. So I just stood there. No, I didn’t just stand there. I held their coats as they picked up their stones to throw at Stephen. They hurled them at him as he prayed. They hurled them at him as he cried “Father receive my spirit”. They hurled them at him as he sank to his knees. They hurled them at him as he cried “Lord, do not hold this sin against them”. They hurled them at him as his body collapsed lifeless to the ground. And I held their coats and stood there.

And the next time, I didn’t just hold their coats.

The first stone was quite hard to throw. But those scum, those heretics – they deserved to die. So I picked up the next stone and the next stone….

Soon, I wasn’t just joining in. I wasn’t just executing the ones other people caught. I was the lead. I was “a Hunter”. I was going from door to door to drag those Christians out. Those scum, those heretics – they deserved it.

That’s what I was doing on that journey from Damascus. I was hunting for Christians. And I was doing it properly too. I had letters, official letters from the high priest to the synagogues in Damascus demanding they hand over all “followers of the “Way.” Because that made it OK, didn’t it? Having papers…

I was hunting the scum. If there weren’t enough of those scum, those heretics in Jerusalem, then I would go and kill them in Damascus now. Wouldn’t God be pleased with me if I wiped them off the face of the earth?

That’s me.

So I here I stand in Church now. Paul the murderer. “Saint” Paul, the slayer of Christians.

And I know what the “just requirement of the Law” means.

I hear the voices:

“I don’t want compensation, I want Justice!”

“An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth”

I hear the voices… And I shudder. And then I hear a different voice: -

“There is NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”

Heck – I killed his followers. I killed his friends, and Jesus says to me;

“There is NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”

What sort of crazy God is this who can forgive even that?

And I have come to learn that it is not even just for my big crimes that there is forgiveness - but for the little things too. The way I put down my fellow pharisees to try to get that promotion. The way I didn’t mention how good a Rabbi Matthias was in case he got my job at the synagogue. And not just then in my old life before the Road, before the light. Yes – even those, those hurtful words I said to Peter just yesterday – that I knew from the moment I finished I should not have said.

For these too, God says “There is NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” That is the scandal of Christianity. Bad people get off Scot free. Bad people like me get off Scot free. [winey voice:] “It’s unfair” [celebratory voice] Gloriously unfair! A murderer like me Paul can walk free after all those Christians…. [small voice] I killed.

And you, however big your sins - or however small – can receive forgiveness.

Bad people get off Scot free.

Bad people like me get off Scot free.

Bad people like you get off Scot free.

“For God has done what the law weakened by the flesh could not do”